Quick meta thing, which turned into a huge meta thing: thanks, Cammie! XD
Okay, so Cammie did me the dubious honor of linking to this horrible Harry Potter fanfic. I told her I wanted to lock Sirius and James in a room with her and listening to the mocking.
It inspired me to break my vow of abstinence from the HP fandom and write a little bit of meta fun. XD
So, enjoy?
"The author was sitting in her room, listening to My Chemical Romance. She was entranced, so much so that she failed to notice the lights turn off. Then the music stopped. She turned around, eyes wide, but could not make out a thing. The door clicked shut. She gulped. Behind her, she heard a snicker.
'Hey, kid,' that voice! Where had she heard that voice? 'You can call me Padfoot.'
'...And me? I'm Prongs.'"
Cammie is in bold. I'm in italics.
Yeah, I know, we could've gone in to much more detail. But this was really just an AIM conversation between the two of us. :P Besides, this has probably been sporked a thousand times over. Seriously. XD
---
OH NOES IT'S A SUE!
It is
Okay, it had me at this line:
"Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!)."
XDDDDDDDDDDDDD
lmfao
Oh god I know, it is soooo funny XD
---
“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.
“Do you like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.
“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.
“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.
“Hi.” he said.
“Hi.” I replied flirtily.
“Guess what.” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me.
“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.
I gasped.
Oh god, they're doing the he yelled/exclaimed/hissed/replied thing.
lmfao
Yes
XDDDDDDD
---
"I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists."
ROFL
I know XD
WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS? XDD
---
“Joel is so fucking hot.” I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.
Suddenly Draco looked sad.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.
“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.
"“Really?” asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective."
LMAO I KNOW
What the hell?
IT IS TERRIBLE I LOVE IT!
DRACO MALFOY IS NOT LIKE THIS!
YES. XD
If he was jealous he would pose and preen and try to seem better like the other guy.
exactly!
---
"The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest!"
AND HE DOESN'T DRIVE.
OR DRINK BEER.
OR LIKE GOOD CHARLOTTE.
EXACTLY! LOL THAT'S WHY I FIND IT SO HILARIOUS!
Listen, lady, you drank FIREWHISKEY on your way back from the the WEIRD SISTERS concert before flying on the back of Draco's NIMBUS 2001 to the SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM because Draco HAS BEEN AFRAID OF THE FORBIDDEN FOREST SINCE BOOK ONE.
But he wouldn't tell you that, because he has an EGO .
And unless you're PANSY PARKINSON, he wouldn't be taking you out on a date.
AND ELIPSES ONLY HAVE THREE DOTS!
---
"And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”
It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!"
AND DUMBLEDORE DOESN'T SWEAR!
AND YOU DON'T GET AN ORGASM ON YOUR FIRST TIME UNLESS YOU ARE VERY VERY LUCKY!
---
"“How dare you?” demanded Professor Snape.
And then Draco shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”
Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”
Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.
“Are you okay, Ebony?” Draco asked me gently.
“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the girl’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….
Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna live’ by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room"
AND DRACO WOULD NOT ADMIT HE'S IN LOVE, ESPECIALLY NOT TO SNAPE.
AND GUYS CAN'T GO INTO GIRLS' DORMS.
AND NOBODY CRIES TEARS OF BLOOD.
NOBODY.
WHAT THE?
LMAO
Oh man.
AND FURTHERMORE,DRACO WOULDN'T CHASE SOMEONE NAKED DOWN THE HALLS
---
"“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco’s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.
“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.
“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.
“My name’s Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.
“Why?” I exclaimed.
“Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled.
“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed.
“Really?” he whimpered.
“Yeah.” I roared.
We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him."
WHAT IS HARRY DOING THERE?
HARRY DOESN'T GIGGLE.
OR DRINK BLOOD.
AND HE CAN'T GET RID OF HIS SCAR.
LOL HIS NEW NAME IS 'VAMPIRE,' APPARENTLY.
lmfao
You should wait utnil they get to Hermione, or... 'B'LOODY MARY!'
AND IF YOU WERE A VAMPIRE AT HOGWARTS, YOU WOULD HAVE IT AT LEAST AS HARD AS LUPIN DID.
OH, AND DRACO HATES PARTBLOODS!
---
"Dark misery was in his depressed eyes."
HAHA!
lmfao
---
"My friend B’loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )"
AHAHA, THEY'VE GOTTEN TO HERMIONE!
---
"“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him."
WHY DO ALL THE TEACHERS TALK LIKE CRAZY PEOPLE?
AND SNAP WOULD NEVER CALL A SLYTHERIN A DIMWIT.
LOL IKR
---
"No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted “Imperius!” and I couldn’t run away.
“Crookshanks!” I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.
“Ebony.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Potter!”"
CROOKSHANKS SPEAKS?
AND USES ARCHAIC PRONOUNS?
---
"I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?
“No, Voldemort!” I shouted back."
Oh, wait, it's Voldemort.
---
Voldemort gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.
NOBODY USES GUNS IN HARRY POTTER.
---
"“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!”
“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly."
Telekinesis? You mean, like magic?
---
"I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.
We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache.
“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.”"
What? DRACO COMMITS SUICIDE? Over a GIRL? What the hell?
LOL IT IS SO MESSED UP!
---
"Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks."
Loopin? Was MASTICATING? THAT MEANS CHEWING, YOU IDIOT!
LMAO I KNOW. THAT IS ONE OF MY FAVES, same with 'mastabating.'
XDDD
---
"Suddenly Vampire ran in.
“Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. “Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…"
Harry kills LUPIN? Okay, bitch, this is PERSONAL. You do NOT mess with the Marauders.
---
"Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.
“What do you know, Hargrid? You’re just a little Hogwarts student!”"
Hargrid? Is a STUDENT?
---
"“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.
“Because you’re goffic?” Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.
“Because I LOVE HER!”"
XDDDDDDDDDD Wait. Hagrid doesn't have a wand.
lmfao Yes, I know. xD
But he DOES have a girlfriend. Who is, you know, ALSO A HALF GIANT.
rofl
---
"“U c, Enobby,” Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”"
Oh god, she can't spell anymore.
---
"“Dumbledore Dumblydore!” we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.
“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.
“Volsemort has Draco!” we shouted at the same time.
He laughed in an evil voice.
“No! Don’t! We need to save Draco!” we begged.
“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Vampire started crying. “My Draco!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)"
What the hell has she done to Dumbledore? He might not like Malfoy, but he would NEVER let a student die!
---
"We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Allah Kedavra!”"
ALLAH kedavra?
---
"We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail."
SNAKETAIL?
rofl Yes!
And, no, WORMtail didn't kill CEDRIC!
---
"“Rid my sight you despicable preps!” he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)"
And, what? He falls in love with her?
rofl
Apparently!
---
"Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class."
Biology?
At Hogwarts?
---
"We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing ‘Helena’. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!"
Death DEALERS? AS MCR?
Oh man.
Is it bad I really want to see Lucius Malfoy in this?
lmfao He is coming!
XD
---
"Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…………………………………DUMBLYDORE!"
DUMBLEDORE. LISTENS TO AVRIL.
NO. FUCKING. WAY.
---
“Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”
Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1.
“BTW you can call me Albert.” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.
ALBUS. Not ALBERT. GOD.
LOL
---
"Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…………………………………………………………….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1"
WHAT. SNAPE AND LUPIN. WHAT. If Lupin is going to be with ANY guy it's Sirius. And Sirius is dead.
...
OH GOD AND DOBBY WATCHED. -ded-
lmfao
---
"“Oh he’s bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn’t cum.” Vampire said shaking his hed. “U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?”
Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said ‘ENOBY’ on it."
Oh, no, wait, he's Harry's dogfather. Which actually makes sense.
Yes. lmao
---
"IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Mr. Norris."
Mrs. Norris? Can talk? And is a guy?
"Den he heard Filch meow. “Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked."
Oh, wait. Filch is the cat now. He can see the invisibility cloak?
---
"here was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1"
Fug?
lmao
---
"It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle’s dad was a vampire."
Wait, who's Diabolo? Ron?
Wait, Crabbe and Goyle have the same dad?
THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. THEY ARE BEING CALLED CRABBE AND GOYLE. Not Gregory and Vincent Crabbe-Goyle or something. CRABBE AND GOYLE.
Yes.
lmfao
---
"Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore."
Cornelia Fudged? He's... trans?
I don't even know anymore.
XDDDD
---
"“Very well.” Dumbledore said angrily. “Butt we cannot do this. We can’t close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…………………………………………………………………..Enony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.”"
Wait. What the hell? Harry is the only person who can kill Voldemort.
---
"“Eboby…..Ebony…….” Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice."
DARTH VALER? WHAT THE HELL?
lmfao Star Wars maybe?
---
"“Its ok gurl.” said B’loody Mary. “Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though.”"
Professor Sinister? Sinestra? THE ASTONOMY TEACHER?
---
"Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions."
TREVOLRY?
XD
---
"“Konnichiwa everybody come in.” said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She’s da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. She’s also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b’loody mry get along grate) She’s really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it.What is it Ebony?” she asked. “Hey I love ur nail polish where’d u get it, Hot Topik?”
“Yeah.” I answered. All the preps who didn’t know what HT was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. “Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?”
“Ho about now?” she asked.
“OK.” I said.
“OK class fucking dismissed every1.” Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. “Except for you Britney.” she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. “Please do exorcize (geddit) 1 on page 3.”
“OK I’m having lotz of visions.” I said in a worried voice. I’m so worried is Draco gong 2 die.
Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.
“What do you c?” she asked.
“I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram.”
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes."
Okay!
Wait, Draco was wearing a FACET?
How?
---
"I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where……………………… Lucian and Serious!111"
LUCIAN. AND SERIOUS. Okay. BITCH. SIRIUS?
Is this Lucius?
You know, DRACO'S FUCKING DAD?
ROFL Yes, I think so.
---
"I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake and Vampire. They nodded."
Serifs. SERIFS. I KEEL HER!
---
"When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?”"
Voldemint! XDDD
---
"“Are you okay?” Vampir asked potting his albastard hand on mine."
Albastard?
---
"It was………………………….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111"
Snope! AND PROFESSOR MCGOGGLE!
---
"But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. Then Profesor Trevolry said ‘Come on Ebony let’s go.”"
Oh, Sirius is a good guy.
---
"Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Tom Bombodil!1111"
Tom Bombodil? WHAT.
"“Da name’s Tom.” he said. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam”"
Oh, Tom SATAN Bombodil.
---
"professor sinster looked sad. “um I was drinking voldemortserum.”"
Voldemortserum.
---
"“U will see.” Draco giggled mistressly. He opened a door……………Snap nd Lumpkin werz there!11 Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife.
“NOOOO PLZ!1111” Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood."
Lumpkin? Is this LUPIN?
I think so!
And Sirius is a VAMPIRE. WHAT.
they are bringing in LOTR refrences!
OH BITCH I KEEL YOU. SIRIUS IS DOING WHAT TO LUPIN?
"“I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Abkhazian now, lol.”"
SIRIUS SENT LUPIN TO AZKABAN? BITCH.
I seriously doubt she even read the books. Especially the third. OR SHE WOULD KNOW HOW OUT OF CHARACTER THAT IS!
---
"“Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn.” Satan said. “He’s da Portents teacher…………..Ebony?”"
Wait, Slutborn?
Is that... SLUGHORN? And here I thought she hadn't read HBP!
---
"I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped………………..Draco wuz there!111
I grasped. He locked as hut as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.
“Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111” I gosped.
“Huh?” he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn’t Draco. It was Lucan!1 He stil had two arms.
“Oh hi Lucian!1” I sed. “Im Ebony the new student lol we shook handz.”
“Yah Satan told me abot you.” Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. It wuz Serious, Vampire’s dad and………………Snap! All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. “Lizzen I’m in a goth band wif those guys.” he said. “Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up."
Why is Lucius in the Slytherin common room?
...
WHY IS JAMES IN THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM?
"“Yeah.” he said. “Were calld XBlakXTearX. I play teh gutter. Spartacus plays da drums” he said ponting to him. “Snap plays the boss. And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring.”
“Hey bastards.” I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. “But don’t u have a lead singer!” I asked. Lucian looked dawn sadly.
“We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists.”"
Wait. James is SPARTACUS.
Hahahahahaha!
But..
I AM SPARTACUS!
Wait, was that LILY who killed herself?
Oh man. I don't even know. xD
Oh, no, James is SAMARO.
Wait.
JAMEZ is Samaro.
Who is Spartacus?
lol I don't even know!
---
"Instead there was…………………………………………Cornelio Fuck!11111"
Cornelia Fuck. WHAT.
---
"“Oh my fuking satan!1” I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now. Classes shal be taught by Dubledork who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge."
Oh, Rumbridge! So she HAS read OOTP!
---
"You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Silas, Samaro and Snap were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR.
“Oh hi you guys.” I said seductively. “Wheres Satan?”
“Oh he’s cumming.” said Serious. “BTW u can kall me Hades now.”"
Silas.
Is now Hades.
Wait, are they in the past?
Yes, I think.
---
"AN// I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh."
YES! SOMEONE FINALLY HACKED HER!
---
"“No u don’t understand!1” screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake’s"
THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS.
LMAO THAT IS NOT ANATOMATICLALY CORRECT.
---
Oh my god. Cammie...
THAT WAS THE WORST FANFIC EVER! At least, as far as I've been willing to read.
ROFL I KNOW. XD Yes. I personally thought it was hilarous.
Where was Ron?
He was 'Diablo,' remember?
Really?
Where was Tonks?
Where was Ginny?
Was Ginny Willow?
Where was Narcissa Malfoy?
Was Narcissa the lead singer who killed herself?
Ahaha I don't know. XD
How do you write a fic with Draco and Lucius but not Narcissa?
Or Harry and James but not Lily?
WHY DOES SHE HATE MOMS? Please, won't somebody think of the moms?
Hahahaha XD
I want to lock her in a room with every canon girlfriend she killed/ignored. That means: Ginny, Pansy, Narcissa, Lily, Tonks, and Madame Olympe.
Hell, I want to lock her in a room with James and Sirius and listen to them mock her. Lupin can come too, I guess.
---
Poor Pete is a bit self conscious
and he thinks that he's a vampire.
He gets in to his off-white saturn and heads into the suburbs.
He looks at himself in the mirror, like a girl putting makeup on
He wants to buy a brand new pair of teeth,
but they don't except coupons.
Is this gonna be the night that his daily horoscope comes true?
He knows Venus is in retrograde, but not if the moon is new.
Poor Pete isn't fashion forward, but he likes to think he's ultra cool.
He wink at a girl named Siouxsie while she's playing bumper pool.
She looks at him rather blankly,
before mouthing the words, "yeah, right."
She knows Pete's not the kind of guy
who will ever get it right.
It inspired me to break my vow of abstinence from the HP fandom and write a little bit of meta fun. XD
So, enjoy?
"The author was sitting in her room, listening to My Chemical Romance. She was entranced, so much so that she failed to notice the lights turn off. Then the music stopped. She turned around, eyes wide, but could not make out a thing. The door clicked shut. She gulped. Behind her, she heard a snicker.
'Hey, kid,' that voice! Where had she heard that voice? 'You can call me Padfoot.'
'...And me? I'm Prongs.'"
Cammie is in bold. I'm in italics.
Yeah, I know, we could've gone in to much more detail. But this was really just an AIM conversation between the two of us. :P Besides, this has probably been sporked a thousand times over. Seriously. XD
---
OH NOES IT'S A SUE!
It is
Okay, it had me at this line:
"Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!)."
XDDDDDDDDDDDDD
lmfao
Oh god I know, it is soooo funny XD
---
“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.
“Do you like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.
“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.
“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.
“Hi.” he said.
“Hi.” I replied flirtily.
“Guess what.” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me.
“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.
I gasped.
Oh god, they're doing the he yelled/exclaimed/hissed/replied thing.
lmfao
Yes
XDDDDDDD
---
"I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists."
ROFL
I know XD
WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS? XDD
---
“Joel is so fucking hot.” I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.
Suddenly Draco looked sad.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.
“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.
"“Really?” asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective."
LMAO I KNOW
What the hell?
IT IS TERRIBLE I LOVE IT!
DRACO MALFOY IS NOT LIKE THIS!
YES. XD
If he was jealous he would pose and preen and try to seem better like the other guy.
exactly!
---
"The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest!"
AND HE DOESN'T DRIVE.
OR DRINK BEER.
OR LIKE GOOD CHARLOTTE.
EXACTLY! LOL THAT'S WHY I FIND IT SO HILARIOUS!
Listen, lady, you drank FIREWHISKEY on your way back from the the WEIRD SISTERS concert before flying on the back of Draco's NIMBUS 2001 to the SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM because Draco HAS BEEN AFRAID OF THE FORBIDDEN FOREST SINCE BOOK ONE.
But he wouldn't tell you that, because he has an EGO .
And unless you're PANSY PARKINSON, he wouldn't be taking you out on a date.
AND ELIPSES ONLY HAVE THREE DOTS!
---
"And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”
It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!"
AND DUMBLEDORE DOESN'T SWEAR!
AND YOU DON'T GET AN ORGASM ON YOUR FIRST TIME UNLESS YOU ARE VERY VERY LUCKY!
---
"“How dare you?” demanded Professor Snape.
And then Draco shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”
Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”
Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.
“Are you okay, Ebony?” Draco asked me gently.
“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the girl’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….
Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna live’ by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room"
AND DRACO WOULD NOT ADMIT HE'S IN LOVE, ESPECIALLY NOT TO SNAPE.
AND GUYS CAN'T GO INTO GIRLS' DORMS.
AND NOBODY CRIES TEARS OF BLOOD.
NOBODY.
WHAT THE?
LMAO
Oh man.
AND FURTHERMORE,DRACO WOULDN'T CHASE SOMEONE NAKED DOWN THE HALLS
---
"“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco’s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.
“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.
“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.
“My name’s Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.
“Why?” I exclaimed.
“Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled.
“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed.
“Really?” he whimpered.
“Yeah.” I roared.
We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him."
WHAT IS HARRY DOING THERE?
HARRY DOESN'T GIGGLE.
OR DRINK BLOOD.
AND HE CAN'T GET RID OF HIS SCAR.
LOL HIS NEW NAME IS 'VAMPIRE,' APPARENTLY.
lmfao
You should wait utnil they get to Hermione, or... 'B'LOODY MARY!'
AND IF YOU WERE A VAMPIRE AT HOGWARTS, YOU WOULD HAVE IT AT LEAST AS HARD AS LUPIN DID.
OH, AND DRACO HATES PARTBLOODS!
---
"Dark misery was in his depressed eyes."
HAHA!
lmfao
---
"My friend B’loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )"
AHAHA, THEY'VE GOTTEN TO HERMIONE!
---
"“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him."
WHY DO ALL THE TEACHERS TALK LIKE CRAZY PEOPLE?
AND SNAP WOULD NEVER CALL A SLYTHERIN A DIMWIT.
LOL IKR
---
"No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted “Imperius!” and I couldn’t run away.
“Crookshanks!” I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.
“Ebony.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Potter!”"
CROOKSHANKS SPEAKS?
AND USES ARCHAIC PRONOUNS?
---
"I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?
“No, Voldemort!” I shouted back."
Oh, wait, it's Voldemort.
---
Voldemort gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.
NOBODY USES GUNS IN HARRY POTTER.
---
"“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!”
“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly."
Telekinesis? You mean, like magic?
---
"I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.
We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache.
“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.”"
What? DRACO COMMITS SUICIDE? Over a GIRL? What the hell?
LOL IT IS SO MESSED UP!
---
"Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks."
Loopin? Was MASTICATING? THAT MEANS CHEWING, YOU IDIOT!
LMAO I KNOW. THAT IS ONE OF MY FAVES, same with 'mastabating.'
XDDD
---
"Suddenly Vampire ran in.
“Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. “Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…"
Harry kills LUPIN? Okay, bitch, this is PERSONAL. You do NOT mess with the Marauders.
---
"Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.
“What do you know, Hargrid? You’re just a little Hogwarts student!”"
Hargrid? Is a STUDENT?
---
"“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.
“Because you’re goffic?” Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.
“Because I LOVE HER!”"
XDDDDDDDDDD Wait. Hagrid doesn't have a wand.
lmfao Yes, I know. xD
But he DOES have a girlfriend. Who is, you know, ALSO A HALF GIANT.
rofl
---
"“U c, Enobby,” Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”"
Oh god, she can't spell anymore.
---
"“Dumbledore Dumblydore!” we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.
“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.
“Volsemort has Draco!” we shouted at the same time.
He laughed in an evil voice.
“No! Don’t! We need to save Draco!” we begged.
“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Vampire started crying. “My Draco!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)"
What the hell has she done to Dumbledore? He might not like Malfoy, but he would NEVER let a student die!
---
"We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Allah Kedavra!”"
ALLAH kedavra?
---
"We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail."
SNAKETAIL?
rofl Yes!
And, no, WORMtail didn't kill CEDRIC!
---
"“Rid my sight you despicable preps!” he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)"
And, what? He falls in love with her?
rofl
Apparently!
---
"Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class."
Biology?
At Hogwarts?
---
"We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing ‘Helena’. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!"
Death DEALERS? AS MCR?
Oh man.
Is it bad I really want to see Lucius Malfoy in this?
lmfao He is coming!
XD
---
"Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…………………………………DUMBLYDORE!"
DUMBLEDORE. LISTENS TO AVRIL.
NO. FUCKING. WAY.
---
“Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”
Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1.
“BTW you can call me Albert.” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.
ALBUS. Not ALBERT. GOD.
LOL
---
"Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…………………………………………………………….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1"
WHAT. SNAPE AND LUPIN. WHAT. If Lupin is going to be with ANY guy it's Sirius. And Sirius is dead.
...
OH GOD AND DOBBY WATCHED. -ded-
lmfao
---
"“Oh he’s bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn’t cum.” Vampire said shaking his hed. “U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?”
Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said ‘ENOBY’ on it."
Oh, no, wait, he's Harry's dogfather. Which actually makes sense.
Yes. lmao
---
"IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Mr. Norris."
Mrs. Norris? Can talk? And is a guy?
"Den he heard Filch meow. “Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked."
Oh, wait. Filch is the cat now. He can see the invisibility cloak?
---
"here was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1"
Fug?
lmao
---
"It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle’s dad was a vampire."
Wait, who's Diabolo? Ron?
Wait, Crabbe and Goyle have the same dad?
THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. THEY ARE BEING CALLED CRABBE AND GOYLE. Not Gregory and Vincent Crabbe-Goyle or something. CRABBE AND GOYLE.
Yes.
lmfao
---
"Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore."
Cornelia Fudged? He's... trans?
I don't even know anymore.
XDDDD
---
"“Very well.” Dumbledore said angrily. “Butt we cannot do this. We can’t close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…………………………………………………………………..Enony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.”"
Wait. What the hell? Harry is the only person who can kill Voldemort.
---
"“Eboby…..Ebony…….” Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice."
DARTH VALER? WHAT THE HELL?
lmfao Star Wars maybe?
---
"“Its ok gurl.” said B’loody Mary. “Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though.”"
Professor Sinister? Sinestra? THE ASTONOMY TEACHER?
---
"Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions."
TREVOLRY?
XD
---
"“Konnichiwa everybody come in.” said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She’s da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. She’s also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b’loody mry get along grate) She’s really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it.What is it Ebony?” she asked. “Hey I love ur nail polish where’d u get it, Hot Topik?”
“Yeah.” I answered. All the preps who didn’t know what HT was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. “Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?”
“Ho about now?” she asked.
“OK.” I said.
“OK class fucking dismissed every1.” Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. “Except for you Britney.” she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. “Please do exorcize (geddit) 1 on page 3.”
“OK I’m having lotz of visions.” I said in a worried voice. I’m so worried is Draco gong 2 die.
Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.
“What do you c?” she asked.
“I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram.”
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes."
Okay!
Wait, Draco was wearing a FACET?
How?
---
"I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where……………………… Lucian and Serious!111"
LUCIAN. AND SERIOUS. Okay. BITCH. SIRIUS?
Is this Lucius?
You know, DRACO'S FUCKING DAD?
ROFL Yes, I think so.
---
"I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake and Vampire. They nodded."
Serifs. SERIFS. I KEEL HER!
---
"When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?”"
Voldemint! XDDD
---
"“Are you okay?” Vampir asked potting his albastard hand on mine."
Albastard?
---
"It was………………………….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111"
Snope! AND PROFESSOR MCGOGGLE!
---
"But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. Then Profesor Trevolry said ‘Come on Ebony let’s go.”"
Oh, Sirius is a good guy.
---
"Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Tom Bombodil!1111"
Tom Bombodil? WHAT.
"“Da name’s Tom.” he said. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam”"
Oh, Tom SATAN Bombodil.
---
"professor sinster looked sad. “um I was drinking voldemortserum.”"
Voldemortserum.
---
"“U will see.” Draco giggled mistressly. He opened a door……………Snap nd Lumpkin werz there!11 Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife.
“NOOOO PLZ!1111” Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood."
Lumpkin? Is this LUPIN?
I think so!
And Sirius is a VAMPIRE. WHAT.
they are bringing in LOTR refrences!
OH BITCH I KEEL YOU. SIRIUS IS DOING WHAT TO LUPIN?
"“I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Abkhazian now, lol.”"
SIRIUS SENT LUPIN TO AZKABAN? BITCH.
I seriously doubt she even read the books. Especially the third. OR SHE WOULD KNOW HOW OUT OF CHARACTER THAT IS!
---
"“Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn.” Satan said. “He’s da Portents teacher…………..Ebony?”"
Wait, Slutborn?
Is that... SLUGHORN? And here I thought she hadn't read HBP!
---
"I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped………………..Draco wuz there!111
I grasped. He locked as hut as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.
“Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111” I gosped.
“Huh?” he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn’t Draco. It was Lucan!1 He stil had two arms.
“Oh hi Lucian!1” I sed. “Im Ebony the new student lol we shook handz.”
“Yah Satan told me abot you.” Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. It wuz Serious, Vampire’s dad and………………Snap! All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. “Lizzen I’m in a goth band wif those guys.” he said. “Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up."
Why is Lucius in the Slytherin common room?
...
WHY IS JAMES IN THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM?
"“Yeah.” he said. “Were calld XBlakXTearX. I play teh gutter. Spartacus plays da drums” he said ponting to him. “Snap plays the boss. And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring.”
“Hey bastards.” I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. “But don’t u have a lead singer!” I asked. Lucian looked dawn sadly.
“We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists.”"
Wait. James is SPARTACUS.
Hahahahahaha!
But..
I AM SPARTACUS!
Wait, was that LILY who killed herself?
Oh man. I don't even know. xD
Oh, no, James is SAMARO.
Wait.
JAMEZ is Samaro.
Who is Spartacus?
lol I don't even know!
---
"Instead there was…………………………………………Cornelio Fuck!11111"
Cornelia Fuck. WHAT.
---
"“Oh my fuking satan!1” I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now. Classes shal be taught by Dubledork who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge."
Oh, Rumbridge! So she HAS read OOTP!
---
"You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Silas, Samaro and Snap were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR.
“Oh hi you guys.” I said seductively. “Wheres Satan?”
“Oh he’s cumming.” said Serious. “BTW u can kall me Hades now.”"
Silas.
Is now Hades.
Wait, are they in the past?
Yes, I think.
---
"AN// I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh."
YES! SOMEONE FINALLY HACKED HER!
---
"“No u don’t understand!1” screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake’s"
THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS.
LMAO THAT IS NOT ANATOMATICLALY CORRECT.
---
Oh my god. Cammie...
THAT WAS THE WORST FANFIC EVER! At least, as far as I've been willing to read.
ROFL I KNOW. XD Yes. I personally thought it was hilarous.
Where was Ron?
He was 'Diablo,' remember?
Really?
Where was Tonks?
Where was Ginny?
Was Ginny Willow?
Where was Narcissa Malfoy?
Was Narcissa the lead singer who killed herself?
Ahaha I don't know. XD
How do you write a fic with Draco and Lucius but not Narcissa?
Or Harry and James but not Lily?
WHY DOES SHE HATE MOMS? Please, won't somebody think of the moms?
Hahahaha XD
I want to lock her in a room with every canon girlfriend she killed/ignored. That means: Ginny, Pansy, Narcissa, Lily, Tonks, and Madame Olympe.
Hell, I want to lock her in a room with James and Sirius and listen to them mock her. Lupin can come too, I guess.
---
Poor Pete is a bit self conscious
and he thinks that he's a vampire.
He gets in to his off-white saturn and heads into the suburbs.
He looks at himself in the mirror, like a girl putting makeup on
He wants to buy a brand new pair of teeth,
but they don't except coupons.
Is this gonna be the night that his daily horoscope comes true?
He knows Venus is in retrograde, but not if the moon is new.
Poor Pete isn't fashion forward, but he likes to think he's ultra cool.
He wink at a girl named Siouxsie while she's playing bumper pool.
She looks at him rather blankly,
before mouthing the words, "yeah, right."
She knows Pete's not the kind of guy
who will ever get it right.