(no subject)
I haven't been posting lately because thinking about my body fills me with so much hatred and disgust I can barely will myself to move. I've had a few small binges so far this year (including today, when I ate over 1000 calories less than 30 minutes after waking up), but mostly I'm just too depressed about the state of things to start eating better. It's been weeks since I stepped on the scale, because I know the number will be above 150 and I'm afraid of what I'll do to myself if it is. I feel like a horrible faker wishing to be as sick as I was last year, but I miss whatever control I had then.