(no subject)
two nights ago on tuesday, at 7:15 p.m., i was filling my car with gas on the corner of la brea and beverly blvd, three blocks from my childhood home.
i did what i always do: pull up, stop the car, enter the requisite info, put the pump in, step on the tiny step, lean my back onto the car, put my hands into prayer position, and offer my gratitude.
when i was 16 and started driving, i began a weekly ritual of saying thanks every time i pumped gas; at some point, my food related gratitude merged, and it became my only time of prayer, a once-a-week ritual of gratitude for all:
"thank you to all the animals that gave up your lives for my food this week. thank you cows, thank you chickens, thank you lambs, thank you fish and any other creatures from the sea; thank you cows also for your milk, chickens for your unborn young and bees for your honey; thank you to the plants i have eaten and to the trees for your fruits, and to any plants i may have used as my medicine; thank you earth for this oil with which i fuel my car, and for the air i breathe, water i drink, and land i walk on. i, too, will one day be a part of the soil which will fuel your future generations."
i have been saying this for years and years without incident, focusing on the warmth emanating from the sincerity of my heart.
as i completed the final words, i opened my eyes, and my attention was immediately drawn downward. my head moved, almost involuntarily, toward my feet. i began feeling a surge of warmth, vibrations, electrical surging, running from the bottoms of my feet and up my legs, stopping right below the kneecaps on both legs. then i began receiving clear mental messages, being filtered through my own repertoire of vocabulary and my own typical linguistic renderings.
the first thing i received/saw was an acknowledgment and recognition: "i/we know who you are." then a clear picture of a multitude of entities showing an awareness and a receptivity. the message was clear: "every time you offer your thanks, we hear it. it is met and received." the sensations in my legs meanwhile grew stronger. my mind immediately turned back to an incident when i was 13 when i killed a lizard during lunch break; a time in my life when i was hopped up on high dosages of ritalin and was much darker, out of touch with myself, out of touch with bio-connectivity. the message i got as this memory came back was clear: "do not concern yourself with such things. from a higher spiritual vantage point, we learn from all our relations with people, and we are well aware of what you are truly about and who you are in a much grander sense." the messages ceased; i was left with a feeling of tremendous peace, and the sensations in my feet and legs persisted for the next ten minutes or so.
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last night as an experiment i slept with my door open. at 4 am, allegra came in, hopped up on my futon, and snuggled next to me. but she chose a position such that her tail contentedly started flopping directly in my face and nose. i somehow found a way of gently pinning her tail such that we could sleep together, but then my sleep took on this markedly robitussinal quality and i was incapable of distinguishing what was her mewling vs. my projections. i dreamt that i ran my fingers through her erector muscles into some sort of an infinity, and i'm not sure if the noise she emitted was real. i finally had to get up and lovingly kick her out so i could get a genuine night's sleep.
i did what i always do: pull up, stop the car, enter the requisite info, put the pump in, step on the tiny step, lean my back onto the car, put my hands into prayer position, and offer my gratitude.
when i was 16 and started driving, i began a weekly ritual of saying thanks every time i pumped gas; at some point, my food related gratitude merged, and it became my only time of prayer, a once-a-week ritual of gratitude for all:
"thank you to all the animals that gave up your lives for my food this week. thank you cows, thank you chickens, thank you lambs, thank you fish and any other creatures from the sea; thank you cows also for your milk, chickens for your unborn young and bees for your honey; thank you to the plants i have eaten and to the trees for your fruits, and to any plants i may have used as my medicine; thank you earth for this oil with which i fuel my car, and for the air i breathe, water i drink, and land i walk on. i, too, will one day be a part of the soil which will fuel your future generations."
i have been saying this for years and years without incident, focusing on the warmth emanating from the sincerity of my heart.
as i completed the final words, i opened my eyes, and my attention was immediately drawn downward. my head moved, almost involuntarily, toward my feet. i began feeling a surge of warmth, vibrations, electrical surging, running from the bottoms of my feet and up my legs, stopping right below the kneecaps on both legs. then i began receiving clear mental messages, being filtered through my own repertoire of vocabulary and my own typical linguistic renderings.
the first thing i received/saw was an acknowledgment and recognition: "i/we know who you are." then a clear picture of a multitude of entities showing an awareness and a receptivity. the message was clear: "every time you offer your thanks, we hear it. it is met and received." the sensations in my legs meanwhile grew stronger. my mind immediately turned back to an incident when i was 13 when i killed a lizard during lunch break; a time in my life when i was hopped up on high dosages of ritalin and was much darker, out of touch with myself, out of touch with bio-connectivity. the message i got as this memory came back was clear: "do not concern yourself with such things. from a higher spiritual vantage point, we learn from all our relations with people, and we are well aware of what you are truly about and who you are in a much grander sense." the messages ceased; i was left with a feeling of tremendous peace, and the sensations in my feet and legs persisted for the next ten minutes or so.
----------
last night as an experiment i slept with my door open. at 4 am, allegra came in, hopped up on my futon, and snuggled next to me. but she chose a position such that her tail contentedly started flopping directly in my face and nose. i somehow found a way of gently pinning her tail such that we could sleep together, but then my sleep took on this markedly robitussinal quality and i was incapable of distinguishing what was her mewling vs. my projections. i dreamt that i ran my fingers through her erector muscles into some sort of an infinity, and i'm not sure if the noise she emitted was real. i finally had to get up and lovingly kick her out so i could get a genuine night's sleep.