Week 1 Facility journal {Voice}
This first week was a little rough on me but I think I'm going to manage. I met and made a few friends and one of them is a gay man named Emmett Honeycut. Nice guy and very upfront. He got me to open up a little and I realized that I had a problem with letting go.
When the opportunity came for me to talk about it, I took advantage of it. I didn't realize that I needed to have any counseling but I guess now, I have to. For Lynn's sake. My wife has been dead now for three weeks and my knee still hurts like hell. I'm going to stick it out and let the pain become the reminder of my mistake.
Sasha has a very good talent for listening. It's his job like numbers are my job. It's going to be rough opening up those old wounds again but it's gotta happen. We talked about anything from the point she died to the what happened when I was brought in. I didn't realize until later just how much time passed. It's like....nothing changed. There's a fifteen year gap between the time I was taken to the time I came to Facility. It's nothing big, now that I think about it, but it's like this huge hole in time that I find ironic. I'm never late to anything and I was late to an audition.
Anyway, I helped a little boy pick up some plants and I met a charming mother of two. She seems young but I guess people age differently in other worlds. Emmett was one of the best tour guides that I've ever met. He's a lot of fun to be around and honestly, it didn't really seem to matter what orientation he is. I had a friend back home that is so it's being comfortable with who you are than what you are that's more important.
So yeah, I trust that Lynn's going to be okay since I had more than two people tell me that life freezes where we left off so I'm not worried. I guess it's good that I'm here coping with the grief here than back home where I would most likely be in denial and living the lie that Sarah's going to wake up from that hospital bed and we can finish what we started. I know that's not the case anymore.
God, I'm going in circles here. My mind is in several places and each of them are putting me right back to the center. It's like...I'm in an emotional sand trap. I tried to climb out a few times on my own but I keep falling back into the center of it. Or for some odd reason, sliding back because I lose my footing somewhere. It's climbing out of this that's going to take a while. I can see it.
I'm actually pretty ordinary. My first week, I got stuck with vintage military uniforms. I hate history. It repeats itself and the tactics are pretty much the same. One guy beating the other just for land, money or prestige, kinda defeats the purpose of being free, you know.
I guess all in all, I'm doing okay. The important thing is I'm getting what I need for Lynn. Maybe these tests'll get me the edge I need to face what the government decides to throw at me later on. I'm gonna need it. I know that I'm going to have to testify and my career could plummet but that's not the major issue. The big picture is getting the one that got away and I'm sure he'll turn up again. It's speaking out against Bradley Grant that's going to be interesting.
Man, this is so bizarre. I don't think anyone in Facility had to face anything like this and Sasha's been a great help in getting me to see that I need help in this matter. I'm really grateful for Emmett for being my root. He's a really great guy and a really good friend.
Oh, I almost forgot. Aoko, [a soft chuckle] had on this shirt that reminded me of the one that I bought for Sarah when she was pregnant with Lynn. Pregzilla. Sarah's was pink but Aoko's was blue. I made a trade for that shirt only because of the emotional value it had and the memory attached to it. It's funny, now that I think about it. Sarah hated that shirt but she wore it to the company picnic. She told me that I was in the doghouse but I didn't make her wear it. I think she was looking for something to get back at me with and found the perfect motive.
Come to think of it, I wasn't so heavy in the books around that time and I smiled more. If only I could get those days back.......