You remind me of the babe with the power.....
I am happy to say that my life will never be considered monotonous. My life is not boring, or makes a bad story. My life will make a great memoir someday. It's full of joy and angst, and fear and love. It's full of the entire spectrum of human emotion. And with all great feelings and great things, you must tolerate the bad with the good.
I am very excited to get back to the good soon.
Although, that is not entirely true. There have been a few things that have happened this week, that give my tired brain some comfort.
-I have finally, after 1.5 years, cleaned all the accident related shit off our credit reports. Yeah, it's true. 4 collection accounts and 1 30 day late thing are all gone. Not our fault, not our problem. They are gone. My credit report is officially filled with green (which for those of you who don't have Experian's customer service number on speed dial, means all accounts are in good standing)
-We might have an end to these accident lawsuits this year. We got the offer for Erik. No, we aren't going to be buying a house with it like we hoped, but we will be able to pay the medical bills, the lawyer and the accumulated costs for buying a new car and missing weeks of work. Holy fuck, I might not end up in the hole after this. Now to negotiate the offer for me. More adventure awaits me hearties.....
-I've had a bit of an epiphany. Yeah, it's true. Another one. I have these like some people have cats, but this is a good one. I had a realization that I am tired of living in fear. I am. I'm tired of it. I am tired of worrying about money, I'm tired of feeling guilty if I buy something, I'm tired of feeling guilty if I have a crush on somebody, and I'm tired of trying to fit my square peg of a brain into the round hole of society. I am tired of it. I am tired of trying to subdue my own thoughts and feelings because I am afraid of what people will think. You know what. If my friends don't like the things I think and believe in, then they aren't real friends right? I've accepted some weird shit in the name of "that's just the way that so-and-so is" and by god they can do it for me. Yes, honey. I am fully tuned into the radio station now. And holy shit is the passion flowing.... (sorry, inside joke. If you really care to know, let's go out to coffee and talk about it)
You know what. I'm happy. I really am. I have worked really, really hard my whole life to build this little empire of mine and now it is time to enjoy it a bit. I have a job I like (although being annoying now, since I am the only one not at full time yet-grr), a husband that I can't even describe my adoration for using the English language, some very dear friends that I am finding myself trusting (even though that is not usually my habit), a record label that I am excited about, hell I am even starting to think about playing a live show again. Since I have stopped watching TV at the gym I just have time to think about stuff. And with music blaring and endorphins flowing, I have had some great ideas for a live show. Now I just need a band....hmmm. Oh, and I am now officially at the 20+ pounds lost mark. I have been hovering around 20 for 3 months. Just broke the threshold this weekend. Wootasaurus.
Yeah, I think this is my time. Erik and I have made it through the bad shit. His job rocks, and he has had some affirmation that he is now officially a bigwig in the audio equipment industry. His name is coming up in circles that were never imagined. We have also embraced a new thing that has always been brewing, but I think we are both mature and sure enough to handle it (him more than me probably, but I make a good underdog) and I think it is time for some 'work hard, play hard' mentality.
Who the fuck am I trying to impress?
Well, other than Eric Hammer in September. I am going to spend the next 6 months trying to come up with something witty, intriguing, mysterious, lusty and un-lame to say to him this year. And then I can spend the next 12 months berating myself for it. Yay!
I also think I am going to Chicago to see my buddy Jim and his awesome girlfriend. Maybe I can keep out of the area of Chicago that looks like the set for Candyman. Cursed mapquest....
Sorry for the random brain dump. I have been doing some mental rewiring the past 2 or 3 months and sometimes the circuits are crossed. However, I do believe I am getting closer to being a person that I am proud to be. Hell, maybe even a person I like. Yowza.
I am very excited to get back to the good soon.
Although, that is not entirely true. There have been a few things that have happened this week, that give my tired brain some comfort.
-I have finally, after 1.5 years, cleaned all the accident related shit off our credit reports. Yeah, it's true. 4 collection accounts and 1 30 day late thing are all gone. Not our fault, not our problem. They are gone. My credit report is officially filled with green (which for those of you who don't have Experian's customer service number on speed dial, means all accounts are in good standing)
-We might have an end to these accident lawsuits this year. We got the offer for Erik. No, we aren't going to be buying a house with it like we hoped, but we will be able to pay the medical bills, the lawyer and the accumulated costs for buying a new car and missing weeks of work. Holy fuck, I might not end up in the hole after this. Now to negotiate the offer for me. More adventure awaits me hearties.....
-I've had a bit of an epiphany. Yeah, it's true. Another one. I have these like some people have cats, but this is a good one. I had a realization that I am tired of living in fear. I am. I'm tired of it. I am tired of worrying about money, I'm tired of feeling guilty if I buy something, I'm tired of feeling guilty if I have a crush on somebody, and I'm tired of trying to fit my square peg of a brain into the round hole of society. I am tired of it. I am tired of trying to subdue my own thoughts and feelings because I am afraid of what people will think. You know what. If my friends don't like the things I think and believe in, then they aren't real friends right? I've accepted some weird shit in the name of "that's just the way that so-and-so is" and by god they can do it for me. Yes, honey. I am fully tuned into the radio station now. And holy shit is the passion flowing.... (sorry, inside joke. If you really care to know, let's go out to coffee and talk about it)
You know what. I'm happy. I really am. I have worked really, really hard my whole life to build this little empire of mine and now it is time to enjoy it a bit. I have a job I like (although being annoying now, since I am the only one not at full time yet-grr), a husband that I can't even describe my adoration for using the English language, some very dear friends that I am finding myself trusting (even though that is not usually my habit), a record label that I am excited about, hell I am even starting to think about playing a live show again. Since I have stopped watching TV at the gym I just have time to think about stuff. And with music blaring and endorphins flowing, I have had some great ideas for a live show. Now I just need a band....hmmm. Oh, and I am now officially at the 20+ pounds lost mark. I have been hovering around 20 for 3 months. Just broke the threshold this weekend. Wootasaurus.
Yeah, I think this is my time. Erik and I have made it through the bad shit. His job rocks, and he has had some affirmation that he is now officially a bigwig in the audio equipment industry. His name is coming up in circles that were never imagined. We have also embraced a new thing that has always been brewing, but I think we are both mature and sure enough to handle it (him more than me probably, but I make a good underdog) and I think it is time for some 'work hard, play hard' mentality.
Who the fuck am I trying to impress?
Well, other than Eric Hammer in September. I am going to spend the next 6 months trying to come up with something witty, intriguing, mysterious, lusty and un-lame to say to him this year. And then I can spend the next 12 months berating myself for it. Yay!
I also think I am going to Chicago to see my buddy Jim and his awesome girlfriend. Maybe I can keep out of the area of Chicago that looks like the set for Candyman. Cursed mapquest....
Sorry for the random brain dump. I have been doing some mental rewiring the past 2 or 3 months and sometimes the circuits are crossed. However, I do believe I am getting closer to being a person that I am proud to be. Hell, maybe even a person I like. Yowza.