(no subject)

Oct 14, 2006 22:57

Woke up at 12 today.
Ate doughnuts, bagels, eggs, cheese, olive bread, blackberries, and white wine today.
No vegetables!??!?!
Made a painting of a penguin wearing a rocket pack.

A friend said:

"it is hard to deal with guilt. especially when you know that you shouldn't feel guilty about the thing you're feeling guilty about. then you are also feeling guilty for feeling guilty, and then you are just all fucked up."

I can't seem to confidently let my situation go. {{I'm swimming upstream against the flow}}
I feel liberated.
I feel like I can run at a million miles an hour through tree tops (like a ninja), faster than a speeing bullet (like Superman).
I can walk the midnight walks and handwrite names in Dusty window panes.
Despite hesitation, I feel like I made the right decision, but at what cost?
Everyone already knows I should have done this a long time ago.
[[I wanted to keep it quiet, but its out of any one person's control]]
But I feel hot tears run down soft cheeks--
Punctuated sobs and heaving from air-deprived lungs--
Fingers clenching cigarrette smoke drenched clothes--
and a delicate heart smashed into a million pieces like a sugar skull.
Guilt.
Longing.
Liberation.
Confusion.
and Love (?).
I can do it without someone holding my hand.
But I'm not going to hide the fact that I could use a hug.

(breathe deeply)

My heart is less than the sum of its parts.

poetry, blah-blahs

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