(no subject)

[etowngirl18]

I am a throw up poster. Meaning when something happens and I need to spew it out, here it is. So not that anything has happened, I'm just not totally satisfied with my life right now. I'm in medical school and that's awesome. I have friends that mean the world to me and that's awesome. I have a great boyfriend and that's awesome. But I want more and I want it now. I had to go to the doctor last week because I was sick, and the number on the scale made me just want to be sicker. I want to look better now. I want to be a doctor now. I'm sick of being in long distance relationships where I'm so so into it but I can't be with them now. I just want things now. I'm not a patient person, I never have been. I've just been working really hard and I want those things. A stable relationship with someone who I can actually see more than twice or so a month. Immediate gratification. I'm sick of the things I know I do wrong. I want to be thin and look better but I want to eat brownies and it's so much easier to eat the brownies. I'm lonely cause my boyfriend isn't around and I end up flirting with the one person that's dangerous to me. I'm whining without fixing.
So, to those out there who occasionally respond, is it just my luck that I end up in long distance relationships? Or am I sabotaging myself? Am I so desperate for a connection that I'll take it when it isn't totally right? Or does it just work out that way, and I'm willing to go for something that's right even if it takes work? That's the story of my life. I just don't know if it's cyclic - I want things that need so much work put into them, or just turns out that the things I want need work. And what do I do to be happy with where I'm at now?