coincidence?
it seems like every time i update, something terrible has happend with cd. either him and i have gotten into a fight, or he has hooked up with another girl, or ive moved again, or all three. the thing is, this time, it is all three. and im so tired of this. i cant rely on anything or anyone in my life. cd thinks that he has been screwed over too many times to trust anyone ever again? im pretty sure that he has screwed me over, single handedly in the past few months than he has been screwed over in his entire life... yet up until today i have continued to trust him. but not anymore. last time he pushed me, i was convinced that he didnt even do anything wrong, and that nothing bad would ever happen again. today i was basically airborne. and now im scared of the guy that i was once in love with.
basically, the guy that i love is dead. cd is an entirely new person. he is not the same at all. the person he is now is basically the polar opposite of the person that he was when i met him two years ago. aka, bi polar. which is why its so damn hard to forget him. the cd that i met would never want to hurt me. he would never want any one else to hurt me. and if they did, he'd hurt them. the cd i met would care about me and my feelings. he would care about other peoples feelings, and not take advantage of me. but the cd i know now does the opposite of all of that. and i want the cd that i met back in my arms tonight.
every time something terrible like this happens, we end up talking, and he wants me back. he cries to me and says he is sorry. and then a day or so goes by, and something terrible happens.
brittany needs to take a look at things. i told her what happend, and she is still going to go out with him. it makes me sick that he asked her out. and didnt tell me. and he has been lieing to me for a while now about things with her, and other girls. he hasnt been honest with me in quite some time, and he actually asked me out while i was living in that fucking shelter. and now he is treating me like this. all he does is hurt my feelings and hurt me. and he loves doing that. it actually makes him feel fucking cool.
well fuck that. hes got no clue where i am right now. tomorrow during the day, hes going to go out at one point or another, and im going to show up, and pack my shit. and hes never going to see any of it ever again.
hes not the same person. i dont trust him. i hate who he is now. he has hurt me more than anyone else ever has in my entire life. the people who are closest to you hurt you the most, and he had me more than anyone else. and he hurt me just as much. im done with him because he has changed. and when he comes back to me, i will have changed. i will learn what the hell a real relationship is all about. because right now, i just dont know. i havnt known since the summer what a real relationship was. now ive just lost all respect for myself, and ive let the people who i trusted my life with walk all over me and disrespect me as well. i love cd ferrari of january 18th 2003. but the one today, i just want to get as far away from him as possible.
love is dead
basically, the guy that i love is dead. cd is an entirely new person. he is not the same at all. the person he is now is basically the polar opposite of the person that he was when i met him two years ago. aka, bi polar. which is why its so damn hard to forget him. the cd that i met would never want to hurt me. he would never want any one else to hurt me. and if they did, he'd hurt them. the cd i met would care about me and my feelings. he would care about other peoples feelings, and not take advantage of me. but the cd i know now does the opposite of all of that. and i want the cd that i met back in my arms tonight.
every time something terrible like this happens, we end up talking, and he wants me back. he cries to me and says he is sorry. and then a day or so goes by, and something terrible happens.
brittany needs to take a look at things. i told her what happend, and she is still going to go out with him. it makes me sick that he asked her out. and didnt tell me. and he has been lieing to me for a while now about things with her, and other girls. he hasnt been honest with me in quite some time, and he actually asked me out while i was living in that fucking shelter. and now he is treating me like this. all he does is hurt my feelings and hurt me. and he loves doing that. it actually makes him feel fucking cool.
well fuck that. hes got no clue where i am right now. tomorrow during the day, hes going to go out at one point or another, and im going to show up, and pack my shit. and hes never going to see any of it ever again.
hes not the same person. i dont trust him. i hate who he is now. he has hurt me more than anyone else ever has in my entire life. the people who are closest to you hurt you the most, and he had me more than anyone else. and he hurt me just as much. im done with him because he has changed. and when he comes back to me, i will have changed. i will learn what the hell a real relationship is all about. because right now, i just dont know. i havnt known since the summer what a real relationship was. now ive just lost all respect for myself, and ive let the people who i trusted my life with walk all over me and disrespect me as well. i love cd ferrari of january 18th 2003. but the one today, i just want to get as far away from him as possible.
love is dead