Musings on "Mainstream Culture" and other stupid shit.
I was over at imagines journal this evening catching up, and her latest post intrigued me and got me thinking. So instead of responding on her page, I decided to share my thoughts here.
Not being a small woman I've often felt as though I have to do a lot of extra things to making me look/feel better about myself and my appearance; make-up, nice clothing or the"right" clothes. I mean, I didn't necessarily feel pushed into or culturally obligated to do so, but I felt I needed to do these things just to sort of come up even with the smaller or "prettier" girls. I've never apologized about my height though. I came into choir freshman year, and Mr. Peters said, in front of the class after our solo finals that he was proud of me, impressed and glad to see that I didn't slouch or stoop, even though I was easily the tallest girl in class. I won't lie, I occasionally bitch about how tall I am, how I seemed doomed to never find someone, blah, blah, blah - but I don't go around with a bent head and curved back just to make me what, an inch or two shorter and in the meantime give me all kinds of back/neck problems? I don't think so! Whoever I end up with will be perfectly fine with my hight, and I'll wear heels around them. :P
As for make-up, sometimes I wear it, most of the time I don't. when I do, it's not a ton of bright colors and pop, but shading, definitions and sparkles. I don't do liquid foundation. Eww... "gluey-flesh colored liquid...[that] looks like someone melted skin down into a bottle." that it is. Can't stand the stuff. I do however on occasion use powder. And eyeliner, and mascara, and when I want to channel Abby, I'll wear some deep redish-purple lipstick, but that's like, hardly ever. I wear make-up when and where I want to, not because I "feel naked" without it. So what if I like to dress up, wear make-up and look nice on important dates?
Most of the time I wear pretty casual clothes, jeans and t-shirts or long sleeve shirts and hoodies, cause it's not summer yet. I have however, always been fond of playing dress-up. Wich you know, morphed into costuming when I was old enough to sew my own stuff. :D I love fancy things, but not on a daily biases. Corset are awesome, and I really need to get the boning and busk for my Victorian overbust, and you know, draft the pattern for that and actually make it so I can get working on my Steampunk ensemble. Point is, historical clothing is fun, costumes are fun, regular clothes are comfortable, being nerdy is lots of fun, and mixing all of the above is supper fun and awesome.
I think I would be more inclined to dress all funky and half in costume kind of stuff if I could find fun tights that actually fit right. Sure, they say they'll fit, but they either don't stretch enough to fit around my legs, or they seem to be made for someone who is, at tallest, 5'2".
I appreciate beauty in many forms. In the right frame of mind I see clouds that promise wind and rain and not be bummed or upset about the weather, but see the subtle changes of colors, shades and tones and smile. In the same way I see different people, all with their own body types, their own aesthetics and way of dressing and carrying themselves, and I find the beauty in that, even if I couldn't pull it off or wear it myself. Some of the most awesome people I know are the individuals who realize and act on their own sense of self and show that in their appearance. They honestly don't care what other people think about it, not because they are "insensitive" but because how they look is their own issue, not someone else's. They know who they are, and they won't change that just because it makes some stranger uncomfortable. Me, I've always been attuned to the wishes and needs of others, I've always been self-conscious. forever seeking approval. Probably has something to do with growing up homeschooled, where my only friends were maybe one or two kids in the neighborhood, and a some girls at church. I've always felt at least slightly out of the loop, like I missed something, and I'm not quite "in" on things. I don't know. Ideas -seeds of doubt, irrational fears- get stuck in my head, and sometimes I wonder if I'm being slightly delusional or something. Maybe I just think too hard on the wrong things. But it's like 1:45am, and it's been a bit of a strange day so I'll leave this rambling for now.
Not being a small woman I've often felt as though I have to do a lot of extra things to making me look/feel better about myself and my appearance; make-up, nice clothing or the"right" clothes. I mean, I didn't necessarily feel pushed into or culturally obligated to do so, but I felt I needed to do these things just to sort of come up even with the smaller or "prettier" girls. I've never apologized about my height though. I came into choir freshman year, and Mr. Peters said, in front of the class after our solo finals that he was proud of me, impressed and glad to see that I didn't slouch or stoop, even though I was easily the tallest girl in class. I won't lie, I occasionally bitch about how tall I am, how I seemed doomed to never find someone, blah, blah, blah - but I don't go around with a bent head and curved back just to make me what, an inch or two shorter and in the meantime give me all kinds of back/neck problems? I don't think so! Whoever I end up with will be perfectly fine with my hight, and I'll wear heels around them. :P
As for make-up, sometimes I wear it, most of the time I don't. when I do, it's not a ton of bright colors and pop, but shading, definitions and sparkles. I don't do liquid foundation. Eww... "gluey-flesh colored liquid...[that] looks like someone melted skin down into a bottle." that it is. Can't stand the stuff. I do however on occasion use powder. And eyeliner, and mascara, and when I want to channel Abby, I'll wear some deep redish-purple lipstick, but that's like, hardly ever. I wear make-up when and where I want to, not because I "feel naked" without it. So what if I like to dress up, wear make-up and look nice on important dates?
Most of the time I wear pretty casual clothes, jeans and t-shirts or long sleeve shirts and hoodies, cause it's not summer yet. I have however, always been fond of playing dress-up. Wich you know, morphed into costuming when I was old enough to sew my own stuff. :D I love fancy things, but not on a daily biases. Corset are awesome, and I really need to get the boning and busk for my Victorian overbust, and you know, draft the pattern for that and actually make it so I can get working on my Steampunk ensemble. Point is, historical clothing is fun, costumes are fun, regular clothes are comfortable, being nerdy is lots of fun, and mixing all of the above is supper fun and awesome.
I think I would be more inclined to dress all funky and half in costume kind of stuff if I could find fun tights that actually fit right. Sure, they say they'll fit, but they either don't stretch enough to fit around my legs, or they seem to be made for someone who is, at tallest, 5'2".
I appreciate beauty in many forms. In the right frame of mind I see clouds that promise wind and rain and not be bummed or upset about the weather, but see the subtle changes of colors, shades and tones and smile. In the same way I see different people, all with their own body types, their own aesthetics and way of dressing and carrying themselves, and I find the beauty in that, even if I couldn't pull it off or wear it myself. Some of the most awesome people I know are the individuals who realize and act on their own sense of self and show that in their appearance. They honestly don't care what other people think about it, not because they are "insensitive" but because how they look is their own issue, not someone else's. They know who they are, and they won't change that just because it makes some stranger uncomfortable. Me, I've always been attuned to the wishes and needs of others, I've always been self-conscious. forever seeking approval. Probably has something to do with growing up homeschooled, where my only friends were maybe one or two kids in the neighborhood, and a some girls at church. I've always felt at least slightly out of the loop, like I missed something, and I'm not quite "in" on things. I don't know. Ideas -seeds of doubt, irrational fears- get stuck in my head, and sometimes I wonder if I'm being slightly delusional or something. Maybe I just think too hard on the wrong things. But it's like 1:45am, and it's been a bit of a strange day so I'll leave this rambling for now.