Getting to know family
Last Saturday, I got a surprise friend request on Facebook from a half-sister, the daughter from the second family my father had after he pretty much abandoned us. To say I had mixed feelings is an understatement. I talked to a lot of people, including ultimately both of my sisters who had also received a request. We agreed that what she did was incredibly brave (a conclusion Craig led me to when I talked to him) and it was okay for each of us to react individually. In the end, we all accepted the request.
I was the one T messaged first. I've spent the last few nights chatting with her on Facebook, getting to know her a little bit at a time. She'll be 24 in December, so very young compared to us, and incredibly sweet. I also think she's really lonely for family. Apparently, her full-brother had a falling out with the family a year ago and hasn't talked to her since. I think she's really missing that kind of bond, and surprisingly, I find myself okay with being there for her. She is getting married in October, so this is a time about family for her. It sucks feeling alone in that regard, so if I'm helping in some way, I like that.
The topic of our father came up in the first conversation, and I was blunt with her (as gently as possible) and said I'd already tried to have a relationship with him as an adult and I just couldn't try again. She agreed to respect that this wasn't about him but us, and all seems well with that so far. She did ask the second time what happened that kept us all apart, but I refuse to go into specifics for her. None of it will paint him in a good light and while she says she knows he was different when he was younger, I refuse to taint what is obviously a strong and loving relationship between them. That would be *so* wrong of me. There have been a few little side comments about how glad her parents are we're talking, and apparently she told Dad some joke I made that he thought was hilarious, but when that subject comes up, I find a way to switch it or make a joke and move onto something else.
Since our first chat, she's messaged my other sisters, probably emboldened by how well it went with me. They haven't messaged back which doesn't surprise me. My youngest sister who is most open to it just had a baby a month ago and that's taking all her energy. The middle sister isn't likely to do it any time soon at all, because it was difficult enough for her to accept the friend request. Of the three of us, she harbors the most anger toward my father, so it won't be easy at all. I'm actually really proud of her for making the step with T that she did.
But...so far so good. We actually have quite a bit in common, which helps. I'm glad I took the chance.
I was the one T messaged first. I've spent the last few nights chatting with her on Facebook, getting to know her a little bit at a time. She'll be 24 in December, so very young compared to us, and incredibly sweet. I also think she's really lonely for family. Apparently, her full-brother had a falling out with the family a year ago and hasn't talked to her since. I think she's really missing that kind of bond, and surprisingly, I find myself okay with being there for her. She is getting married in October, so this is a time about family for her. It sucks feeling alone in that regard, so if I'm helping in some way, I like that.
The topic of our father came up in the first conversation, and I was blunt with her (as gently as possible) and said I'd already tried to have a relationship with him as an adult and I just couldn't try again. She agreed to respect that this wasn't about him but us, and all seems well with that so far. She did ask the second time what happened that kept us all apart, but I refuse to go into specifics for her. None of it will paint him in a good light and while she says she knows he was different when he was younger, I refuse to taint what is obviously a strong and loving relationship between them. That would be *so* wrong of me. There have been a few little side comments about how glad her parents are we're talking, and apparently she told Dad some joke I made that he thought was hilarious, but when that subject comes up, I find a way to switch it or make a joke and move onto something else.
Since our first chat, she's messaged my other sisters, probably emboldened by how well it went with me. They haven't messaged back which doesn't surprise me. My youngest sister who is most open to it just had a baby a month ago and that's taking all her energy. The middle sister isn't likely to do it any time soon at all, because it was difficult enough for her to accept the friend request. Of the three of us, she harbors the most anger toward my father, so it won't be easy at all. I'm actually really proud of her for making the step with T that she did.
But...so far so good. We actually have quite a bit in common, which helps. I'm glad I took the chance.