the days seem so long yet the months so short
These past two weeks with Michael were amazing. The only way to describe it is: pure poety. The way that we connect cannot be matched by anyone.
I don't know why I feel the need to write in here. I am not going to give a day by day account of what happened while he was here. If you care that much you can call me and ask me. I guess my need comes from a few conversations that occured that are constantly running through my brain.
Everyone asks me how can I deal with the distance? How are you so sure that your relationship will last and that you guys aren't being unrealistic? How are you sure he isn't cheating on you and not tell you? My answer is alway I deal because I have to. I am not sure that our relationship will last, how can anyone be sure? We might be unrealistic thinking that we are as close as we think. In the end we have only spent 9 weeks together. But in those 9 weeks and all the weeks in between with phone calls and emails we connect on not only a physical level but a level so much deeper than that. My answer to the last question is the one that people, especially females, don't believe that I handle. I say that we have an open relationship. We are allowed to have physical relations with other people but nothing emotional. The only spitulation is that we have to tell each other what goes on. Yes I understand that the openness is only on his side because of the way I feel about sex. But I have dealt with that and I no longer care.
Anyone reading this must be wondering why I stated that. It is because we finally closed the relationship. He is offically all mine. Although that scares me more then I thought it would. I still have to be cautious. He is still a hippie in many ways. He still believes in freelove. If he slips up and has sex with someone I have to be prepared to end the relationship. Now things are serious. Maybe more serious then he is willing to admit. I am scared of losing him. I am scared that when I move over there things will be strained between us. I am afraid that he isn't ready for this. I know that he has had a year and 7 (almost 8 months) but he is still growing and learning how to be with me. I love him that much more for putting what he believes about sex on hold to be with me. I have so many fears about this. I just keep repeating in my mind one thing he said: "I will never hurt you". I only hope that is true......
There is an image that Michael and I came up with when it comes to our relationship and emotions. While we are in different countries we tend to "close the door to our emotions". This is all the feeling of love, the images of us being together, the amazing emotion that is felt while we are together. We do this so we don't go crazy. We do this to make the distance not seem that bad. I admit that this is a major problem of ours. We have both made a promise to not close that door anymore. I don't care if I feel like ripping out my eyes because it hurts so much. I will not close that door anymore...
I don't know why I feel the need to write in here. I am not going to give a day by day account of what happened while he was here. If you care that much you can call me and ask me. I guess my need comes from a few conversations that occured that are constantly running through my brain.
Everyone asks me how can I deal with the distance? How are you so sure that your relationship will last and that you guys aren't being unrealistic? How are you sure he isn't cheating on you and not tell you? My answer is alway I deal because I have to. I am not sure that our relationship will last, how can anyone be sure? We might be unrealistic thinking that we are as close as we think. In the end we have only spent 9 weeks together. But in those 9 weeks and all the weeks in between with phone calls and emails we connect on not only a physical level but a level so much deeper than that. My answer to the last question is the one that people, especially females, don't believe that I handle. I say that we have an open relationship. We are allowed to have physical relations with other people but nothing emotional. The only spitulation is that we have to tell each other what goes on. Yes I understand that the openness is only on his side because of the way I feel about sex. But I have dealt with that and I no longer care.
Anyone reading this must be wondering why I stated that. It is because we finally closed the relationship. He is offically all mine. Although that scares me more then I thought it would. I still have to be cautious. He is still a hippie in many ways. He still believes in freelove. If he slips up and has sex with someone I have to be prepared to end the relationship. Now things are serious. Maybe more serious then he is willing to admit. I am scared of losing him. I am scared that when I move over there things will be strained between us. I am afraid that he isn't ready for this. I know that he has had a year and 7 (almost 8 months) but he is still growing and learning how to be with me. I love him that much more for putting what he believes about sex on hold to be with me. I have so many fears about this. I just keep repeating in my mind one thing he said: "I will never hurt you". I only hope that is true......
There is an image that Michael and I came up with when it comes to our relationship and emotions. While we are in different countries we tend to "close the door to our emotions". This is all the feeling of love, the images of us being together, the amazing emotion that is felt while we are together. We do this so we don't go crazy. We do this to make the distance not seem that bad. I admit that this is a major problem of ours. We have both made a promise to not close that door anymore. I don't care if I feel like ripping out my eyes because it hurts so much. I will not close that door anymore...