crossover from hell...
I'm still shaken, even though it's four hours later and I KNOW it wasn't true and it was just a dream. But I can't shake the quiet horror that woke me up.
It started with what I thought was going to be some kind of funny mashup. I mean, there was Captain Jack Harkness and Jayne conferring over a job and I was there as part of the dream, too. I think I was Gwen, though I was dressed in the outfit I had to buy for my Ohio interview when Delta lost my luggage. Minus the bra for some reason, because I was holding it and needed to put it on but I refused to do it in front of the boys. (Brain, seriously, we need to talk. Gwen? Hopefully it was S2 or COE Gwen, because S1 Torchwood was the Gwen Show and I hated her then...) Jayne was acting like he had a secret he didn't want to discuss, and stalked off somewhere.
And then I was me, and Jay was there, too. We were on a station that had its own internal sea with a beach and tides, and the entire Firefly cast was there for the job. No more Jack, tho. Or if he was, I had no idea where he was. We were looking for Kaylee, who was missing, and Maddy. Kaylee had been babysitting Maddy during the job we all did, and they were both missing. And then I saw Jayne, still looking almost guilty, and the dream flashed to what happened the night before. A very drunk Jayne had sex with Kaylee (Again, brain, WTF? I'm not down with that ship at all!) and left her tangled up in some setting even though she was screaming at him that she was stuck and couldn't get out of it and the tide was coming in. And she had been babysitting Maddy, so she was somewhere around there. The dream flashed to the present, where the crew was fishing Kaylee out of the sea, still tangled in the netting, and they supposed she had stumbled into the netting, fell over the dock and drowned. But where was Maddy?? Jay and I were looking down at her crib, which was more like the hotel crib she had been sleeping in at the hotel in Wisconsin (Iowa used a pack and play) and not hers at home. But she was blue and still, wet hair all tangled. Jay was telling me this must be how our friends (IRL) must have felt when they miscarried, and I just looked at him numbly, crying. I knew she was sick, but it was just an ear infection, nothing serious since she has Augmentin now. And then I picked her up, and she was wet and cold and stiff, and it was so obvious that she had drowned and was dead, too.
My eyes snapped open then. No screaming, no thrashing, just awake. Jay was sleeping, snoring away, and our monitor is turned up high enough I can hear the radiator tick on in Maddy's room. I reach over him to hit the button for the video, but she's so swathed in blankets it was hard to see. Just as I push my blankets back and maneuver around Indy, Maddy made a noise as she stirred in her sleep.
Didn't matter. Ten minutes later, still wide awake and mentally shaking, I get up and check on her anyway. She is fine, of course, and I woke Jay when I crawled back into bed. I only told him the last part, the horrible part, and he just mumbled it was a dream and she's fine.
WTF, brain. Why would you do this to me? I'm still all shaky inside, even though I've had a lot of cuddles and she's fine and she's banging away on her toys as I type this.
Brain, you are FIRED. Stop with the freaky ass dreams already!
It started with what I thought was going to be some kind of funny mashup. I mean, there was Captain Jack Harkness and Jayne conferring over a job and I was there as part of the dream, too. I think I was Gwen, though I was dressed in the outfit I had to buy for my Ohio interview when Delta lost my luggage. Minus the bra for some reason, because I was holding it and needed to put it on but I refused to do it in front of the boys. (Brain, seriously, we need to talk. Gwen? Hopefully it was S2 or COE Gwen, because S1 Torchwood was the Gwen Show and I hated her then...) Jayne was acting like he had a secret he didn't want to discuss, and stalked off somewhere.
And then I was me, and Jay was there, too. We were on a station that had its own internal sea with a beach and tides, and the entire Firefly cast was there for the job. No more Jack, tho. Or if he was, I had no idea where he was. We were looking for Kaylee, who was missing, and Maddy. Kaylee had been babysitting Maddy during the job we all did, and they were both missing. And then I saw Jayne, still looking almost guilty, and the dream flashed to what happened the night before. A very drunk Jayne had sex with Kaylee (Again, brain, WTF? I'm not down with that ship at all!) and left her tangled up in some setting even though she was screaming at him that she was stuck and couldn't get out of it and the tide was coming in. And she had been babysitting Maddy, so she was somewhere around there. The dream flashed to the present, where the crew was fishing Kaylee out of the sea, still tangled in the netting, and they supposed she had stumbled into the netting, fell over the dock and drowned. But where was Maddy?? Jay and I were looking down at her crib, which was more like the hotel crib she had been sleeping in at the hotel in Wisconsin (Iowa used a pack and play) and not hers at home. But she was blue and still, wet hair all tangled. Jay was telling me this must be how our friends (IRL) must have felt when they miscarried, and I just looked at him numbly, crying. I knew she was sick, but it was just an ear infection, nothing serious since she has Augmentin now. And then I picked her up, and she was wet and cold and stiff, and it was so obvious that she had drowned and was dead, too.
My eyes snapped open then. No screaming, no thrashing, just awake. Jay was sleeping, snoring away, and our monitor is turned up high enough I can hear the radiator tick on in Maddy's room. I reach over him to hit the button for the video, but she's so swathed in blankets it was hard to see. Just as I push my blankets back and maneuver around Indy, Maddy made a noise as she stirred in her sleep.
Didn't matter. Ten minutes later, still wide awake and mentally shaking, I get up and check on her anyway. She is fine, of course, and I woke Jay when I crawled back into bed. I only told him the last part, the horrible part, and he just mumbled it was a dream and she's fine.
WTF, brain. Why would you do this to me? I'm still all shaky inside, even though I've had a lot of cuddles and she's fine and she's banging away on her toys as I type this.
Brain, you are FIRED. Stop with the freaky ass dreams already!