la da ba da da la mm ba da la
i know, at most, one person ever even checks this little spot.
that's fine. i'd rather that it went unread.
but thanks.
-----
screw the questions. and the answers. and all the explanations.
what do i want?
to be happy.
how?
i don't know.
what makes you happy?
lots of things.
such as?
oh, i don't know. good food. good music. a good movie, book, all that is good, no? no, not all that is good. all that is good doesn't make me happy. what makes me happy...happy happy happy. i like to laugh at the cost of nothing but those smarts you get in your sides after you've been laughing too much. my parents, my dog. their presence makes me happy often. what else? good people doing things. that makes me happy. the thunderous applause after a perfect concert that simply shakes me to my last for hours afterwards. eggs with toast. watching people on stage tap their feet during a performance.
having the people around me be happy makes me happy. their laughing, smiling, glee, it all is good. good tomatoes.
i tried understanding sorrow, pain, and the such. i seem to have hit a brick wall. why not joy?
does liking something make you happy? no. i'm trying to think of times ive been happy in the past. i dont think i was too happy when i got to college. my mom was quite the tired mom, and im fairly sure she cried. which made me not too happy. was i happy at my graduation? no, i wanted to be anywhere else but there. how about my last concert? nope, left with a bitter taste in my mouth because it was just, not, that good.
was i happy to be at DeVos? no.
but the recent BYO concert, that was good. i was happy that whole time. and laughing, probably. and smiling, and all that such. what else, what else? i was happy to be at a diner at four in the morning eating an omlette with a friend. i was happy to finally be home.
-----
time to simply lay it all out there. for all of myself to read later on.
my father is going to china. soon. don't know when he's coming back.
my mother will live in new brunswick. she's been living there, really.
my brother will be at college. i think.
i will be at college.
the family dog, prince, we don't know yet what's going to happen. looking for a good home, but he's a bit rebellious in a lot of ways.
my grandparents have gone back to korea.
my home since fifth grade will dissappear. sure, the building will be there, but the people inside and the things, and everything, will not be my home.
and i know all of the fortune ive had already with a home this long. dont get started. but still.
my dog...man...that isn't cool.
i've been quite fortunate in the past with parents and a home. it's always been there.
and dammit, i don't want to lose it. hope college being my home, michigan as a home is just weird.
at least, right now.
that's fine. i'd rather that it went unread.
but thanks.
-----
screw the questions. and the answers. and all the explanations.
what do i want?
to be happy.
how?
i don't know.
what makes you happy?
lots of things.
such as?
oh, i don't know. good food. good music. a good movie, book, all that is good, no? no, not all that is good. all that is good doesn't make me happy. what makes me happy...happy happy happy. i like to laugh at the cost of nothing but those smarts you get in your sides after you've been laughing too much. my parents, my dog. their presence makes me happy often. what else? good people doing things. that makes me happy. the thunderous applause after a perfect concert that simply shakes me to my last for hours afterwards. eggs with toast. watching people on stage tap their feet during a performance.
having the people around me be happy makes me happy. their laughing, smiling, glee, it all is good. good tomatoes.
i tried understanding sorrow, pain, and the such. i seem to have hit a brick wall. why not joy?
does liking something make you happy? no. i'm trying to think of times ive been happy in the past. i dont think i was too happy when i got to college. my mom was quite the tired mom, and im fairly sure she cried. which made me not too happy. was i happy at my graduation? no, i wanted to be anywhere else but there. how about my last concert? nope, left with a bitter taste in my mouth because it was just, not, that good.
was i happy to be at DeVos? no.
but the recent BYO concert, that was good. i was happy that whole time. and laughing, probably. and smiling, and all that such. what else, what else? i was happy to be at a diner at four in the morning eating an omlette with a friend. i was happy to finally be home.
-----
time to simply lay it all out there. for all of myself to read later on.
my father is going to china. soon. don't know when he's coming back.
my mother will live in new brunswick. she's been living there, really.
my brother will be at college. i think.
i will be at college.
the family dog, prince, we don't know yet what's going to happen. looking for a good home, but he's a bit rebellious in a lot of ways.
my grandparents have gone back to korea.
my home since fifth grade will dissappear. sure, the building will be there, but the people inside and the things, and everything, will not be my home.
and i know all of the fortune ive had already with a home this long. dont get started. but still.
my dog...man...that isn't cool.
i've been quite fortunate in the past with parents and a home. it's always been there.
and dammit, i don't want to lose it. hope college being my home, michigan as a home is just weird.
at least, right now.