The Spirit of Magic, 2/2.
Title: The Spirit of Magic
Series: #9 in Walking Yggdrasil
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13 in chapter 1, NC-17 for chapter 2.
Author's Notes: Not mine! Characters you recognize belong to Marvel, and I've incoporated some comic back story and mythology into the movieverse. I had this written out a while ago, but Real Life was hella hectic and even now isn't exactly calm. But I have a moment, so here's some fic!
Summary: Loki promised to teach Wanda magic. Apparently, there were more ways to walk Yggdrasil than he thought. And he wasn't the only one that could do it.
chapter 1 on LJ | chapter 1 on DW | On AO3
Two - Under The Tree
Wanda hesitantly approached Vision, who was concerned as soon as he saw her. "Wanda? Is something the matter? Are your studies too strenuous?"
She smiled at him, twisting the ring on her thumb anxiously. "Not strenuous, no. But they give me much to think about, and perhaps you, too."
Vision took her hands in his, and guided her to one of the couches in the common area. "Please, tell me. There is the saying that a burden shared is lighter than carrying it alone."
"I might have heard that," she agreed. Taking a breath, she let it out slowly, then told Vision about the travel to Yggdrasil, and what the Norns had said. She didn't tell him about the yearning and longing that their words had inspired, which was the likely reason they had even brought it up at all. There was a cost to magic, and especially the more powerful ones.
What would it cost them to have a child?
He smiled and gently brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers. "If it is possible, then there is time to consider such a change in our lives. When you feel ready - not obligated to entertain the possibility merely because it's presented to you - then we can see if we should proceed. I think it would be interesting to be a parent. I am not technically alive, so to become a father... That would be fascinating, don't you think?"
The statement struck Wanda as absurd, and she couldn't help but laugh. Pressing his fingers to her face, she nodded to soften the laughter. "An adventure. One I would enjoy sharing with you, Vis. We can learn more of my heritage, of the traditions in Judaism that should be passed down. You're a Gentile, I suppose, but the children would be Jewish."
If anything, Vision looked delighted. "Truly? Becoming part of a larger heritage would be a wonderful way to learn more of humanity and how they interact. There is a vast quantity of knowledge in the world, but I find that experiencing it for myself is far more productive."
Wanda grinned, not sure anymore why she had any trepidation. Of course Vision would see it as an opportunity to learn more, to experience new things. Of course he would support her. Of course he would follow her lead on this, and do whatever she wanted to do.
"Then we'll start now. Find a synagogue, start observing the Holy Days. It used to feel so lonely, with no one else to follow the traditions. Many of them involve others, and I think I'm the only Jew here."
Vision leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead, as if she had a Mind Stone of her own. "I will be by your side. I hardly make up a quorum, but you needn't feel so alone, Wanda. I would have assisted in any way possible before."
"But as you are, to pray to God..."
"We don't know if there is a higher power or a celestial being that created the universe. Scientists have quite a few theories on the matter, but it isn't known. And science and religion are not mutually exclusive. Science could very well be the means that a God created the universe and all of life within it. I certainly hold that life to be sacred, that it's beautiful for all that it's fleeting and fragile." He smiled gently, eyes focused on hers. "That belief is a common tenet in many religions, Wanda, so I may not be so out of place as you fear."
She kissed him, tongue sliding along the seam of his lips. "I love you," she murmured.
"I love you," he echoed in heartfelt tones.
Perhaps being noticed by the Norns was not so terrifying after all.
***
Loki watched Wanda suspiciously as she sat down with a smile, smoothing her red skirt over her black leggings. "You are far too pleased for a study session."
"I was able to do a complicated working on my own. I walked Yggdrasil."
He froze, staring at her with large eyes, almost unable to breathe.
"I wasn't sure I could," Wanda continued, oblivious to his unease. "I mean, it's more Nordic on this world and Asgardian in nature. And I'm a Jewish Roma. But I did it, and the Norns were almost nice to talk to. A little bit scary, but I think I understood how they worked. Yggdrasil is impressive." Her smile was wide and utterly guileless, still a child's grin even though she was an adult by human standards.
"You are entirely too pleased after a brush with the Norns."
"It was..." She paused and searched for the words to best describe it. "Enlightening. There is so much that I know I could have learned if only I could understand it. But as you say, I don't know the same language of magic that you do." She grinned again. "But I feel like I'm well on the way to learning it, if I practiced. And Vis, too, maybe."
Nonplused, Loki stared at her. "What does he have to do with anything?"
"Vis and I, we've talked about it, too. The working I did, I mean. Because the Norns say we could have a child if I want," she said, when he would have asked. "I don't know if I do, but I never thought it could happen."
"If you have skill with the spá," Loki began, mouth dry. "To twist the fates..."
"If I did, I'd worry about the magic doing something. And I couldn't fight, not if I have to do protection spells for the others or some of the telekinetic movement-"
"The magic would not be an issue," Loki interrupted, shaking his head. "Honestly, if you would alter the spá to create a child, it would be impervious to magic. Or would wield magic of its own as you do."
Wanda actually looked delighted by the prospect. "And you could help me teach it."
Loki was startled by that joy. "You would wish to have me involved in the child's life?"
"You're mean and surly," she said, remarkably clear eyed as she spoke. "But you value magic and knowledge. You wouldn't teach us badly just to ruin us. Make us feel stupid, yes. But deliberately destroy the ability to cast spells? No, you would never do that. You honor magic far too much for that low trick."
He had actually considered it for a split second before dismissing it. Precisely because she was correct, he wouldn't dishonor the craft in that manner. He held the same high regard for it that Frigga did. The two were far too similar, as he was growing uncomfortably aware, and it made him miss her terribly.
"Then I would be honored to teach the child as well. And if we start young enough, we can avoid the atrocious and sloppy habits you have."
Wanda snorted, but his words weren't enough to inhibit the happiness practically oozing out of every pore. Loki didn't resent it, and even hoped to see what a child of a human witch and metallic man would look like.
***
"She trusts me," Loki said to Natasha and Steve over lunch, frowning. He had somehow lost his appetite, contemplating Wanda and her happiness, and felt something in his chest twist. Could he be jealous of his student? That she could be happy, and that even though he had some form of acceptance here, that he had Natasha and the Tsarina, that he had a purpose of a sort, he still felt an unsettled itch beneath his skin?
"Of course she does," Natasha said, shaking her head. "Are you that unused to the concept of trust?"
Steve rolled his eyes at Loki's affronted expression. "Or did you want to be the only one able to walk Yggdrasil?"
Oh. Yes. That was part of it, certainly. He had to be special, and there couldn't be anyone else here favored by the Norns. Wanda had magic, but she was a child at play and needed his guidance. The others here had no skill with the craft.
But she spoke with the Norns. She wasn't frightened of them the way he was. She didn't distrust their gifts and allusions.
Loki was aware that he was sulking instead of answering. "It is unsettling," he said finally.
"That she can walk the branches?" Natasha asked. "I went with you."
"But I opened the portals."
"The Norns have something in mind, then," Steve declared.
He hadn't even contemplated that possibility, and he stared at Steve. "To what end?"
"Isn't that your job to find out?" Steve asked as Sam walked up with his lunch and sat down.
"What'd I miss?" Sam asked, settling into the seat between Steve and Loki.
"Wanda can walk Yggdrasil," Natasha told him. "Maybe because the Norns wanted it."
Sam swiveled his eyes to look at Loki as he took a sip from his soda. "So... Powerful magical beings that create and change fate are suddenly taking an interest in Wanda. And they totally fucked with you for kicks. None of you find that weird?"
"Of course we do," Steve said before Loki could answer.
And I'm not special anymore, Loki thought suddenly, gut twisting. What use was he if his only expertise was actually all wrong on this realm? His attempt to tell them about staves was wrong and had led to harm. Wanda could walk Yggdrasil without him, and she would be far better at manipulating the spá than he ever could. Why did they need him?
Natasha's hand fell to his arm, and Loki suddenly realized how tense he had been holding himself during this conversation. "Eat," she told him, a commanding edge to her voice. "You're going to have to do some research into what they might want from Wanda, and what the rest of us can do to protect ourselves. The Norns sent you here for a reason. They're talking to Wanda now for a reason. I think you can find it."
The tension bled out of him instantly. They all trusted his magical expertise. They trusted in his search for knowledge, that he wouldn't play them false just to watch them drown in their own failures. And more importantly, Natasha trusted him with this. She was relying on him to keep her and her friends safe, and he already knew she valued her friends like family, that she would do just about anything for them.
"Thank you for your confidence," he murmured, inclining his head. "The Norns would hardly deign tell me of what they plan, but we won't be their pawns. This I promise you."
Hopefully, it was a promise he could keep.
***
Dressed in jeans, boots and a green button down shirt, Loki knocked on Natasha's door. Mortals liked niceties like that. Merely appearing in her quarters would not likely endear him to her, and he still was uncertain of the bond between them. Oh, she said she would be with him, and she gave every indication that she found her time with him pleasant. But there was a niggling seed of doubt behind his sternum, and he couldn't shake it. It simply took root inside his very bones, tendrils reaching out for his heart, threatening to choke it to death, as his jealousy had when he had been on Asgard.
Natasha didn't smile when she saw him at her door, but she didn't glower, either. "Hey." She opened the door wider to admit him, and Loki saw a number of texts on her coffee table. He thought of when he lay with his head on her lap, how comfortable he had been in her presence, and hoped he wasn't disturbing her.
"I had a dream before," he said abruptly. "The Norns hadn't wanted to give me hints of my future. I am to be shaped. Somehow," he murmured, frowning.
"Since you're here," she told him in conversational tones, "you can help me with these."
She was reading about magic.
Loki stilled when he realized the content of her books, taking in the notations and runes on the pages. "But you don't possess magic."
"But I can try to understand it. How else can I help you and Wanda understand what's going on?" she asked reasonably.
He wanted to rip the books from her hands, wanted to protect her from herself. He didn't want her to risk her sanity or her body for something she couldn't ever use as a weapon. He wanted to shake her, tell her she was being a silly woman.
Natasha put down the book she was holding and took the ones in Loki's lap to put them back on the coffee table. "You don't approve. But I need to know what we're up against." She touched the back of his hand, and Loki trembled, suddenly wanting her to pin him down and insist as the Tsarina that she would never be harmed by this line of inquiry.
"They'll break you. Whatever I've done to try to keep you safe will be undone," he found himself saying instead. He grasped her shoulders, an intense expression on his face. "I am not human. I am not mortal. But I would not survive harm done to you."
The surprise on her face made Loki realize what he had said. Was she really so ignorant of his emotions? Or had he simply assumed she knew what he felt, though he hadn't said the words?
"I didn't think you'd ever say that out loud," she admitted after a moment.
"I am not good," he said in a pained voice, hands tightening on her shoulders. "I am not your Captain or your archer or your Falcon. I am not capable of such things."
Instead of answering, Natasha merely leaned in and kissed him on the mouth. Her hands rested on his chest, and pulled him in closer when he would have pulled away. "You have a place and purpose, and I am not letting you run from it."
"This isn't-"
"You are worthy, Loki," she insisted. "They sent you here for a reason. You had ample opportunity to destroy, and you didn't." Natasha clambered up into his lap, and threw an arm around his shoulders, pressing her other hand against his chest, right over his heart. "You might want to keep your façade in place, but it's there. And it's fucking scary. Because if you're worthy, if you actually try, you might fail."
Loki felt his entire body seize abruptly at that last phrasing, and he couldn't even breathe.
"That's right, Loki. Like the rest of us, there's risk. There's a chance for failure. But there's also a chance for getting everything you want. And you can't let the fear rule you. Don't let that energy taint everything you try to do. Fear can be a tool. Rage can be a tool. It can be honed to an edge, can help you think. That's your strongest weapon, Loki. Think. Don't let the emotions rule you. Don't be afraid of what the Norns have planned. Try to figure it out."
Breath leaving in a rush, Loki pulled her close and kissed her. Desperation was in his kiss, and he held her tight enough to bruise, as if she would slip away otherwise.
"I don't have a plan," he admitted against her mouth. "I've lost the shape of what I should be."
"It doesn't matter anymore, Loki," she murmured, kissing his temple and holding him close. "What you would have been and who you are now are different people. So you can change the shape of what you are. You can choose."
She kept talking about choices. About altering the future and his spá, even if she didn't realize that was what she was talking about.
Then again, she had been strong enough to alter her own. And without trying, alter his.
I don't know how, he wanted to say, but the words stuck a discordant chord inside of him. It didn't have to be an absolute certainty anymore, did it? Even on Asgard, he hadn't always moved forward with absolute certainty, only with plans hinging on likely possibilities. He had made choices then without thinking about it, without being so paralyzed by indecision.
Loki held her tightly. "I'm afraid," he admitted in a whisper, a shiver running through him.
"To fail?"
"Yes. And to lose everything. By the Tree, Natasha, I never thought I'd be here like this. I never thought I'd sink so low." He closed his eyes, agony ripping through his soul. "And yet..."
Her arms tightened around him. "And yet there's exhilaration, too. You are your own man, no matter what you choose. There's no shadow hanging over you, no storm cloud or expectation. We don't hold you to the same standard they did on Asgard."
"So what standard do you hold me to?" Loki whispered. "I know of no other."
"I want you to live," she said, lips against his temple. "Make decisions you can be proud of. Be the ally we want to be proud of."
"Could you? Be proud of me? Could you really be proud of me?"
"I already am."
Loki's heart sang at the praise. His fingers trailed down her back until he came to her bottom, cupping it in his hands. She was so small next to him, so light and deceptively fragile. "Would you have me take you as a mortal? Stripping clothing and panting for breath?" he asked, lips twitching into a smile. "Or do I play at being a god and simply take what I want?"
Her nails raked at his throat. "Play at being a god?" she echoed, eyebrow arched. "Really?"
He hadn't realized what he had even said. When had he dropped his guard around her? When?
But she laughed and ran her nails down his clothed chest. "Too impatient to wait, hm? I should take that as a compliment," she purred.
"Natasha-"
She bent her head down and kissed him, cutting off his reply. "Just you, Loki. No covers, no masks, no shields. Just you, only you."
"Whoever that is."
"Then let's find out together," she said, nipping at his bottom lip. "Your Tsarina commands it."
Ultimately, they both stripped down to the skin and she pushed him back onto her couch. She grabbed the box of tissues on the coffee table and put it on the armrest, within reach, before she straddled him. He simply held her steady as she rode him, occasionally leaning forward so that he could take a nipple into his mouth and suck. She was glorious, skin soft and will like iron as she bore down on him, clenching tight around his cock, eyes glinting with the hint of danger. She would keep him from going too far. Loki could trust her. He could rely on her, could be his true self around her, whoever that was, and worry about being lost.
She saw no argr, only someone of a different kind of worth. No wonder he loved her. No wonder he couldn't live without her now.
Midgard was her world, and now it was his, too.
***
Oh, poor Loki. So troubled by the thought of pulling his own strings.
Loki froze in place, suddenly aware that he was in the Void, that his full battle armor was not enough to protect himself from the Norns. They were all and everything, and in comparison he was less than nothing. It was his worst nightmare.
And yet, he felt the faintest thread of hope buried deeply inside of his breast. The Norns wouldn't trouble themselves with him if he was truly useless. They had plans he didn't understand, and he had a role he didn't know yet. While he might not have understood the part he was to play in their weaving, he did have a role. All of the stories said that the Norns shaped the wyrd, but that still left the players a little room to move about.
He still had choice. He could fulfill his destiny how he chose, and Natasha could still be proud of him. He could be proud of himself.
His mind couldn't comprehend the appearance of the Norns in front of him. Trying to made pain shoot through him, rather like the spell that had rendered him unconscious.
Though he couldn't grasp their majesty, Loki drew himself up to his full height. "I am here by your will," he said as humbly as he could. "What do you wish of me?"
So formal. So reverent. I like this change in you. Is it because you are not the only one to visit the Roots of Yggdrasil?
Yes and no, but he couldn't have said such a thing. He had a purpose, even if he wasn't so unique in his skill any longer.
Frigga would have said that he was growing up.
"I am learning how to be something other than what I had been," he answered slowly, honestly. The Norns commanded that much respect. "I'm not sure if I like it."
The otherworldly figure in front of him laughed. "No, I don't think you would. But it's necessary, child," the voice added in a gentler tone. It suddenly occurred to him that the Norns sounded like Frigga, stern but gentle, loving even as she took him to task for his errors. By the Tree, he missed her so much, grief cutting him like one of his knives.
Arms enfolded around him, shimmering power he had to close his eyes against. Loki found himself sobbing, clutching hold of the Norns as if they were Frigga, as if he could swallow the flames of his rage and finally douse them forever.
Child, there is more coming. Thanos was not the only threat to your galaxy. We are not your enemy, never were. Yes, we have plans for you, for all our many creations. But we wouldn't wish ill upon them. We seek to craft and create, challenge and elevate. We want all of our children to reach the fullness of their potential, to learn all they can, to become everything they can be. It's there in the design of each soul, and the possibilities are in our weavings.
"I want to be more," Loki said in a choked voice, lifting his eyes.
The majesty of the Norns was blinding and seared his mind. He could barely feel the press of lips against his forehead or hear the whispered You can be, if you try.
He jerked awake in bed with Natasha, nerves jangling, hope strangling the fear in his chest.
Something was coming, and he might be enough to stop it.
The End
Series: #9 in Walking Yggdrasil
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13 in chapter 1, NC-17 for chapter 2.
Author's Notes: Not mine! Characters you recognize belong to Marvel, and I've incoporated some comic back story and mythology into the movieverse. I had this written out a while ago, but Real Life was hella hectic and even now isn't exactly calm. But I have a moment, so here's some fic!
Summary: Loki promised to teach Wanda magic. Apparently, there were more ways to walk Yggdrasil than he thought. And he wasn't the only one that could do it.
chapter 1 on LJ | chapter 1 on DW | On AO3
Two - Under The Tree
Wanda hesitantly approached Vision, who was concerned as soon as he saw her. "Wanda? Is something the matter? Are your studies too strenuous?"
She smiled at him, twisting the ring on her thumb anxiously. "Not strenuous, no. But they give me much to think about, and perhaps you, too."
Vision took her hands in his, and guided her to one of the couches in the common area. "Please, tell me. There is the saying that a burden shared is lighter than carrying it alone."
"I might have heard that," she agreed. Taking a breath, she let it out slowly, then told Vision about the travel to Yggdrasil, and what the Norns had said. She didn't tell him about the yearning and longing that their words had inspired, which was the likely reason they had even brought it up at all. There was a cost to magic, and especially the more powerful ones.
What would it cost them to have a child?
He smiled and gently brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers. "If it is possible, then there is time to consider such a change in our lives. When you feel ready - not obligated to entertain the possibility merely because it's presented to you - then we can see if we should proceed. I think it would be interesting to be a parent. I am not technically alive, so to become a father... That would be fascinating, don't you think?"
The statement struck Wanda as absurd, and she couldn't help but laugh. Pressing his fingers to her face, she nodded to soften the laughter. "An adventure. One I would enjoy sharing with you, Vis. We can learn more of my heritage, of the traditions in Judaism that should be passed down. You're a Gentile, I suppose, but the children would be Jewish."
If anything, Vision looked delighted. "Truly? Becoming part of a larger heritage would be a wonderful way to learn more of humanity and how they interact. There is a vast quantity of knowledge in the world, but I find that experiencing it for myself is far more productive."
Wanda grinned, not sure anymore why she had any trepidation. Of course Vision would see it as an opportunity to learn more, to experience new things. Of course he would support her. Of course he would follow her lead on this, and do whatever she wanted to do.
"Then we'll start now. Find a synagogue, start observing the Holy Days. It used to feel so lonely, with no one else to follow the traditions. Many of them involve others, and I think I'm the only Jew here."
Vision leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead, as if she had a Mind Stone of her own. "I will be by your side. I hardly make up a quorum, but you needn't feel so alone, Wanda. I would have assisted in any way possible before."
"But as you are, to pray to God..."
"We don't know if there is a higher power or a celestial being that created the universe. Scientists have quite a few theories on the matter, but it isn't known. And science and religion are not mutually exclusive. Science could very well be the means that a God created the universe and all of life within it. I certainly hold that life to be sacred, that it's beautiful for all that it's fleeting and fragile." He smiled gently, eyes focused on hers. "That belief is a common tenet in many religions, Wanda, so I may not be so out of place as you fear."
She kissed him, tongue sliding along the seam of his lips. "I love you," she murmured.
"I love you," he echoed in heartfelt tones.
Perhaps being noticed by the Norns was not so terrifying after all.
***
Loki watched Wanda suspiciously as she sat down with a smile, smoothing her red skirt over her black leggings. "You are far too pleased for a study session."
"I was able to do a complicated working on my own. I walked Yggdrasil."
He froze, staring at her with large eyes, almost unable to breathe.
"I wasn't sure I could," Wanda continued, oblivious to his unease. "I mean, it's more Nordic on this world and Asgardian in nature. And I'm a Jewish Roma. But I did it, and the Norns were almost nice to talk to. A little bit scary, but I think I understood how they worked. Yggdrasil is impressive." Her smile was wide and utterly guileless, still a child's grin even though she was an adult by human standards.
"You are entirely too pleased after a brush with the Norns."
"It was..." She paused and searched for the words to best describe it. "Enlightening. There is so much that I know I could have learned if only I could understand it. But as you say, I don't know the same language of magic that you do." She grinned again. "But I feel like I'm well on the way to learning it, if I practiced. And Vis, too, maybe."
Nonplused, Loki stared at her. "What does he have to do with anything?"
"Vis and I, we've talked about it, too. The working I did, I mean. Because the Norns say we could have a child if I want," she said, when he would have asked. "I don't know if I do, but I never thought it could happen."
"If you have skill with the spá," Loki began, mouth dry. "To twist the fates..."
"If I did, I'd worry about the magic doing something. And I couldn't fight, not if I have to do protection spells for the others or some of the telekinetic movement-"
"The magic would not be an issue," Loki interrupted, shaking his head. "Honestly, if you would alter the spá to create a child, it would be impervious to magic. Or would wield magic of its own as you do."
Wanda actually looked delighted by the prospect. "And you could help me teach it."
Loki was startled by that joy. "You would wish to have me involved in the child's life?"
"You're mean and surly," she said, remarkably clear eyed as she spoke. "But you value magic and knowledge. You wouldn't teach us badly just to ruin us. Make us feel stupid, yes. But deliberately destroy the ability to cast spells? No, you would never do that. You honor magic far too much for that low trick."
He had actually considered it for a split second before dismissing it. Precisely because she was correct, he wouldn't dishonor the craft in that manner. He held the same high regard for it that Frigga did. The two were far too similar, as he was growing uncomfortably aware, and it made him miss her terribly.
"Then I would be honored to teach the child as well. And if we start young enough, we can avoid the atrocious and sloppy habits you have."
Wanda snorted, but his words weren't enough to inhibit the happiness practically oozing out of every pore. Loki didn't resent it, and even hoped to see what a child of a human witch and metallic man would look like.
***
"She trusts me," Loki said to Natasha and Steve over lunch, frowning. He had somehow lost his appetite, contemplating Wanda and her happiness, and felt something in his chest twist. Could he be jealous of his student? That she could be happy, and that even though he had some form of acceptance here, that he had Natasha and the Tsarina, that he had a purpose of a sort, he still felt an unsettled itch beneath his skin?
"Of course she does," Natasha said, shaking her head. "Are you that unused to the concept of trust?"
Steve rolled his eyes at Loki's affronted expression. "Or did you want to be the only one able to walk Yggdrasil?"
Oh. Yes. That was part of it, certainly. He had to be special, and there couldn't be anyone else here favored by the Norns. Wanda had magic, but she was a child at play and needed his guidance. The others here had no skill with the craft.
But she spoke with the Norns. She wasn't frightened of them the way he was. She didn't distrust their gifts and allusions.
Loki was aware that he was sulking instead of answering. "It is unsettling," he said finally.
"That she can walk the branches?" Natasha asked. "I went with you."
"But I opened the portals."
"The Norns have something in mind, then," Steve declared.
He hadn't even contemplated that possibility, and he stared at Steve. "To what end?"
"Isn't that your job to find out?" Steve asked as Sam walked up with his lunch and sat down.
"What'd I miss?" Sam asked, settling into the seat between Steve and Loki.
"Wanda can walk Yggdrasil," Natasha told him. "Maybe because the Norns wanted it."
Sam swiveled his eyes to look at Loki as he took a sip from his soda. "So... Powerful magical beings that create and change fate are suddenly taking an interest in Wanda. And they totally fucked with you for kicks. None of you find that weird?"
"Of course we do," Steve said before Loki could answer.
And I'm not special anymore, Loki thought suddenly, gut twisting. What use was he if his only expertise was actually all wrong on this realm? His attempt to tell them about staves was wrong and had led to harm. Wanda could walk Yggdrasil without him, and she would be far better at manipulating the spá than he ever could. Why did they need him?
Natasha's hand fell to his arm, and Loki suddenly realized how tense he had been holding himself during this conversation. "Eat," she told him, a commanding edge to her voice. "You're going to have to do some research into what they might want from Wanda, and what the rest of us can do to protect ourselves. The Norns sent you here for a reason. They're talking to Wanda now for a reason. I think you can find it."
The tension bled out of him instantly. They all trusted his magical expertise. They trusted in his search for knowledge, that he wouldn't play them false just to watch them drown in their own failures. And more importantly, Natasha trusted him with this. She was relying on him to keep her and her friends safe, and he already knew she valued her friends like family, that she would do just about anything for them.
"Thank you for your confidence," he murmured, inclining his head. "The Norns would hardly deign tell me of what they plan, but we won't be their pawns. This I promise you."
Hopefully, it was a promise he could keep.
***
Dressed in jeans, boots and a green button down shirt, Loki knocked on Natasha's door. Mortals liked niceties like that. Merely appearing in her quarters would not likely endear him to her, and he still was uncertain of the bond between them. Oh, she said she would be with him, and she gave every indication that she found her time with him pleasant. But there was a niggling seed of doubt behind his sternum, and he couldn't shake it. It simply took root inside his very bones, tendrils reaching out for his heart, threatening to choke it to death, as his jealousy had when he had been on Asgard.
Natasha didn't smile when she saw him at her door, but she didn't glower, either. "Hey." She opened the door wider to admit him, and Loki saw a number of texts on her coffee table. He thought of when he lay with his head on her lap, how comfortable he had been in her presence, and hoped he wasn't disturbing her.
"I had a dream before," he said abruptly. "The Norns hadn't wanted to give me hints of my future. I am to be shaped. Somehow," he murmured, frowning.
"Since you're here," she told him in conversational tones, "you can help me with these."
She was reading about magic.
Loki stilled when he realized the content of her books, taking in the notations and runes on the pages. "But you don't possess magic."
"But I can try to understand it. How else can I help you and Wanda understand what's going on?" she asked reasonably.
He wanted to rip the books from her hands, wanted to protect her from herself. He didn't want her to risk her sanity or her body for something she couldn't ever use as a weapon. He wanted to shake her, tell her she was being a silly woman.
Natasha put down the book she was holding and took the ones in Loki's lap to put them back on the coffee table. "You don't approve. But I need to know what we're up against." She touched the back of his hand, and Loki trembled, suddenly wanting her to pin him down and insist as the Tsarina that she would never be harmed by this line of inquiry.
"They'll break you. Whatever I've done to try to keep you safe will be undone," he found himself saying instead. He grasped her shoulders, an intense expression on his face. "I am not human. I am not mortal. But I would not survive harm done to you."
The surprise on her face made Loki realize what he had said. Was she really so ignorant of his emotions? Or had he simply assumed she knew what he felt, though he hadn't said the words?
"I didn't think you'd ever say that out loud," she admitted after a moment.
"I am not good," he said in a pained voice, hands tightening on her shoulders. "I am not your Captain or your archer or your Falcon. I am not capable of such things."
Instead of answering, Natasha merely leaned in and kissed him on the mouth. Her hands rested on his chest, and pulled him in closer when he would have pulled away. "You have a place and purpose, and I am not letting you run from it."
"This isn't-"
"You are worthy, Loki," she insisted. "They sent you here for a reason. You had ample opportunity to destroy, and you didn't." Natasha clambered up into his lap, and threw an arm around his shoulders, pressing her other hand against his chest, right over his heart. "You might want to keep your façade in place, but it's there. And it's fucking scary. Because if you're worthy, if you actually try, you might fail."
Loki felt his entire body seize abruptly at that last phrasing, and he couldn't even breathe.
"That's right, Loki. Like the rest of us, there's risk. There's a chance for failure. But there's also a chance for getting everything you want. And you can't let the fear rule you. Don't let that energy taint everything you try to do. Fear can be a tool. Rage can be a tool. It can be honed to an edge, can help you think. That's your strongest weapon, Loki. Think. Don't let the emotions rule you. Don't be afraid of what the Norns have planned. Try to figure it out."
Breath leaving in a rush, Loki pulled her close and kissed her. Desperation was in his kiss, and he held her tight enough to bruise, as if she would slip away otherwise.
"I don't have a plan," he admitted against her mouth. "I've lost the shape of what I should be."
"It doesn't matter anymore, Loki," she murmured, kissing his temple and holding him close. "What you would have been and who you are now are different people. So you can change the shape of what you are. You can choose."
She kept talking about choices. About altering the future and his spá, even if she didn't realize that was what she was talking about.
Then again, she had been strong enough to alter her own. And without trying, alter his.
I don't know how, he wanted to say, but the words stuck a discordant chord inside of him. It didn't have to be an absolute certainty anymore, did it? Even on Asgard, he hadn't always moved forward with absolute certainty, only with plans hinging on likely possibilities. He had made choices then without thinking about it, without being so paralyzed by indecision.
Loki held her tightly. "I'm afraid," he admitted in a whisper, a shiver running through him.
"To fail?"
"Yes. And to lose everything. By the Tree, Natasha, I never thought I'd be here like this. I never thought I'd sink so low." He closed his eyes, agony ripping through his soul. "And yet..."
Her arms tightened around him. "And yet there's exhilaration, too. You are your own man, no matter what you choose. There's no shadow hanging over you, no storm cloud or expectation. We don't hold you to the same standard they did on Asgard."
"So what standard do you hold me to?" Loki whispered. "I know of no other."
"I want you to live," she said, lips against his temple. "Make decisions you can be proud of. Be the ally we want to be proud of."
"Could you? Be proud of me? Could you really be proud of me?"
"I already am."
Loki's heart sang at the praise. His fingers trailed down her back until he came to her bottom, cupping it in his hands. She was so small next to him, so light and deceptively fragile. "Would you have me take you as a mortal? Stripping clothing and panting for breath?" he asked, lips twitching into a smile. "Or do I play at being a god and simply take what I want?"
Her nails raked at his throat. "Play at being a god?" she echoed, eyebrow arched. "Really?"
He hadn't realized what he had even said. When had he dropped his guard around her? When?
But she laughed and ran her nails down his clothed chest. "Too impatient to wait, hm? I should take that as a compliment," she purred.
"Natasha-"
She bent her head down and kissed him, cutting off his reply. "Just you, Loki. No covers, no masks, no shields. Just you, only you."
"Whoever that is."
"Then let's find out together," she said, nipping at his bottom lip. "Your Tsarina commands it."
Ultimately, they both stripped down to the skin and she pushed him back onto her couch. She grabbed the box of tissues on the coffee table and put it on the armrest, within reach, before she straddled him. He simply held her steady as she rode him, occasionally leaning forward so that he could take a nipple into his mouth and suck. She was glorious, skin soft and will like iron as she bore down on him, clenching tight around his cock, eyes glinting with the hint of danger. She would keep him from going too far. Loki could trust her. He could rely on her, could be his true self around her, whoever that was, and worry about being lost.
She saw no argr, only someone of a different kind of worth. No wonder he loved her. No wonder he couldn't live without her now.
Midgard was her world, and now it was his, too.
***
Oh, poor Loki. So troubled by the thought of pulling his own strings.
Loki froze in place, suddenly aware that he was in the Void, that his full battle armor was not enough to protect himself from the Norns. They were all and everything, and in comparison he was less than nothing. It was his worst nightmare.
And yet, he felt the faintest thread of hope buried deeply inside of his breast. The Norns wouldn't trouble themselves with him if he was truly useless. They had plans he didn't understand, and he had a role he didn't know yet. While he might not have understood the part he was to play in their weaving, he did have a role. All of the stories said that the Norns shaped the wyrd, but that still left the players a little room to move about.
He still had choice. He could fulfill his destiny how he chose, and Natasha could still be proud of him. He could be proud of himself.
His mind couldn't comprehend the appearance of the Norns in front of him. Trying to made pain shoot through him, rather like the spell that had rendered him unconscious.
Though he couldn't grasp their majesty, Loki drew himself up to his full height. "I am here by your will," he said as humbly as he could. "What do you wish of me?"
So formal. So reverent. I like this change in you. Is it because you are not the only one to visit the Roots of Yggdrasil?
Yes and no, but he couldn't have said such a thing. He had a purpose, even if he wasn't so unique in his skill any longer.
Frigga would have said that he was growing up.
"I am learning how to be something other than what I had been," he answered slowly, honestly. The Norns commanded that much respect. "I'm not sure if I like it."
The otherworldly figure in front of him laughed. "No, I don't think you would. But it's necessary, child," the voice added in a gentler tone. It suddenly occurred to him that the Norns sounded like Frigga, stern but gentle, loving even as she took him to task for his errors. By the Tree, he missed her so much, grief cutting him like one of his knives.
Arms enfolded around him, shimmering power he had to close his eyes against. Loki found himself sobbing, clutching hold of the Norns as if they were Frigga, as if he could swallow the flames of his rage and finally douse them forever.
Child, there is more coming. Thanos was not the only threat to your galaxy. We are not your enemy, never were. Yes, we have plans for you, for all our many creations. But we wouldn't wish ill upon them. We seek to craft and create, challenge and elevate. We want all of our children to reach the fullness of their potential, to learn all they can, to become everything they can be. It's there in the design of each soul, and the possibilities are in our weavings.
"I want to be more," Loki said in a choked voice, lifting his eyes.
The majesty of the Norns was blinding and seared his mind. He could barely feel the press of lips against his forehead or hear the whispered You can be, if you try.
He jerked awake in bed with Natasha, nerves jangling, hope strangling the fear in his chest.
Something was coming, and he might be enough to stop it.
The End