How Upsetting!
Today I was sitting in a bar with deer heads on the wall drinking warm beer, when a scary woman named Helga brutally assaulted me with a strudel. I gave her a taste of my mighty backhand, but then the whole bar erupted into a violent frenzy of stein smashing and chair throwing. Thankfully I managed to use my mad clogdancing skills to trample everyone in the bar and soon we were back to drinking and singing the "eidelweiss" song from the sound of music. Helga and I made up and tomorrow she's taking me to the mountains so I can learn to yodel and milk goats.