(no subject)
Ok- Mike and I are finally done. DONE. No more. Would have been 4 years in September, so this is extraordinarily weird for me. I broke up with him a while ago, but we were still cordial. Out of no where he stopped talking to me. Turns out, he started talking to someone else. I was hurt, but started my relationship with TJ.
TJ is wonderful. Really. We have SO much in common and he's one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. I always laugh when I'm with him and he always knows how to make me feel better when I'm down. I know I can trust him with anything and it's nice that I don't have to walk on egg shells with him. I'm openly honest about any men that I talk to, etc. I can't ask for anyone better and I truly am happy with him.
However, I'm starting to have a hard time with the whole Mike thing. I thought I'd be ok letting him go because he ended things terribly. I was sure that I'd be able to say, "fine. I'm glad he's gone. He's been such a terrible person to me lately"...and I was at first. NOW, I'm realizing it's not as easy to let go as I had initially thought. He was my best friend for 3.5 years.. and I loved him with every beat of my heart. Up until the end I really, REALLY thought he would be the man I'd marry. I was happy knowing he'd be the father of my children and to be a team with him in marriage. We were both going to work our great jobs, build a beautiful house, name our kids Jack and Kameran, invest in some properties, and get a big dog to go along with our two yorkies (that will never leave us because I say so). I know things went south, but for the longest time I refused to let go of that mentality. I finally realized I had to let that go...things weren't working out the way I had planned.
I know my life with TJ could be great. I'm just having a hard time with that piece of me I lost when I lost Mike. He was so much a part of who I am as a person. We both have changed a lot over the past 4 years and influenced each others growth. We could do anything in front of each other and go anywhere together. His family felt so right and we shared the same friends. To have all of that spun upside down and ripped away from me is like a chunk of me is missing.
I just want to be happy. When I'm with TJ..I am. When I'm alone, I'm thankful to have him in my life.. but I can't stop thinking about the life I had planned for so long. I miss my best friend and so much more. I know we can't be together, because we're both trying to be happy with other people. I also know we can't be together because things have gone so wrong between us. So what am I to do? Just pray that whatever is meant to be will.. and hope that I can find true happiness in life no matter who or where it is. I need to keep my chin up and stay positive because I know this is a positive change for both of us right now...even if it hurts so deeply.
TJ is wonderful. Really. We have SO much in common and he's one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. I always laugh when I'm with him and he always knows how to make me feel better when I'm down. I know I can trust him with anything and it's nice that I don't have to walk on egg shells with him. I'm openly honest about any men that I talk to, etc. I can't ask for anyone better and I truly am happy with him.
However, I'm starting to have a hard time with the whole Mike thing. I thought I'd be ok letting him go because he ended things terribly. I was sure that I'd be able to say, "fine. I'm glad he's gone. He's been such a terrible person to me lately"...and I was at first. NOW, I'm realizing it's not as easy to let go as I had initially thought. He was my best friend for 3.5 years.. and I loved him with every beat of my heart. Up until the end I really, REALLY thought he would be the man I'd marry. I was happy knowing he'd be the father of my children and to be a team with him in marriage. We were both going to work our great jobs, build a beautiful house, name our kids Jack and Kameran, invest in some properties, and get a big dog to go along with our two yorkies (that will never leave us because I say so). I know things went south, but for the longest time I refused to let go of that mentality. I finally realized I had to let that go...things weren't working out the way I had planned.
I know my life with TJ could be great. I'm just having a hard time with that piece of me I lost when I lost Mike. He was so much a part of who I am as a person. We both have changed a lot over the past 4 years and influenced each others growth. We could do anything in front of each other and go anywhere together. His family felt so right and we shared the same friends. To have all of that spun upside down and ripped away from me is like a chunk of me is missing.
I just want to be happy. When I'm with TJ..I am. When I'm alone, I'm thankful to have him in my life.. but I can't stop thinking about the life I had planned for so long. I miss my best friend and so much more. I know we can't be together, because we're both trying to be happy with other people. I also know we can't be together because things have gone so wrong between us. So what am I to do? Just pray that whatever is meant to be will.. and hope that I can find true happiness in life no matter who or where it is. I need to keep my chin up and stay positive because I know this is a positive change for both of us right now...even if it hurts so deeply.