Many Ways, 4/5. NC-17
Title: Many Ways
Series: #23 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon, #6 - Lick Your Wounds, #7 - Bitter Sparks, #8 - Father's Will, #9 - To Feel Safe Again, #10 - Hit Your Prime, #11 - Open Your Eyes, #12 - Can't Be Ignored, #13 - Make You Ill, #14 - Aim Straight, #15 - Not The First Time, #16 - Friendly Fire, #17 - Relieved, #18 - Release, #19 - Never Noticed, #20 - How You Live And Breathe, #21 - Love, #22 - Do You Wanna Die?)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Loki/Natasha, Natasha/Bucky, Bucky/Loki, Natasha/Yelena, Clint/Darcy
Disclaimer: Not mine! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-Avengers, AU to the rest of MCU. References events in prior stories, self harm, PTSD, violence.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups.
Summary: Queen Hel can give gifts if she wants to. That doesn't mean that her gifts don't come with strings attached, or set off a whole other chain of events. She wouldn't have it any other way.
Prior chapters:
One - Dancing With Ghosts
Two - Helheim
Three - Return
Four - Regaining Reason
When Rhodey arrived, he brought his girlfriend Carol Danvers with him. Natasha had spoken with them occasionally, but didn't feel particularly close with either person. It felt odd that the two of them had to be drawn in to help support Tony from drinking himself to death, but she supposed that Tony took it personally that someone he knew had died. He wasn't good at letting others know he cared, but he still did. Opening his home up to the rest of them rent free and supporting them as best as he could was tantamount to declaring them his family. She wasn't sure if he was even aware of that fact, though.
She had talked with James after dealing with Loki, and the man had been very quiet at first. He simply held her, kissed her tenderly, and then asked outright "What do you want to do? First thing that comes to mind?"
"Nothing."
And it was true, in a sense. Her first instinct was to do absolutely nothing, not have elective surgery done, see how her body settled. The Red Room had wanted to change her, wanted to dehumanize her in any way they could. Wasn't this a perfect fuck you to their universe? And then if she did want a child...
But that was exactly what James was asking. Did she want one someday? Did she want one with him? With Loki?
"I don't know what I want," she admitted finally. "I don't want to think about it, I don't want to worry about it. I don't want to make any kind of decision."
"Then talk to Calderon. They got options so you don't have to deal with it now. It's not like you immediately have to have a baby or yank everything out."
Which was absolutely reasonable, and should have occurred to her sooner if she was thinking about things logically. But no, she felt paralyzed by fear, by the unknown, by not knowing how to act as if she knew what she was doing, even if she didn't. So she wrapped her arms around James, nodding. "Thank you," she murmured. "It felt like I had to decide now."
"Because some alternate version of you had a kid?" James asked.
"You heard that?" Natasha asked wryly.
"Natalia, everyone heard that." When he caught her wince, James kissed her forehead gently. "Like it or not, we're all family. One twisted, fucked up family, but we got each other now. I get it. There were bad days while you were dead, but I didn't screw up too badly, I don't think. I did stupid things, don't get me wrong," he admitted at her incredulous expression, "but I don't think I ruined anything. I certainly didn't kill anyone like I once thought I would."
"So we count that as a win."
"Exactly. But it hit us hard, Natalia," he admitted, stroking her cheek tenderly. "You don't think you are, but you're important to us. It wasn't good while you were gone. And now everyone's so afraid of losing you all over again."
So surprise fertility aside, Natasha had to wrap her brain around the why of the situation at hand. She was alive again because Hel had a very specific job in mind for her to do. She had to help Loki harvest Selene's heart. Without dying again, preferably.
Clint had been most helpful in getting her back to her usual self. He had stared her down when she stammered her way through her fears, then sighed dramatically. "Oh, is that all?" he'd said, rolling his eyes. "I was hoping you would want more out of life than just balancing your ledger, but for the record, dying was not part of the picture."
"You're a complete ass sometimes, you know that?"
"Of course. Part of the charm," he'd replied easily, grinning at her. "Now. The whole to be or not to be a parent question is off the table. I don't care, you usually don't care, that's not the part that's really freaking everyone out, you know."
"I was dead. And now I'm not."
"Exactly. It's all that woo-woo magic crap none of us were trained for. And who killed you in the first place? Someone magical that sucks out magic."
"Who Hel wants us to kill at a very specific time and place."
"Oh, nice," Clint said sarcastically. He flopped down on the couch in his suite, lips pursed as he thought about what he knew. "She wants you to do her dirty work for her, basically. Which makes me think that Selene could probably destroy Hel."
"She was born of magic," Natasha replied. That gave her pause after a moment. "The only reason Hel's mother needed Loki was because he's magic," she realized, thinking out loud. "Magic in their cultures are usually the provenance of women. But Hel needed a father for her child, she needed magic to do it, and she needed both Loki's and then Frigga's help for Hel to survive."
Clint gave her an odd look. "Do I want to know why you know all that?"
Natasha waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. "You know me and knowledge. You never know when it's going to be important."
"Like now."
"Like now," she agreed. "So this makes sense. Hel wants Selene stopped, but can't risk that her entire being will be ripped apart in the process. And let's face it, if Hel dies, then all of Helheim gets ripped apart along with her. An entire realm of the dead, including magical dead, all let loose and available for Selene to consume."
"Shit. Zombie apocalypse made real?" Clint looked at her incredulously. "The fuck?"
Leaning back against the back of the couch, Natasha nodded. "So. Yeah. Very much not what we trained for. I'm an assassin, not a magic user."
Clint poked her in the arm. "Yes, but now apparently you're a magic item. Creepy, but cool."
Natasha swatted his hand away, but her mouth twitched as she suppressed a smile. "Magic item, huh? So we're in a video game?"
"Kind of. So we need to set up a party by video game rules," Clint replied, warming to the idea. "I'm obviously for ranged attacks. You'd be melee, but I don't think you should really go in attacking Selene." At her incredulous look, Clint widened his eyes comically. "You're a magic item, Nat. Magic item. Against someone that sucks up magic like a sponge."
Grimacing, Natasha had to concede the point. "So we're looking at nonmagical people going after her, then Loki figuring out how to do what Hel wants."
"Pretty much. And we have plenty of those on the team, not to worry."
With those conversations in mind, Natasha approached the two of them with a social smile on her face. "Hello again."
Both did a double take when they saw her. "I know they said you were back from the dead," Rhodey began, blinking in surprise, "but holy shit. You look like you never died."
"I suppose if the Queen of the dead wants me alive, that's what would happen," Natasha replied in deadpan fashion.
"Pepper called us," Carol told Natasha. "She told us you were back, but... Wow. Seeing it is definitely believing it." She shot Rhodey a private look. "Even with some of the weird things we've seen, this takes the cake."
"Welcome to the land of magic and monsters," Natasha replied, tamping down on the urge to snap at them that she was still herself. She was, but she wasn't. She wasn't exactly the same anymore, and it would be stupid to think that the others wouldn't react to her sudden resurrection from death. Her sacrifice had been needed, but had hurt them all terribly.
That was the thing about having friends and a family. They were strings, finely woven threads that would bind and strangle and confine.
But they could also support and assist, she was finding. That was what she really needed.
Carol and Rhodey exchanged another private look, which irritated Natasha a little. It carried the weight of untold secrets, and right now she felt as if she had none left. It wasn't fair, but she knew how unfair feelings could be; she had used them as weapons often enough before, after all. It stung to feel that turned in her direction.
"Listen..." Carol began, uncertainty in her voice.
"A quiet place," Rhodey interrupted, holding his hand up. "Because this place is full of people with very big mouths. You can talk and I'll go find Tony. That way, I have plausible deniability and you two can claim it's about lady things."
"That's a good idea," Carol agreed, nodding while Natasha only felt even more confused.
But once the two of them were alone in a warded and sensor shielded room, Carol floated off of the floor, her hands glowing a little. "You're not the only one that learned a magic trick," Carol said quietly. "Though mine technically isn't magic. I kind of got the life force of a dying alien."
Natasha sat heavily in a chair. "Sounds like a story."
Carol talked about how Mar-Vell had come to explore, crashed, died and bequeathed his powers to her. "I've been trying to figure out what I can do, since he didn't exactly give me an instruction manual. I have a costume and mask, since everyone has a mask new. I can at least fly away if any authorities come, or anyone angling to be a supervillain."
"There's been more than a few of those," Natasha replied with a sigh. "As well as the garden variety low life thugs on the streets."
"Some of the costumed people have popped up, disappeared, others come and take their place..." She trailed off and sat down next to Natasha. "I'm a pilot. I'm new to this superhero thing, and I don't know how you did it for so long."
"Because I wasn't. A superhero," Natasha clarified at Carol's confused expression. "I wasn't. I'm a spy. I gathered intel, I did hand to hand fighting. I did what I knew how to do. I wasn't any different just because some people decided to call me a hero. That wasn't why I joined the Avengers in the first place."
"Then why did you?"
"Because my best friend had experienced a horrible trauma I would never wish on anybody else," Natasha said quietly. "And there was something I could do to make sure it wouldn't happen again. So I did. I'm not a soldier, I'm not a hero. Something had to be done, and there was no one else there able to do it, so I did."
Taking Natasha's hand, Carol gave her a watery smile. "Natasha, that's what a hero is."
Shocked, Natasha couldn't even think of a reply.
Carol pulled back and pasted a bright smile on her face. "So why don't we figure out a way to use all of our combined powers and skills? That should help us track down and contain the creature that tried to kill you."
"Okay," Natasha began slowly, nodding. It was a better idea than sitting around and feeling sorry for herself.
***
Loki was hiding in his office, surrounded by tomes and scrolls of various kinds. He refused to answer requests from Marissa Tourney or Stephen Strange to discuss magic or how to potentially trap Selene. All he could think of what how Natasha had sacrificed herself for him when their trap failed. There was no way he could put himself through something similar, no matter that he might provoke Hel's wrath. It didn't matter; he would let her shred his soul if Natasha died again, as nothing else would ever be important to him.
He didn't startle when James kicked open the office door and strode inside. "It's time you got out of here. You've even been ignoring Natasha since she came back."
Because he was afraid of what would happen. He was afraid she would hate him; he was the one that had brought her back to the land of the living.
James grabbed Loki by the arm and lifted him up from his cross-legged position on the floor; the metal arm was strong and didn't constrict too hard. Loki was surprised by the concern that James seemed to be showing him. Didn't he hate Loki? Hadn't Loki ruined everything?
"C'mon, she's in a weird place in her head. And she won't say a damn thing, of course, but I can tell she's not good."
"What? How?" Loki asked, stumbling along behind the assassin, confused.
"If she needs me to point out the obvious, then she's not doing good. We need to do something to help get her back to herself. We owe her, Loki. She's done so much for us, we can't let her go on feeling off kilter."
That made sense. That actually made Loki feel better; he had purpose now, a use, something he could do other than mentally scream in frustration because he didn't know how to stop Selene from coming after the realm and its magic.
"Sex might make her feel... awkward," Loki pointed out. "The risk of pregnancy, I mean."
James nodded and looked around the office after letting go of Loki's arm. "We'll need a list, then." At Loki's blank expression, he sighed. "Ideas, Loki. I can remember orders, I can do some things no problem. But as important as this is, I don't want a flashback to fuck it up. So I want to make a list to be sure I remember the ideas we come up with."
The last of Loki's listlessness bled away. James had nothing but good intentions, and he needed orders. Natasha had always provided them before, after all. And that explained why he didn't look on Loki so badly for his behavior during Natasha's death. James had been just as broken, didn't see the use of his body as ergi because he had been following orders. Loki couldn't be argr and couldn't ruin him in that case.
Loki wasn't broken in his eyes. It was heartening, baffling and terrifying all at once.
"There are other ways we can reinforce how necessary she is, or give her pleasure without her worry of pregnancy."
James laughed a little as he picked up a quill and scroll. "Wow, seriously?" He dipped the quill into a bottle of ink and wrote out "condoms" before underlining it, then "other positions." He turned to Loki, who was watching him in amusement. "I think it should be more than sex, though. And not hunting drug dealers in Harlem, even though I did that with her a few times before she died. Too much like work."
"But she enjoys it," Loki pointed out. "Simply playing music she enjoys or cooking her a meal won't be enough to show appreciation for her. It's her mind and soul we must worship as well as her body. To show that we won't play Hel's games or treat her any differently from who she always has been to us."
James suddenly smiled slowly and put down the quill. "Oh. I have an idea. If you don't mind going along with it. Something she said once, a long time ago."
Loki frowned at him. "What?"
"We never had time, you understand. It was rushed and intense and we had to hide our feelings for each other. She's always wanted time to just be, to relax and just be a couple, do all the stupid things that ordinary people took for granted."
Fascinated, Loki stared at him. "But she isn't ordinary."
"For a day, she could be." James grinned at Loki's confusion. "No bullies to take down. No schedule to keep. No training to do. No ordering us around. None of us ordering her around. Just the three of us, giving her a day where she doesn't have to do anything. She could just be, no pressure."
When put that way, Loki could understand the appeal. He nodded and thought for a moment. "Not here or at the apartment in Astoria. It would have to be a completely separate place, so there are no expectations any of us have."
"Brooklyn," James requested immediately. "I grew up there somewhere, when I was the original Bucky Barnes. That should be a homey kinda place, right?"
Loki curled his lips in irritation. "I know little of that place. I didn't know anything of Astoria, either, just its proximity to Manhattan."
"We'll ask Clint or Steve."
"I understand Steve's connection. But Clint?" Loki asked.
"He lived there a while, I think. One of the brownstones in Bed-Stuy."
Though Loki was reluctant to ask Clint for any kind of help, James didn't have that difficulty at all. Clint wasn't terribly surprised by James wanting a separate place for Natasha to spend time in, away from the pressures she felt in the Tower. Thinking about it for a moment, Clint led the two of them to his suite and dug around in a drawer for a key ring. He tossed it at James, who caught it easily. "I actually own a building. Kinda was an accident, buying it, but the landlord was a douche that was strongarming the residents. It's 350 Quincy Street, apartment H. It's between Tompkins Avenue and Marcy Avenue, the 300-400 block. Careful, it's a one-way street and parking's tight if you're driving."
"We're not going to bust up the place, if you were worried about it," James assured him, pocketing the keys.
"I haven't been there in years, not since moving here. So it's probably dusty as hell," Clint said with a shrug. "Wanna feel normal? Clean it out. That's something an ordinary schmuck would do on a weekend off of work."
James grinned, even though Loki hardly thought that sounded like fun. "Perfect."
***
Natasha had been irritated by the utter secrecy with which James and Loki had her cancel plans to meet with Melinda, Jemma and Skye. Not that she didn't trust Dr. Calderon, because she absolutely did, but because they had access to SHIELD research that might not have been on the mainframes that Tony had hacked. They readily agreed to meet with her the next day. "Believe me, I understand you're going through a lot. Coming back from the dead is a tricky business," Melinda had deadpanned. At the same time, she had been utterly serious, having gone through it with Phil Coulson. "I'd say take your time, but sometimes time is of the essence to figure out what exactly happened."
"The Queen of the dead decided to give me the gift of life," Natasha had replied. "I don't think it's too hard to figure out what happened. My biomarkers match SHIELD specs, my imaging scans match exactly. Well, other than one detail, but she did that on purpose."
"There's a story there," Melinda had said in neutral tones.
"When isn't there?" Natasha had sighed.
"Should I bring vodka or ice cream?"
"Bring both," Natasha decided after a moment.
"In that case, I'll bring kahlua and make mudslides," she replied, a warm and sympathetic note to her voice. "You're among friends. Tell us what you can."
The words had almost been enough to bring tears to Natasha's eyes. "I will, I promise."
Loki created a portal from her suite at Avengers Tower to their final location, though she was blindfolded and had to hold James' hand. There was a thread of unease at not knowing where she was, but she knew neither man would harm her or allow her to come to harm. She could feel the difference in the flooring as she passed through the portal, and taking a deep breath made her sneeze on the dusty air.
James removed the blindfold, and Natasha immediately recognized her surroundings. "This is Clint's old place."
"Today, you are an ordinary woman in a regular apartment," Loki declared. He motioned with his hands, and two boxes of cleaning supplies appeared in the apartment, as well as a cardboard box with six longnecks and a pizza carton. "This is traditional, from what I understand."
Natasha covered her face with her hands for a moment as she tried to contain her incredulous laughter, but it came through anyway. "You two are utter idiots."
"From you, that's a term of affection," James pointed out.
"I do not feel like cleaning out this pigsty of an apartment."
"Thank the Tree," Loki breathed. He started chanting a complicated sounding spell, and then the cleaning supplies began to move on their own. "There. You can enjoy the fruits of their labors, at least," he offered.
She lifted the lid of the pizza box and took in the sausage and pepperoni pizza. "There's a park two blocks from here. Let the spell do its job, and we'll have pizza in the park. Open containers of alcohol are illegal, but I'm sure you can make that look like a six pack of Coke."
Loki grinned at her suggestion. "Breaking the law? When you uphold it so regularly?"
"Eh, it's a minor one," she shrugged, though she answered his grin. "That won't hurt anybody."
"It's not like the beer is going to make any of us drunk," James said, sliding an arm around Natasha's waist as he moved out of the way of the animated Swiffer.
"Time to move, before the stuff wants to clean up the rest of us, too."
Herbert Von King Park had an amphitheater, auditorium and dance studio as part of the rec center, as well as the standard facilities for a large New York City park. There were usually activities and events hosted in the area, especially in summer, but it was a quiet weekday in the fall. Kids were back in school, so the majority of the people in the park enjoying the weather were the elderly and stay at home moms with their charges.
Bypassing the chess tables, Natasha decided she wanted to sit in the middle of one of the children's jungle gyms. The pizza box was positioned between the three of them, and she snagged the first slice and first bottle of beer. For a while, they all ate in silence. It took a while, and she realized that Loki wasn't even using any glamour. "Deciding to be yourself today?" she asked, curious. He had left his hair long and loose, falling around his face and neck in soft waves. He wore jeans and a plain green T shirt, dressing casually the way James and Natasha did, and didn't even seem uncomfortable by that.
"There are worse things to be," he said with a shrug, drinking his own beer.
"Weather's good," James said, sounding almost awkward.
"You did not have me cancel a day with Melinda to comment about the weather," Natasha said, an accusing note in her voice.
"No pressure on you," James replied, reaching out with his left hand. He was wearing the skin colored fabric covering that Tony had designed, allowing it to appear like an ordinary arm at a distance. "Just... Being. Relaxing. Not thinking. Not having to fit any role someone wants for you. Unless you want it."
Her expression softened, and she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "You're such a sap," she said with a smile.
"Yeah, well, Loki helped," James pointed out. "So he's a sap, too."
Loki's lips quirked at her startled expression. "I believe I once called it base sentimentality."
"Yes, you did."
"Which it is. But that doesn't make it any less longed for, does it?"
Natasha rolled her eyes at him, and wasn't surprised to see the slight curve of his lips turn into a full smile. "I suppose not."
"So today is to do with as you will. To be everything or nothing, as your whim decides."
"Why Clint's apartment?" she asked, though she could guess their intent.
"It has nothing to do with our deal," Loki said quietly. "Or any role you would assume for James while there. But we also needed a location where you would feel safe and protected enough to not have need of masks or vigilance."
Nodding, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "So how long will your spell play Sorcerer's Apprentice in there?"
"Possibly not too much longer," Loki said with a shrug. He made the nearly empty pizza box disappear into a trash bin as soon as James took the last slice. "What's your pleasure, Natasha?"
She smiled sensuously. "Exactly that, if you can manage it."
Of course they could.
The walk back was faster than the ambling pace they had taken to the park, and Natasha was quietly amused at the way James impatiently fumbled the keys into the lock at the front door of the brownstone, then at apartment H. Loki was correct, the apartment was clean and the animated cleaning products were nowhere to be seen. It was the three of them in the apartment, cleaned out and empty, air no longer stale. A light shimmer seemed to be overlaid on the walls, and her arch look at Loki made him grin. "Silencing spells, of course."
Natasha snorted and grabbed the remote from the coffee before plopping down heavily on the couch. "Getting ahead of yourself there, aren't you?"
"You prefer if we're prepared, of course," James said, coming to sit beside her. He pulled off the fabric sleeve from his arm and slung it around her shoulders.
"After a breakfast of pizza and beer, I have zero plans for today," she commented, hitting the button to turn on the TV. However, there was no cable input, and she snorted. "So much for seeing what idiocy is on daytime TV. I suppose I should be glad the electricity's even on," she added, turning it off. Leaning into James' embrace, she turned to look at Loki, who was standing near the couch, looking uncertain. "So what were your plans?"
"Whatever you wanted to do. No pressure."
"Really?" she asked, clearly still not believing him.
"Really. You are not a domme today, not subservient. You are not anything you don't wish to be," Loki said, finally sitting beside her on the couch. "If you wish to do nothing more than take a nap, we'll still be here."
Thinking about it for a moment, Natasha contemplated the options. Clint hadn't really been in the apartment in years, so there were really no options for food or entertainment, unless she wanted to dig out his hidden weapons and toss them around. But she could do that anytime at the Tower, which would have been better with the range. Walks in the park again or trying to go to one of the local theaters to see a movie would work, too, or spending time on Atlantic Avenue going shopping in the bigger stores.
That seemed like far too much effort, even if she was left feeling restless. She had lots of time, plenty of things she could do, but nothing she had to do. In the Tower, she would putter about online, reading, working out or practicing skills on the range. If today was meant to be a lazy day, none of those activities would qualify.
"I suppose you'll have to entertain me somehow," she said, adding a sultry smile and purr to her voice. "That is why we walked back here, right?" James subtly shifted to full attention at her side, and Loki's expression brightened fractionally. They were both so painfully transparent, and it was endearing how much they cared for her and her state of mind.
Loki's hands immediately went to the waistband of her jeans. When she lofted an eyebrow as unspoken command to continue, he did so, dragging them and her panties down to her ankles, not even bothering to take off her shoes or socks. Natasha laughed at his rapt expression, but that changed to a gasp as James started to nuzzle her neck and cupped her breasts over her T shirt and bra. Loki frogged her knees out and ducked between them, then leaned down to fasten his mouth over the juncture of her thighs.
He was good at licking into her, nuzzling her clit and sucking gently on it until her body tightened with need. She grasped his head with one hand, keeping him in place, murmuring just how good his tongue on her felt. At the same time, she reached back with her other to grasp James' shoulder, leaning her head back against his chest as he kneaded her breasts and abraded the nipples through fabric. He murmured how beautiful she was, how wonderful she was, how much he loved her, how much she deserved to be happy-
The first orgasm, when it finally hit, was a flood of warmth through her limbs. James kept up his steady movement, flicking his tongue against her ear. Loki made no indication of stopping, as if he had cast a spell to keep his jaw and tongue from getting tired. Smart man. In fact, he kept his tongue right on her clit, barely dipping down to her slit, but curling it inside her whenever he did, as far as he could reach. Loki's hands kept her hips steady and not rolling too much, and he didn't do more than grunt when her booted feet slid down his back.
When she was coming down from her second orgasm, Loki sat back a little. He couldn't go too far, caught by the jeans he hadn't bothered to get rid of, and stared at her intently. "I ache for you, Natasha. But-"
"I thought ahead. Just in case," James announced, nodding toward a plastic bag in the corner Natasha hadn't noticed. He let his flesh and blood hand trail down from her breast to the juncture of her thighs, and ran his fingers along her folds until he found her clit. "You first," he said, and made a triumphant noise when Natasha moaned and arched her back. "I can wait."
Loki had to lift her legs and duck under them to get to the bag James had tossed aside earlier. Two boxes of condoms and a wide tube of generic lube were inside. James laughed at his expression, and nipped Natasha's ear. "What? Natasha likes sex. I figured we should be prepared for whatever kind she wanted."
"And right now, I really want one of you to fuck me. Or both," Natasha moaned, twisting beneath James' hands. "Not picky."
"Both is good," James purred. "At once, or just one at a time?"
"Don't care, just wanna come right now," she whined. It was a tone that would have sent her cringing even months ago, but there was no point to that now. Neither man would think less of her in this situation. No one was going to think her weak. No one would punish her for even the appearance of weakness.
And dammit, she had died to save everyone. She could have something nice for a change.
Natasha laughed as Loki hurriedly undressed, then awkwardly pulled out a foil package. The expression on his face was comical as he tried to figure out how condoms worked. "I know, I know, I shouldn't laugh, they don't have those in Asgard. C'mere," she said, arching against James' hands as her breath caught. "Let me."
He gave her the packet and stepped between her spread legs. James didn't stop moving his fingers or licking her earlobe, making Natasha nearly rip through the condom during a shiver of pleasure. "Not helping," she gasped, unable to make it sound very stern.
James laughed, proving he wasn't concerned at all. "Oh, I can feel how tense you're getting. This is definitely helping."
Loki glared at him. "This isn't helping me."
"She didn't specify," James replied airily, laughing at his disgruntled expression.
Loki's retort went unsaid when Natasha rolled the condom onto him and tugged at his hip. He let her guide his sheathed cock to her entrance, bracing himself by grasping the back of the couch on either side of James and Natasha. She grinned up at him, rewarding him for this, even if this wasn't necessarily about rewards. It was almost ingrained in her reactions to him by now. His rapt expression didn't change, and he looked a little startled at the change in sensation as he slid deeply inside of her. She kept the grin on her face even as James' clever fingers sped up, just as she liked it, and she bucked a little as she approached another orgasm. "That feels good," she moaned, arching her back. James pinched her nipple, making her squeak in pleasure. Loki hissed when she tightened her entire body, then slammed hard into her. Natasha groaned, enjoying the feel of that, and licked her lips as she gazed up at him. "Do it like that."
Only too ready to comply, Loki did just that. His eyes never strayed from hers, and he moved at that same rapid pace. Likely magic, if Natasha had to guess, but she didn't care at the moment. He was thick and full inside her, James' fingers kept up the perfect rhythm against her clit and nipple. She groaned and came again, clenching down even tighter around Loki's cock. He obviously felt it, based on the stutter in his rhythm, but it didn't seem enough to make him come. He kept going, biting his lip to keep from crying out. Suddenly wanting to hear him, Natasha reached up from his hips and scratched at his chest. "C'mon, I like hearing you, too."
The admission startled Loki, and he let out a yelp as she scratched at a flat nipple. "If I... I have to hold on," he gasped.
"No, you don't," Natasha told him, squeezing tighter. Huh. He must not have used magic to stay erect after all. She had three orgasms already, she could afford to be generous. Especially since James hadn't gotten any play yet at all. "We have all day, right?"
Loki made a strangled noise as he nodded, and his hips jerked again. He threw his head back, and she could tell he was coming this time. Moving James hand away from her clit, she pulled in Loki for a kiss. "Hey," she murmured, taking in his glazed eyes and slackening limbs. "You'll need to clean up."
He groaned. "I don't want to move."
"At least you can cheat and use magic. I wouldn't be able to," James pointed out. He shifted his hands to pull up her T shirt so he could skim his fingertips across her skin. "We've always had to rush. It's been intense." He nipped at her earlobe. "But I want to take my time today. Because we can. Because there's nowhere else to be."
"I like the sound of that," Natasha murmured, breath hitching as James brought his fingers to touch the edge of her bra. "Is that all you're gonna do? Just tease me?"
"Long past time to start doin' that, isn't it?" he asked, amused.
"I would've thought you'd want to get inside me," she moaned, pushing at his hands. She couldn't see his expression, but Loki looked very amused by that.
"Oh, maybe later," James murmured, a smile in his voice.
James did nothing more than stroke her skin gently, random patterns made up of Roman and Cyrillic letters or shapes, nothing that actually spelled out words. It was for the sensory input, whorls and lines to sink Natasha inside her skin, keep her guessing where on her body James would touch next. Even when Loki finally took off her boots, socks and jeans as James stroked her stomach and thighs, he didn't pick the same place twice to use a pattern. He eventually shifted her onto her stomach on the couch, then trailed his fingers along her back and buttocks, then the backs of her thighs in the same manner.
Natasha hummed happily, shifting her arms under her head and letting herself drift as James stroked her skin, then leaned down and brushed his lips or tongue at random intervals. The high she had been driven toward before had fallen, and this was more of a slow, background burn. This was pleasant, building up bit by bit, the anticipation making her draw in deep breaths more than a spike of heat low in her belly.
He pushed her shirt up over her back and unhooked her bra deftly. Loki perched on the edge of the couch, still naked, and helped drag her shirt up to her shoulders. His own fingers combed through the loose waves of her hair, brushing against her scalp. "You, too?" she murmured, not bothering to open her eyes.
"His turn to play," Loki murmured. "If this makes him happy..."
She could feel his shrug in the way the pressure from his fingers shifted. He stroked her head, neck and earlobes as James ran his lower lip along the line of her spine. It felt almost like sigils, runes to etch into her body, protection and wards and promises he would try to keep with the last of his breath. Though James held no magic, there was his breath and skin and metal arm making promises just as sincere.
This wasn't the sharp edge of desire that had always characterized how she had coupled with James. Even their lovemaking had the frenzied edge to it, as if they had to make every last moment count, as if it could be their last. This time, he moved as if he had an eternity or two to cherish her, as if time held no meaning, as if Loki had cast his spells to stop time for all of New York to allow them a measure of peace.
When James finally moved his lips down toward the curve of her ass, his hands at her hips to tilt them up high enough she could get her knees beneath her, Natasha wanted to say Finally! But at the same time, the warm hum inside her body felt as though she had swallowed the sun, a languorous heat that was as magnificent as it was unfamiliar. His tongue traveled along the curve of skin, savoring her flesh, fingers ghosting over her rear entrance before dipping inside her wet slit. She wasn't sopping wet, but her body eagerly accepted his fingers scissoring inside, a throaty moan escaping her.
The sound of the foil packet ripping open was a welcome one, and she didn't even sigh in disappointment when James withdrew his fingers. He pushed his cock inside her, a slight drag indicating the condom was in place.
But instead of the frenzied pace she was expecting, he went slow and steady, hands roaming from her hips to her back to her thighs. He made a low humming sound, then began to murmur in Russian how his dreams used to be of her when he was on ice. I wanted to touch you, make you burn. Not the fire we had to steal, not like that. Slow burn, a fire on a winter's night, the kind to take away the chill. The warmth of mulled wine. I wanted to spill it over your body, lick up the rivers it made, make you sway as we danced, he said, phrases punctuated by the slide of his cock inside her, his fingers making sweeping strokes along her back.
Natasha turned her head, smile lazy and adoring at once. "Let's do that," she replied in English. "Let's make a wonderful mess of things."
"Anything you want," James promised. He grinned at her, eyes crinkling with his obvious joy, keeping at his sedate pace for a bit longer. Though it wasn't the hard and hurried rhythm she associated with James, the heat inside her spread to her fingers and toes, making her arch and press into Loki's hands, making her hum as James had.
"Ah, my love, I want this. Like this."
"Slow?" he teased, adding a few extra thrusts just to throw her off.
She actually giggled and moved an arm to swat at him. "No. I mean... no rush unless we want to, not because we have to. I guess we didn't think about it."
"Nothing wrong with fast," James murmured, still smiling down at her. He sped up to prove the point, making her gasp in pleasure. "It's got its uses."
"I happen to like fast," Loki commented, pushing her hair away from her temples when she turned to look at him. "I like when you lose control," he admitted. "You don't do it often enough, and I think you need to."
She didn't disagree with him, not when she had been too tightly wound before and after her death, too busy weighing consequences of events, planning moves a dozen steps ahead. It had helped her live, right up until the point it hadn't anymore.
Natasha let her hand slide between her legs to stroke her clit. James only laughed at her, calling her impatient, and picked up his pace until she groaned and said "Like this." He obliged, and his laughter turned into choked moans and grunts when she rubbed her clit faster and faster, chasing her pleasure, tightening. Not thinking of anything but how it all felt, she tumbled down into it, the release making her sag further into the couch. James stopped holding back, and then his hips snapped forward, rapid and almost skating along the edge of painful where his hipbones hit her ass. She clenched down tight around his cock, hoping he could feel it through the latex. He must have, because it didn't take him long to finish with a grunt.
It was a surprise to see that it was lunchtime at that point. "I'm hungry," she purred, stretching and tossing her T shirt and bra aside as she sat up. "But not for food."
Twin wolfish grins greeted that statement. Oh, yes, there was something to this idea of theirs, and there was the entire rest of the day to explore it.
***
***
Series: #23 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon, #6 - Lick Your Wounds, #7 - Bitter Sparks, #8 - Father's Will, #9 - To Feel Safe Again, #10 - Hit Your Prime, #11 - Open Your Eyes, #12 - Can't Be Ignored, #13 - Make You Ill, #14 - Aim Straight, #15 - Not The First Time, #16 - Friendly Fire, #17 - Relieved, #18 - Release, #19 - Never Noticed, #20 - How You Live And Breathe, #21 - Love, #22 - Do You Wanna Die?)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Loki/Natasha, Natasha/Bucky, Bucky/Loki, Natasha/Yelena, Clint/Darcy
Disclaimer: Not mine! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-Avengers, AU to the rest of MCU. References events in prior stories, self harm, PTSD, violence.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups.
Summary: Queen Hel can give gifts if she wants to. That doesn't mean that her gifts don't come with strings attached, or set off a whole other chain of events. She wouldn't have it any other way.
Prior chapters:
One - Dancing With Ghosts
Two - Helheim
Three - Return
Four - Regaining Reason
When Rhodey arrived, he brought his girlfriend Carol Danvers with him. Natasha had spoken with them occasionally, but didn't feel particularly close with either person. It felt odd that the two of them had to be drawn in to help support Tony from drinking himself to death, but she supposed that Tony took it personally that someone he knew had died. He wasn't good at letting others know he cared, but he still did. Opening his home up to the rest of them rent free and supporting them as best as he could was tantamount to declaring them his family. She wasn't sure if he was even aware of that fact, though.
She had talked with James after dealing with Loki, and the man had been very quiet at first. He simply held her, kissed her tenderly, and then asked outright "What do you want to do? First thing that comes to mind?"
"Nothing."
And it was true, in a sense. Her first instinct was to do absolutely nothing, not have elective surgery done, see how her body settled. The Red Room had wanted to change her, wanted to dehumanize her in any way they could. Wasn't this a perfect fuck you to their universe? And then if she did want a child...
But that was exactly what James was asking. Did she want one someday? Did she want one with him? With Loki?
"I don't know what I want," she admitted finally. "I don't want to think about it, I don't want to worry about it. I don't want to make any kind of decision."
"Then talk to Calderon. They got options so you don't have to deal with it now. It's not like you immediately have to have a baby or yank everything out."
Which was absolutely reasonable, and should have occurred to her sooner if she was thinking about things logically. But no, she felt paralyzed by fear, by the unknown, by not knowing how to act as if she knew what she was doing, even if she didn't. So she wrapped her arms around James, nodding. "Thank you," she murmured. "It felt like I had to decide now."
"Because some alternate version of you had a kid?" James asked.
"You heard that?" Natasha asked wryly.
"Natalia, everyone heard that." When he caught her wince, James kissed her forehead gently. "Like it or not, we're all family. One twisted, fucked up family, but we got each other now. I get it. There were bad days while you were dead, but I didn't screw up too badly, I don't think. I did stupid things, don't get me wrong," he admitted at her incredulous expression, "but I don't think I ruined anything. I certainly didn't kill anyone like I once thought I would."
"So we count that as a win."
"Exactly. But it hit us hard, Natalia," he admitted, stroking her cheek tenderly. "You don't think you are, but you're important to us. It wasn't good while you were gone. And now everyone's so afraid of losing you all over again."
So surprise fertility aside, Natasha had to wrap her brain around the why of the situation at hand. She was alive again because Hel had a very specific job in mind for her to do. She had to help Loki harvest Selene's heart. Without dying again, preferably.
Clint had been most helpful in getting her back to her usual self. He had stared her down when she stammered her way through her fears, then sighed dramatically. "Oh, is that all?" he'd said, rolling his eyes. "I was hoping you would want more out of life than just balancing your ledger, but for the record, dying was not part of the picture."
"You're a complete ass sometimes, you know that?"
"Of course. Part of the charm," he'd replied easily, grinning at her. "Now. The whole to be or not to be a parent question is off the table. I don't care, you usually don't care, that's not the part that's really freaking everyone out, you know."
"I was dead. And now I'm not."
"Exactly. It's all that woo-woo magic crap none of us were trained for. And who killed you in the first place? Someone magical that sucks out magic."
"Who Hel wants us to kill at a very specific time and place."
"Oh, nice," Clint said sarcastically. He flopped down on the couch in his suite, lips pursed as he thought about what he knew. "She wants you to do her dirty work for her, basically. Which makes me think that Selene could probably destroy Hel."
"She was born of magic," Natasha replied. That gave her pause after a moment. "The only reason Hel's mother needed Loki was because he's magic," she realized, thinking out loud. "Magic in their cultures are usually the provenance of women. But Hel needed a father for her child, she needed magic to do it, and she needed both Loki's and then Frigga's help for Hel to survive."
Clint gave her an odd look. "Do I want to know why you know all that?"
Natasha waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. "You know me and knowledge. You never know when it's going to be important."
"Like now."
"Like now," she agreed. "So this makes sense. Hel wants Selene stopped, but can't risk that her entire being will be ripped apart in the process. And let's face it, if Hel dies, then all of Helheim gets ripped apart along with her. An entire realm of the dead, including magical dead, all let loose and available for Selene to consume."
"Shit. Zombie apocalypse made real?" Clint looked at her incredulously. "The fuck?"
Leaning back against the back of the couch, Natasha nodded. "So. Yeah. Very much not what we trained for. I'm an assassin, not a magic user."
Clint poked her in the arm. "Yes, but now apparently you're a magic item. Creepy, but cool."
Natasha swatted his hand away, but her mouth twitched as she suppressed a smile. "Magic item, huh? So we're in a video game?"
"Kind of. So we need to set up a party by video game rules," Clint replied, warming to the idea. "I'm obviously for ranged attacks. You'd be melee, but I don't think you should really go in attacking Selene." At her incredulous look, Clint widened his eyes comically. "You're a magic item, Nat. Magic item. Against someone that sucks up magic like a sponge."
Grimacing, Natasha had to concede the point. "So we're looking at nonmagical people going after her, then Loki figuring out how to do what Hel wants."
"Pretty much. And we have plenty of those on the team, not to worry."
With those conversations in mind, Natasha approached the two of them with a social smile on her face. "Hello again."
Both did a double take when they saw her. "I know they said you were back from the dead," Rhodey began, blinking in surprise, "but holy shit. You look like you never died."
"I suppose if the Queen of the dead wants me alive, that's what would happen," Natasha replied in deadpan fashion.
"Pepper called us," Carol told Natasha. "She told us you were back, but... Wow. Seeing it is definitely believing it." She shot Rhodey a private look. "Even with some of the weird things we've seen, this takes the cake."
"Welcome to the land of magic and monsters," Natasha replied, tamping down on the urge to snap at them that she was still herself. She was, but she wasn't. She wasn't exactly the same anymore, and it would be stupid to think that the others wouldn't react to her sudden resurrection from death. Her sacrifice had been needed, but had hurt them all terribly.
That was the thing about having friends and a family. They were strings, finely woven threads that would bind and strangle and confine.
But they could also support and assist, she was finding. That was what she really needed.
Carol and Rhodey exchanged another private look, which irritated Natasha a little. It carried the weight of untold secrets, and right now she felt as if she had none left. It wasn't fair, but she knew how unfair feelings could be; she had used them as weapons often enough before, after all. It stung to feel that turned in her direction.
"Listen..." Carol began, uncertainty in her voice.
"A quiet place," Rhodey interrupted, holding his hand up. "Because this place is full of people with very big mouths. You can talk and I'll go find Tony. That way, I have plausible deniability and you two can claim it's about lady things."
"That's a good idea," Carol agreed, nodding while Natasha only felt even more confused.
But once the two of them were alone in a warded and sensor shielded room, Carol floated off of the floor, her hands glowing a little. "You're not the only one that learned a magic trick," Carol said quietly. "Though mine technically isn't magic. I kind of got the life force of a dying alien."
Natasha sat heavily in a chair. "Sounds like a story."
Carol talked about how Mar-Vell had come to explore, crashed, died and bequeathed his powers to her. "I've been trying to figure out what I can do, since he didn't exactly give me an instruction manual. I have a costume and mask, since everyone has a mask new. I can at least fly away if any authorities come, or anyone angling to be a supervillain."
"There's been more than a few of those," Natasha replied with a sigh. "As well as the garden variety low life thugs on the streets."
"Some of the costumed people have popped up, disappeared, others come and take their place..." She trailed off and sat down next to Natasha. "I'm a pilot. I'm new to this superhero thing, and I don't know how you did it for so long."
"Because I wasn't. A superhero," Natasha clarified at Carol's confused expression. "I wasn't. I'm a spy. I gathered intel, I did hand to hand fighting. I did what I knew how to do. I wasn't any different just because some people decided to call me a hero. That wasn't why I joined the Avengers in the first place."
"Then why did you?"
"Because my best friend had experienced a horrible trauma I would never wish on anybody else," Natasha said quietly. "And there was something I could do to make sure it wouldn't happen again. So I did. I'm not a soldier, I'm not a hero. Something had to be done, and there was no one else there able to do it, so I did."
Taking Natasha's hand, Carol gave her a watery smile. "Natasha, that's what a hero is."
Shocked, Natasha couldn't even think of a reply.
Carol pulled back and pasted a bright smile on her face. "So why don't we figure out a way to use all of our combined powers and skills? That should help us track down and contain the creature that tried to kill you."
"Okay," Natasha began slowly, nodding. It was a better idea than sitting around and feeling sorry for herself.
***
Loki was hiding in his office, surrounded by tomes and scrolls of various kinds. He refused to answer requests from Marissa Tourney or Stephen Strange to discuss magic or how to potentially trap Selene. All he could think of what how Natasha had sacrificed herself for him when their trap failed. There was no way he could put himself through something similar, no matter that he might provoke Hel's wrath. It didn't matter; he would let her shred his soul if Natasha died again, as nothing else would ever be important to him.
He didn't startle when James kicked open the office door and strode inside. "It's time you got out of here. You've even been ignoring Natasha since she came back."
Because he was afraid of what would happen. He was afraid she would hate him; he was the one that had brought her back to the land of the living.
James grabbed Loki by the arm and lifted him up from his cross-legged position on the floor; the metal arm was strong and didn't constrict too hard. Loki was surprised by the concern that James seemed to be showing him. Didn't he hate Loki? Hadn't Loki ruined everything?
"C'mon, she's in a weird place in her head. And she won't say a damn thing, of course, but I can tell she's not good."
"What? How?" Loki asked, stumbling along behind the assassin, confused.
"If she needs me to point out the obvious, then she's not doing good. We need to do something to help get her back to herself. We owe her, Loki. She's done so much for us, we can't let her go on feeling off kilter."
That made sense. That actually made Loki feel better; he had purpose now, a use, something he could do other than mentally scream in frustration because he didn't know how to stop Selene from coming after the realm and its magic.
"Sex might make her feel... awkward," Loki pointed out. "The risk of pregnancy, I mean."
James nodded and looked around the office after letting go of Loki's arm. "We'll need a list, then." At Loki's blank expression, he sighed. "Ideas, Loki. I can remember orders, I can do some things no problem. But as important as this is, I don't want a flashback to fuck it up. So I want to make a list to be sure I remember the ideas we come up with."
The last of Loki's listlessness bled away. James had nothing but good intentions, and he needed orders. Natasha had always provided them before, after all. And that explained why he didn't look on Loki so badly for his behavior during Natasha's death. James had been just as broken, didn't see the use of his body as ergi because he had been following orders. Loki couldn't be argr and couldn't ruin him in that case.
Loki wasn't broken in his eyes. It was heartening, baffling and terrifying all at once.
"There are other ways we can reinforce how necessary she is, or give her pleasure without her worry of pregnancy."
James laughed a little as he picked up a quill and scroll. "Wow, seriously?" He dipped the quill into a bottle of ink and wrote out "condoms" before underlining it, then "other positions." He turned to Loki, who was watching him in amusement. "I think it should be more than sex, though. And not hunting drug dealers in Harlem, even though I did that with her a few times before she died. Too much like work."
"But she enjoys it," Loki pointed out. "Simply playing music she enjoys or cooking her a meal won't be enough to show appreciation for her. It's her mind and soul we must worship as well as her body. To show that we won't play Hel's games or treat her any differently from who she always has been to us."
James suddenly smiled slowly and put down the quill. "Oh. I have an idea. If you don't mind going along with it. Something she said once, a long time ago."
Loki frowned at him. "What?"
"We never had time, you understand. It was rushed and intense and we had to hide our feelings for each other. She's always wanted time to just be, to relax and just be a couple, do all the stupid things that ordinary people took for granted."
Fascinated, Loki stared at him. "But she isn't ordinary."
"For a day, she could be." James grinned at Loki's confusion. "No bullies to take down. No schedule to keep. No training to do. No ordering us around. None of us ordering her around. Just the three of us, giving her a day where she doesn't have to do anything. She could just be, no pressure."
When put that way, Loki could understand the appeal. He nodded and thought for a moment. "Not here or at the apartment in Astoria. It would have to be a completely separate place, so there are no expectations any of us have."
"Brooklyn," James requested immediately. "I grew up there somewhere, when I was the original Bucky Barnes. That should be a homey kinda place, right?"
Loki curled his lips in irritation. "I know little of that place. I didn't know anything of Astoria, either, just its proximity to Manhattan."
"We'll ask Clint or Steve."
"I understand Steve's connection. But Clint?" Loki asked.
"He lived there a while, I think. One of the brownstones in Bed-Stuy."
Though Loki was reluctant to ask Clint for any kind of help, James didn't have that difficulty at all. Clint wasn't terribly surprised by James wanting a separate place for Natasha to spend time in, away from the pressures she felt in the Tower. Thinking about it for a moment, Clint led the two of them to his suite and dug around in a drawer for a key ring. He tossed it at James, who caught it easily. "I actually own a building. Kinda was an accident, buying it, but the landlord was a douche that was strongarming the residents. It's 350 Quincy Street, apartment H. It's between Tompkins Avenue and Marcy Avenue, the 300-400 block. Careful, it's a one-way street and parking's tight if you're driving."
"We're not going to bust up the place, if you were worried about it," James assured him, pocketing the keys.
"I haven't been there in years, not since moving here. So it's probably dusty as hell," Clint said with a shrug. "Wanna feel normal? Clean it out. That's something an ordinary schmuck would do on a weekend off of work."
James grinned, even though Loki hardly thought that sounded like fun. "Perfect."
***
Natasha had been irritated by the utter secrecy with which James and Loki had her cancel plans to meet with Melinda, Jemma and Skye. Not that she didn't trust Dr. Calderon, because she absolutely did, but because they had access to SHIELD research that might not have been on the mainframes that Tony had hacked. They readily agreed to meet with her the next day. "Believe me, I understand you're going through a lot. Coming back from the dead is a tricky business," Melinda had deadpanned. At the same time, she had been utterly serious, having gone through it with Phil Coulson. "I'd say take your time, but sometimes time is of the essence to figure out what exactly happened."
"The Queen of the dead decided to give me the gift of life," Natasha had replied. "I don't think it's too hard to figure out what happened. My biomarkers match SHIELD specs, my imaging scans match exactly. Well, other than one detail, but she did that on purpose."
"There's a story there," Melinda had said in neutral tones.
"When isn't there?" Natasha had sighed.
"Should I bring vodka or ice cream?"
"Bring both," Natasha decided after a moment.
"In that case, I'll bring kahlua and make mudslides," she replied, a warm and sympathetic note to her voice. "You're among friends. Tell us what you can."
The words had almost been enough to bring tears to Natasha's eyes. "I will, I promise."
Loki created a portal from her suite at Avengers Tower to their final location, though she was blindfolded and had to hold James' hand. There was a thread of unease at not knowing where she was, but she knew neither man would harm her or allow her to come to harm. She could feel the difference in the flooring as she passed through the portal, and taking a deep breath made her sneeze on the dusty air.
James removed the blindfold, and Natasha immediately recognized her surroundings. "This is Clint's old place."
"Today, you are an ordinary woman in a regular apartment," Loki declared. He motioned with his hands, and two boxes of cleaning supplies appeared in the apartment, as well as a cardboard box with six longnecks and a pizza carton. "This is traditional, from what I understand."
Natasha covered her face with her hands for a moment as she tried to contain her incredulous laughter, but it came through anyway. "You two are utter idiots."
"From you, that's a term of affection," James pointed out.
"I do not feel like cleaning out this pigsty of an apartment."
"Thank the Tree," Loki breathed. He started chanting a complicated sounding spell, and then the cleaning supplies began to move on their own. "There. You can enjoy the fruits of their labors, at least," he offered.
She lifted the lid of the pizza box and took in the sausage and pepperoni pizza. "There's a park two blocks from here. Let the spell do its job, and we'll have pizza in the park. Open containers of alcohol are illegal, but I'm sure you can make that look like a six pack of Coke."
Loki grinned at her suggestion. "Breaking the law? When you uphold it so regularly?"
"Eh, it's a minor one," she shrugged, though she answered his grin. "That won't hurt anybody."
"It's not like the beer is going to make any of us drunk," James said, sliding an arm around Natasha's waist as he moved out of the way of the animated Swiffer.
"Time to move, before the stuff wants to clean up the rest of us, too."
Herbert Von King Park had an amphitheater, auditorium and dance studio as part of the rec center, as well as the standard facilities for a large New York City park. There were usually activities and events hosted in the area, especially in summer, but it was a quiet weekday in the fall. Kids were back in school, so the majority of the people in the park enjoying the weather were the elderly and stay at home moms with their charges.
Bypassing the chess tables, Natasha decided she wanted to sit in the middle of one of the children's jungle gyms. The pizza box was positioned between the three of them, and she snagged the first slice and first bottle of beer. For a while, they all ate in silence. It took a while, and she realized that Loki wasn't even using any glamour. "Deciding to be yourself today?" she asked, curious. He had left his hair long and loose, falling around his face and neck in soft waves. He wore jeans and a plain green T shirt, dressing casually the way James and Natasha did, and didn't even seem uncomfortable by that.
"There are worse things to be," he said with a shrug, drinking his own beer.
"Weather's good," James said, sounding almost awkward.
"You did not have me cancel a day with Melinda to comment about the weather," Natasha said, an accusing note in her voice.
"No pressure on you," James replied, reaching out with his left hand. He was wearing the skin colored fabric covering that Tony had designed, allowing it to appear like an ordinary arm at a distance. "Just... Being. Relaxing. Not thinking. Not having to fit any role someone wants for you. Unless you want it."
Her expression softened, and she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "You're such a sap," she said with a smile.
"Yeah, well, Loki helped," James pointed out. "So he's a sap, too."
Loki's lips quirked at her startled expression. "I believe I once called it base sentimentality."
"Yes, you did."
"Which it is. But that doesn't make it any less longed for, does it?"
Natasha rolled her eyes at him, and wasn't surprised to see the slight curve of his lips turn into a full smile. "I suppose not."
"So today is to do with as you will. To be everything or nothing, as your whim decides."
"Why Clint's apartment?" she asked, though she could guess their intent.
"It has nothing to do with our deal," Loki said quietly. "Or any role you would assume for James while there. But we also needed a location where you would feel safe and protected enough to not have need of masks or vigilance."
Nodding, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "So how long will your spell play Sorcerer's Apprentice in there?"
"Possibly not too much longer," Loki said with a shrug. He made the nearly empty pizza box disappear into a trash bin as soon as James took the last slice. "What's your pleasure, Natasha?"
She smiled sensuously. "Exactly that, if you can manage it."
Of course they could.
The walk back was faster than the ambling pace they had taken to the park, and Natasha was quietly amused at the way James impatiently fumbled the keys into the lock at the front door of the brownstone, then at apartment H. Loki was correct, the apartment was clean and the animated cleaning products were nowhere to be seen. It was the three of them in the apartment, cleaned out and empty, air no longer stale. A light shimmer seemed to be overlaid on the walls, and her arch look at Loki made him grin. "Silencing spells, of course."
Natasha snorted and grabbed the remote from the coffee before plopping down heavily on the couch. "Getting ahead of yourself there, aren't you?"
"You prefer if we're prepared, of course," James said, coming to sit beside her. He pulled off the fabric sleeve from his arm and slung it around her shoulders.
"After a breakfast of pizza and beer, I have zero plans for today," she commented, hitting the button to turn on the TV. However, there was no cable input, and she snorted. "So much for seeing what idiocy is on daytime TV. I suppose I should be glad the electricity's even on," she added, turning it off. Leaning into James' embrace, she turned to look at Loki, who was standing near the couch, looking uncertain. "So what were your plans?"
"Whatever you wanted to do. No pressure."
"Really?" she asked, clearly still not believing him.
"Really. You are not a domme today, not subservient. You are not anything you don't wish to be," Loki said, finally sitting beside her on the couch. "If you wish to do nothing more than take a nap, we'll still be here."
Thinking about it for a moment, Natasha contemplated the options. Clint hadn't really been in the apartment in years, so there were really no options for food or entertainment, unless she wanted to dig out his hidden weapons and toss them around. But she could do that anytime at the Tower, which would have been better with the range. Walks in the park again or trying to go to one of the local theaters to see a movie would work, too, or spending time on Atlantic Avenue going shopping in the bigger stores.
That seemed like far too much effort, even if she was left feeling restless. She had lots of time, plenty of things she could do, but nothing she had to do. In the Tower, she would putter about online, reading, working out or practicing skills on the range. If today was meant to be a lazy day, none of those activities would qualify.
"I suppose you'll have to entertain me somehow," she said, adding a sultry smile and purr to her voice. "That is why we walked back here, right?" James subtly shifted to full attention at her side, and Loki's expression brightened fractionally. They were both so painfully transparent, and it was endearing how much they cared for her and her state of mind.
Loki's hands immediately went to the waistband of her jeans. When she lofted an eyebrow as unspoken command to continue, he did so, dragging them and her panties down to her ankles, not even bothering to take off her shoes or socks. Natasha laughed at his rapt expression, but that changed to a gasp as James started to nuzzle her neck and cupped her breasts over her T shirt and bra. Loki frogged her knees out and ducked between them, then leaned down to fasten his mouth over the juncture of her thighs.
He was good at licking into her, nuzzling her clit and sucking gently on it until her body tightened with need. She grasped his head with one hand, keeping him in place, murmuring just how good his tongue on her felt. At the same time, she reached back with her other to grasp James' shoulder, leaning her head back against his chest as he kneaded her breasts and abraded the nipples through fabric. He murmured how beautiful she was, how wonderful she was, how much he loved her, how much she deserved to be happy-
The first orgasm, when it finally hit, was a flood of warmth through her limbs. James kept up his steady movement, flicking his tongue against her ear. Loki made no indication of stopping, as if he had cast a spell to keep his jaw and tongue from getting tired. Smart man. In fact, he kept his tongue right on her clit, barely dipping down to her slit, but curling it inside her whenever he did, as far as he could reach. Loki's hands kept her hips steady and not rolling too much, and he didn't do more than grunt when her booted feet slid down his back.
When she was coming down from her second orgasm, Loki sat back a little. He couldn't go too far, caught by the jeans he hadn't bothered to get rid of, and stared at her intently. "I ache for you, Natasha. But-"
"I thought ahead. Just in case," James announced, nodding toward a plastic bag in the corner Natasha hadn't noticed. He let his flesh and blood hand trail down from her breast to the juncture of her thighs, and ran his fingers along her folds until he found her clit. "You first," he said, and made a triumphant noise when Natasha moaned and arched her back. "I can wait."
Loki had to lift her legs and duck under them to get to the bag James had tossed aside earlier. Two boxes of condoms and a wide tube of generic lube were inside. James laughed at his expression, and nipped Natasha's ear. "What? Natasha likes sex. I figured we should be prepared for whatever kind she wanted."
"And right now, I really want one of you to fuck me. Or both," Natasha moaned, twisting beneath James' hands. "Not picky."
"Both is good," James purred. "At once, or just one at a time?"
"Don't care, just wanna come right now," she whined. It was a tone that would have sent her cringing even months ago, but there was no point to that now. Neither man would think less of her in this situation. No one was going to think her weak. No one would punish her for even the appearance of weakness.
And dammit, she had died to save everyone. She could have something nice for a change.
Natasha laughed as Loki hurriedly undressed, then awkwardly pulled out a foil package. The expression on his face was comical as he tried to figure out how condoms worked. "I know, I know, I shouldn't laugh, they don't have those in Asgard. C'mere," she said, arching against James' hands as her breath caught. "Let me."
He gave her the packet and stepped between her spread legs. James didn't stop moving his fingers or licking her earlobe, making Natasha nearly rip through the condom during a shiver of pleasure. "Not helping," she gasped, unable to make it sound very stern.
James laughed, proving he wasn't concerned at all. "Oh, I can feel how tense you're getting. This is definitely helping."
Loki glared at him. "This isn't helping me."
"She didn't specify," James replied airily, laughing at his disgruntled expression.
Loki's retort went unsaid when Natasha rolled the condom onto him and tugged at his hip. He let her guide his sheathed cock to her entrance, bracing himself by grasping the back of the couch on either side of James and Natasha. She grinned up at him, rewarding him for this, even if this wasn't necessarily about rewards. It was almost ingrained in her reactions to him by now. His rapt expression didn't change, and he looked a little startled at the change in sensation as he slid deeply inside of her. She kept the grin on her face even as James' clever fingers sped up, just as she liked it, and she bucked a little as she approached another orgasm. "That feels good," she moaned, arching her back. James pinched her nipple, making her squeak in pleasure. Loki hissed when she tightened her entire body, then slammed hard into her. Natasha groaned, enjoying the feel of that, and licked her lips as she gazed up at him. "Do it like that."
Only too ready to comply, Loki did just that. His eyes never strayed from hers, and he moved at that same rapid pace. Likely magic, if Natasha had to guess, but she didn't care at the moment. He was thick and full inside her, James' fingers kept up the perfect rhythm against her clit and nipple. She groaned and came again, clenching down even tighter around Loki's cock. He obviously felt it, based on the stutter in his rhythm, but it didn't seem enough to make him come. He kept going, biting his lip to keep from crying out. Suddenly wanting to hear him, Natasha reached up from his hips and scratched at his chest. "C'mon, I like hearing you, too."
The admission startled Loki, and he let out a yelp as she scratched at a flat nipple. "If I... I have to hold on," he gasped.
"No, you don't," Natasha told him, squeezing tighter. Huh. He must not have used magic to stay erect after all. She had three orgasms already, she could afford to be generous. Especially since James hadn't gotten any play yet at all. "We have all day, right?"
Loki made a strangled noise as he nodded, and his hips jerked again. He threw his head back, and she could tell he was coming this time. Moving James hand away from her clit, she pulled in Loki for a kiss. "Hey," she murmured, taking in his glazed eyes and slackening limbs. "You'll need to clean up."
He groaned. "I don't want to move."
"At least you can cheat and use magic. I wouldn't be able to," James pointed out. He shifted his hands to pull up her T shirt so he could skim his fingertips across her skin. "We've always had to rush. It's been intense." He nipped at her earlobe. "But I want to take my time today. Because we can. Because there's nowhere else to be."
"I like the sound of that," Natasha murmured, breath hitching as James brought his fingers to touch the edge of her bra. "Is that all you're gonna do? Just tease me?"
"Long past time to start doin' that, isn't it?" he asked, amused.
"I would've thought you'd want to get inside me," she moaned, pushing at his hands. She couldn't see his expression, but Loki looked very amused by that.
"Oh, maybe later," James murmured, a smile in his voice.
James did nothing more than stroke her skin gently, random patterns made up of Roman and Cyrillic letters or shapes, nothing that actually spelled out words. It was for the sensory input, whorls and lines to sink Natasha inside her skin, keep her guessing where on her body James would touch next. Even when Loki finally took off her boots, socks and jeans as James stroked her stomach and thighs, he didn't pick the same place twice to use a pattern. He eventually shifted her onto her stomach on the couch, then trailed his fingers along her back and buttocks, then the backs of her thighs in the same manner.
Natasha hummed happily, shifting her arms under her head and letting herself drift as James stroked her skin, then leaned down and brushed his lips or tongue at random intervals. The high she had been driven toward before had fallen, and this was more of a slow, background burn. This was pleasant, building up bit by bit, the anticipation making her draw in deep breaths more than a spike of heat low in her belly.
He pushed her shirt up over her back and unhooked her bra deftly. Loki perched on the edge of the couch, still naked, and helped drag her shirt up to her shoulders. His own fingers combed through the loose waves of her hair, brushing against her scalp. "You, too?" she murmured, not bothering to open her eyes.
"His turn to play," Loki murmured. "If this makes him happy..."
She could feel his shrug in the way the pressure from his fingers shifted. He stroked her head, neck and earlobes as James ran his lower lip along the line of her spine. It felt almost like sigils, runes to etch into her body, protection and wards and promises he would try to keep with the last of his breath. Though James held no magic, there was his breath and skin and metal arm making promises just as sincere.
This wasn't the sharp edge of desire that had always characterized how she had coupled with James. Even their lovemaking had the frenzied edge to it, as if they had to make every last moment count, as if it could be their last. This time, he moved as if he had an eternity or two to cherish her, as if time held no meaning, as if Loki had cast his spells to stop time for all of New York to allow them a measure of peace.
When James finally moved his lips down toward the curve of her ass, his hands at her hips to tilt them up high enough she could get her knees beneath her, Natasha wanted to say Finally! But at the same time, the warm hum inside her body felt as though she had swallowed the sun, a languorous heat that was as magnificent as it was unfamiliar. His tongue traveled along the curve of skin, savoring her flesh, fingers ghosting over her rear entrance before dipping inside her wet slit. She wasn't sopping wet, but her body eagerly accepted his fingers scissoring inside, a throaty moan escaping her.
The sound of the foil packet ripping open was a welcome one, and she didn't even sigh in disappointment when James withdrew his fingers. He pushed his cock inside her, a slight drag indicating the condom was in place.
But instead of the frenzied pace she was expecting, he went slow and steady, hands roaming from her hips to her back to her thighs. He made a low humming sound, then began to murmur in Russian how his dreams used to be of her when he was on ice. I wanted to touch you, make you burn. Not the fire we had to steal, not like that. Slow burn, a fire on a winter's night, the kind to take away the chill. The warmth of mulled wine. I wanted to spill it over your body, lick up the rivers it made, make you sway as we danced, he said, phrases punctuated by the slide of his cock inside her, his fingers making sweeping strokes along her back.
Natasha turned her head, smile lazy and adoring at once. "Let's do that," she replied in English. "Let's make a wonderful mess of things."
"Anything you want," James promised. He grinned at her, eyes crinkling with his obvious joy, keeping at his sedate pace for a bit longer. Though it wasn't the hard and hurried rhythm she associated with James, the heat inside her spread to her fingers and toes, making her arch and press into Loki's hands, making her hum as James had.
"Ah, my love, I want this. Like this."
"Slow?" he teased, adding a few extra thrusts just to throw her off.
She actually giggled and moved an arm to swat at him. "No. I mean... no rush unless we want to, not because we have to. I guess we didn't think about it."
"Nothing wrong with fast," James murmured, still smiling down at her. He sped up to prove the point, making her gasp in pleasure. "It's got its uses."
"I happen to like fast," Loki commented, pushing her hair away from her temples when she turned to look at him. "I like when you lose control," he admitted. "You don't do it often enough, and I think you need to."
She didn't disagree with him, not when she had been too tightly wound before and after her death, too busy weighing consequences of events, planning moves a dozen steps ahead. It had helped her live, right up until the point it hadn't anymore.
Natasha let her hand slide between her legs to stroke her clit. James only laughed at her, calling her impatient, and picked up his pace until she groaned and said "Like this." He obliged, and his laughter turned into choked moans and grunts when she rubbed her clit faster and faster, chasing her pleasure, tightening. Not thinking of anything but how it all felt, she tumbled down into it, the release making her sag further into the couch. James stopped holding back, and then his hips snapped forward, rapid and almost skating along the edge of painful where his hipbones hit her ass. She clenched down tight around his cock, hoping he could feel it through the latex. He must have, because it didn't take him long to finish with a grunt.
It was a surprise to see that it was lunchtime at that point. "I'm hungry," she purred, stretching and tossing her T shirt and bra aside as she sat up. "But not for food."
Twin wolfish grins greeted that statement. Oh, yes, there was something to this idea of theirs, and there was the entire rest of the day to explore it.
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