WARNING!! DON'T READ UNLESS YOU HAVE AN OPEN MIND ABOUT THIS KINDA THING!!
So things are getting weird with me lately. I've been "searching" as those christians call it. (speaking of christians, i saw the crazy ones the other day. They were carrying huge wooden crosses -go figure- around town.. crazy kids are at it again.. they were yelling things but i couldn't hear them over Mirah)
Anyways.. through my own decision, i've been looking for a definite answer to my never-gonna-get-an-answer-to question : Is there a God?
Now, i've told myself for years.. YEARS.. that there is no such thing. It's just a book. it's like my believing that Pete Pan was a real lil' boy who still - TO THIS DAY- lives in NeverNever Land. Or that Lil Bo Peep actually lost those damned sheep of hers. It just didn't seem logical. After many.. and i mean many.. a conversation with Will and his comrades.. i've began to question my theory. I've always questioned it but never with this much gusto.. or or.. drive, shall i say. I've learned that i have nothing to back my theory up.. and i have nothing - to my knowledge- to back any OTHER theory up. So this is the point where i need to find out for myself. And i don't know where to start.
Maybe i could go to church?
No
Tried that. I don't like to sing. And i don't like organized religion. If you beleive in God, then you should not have to worship him only one day of the week. And thats what it seems like 90 percent of them are doing.
Maybe i could read the bible?
No
It takes me forever to read a book. especially one so complicated and long. I know you're not supposed to read that thing from to back and i never intended on it. But it doesn't make sense to me. I don't believe that everything in the bible is LITERAL. I beleive alot of it is - or can be- metaphors. Something so deep can never be so literal. But then again i'm talking about something i've barely touched. So i'm kinda being hypocritical. But then again i am clueless.
Maybe i could get someone to read the bible with me?
Not really
It doesn't seem to work well. Especially when it's my boyfriend. I just wanna lick his face. In a totally non-sexual way. honestly.
So i don't know where to start. I can't even tell Will how i feel for fear that he'll turn uber-converting on me and try EVERYTHING in his power to get me to believe. My goal isn't to beleive. It's to find my own answer. Something i can trust. Something that i Know. And if it's Yes to God, then so be it. If it's No, then thats how it's gonna be. I just want to find that answer. This bugs me till i fall asleep and then it's right there staring me in the face like a hungry dog looming over me in the wee morning hours telling me "Get up, fat-ass! i'm starving!"..
Woah.. that went a lil' too far.
Anyway.. i'm gonna go now. I'm gonna try to figure out a way to tell all this to Will without it seeming like i want to be converted. i just want to know..
Anyways.. through my own decision, i've been looking for a definite answer to my never-gonna-get-an-answer-to question : Is there a God?
Now, i've told myself for years.. YEARS.. that there is no such thing. It's just a book. it's like my believing that Pete Pan was a real lil' boy who still - TO THIS DAY- lives in NeverNever Land. Or that Lil Bo Peep actually lost those damned sheep of hers. It just didn't seem logical. After many.. and i mean many.. a conversation with Will and his comrades.. i've began to question my theory. I've always questioned it but never with this much gusto.. or or.. drive, shall i say. I've learned that i have nothing to back my theory up.. and i have nothing - to my knowledge- to back any OTHER theory up. So this is the point where i need to find out for myself. And i don't know where to start.
Maybe i could go to church?
No
Tried that. I don't like to sing. And i don't like organized religion. If you beleive in God, then you should not have to worship him only one day of the week. And thats what it seems like 90 percent of them are doing.
Maybe i could read the bible?
No
It takes me forever to read a book. especially one so complicated and long. I know you're not supposed to read that thing from to back and i never intended on it. But it doesn't make sense to me. I don't believe that everything in the bible is LITERAL. I beleive alot of it is - or can be- metaphors. Something so deep can never be so literal. But then again i'm talking about something i've barely touched. So i'm kinda being hypocritical. But then again i am clueless.
Maybe i could get someone to read the bible with me?
Not really
It doesn't seem to work well. Especially when it's my boyfriend. I just wanna lick his face. In a totally non-sexual way. honestly.
So i don't know where to start. I can't even tell Will how i feel for fear that he'll turn uber-converting on me and try EVERYTHING in his power to get me to believe. My goal isn't to beleive. It's to find my own answer. Something i can trust. Something that i Know. And if it's Yes to God, then so be it. If it's No, then thats how it's gonna be. I just want to find that answer. This bugs me till i fall asleep and then it's right there staring me in the face like a hungry dog looming over me in the wee morning hours telling me "Get up, fat-ass! i'm starving!"..
Woah.. that went a lil' too far.
Anyway.. i'm gonna go now. I'm gonna try to figure out a way to tell all this to Will without it seeming like i want to be converted. i just want to know..