down, down
I've hit the can't be bothered to read fanfics wall so fast it's funny. I'm not sure if it's a book out in a month thing or a bored with HP fandom thing, or a bored with fanfics thing. (If it's a HP fandom thing, possibly PotC will take its place - half way there already).It's sad, though, because it means I'm all bored and in need for an obsession. If I don't have something to focus my mind on I just get overly anxious.
Also there's a dozen of started up fanfics which right I don't think I even have a chance at finished, which is rather sad. And th darkfic - the ones to read, and the one I should have written and I'd even had a very good title - it's a shame. Actually I'm supposed to write fanfics for at least two exchanges I think, I'm not sure if I'll be able to summon the interest.
How do people make themselves do things, generally speaking? I never could find the way - just sounds overly complacent of me but it's how it happens, either I'm motivated to do something, either I just can't. Even if it's something I actually want. Like some kind of knot tied in my stomach and squeezing if I even think of doing it. Like it was something incredibly difficult and complex to do when it's usually overly common and simple tasks - as simple and ordinary as breathing and walking. So im usually picking between feeling very bad about not doing something and just basking in self-loathing about not doing it but being no closer to actual action (which in a way is just as complacent), or skillfully avoiding thinking of it with shiny, pretty distraction. Neither option actually help action. Does anyone have advice?
Otherwise I'm reading KJ Parker's Evil for Evil and knowing full well that she was going to break my heart in it doens't make t any easier to bear. I swear it's the closest thing to darkfic I've ever read (that's a lie, there's plenty of dark novels out there - serious, upstanding stories like Lord of the fllies or 1984 but I don't usualy love the characters so much in those storie, somehow the aesthetics doesn't feel the same).
Yesterday I went to a RPG night at an association, playing Scion. That was one of the worst work of GMing I've ever seen, really really awful, almost no initiative at all, nor any sense of roleplay. I escaped before the last subway pretexing a headache. I had a friend at the same table whom just told me he also ran away actually saying he didn't have any fun XD
That kind of misadventure apart, I'm really feeling more motivated by RPGs than I've been in a long while. Today I've been one page open to buy of The Mortal Coil wondering whether it was worth it or not. It looks like a terrific game, but I'm not sure I have a table to play it. Maybe Aurel. I'd have to ask if there'd be interested.
I feel like I spend way too much time buying stuff which I never use. There's funny thing about buying in that way. Feels goog buying stuff, but then it all sorts of fall down because you never have enough time (even if you did, you wouldn't). Sorts of end up being a game of prioritizing and focussing but somehow it doesn't really feel better.
That's all for today.
ETA: LJ just told me my account is expiring soon XD so, should I give them more money? I incline in thinking "no".
Also there's a dozen of started up fanfics which right I don't think I even have a chance at finished, which is rather sad. And th darkfic - the ones to read, and the one I should have written and I'd even had a very good title - it's a shame. Actually I'm supposed to write fanfics for at least two exchanges I think, I'm not sure if I'll be able to summon the interest.
How do people make themselves do things, generally speaking? I never could find the way - just sounds overly complacent of me but it's how it happens, either I'm motivated to do something, either I just can't. Even if it's something I actually want. Like some kind of knot tied in my stomach and squeezing if I even think of doing it. Like it was something incredibly difficult and complex to do when it's usually overly common and simple tasks - as simple and ordinary as breathing and walking. So im usually picking between feeling very bad about not doing something and just basking in self-loathing about not doing it but being no closer to actual action (which in a way is just as complacent), or skillfully avoiding thinking of it with shiny, pretty distraction. Neither option actually help action. Does anyone have advice?
Otherwise I'm reading KJ Parker's Evil for Evil and knowing full well that she was going to break my heart in it doens't make t any easier to bear. I swear it's the closest thing to darkfic I've ever read (that's a lie, there's plenty of dark novels out there - serious, upstanding stories like Lord of the fllies or 1984 but I don't usualy love the characters so much in those storie, somehow the aesthetics doesn't feel the same).
Yesterday I went to a RPG night at an association, playing Scion. That was one of the worst work of GMing I've ever seen, really really awful, almost no initiative at all, nor any sense of roleplay. I escaped before the last subway pretexing a headache. I had a friend at the same table whom just told me he also ran away actually saying he didn't have any fun XD
That kind of misadventure apart, I'm really feeling more motivated by RPGs than I've been in a long while. Today I've been one page open to buy of The Mortal Coil wondering whether it was worth it or not. It looks like a terrific game, but I'm not sure I have a table to play it. Maybe Aurel. I'd have to ask if there'd be interested.
I feel like I spend way too much time buying stuff which I never use. There's funny thing about buying in that way. Feels goog buying stuff, but then it all sorts of fall down because you never have enough time (even if you did, you wouldn't). Sorts of end up being a game of prioritizing and focussing but somehow it doesn't really feel better.
That's all for today.
ETA: LJ just told me my account is expiring soon XD so, should I give them more money? I incline in thinking "no".