Smart Car Rules
My Smart Car arrives December 30. It has been a very long time coming (I'm thinking about a year and a half since I put down my deposit).
The main reason I am getting Smart Car is so that I can hang my Romanian license plate on something other than a wall.
If you wish to ride around in Smart Car with me, I will sell nominally-priced tickets for the event starting December 23.
In the event that Smart Car arrives sometime after December 30, your tickets will still be honored at a rescheduled date.
In the event of inclement weather, your tickets will still be honored at a rescheduled date.
Watch this space for notification of such cancellations and reschedulings.
You will not be allowed to resell your tickets. To prevent fraud, I will be taking down your social security number with the purchase of each ticket.
You must be between the ages of 16 and 70 to be eligible to ride in Smart Car.
Women will receive preferential treatment, which may include 1) line cutsies, 2) longer rides in Smart Car, and 3) Parking in Smart Car
People suffering from hypertension or heart conditions will not be eligible to ride in Smart Car.
Smart Car riders who are obviously impaired by drugs, alcohol, or caffeine will not be eligible to ride in Smart Car.
Pets are not allowed in Smart Car.
You will not be allowed to listen to any portable music devices while in Smart Car. You will only be allowed to listen to my Eurodance selections.
You may be asked to speak a foreign language with me while we drive around in Smart Car. Most likely foreign languages will be German or Italian. German should be spoken in a laid-back and friendly tone. Italian should be shouted hysterically for full Smart Car effect. And if you speak Romanian I will either 1) buy you a beer, or 2) buy you a beer and marry you depending on your gender.
Thank you.
And...
Goodbye.