Beacuse I think too much....
And (even though I'm not too good at it) like to write, I'll think myself into circles here.
Do things happen for a reason?
It's certainly something to ponder. Someone looking for an easier road might say things just happen. Which is true, things do just happen, but that doesn't mean there's not some reason behind it. You can gain something from most everything.
I know it's extreme, but there's alot you can gain in someone's death. Fairly recently my grandma passed away, god rest her soul. Saddly, if she hadn't passed, I dont think I'd be as close to my family as I am currently if she was still living. I wouldn't have the incredibly support group I have had she continued living, at least I never would have realized what all I had. Not only is there something to gain from her death, but also her life. She was a very strong woman that went though some shit that I dont think I could have handeled going through, and come out on top like she did. In her life I've found some reason for strength, a reason to hope, and a reason to keep loving no matter how hard it gets. My life isn't nearly as hard as her was, she lost her parents at a young age during the depression and pretty much grew up in a tent, her two older sister's taking care of her. It just proves that no matter how hard life gets, the one thing you'll always have is a reason to hope. Once you lose your hope you lose everything.
At the moment Im not the best person in the world. Yes everyone has flaws, I truely believe that people have just as much bad in them as they do good, it's what they act on that counts. But I still find my self having a hard time truely trusting people. I'm a strange kinda girl that actually hates talking about how I actually feel with people. Partially beacuse Im afraid of hurting someone, but Im also kinda afriad to get hurt too in a way. If pushed I have a tendency to be overly direct and just tell you flat out what im thinking or feeling, no holds barred. And sometimes people dont always want the truth, so I just dont say anything. Becuase of my mild dis-trust in people, I've never actually let myself "fall" for anyone, and often times I think I might not be able too. Not that I dont want too, I'm just.....weird. I always say it's because I havent met anyone worth my time, but I dont think thats it. There have been plenty of people who have been willing to cut off their own arms for me, and I effectivly pushed them away. But (and heres where I kinda get back to my point...woo tangents) I have hope that the someone patient will come along, just for me (cuz yes, I am THAT full of myself) who'll give me the time I need to just let the gates open. I'm confident that It'll take a hell of a long time, and if I get hurt, it'll take even longer. But it'll happen. If I dont have that hope, I'll just live a lonely, hopefully sucsessful life. I wanna evetually get married, have children, potentially bring home the bacon, and have a husband that wont expect more then what I can give.
Had my grandma not passed away (and this is back to the original point again, yay for a tangent in a tangent) I dont think I really would have come to such a conclusion. I'm always rediculously hard on myself about most everything, and always tell myself I can do better then I am. Becuase I can. But if theres one thing I learned from my Grandma, it's that sometimes I just need to give myself a little time. I dont need to push myself and make my little hampster run the wheel any faster. Yes the hampster will make a full rotation on said wheel twice as fast when pushed, but it gets tired after a while and cant make those rotaions for nearly as long. If I dont start being more patient with myself, I'll burn myself out before I've even reached my peek of awesome. I just need to be as patient with myself as I am with others.
Being the person that I am, that has a plan for most every possible out come, I need to also plan for failure. Everyone has flaws, eveyone will fail. But that doesnt mean to stop, that means you just need to get up, get a band-aid, and try harder.
It's a slightly inconsistant thought process (I think becuase Im no writer ^^;) but I honestly believe everything really does happen for a reason, theres always something to gain from everything.
Though it could just be that I watch way too much House.
Do things happen for a reason?
It's certainly something to ponder. Someone looking for an easier road might say things just happen. Which is true, things do just happen, but that doesn't mean there's not some reason behind it. You can gain something from most everything.
I know it's extreme, but there's alot you can gain in someone's death. Fairly recently my grandma passed away, god rest her soul. Saddly, if she hadn't passed, I dont think I'd be as close to my family as I am currently if she was still living. I wouldn't have the incredibly support group I have had she continued living, at least I never would have realized what all I had. Not only is there something to gain from her death, but also her life. She was a very strong woman that went though some shit that I dont think I could have handeled going through, and come out on top like she did. In her life I've found some reason for strength, a reason to hope, and a reason to keep loving no matter how hard it gets. My life isn't nearly as hard as her was, she lost her parents at a young age during the depression and pretty much grew up in a tent, her two older sister's taking care of her. It just proves that no matter how hard life gets, the one thing you'll always have is a reason to hope. Once you lose your hope you lose everything.
At the moment Im not the best person in the world. Yes everyone has flaws, I truely believe that people have just as much bad in them as they do good, it's what they act on that counts. But I still find my self having a hard time truely trusting people. I'm a strange kinda girl that actually hates talking about how I actually feel with people. Partially beacuse Im afraid of hurting someone, but Im also kinda afriad to get hurt too in a way. If pushed I have a tendency to be overly direct and just tell you flat out what im thinking or feeling, no holds barred. And sometimes people dont always want the truth, so I just dont say anything. Becuase of my mild dis-trust in people, I've never actually let myself "fall" for anyone, and often times I think I might not be able too. Not that I dont want too, I'm just.....weird. I always say it's because I havent met anyone worth my time, but I dont think thats it. There have been plenty of people who have been willing to cut off their own arms for me, and I effectivly pushed them away. But (and heres where I kinda get back to my point...woo tangents) I have hope that the someone patient will come along, just for me (cuz yes, I am THAT full of myself) who'll give me the time I need to just let the gates open. I'm confident that It'll take a hell of a long time, and if I get hurt, it'll take even longer. But it'll happen. If I dont have that hope, I'll just live a lonely, hopefully sucsessful life. I wanna evetually get married, have children, potentially bring home the bacon, and have a husband that wont expect more then what I can give.
Had my grandma not passed away (and this is back to the original point again, yay for a tangent in a tangent) I dont think I really would have come to such a conclusion. I'm always rediculously hard on myself about most everything, and always tell myself I can do better then I am. Becuase I can. But if theres one thing I learned from my Grandma, it's that sometimes I just need to give myself a little time. I dont need to push myself and make my little hampster run the wheel any faster. Yes the hampster will make a full rotation on said wheel twice as fast when pushed, but it gets tired after a while and cant make those rotaions for nearly as long. If I dont start being more patient with myself, I'll burn myself out before I've even reached my peek of awesome. I just need to be as patient with myself as I am with others.
Being the person that I am, that has a plan for most every possible out come, I need to also plan for failure. Everyone has flaws, eveyone will fail. But that doesnt mean to stop, that means you just need to get up, get a band-aid, and try harder.
It's a slightly inconsistant thought process (I think becuase Im no writer ^^;) but I honestly believe everything really does happen for a reason, theres always something to gain from everything.
Though it could just be that I watch way too much House.