It knows not how it sounds...
Life is twisting and turning in every direction possible. And it's taking my emotions with it. Right now, i'm on the up-side. Almost an extreme up-side.
1) I'm over Will. I saw him this morning and did not see a boyfriend. or a lover. I saw a guy i know. It was invigorating. It was freedom in it's richest form. And i was happier. Much happier.
2) Someone has a crush on me. I won't act upon it. But it gives me conifdence. It tells me i'm still a cool cat and that i'm still attractive. Yes, i do know how pathetic that sounds.
3) My pants don't fit anymore. The good kind of not fitting. They're falling off of my hips. True, i've only lost 5 or so lbs.. but apparently that's enough to lossen my pants. *thumbs up*
4) I'm gainging confidence. Daily. Be it with the laughter i get with friends, or the smiles from cute guys, it's still confidence. I've never had much confidence. Even with Will. He made me feel special. But never confident. Never a goddess. Never stunning. You know what i mean.
5) I'm enjoying my freedom. I'm enjoying not having to worry about missing someones call, or missing a chance to see "the boy." I hate myself for the things i've done to my friends in the past. Especially Julie. Not hanging out because i was expecting a call (yes, i have no cellphone.) Or leaving a party early because i wanted to see "the boy" for an hour because I hadn't seen him that day yet. But i'm over that now. I can hang out all day. I can do things without worry in the back of my head. I can. and i will.
Just so many things that i never enjoyed before Will, i'm enjoying now. I remember wanting to worry, wanting to have that phone call. I feel like i can truely be myself now. I don't have to listen to someone else choices or opinions. I can do what i want regardless of whether someone else thinks it's a bad idea. Fuck it, if i want to do it.. i'll fuckin' do it.
And i'll leave you on that note. Good day to the few of you that read this. :P
1) I'm over Will. I saw him this morning and did not see a boyfriend. or a lover. I saw a guy i know. It was invigorating. It was freedom in it's richest form. And i was happier. Much happier.
2) Someone has a crush on me. I won't act upon it. But it gives me conifdence. It tells me i'm still a cool cat and that i'm still attractive. Yes, i do know how pathetic that sounds.
3) My pants don't fit anymore. The good kind of not fitting. They're falling off of my hips. True, i've only lost 5 or so lbs.. but apparently that's enough to lossen my pants. *thumbs up*
4) I'm gainging confidence. Daily. Be it with the laughter i get with friends, or the smiles from cute guys, it's still confidence. I've never had much confidence. Even with Will. He made me feel special. But never confident. Never a goddess. Never stunning. You know what i mean.
5) I'm enjoying my freedom. I'm enjoying not having to worry about missing someones call, or missing a chance to see "the boy." I hate myself for the things i've done to my friends in the past. Especially Julie. Not hanging out because i was expecting a call (yes, i have no cellphone.) Or leaving a party early because i wanted to see "the boy" for an hour because I hadn't seen him that day yet. But i'm over that now. I can hang out all day. I can do things without worry in the back of my head. I can. and i will.
Just so many things that i never enjoyed before Will, i'm enjoying now. I remember wanting to worry, wanting to have that phone call. I feel like i can truely be myself now. I don't have to listen to someone else choices or opinions. I can do what i want regardless of whether someone else thinks it's a bad idea. Fuck it, if i want to do it.. i'll fuckin' do it.
And i'll leave you on that note. Good day to the few of you that read this. :P