Commentary on my poem would be much appreciated.
Hey, Wilbert.
by: Brownie Girl
Lonely sport
trenchcoated. drenched.
sinking fedora.
job.
wife.
children.
gone.
steps into the bar and
stares at the world
through his shot glass.
rain splashes outside.
puddles deep enough to
accomodate a
beached whale.
gray clouds mix like the
soup of memories
in his mind.
photographs have turned
yellow like his teeth
from years of tobacco.
must remember
to kick the habit.
not the nun.
he smells of week old
milk that curdles
in the corner.
pretty kitty,
where have
you gone?
the four walls reek of the
American dream turned
nightmare
and tornado tragedy.
children's laughter and
bedroom whispers
fall on walls that
can't talk.
put your
leather taps
on the rack.
your knees lean
on canes. what a
big hump on your back
you have.
no lady love to
keep you
warm.
the dance is over.
burn the barre. scratch the
record player with the
shards of your
tonic and gin.
no need to sew that
sparkle razzle dazzle 'em
jacket and matching gloves.
not those moth infested,
shabby things.
no.
not tonight.
by: Brownie Girl
Lonely sport
trenchcoated. drenched.
sinking fedora.
job.
wife.
children.
gone.
steps into the bar and
stares at the world
through his shot glass.
rain splashes outside.
puddles deep enough to
accomodate a
beached whale.
gray clouds mix like the
soup of memories
in his mind.
photographs have turned
yellow like his teeth
from years of tobacco.
must remember
to kick the habit.
not the nun.
he smells of week old
milk that curdles
in the corner.
pretty kitty,
where have
you gone?
the four walls reek of the
American dream turned
nightmare
and tornado tragedy.
children's laughter and
bedroom whispers
fall on walls that
can't talk.
put your
leather taps
on the rack.
your knees lean
on canes. what a
big hump on your back
you have.
no lady love to
keep you
warm.
the dance is over.
burn the barre. scratch the
record player with the
shards of your
tonic and gin.
no need to sew that
sparkle razzle dazzle 'em
jacket and matching gloves.
not those moth infested,
shabby things.
no.
not tonight.