A Series Of Unfortunate Events -Chapter 7
Jensen’s nervousness and excitement somehow take Jared by surprise. He had expected the irritable and moody Jensen of the past month, not the cheerful man speaking to his sister on the phone, his shaky voice a tad higher. Jensen is talking a lot more than usual too. He lets out nervous giggles from time to time, smiling at whatever his sister is telling him. This side of Jensen is brand new. Jared wonders if he reacts this way every time something important and stressful happens to him, because he’s got to admit, this Jensen he sees right now is adorable. Like, enough for Jared to stare and think aww… as if he’s staring at a puppy tripping over his own feet.
According to Mackenzie, this could be the beginning of labor, but it could also be a false start. She tells Jensen to call the hospital’s birth center and talk to a nurse. He does it immediately, putting the woman on speaker so that Jared can listen to any pertinent information as well.
The nurse tells them to monitor the contractions and write them down. She advises Jensen to take a shower and to try to lie down on his left side. There is no hurry, if he’s certain his water hasn’t broken yet. When the contractions get into a regular pattern, they're occurring every eight to ten minutes for at least an hour, then it will be time to go to the hospital. If anything worries him in the meantime, Jensen can call back, or even come in early for a checkup.
They’re both trying to stay calm as they find a notebook and a pen, then check for Jensen and the baby’s bag. It’s soon clear that the contractions are following a regular pattern, occurring every fifteen minutes, more or less, their duration going from forty-five seconds to one minute. They’re not really painful, Jensen explains, just uncomfortable.
After the shower, and the lying down, and a half hour of monitoring with both of them practically holding their breath between the contractions, Jared knows they need something to pass the time before they both go crazy. He proposes a game of cards to Jensen. The other man looks at him, eyebrows lifted.
“Cards?”
“Yeah, like… Go Fish, or Crazy Eights?”
“Hum… I don’t even think I have a deck, but there is a box in the basement with some board games I never had time to open.”
Jensen seems relieved at Jared’s proposition to play a game. He’s getting calmer now, the excitement of the first hour leaving him still nervous, but quieter. His nerves show in the way he talks and the few tics he has happening way more frequently, like licking his upper lip compulsively, or playing with his fingers on his thighs.
Waiting for the contractions to happen can only worsen this nervousness, for Jared as well. He finds the box and opens it on the kitchen table. It’s full to the brim with different games, but it’s Scrabble that gets Jensen’s attention. “Love this game,” he says, holding the worn out box with something like affection in his eyes. “No one in my family wants to play with me anymore because I’m really good at it. Only Josh’s wife, Hannah. We would meet at least once a week to play together.”
“So try me,” Jared says immediately. He’s not that good at Scrabble, but he doesn’t want Jensen to fall into a melancholy state just as he’s about to give birth -what a time to miss his family. They settle at the kitchen table, Jensen’s back propped up by a pillow.
It quickly becomes clear that Jared has no chance whatsoever, even if the guy he’s playing against is in labor, for god’s sake. They do have a good time, though, and Jensen laughs a lot. It’s the most relaxed Jared has seen him since the beginning of his labor.
“You know,” he says, waiting on Jared who's trying to see if he can place anything at all on the board. “Since the beginning, it’s been hard for me, picturing myself with a baby in my arms. But now I can see it. I can almost feel his weight and hear his cries.”
“You still talk about the baby as if you were sure it was a boy.”
“I don’t do it on purpose,” Jensen protests. “S’just… my intuition, for what it’s worth. I don’t mind either way. Oh, I think… yeah, another contraction.”
Jared looks at his watch. “It’s eight thirty-one… sixteen minutes since the last one.”
Jensen nods and writes it down. They don’t measure the duration anymore, since it doesn’t change. When it’s over, Jensen shakes his head with an expression that could be disbelief.
“Great! It’s going slow,” he says, smiling. “And it’s normal. Usually, first pregnancy labors start slowly.”
“Well, yeah…” Jared’s not sure he understand. “ And it’s great because?”
“Because it’s me!” Jensen replies playfully. “I mean, something is going to happen, eventually, like… we’ll be stuck in a traffic jam, or Dr. Cortese will be unreachable, you know, bad luck. I’m just surprised that so far, everything is going as it’s supposed to. Regular contraction pattern and all.”
“What use I would be as a good luck charm if I couldn’t even help you have a normal labor?” Jared jokes.
“You’re so effective it’s almost scary sometimes. Are you gonna play or…”
“No. Can I change all my letters?”
“Yep, but you’ll have to skip your turn,” Jensen explains.
“As if it can change anything, you already have four hundred points over me.”
“I… no, wait…” Jensen looks at the score sheet. “That’s… four hundred and sixteen points over you, thank you very much.”
He grins wickedly.
“It’s not over,” Jared groans.
But it is. He gives up twenty minute later. Just in time for Jensen to feel sick again and run to the bathroom.
::: :::
After puking for the second time since their love-making, Jensen starts to feel weird. It’s like the pressure on his lower back has suddenly exploded and a diffuse burning sensation is spreading from there to his belly, everything constricting so hard that Jensen can’t breathe. He was just getting up from the bathroom floor, holding Jared’s hand, but there is no way he can unfold completely, so he remains in a crouching position, arms wrapped around his belly. He thinks Jared might actually be asking him something, but he can’t hear quite right over the groaning sound that, surprisingly, is coming from his own throat.
Something’s wrong.
Something has to be wrong. It’s like he’s having appendicitis all over again, only worse.
“Hurts,” he breathes out when the pain starts to recede. “Hospital. Jay.”
Suddenly, though, it starts getting better. Jensen doesn’t know which author said that there is nothing as exquisite as the absence of pain after suffering -Asimov, he seems to recall- but he gets it now. Nothing has ever been so true. He finds himself sitting on the bathroom floor, his back against the wall, not really remembering how he got there, but Jared is crouched in front of him, wiping his face with a cold towel, and it feels good.
“You okay?” He asked in a concerned voice.
“I’m okay now,” Jensen answers, rubbing his belly. “I… I think that was a contraction, but… Like, a hundred times more powerful than the last one. Does some labor happen like this? With the pattern shifting suddenly?”
“I… I think so, but I don’t recall everything I’ve read. You think we should take you to the hospital now?”
Now that Jensen can think clearly, he hesitates. Maybe they should wait to see if the next contraction is as painful as this one. Once he's at the hospital, he’ll be confined to a bed with nurses and doctors hovering over him, and he wants to stay home as long as possible. He feels good here, with Jared by his side, trusting him to take care of him whatever happens.
“Jen?”
“I don’t know. Let’s wait a little more. I should call Mackenzie. Maybe it only hurt that much because I was puking my guts out right before, I’m not sure…”
“You were in pain. A lot of pain,” Jared insists, looking unconvinced.
“Yes, but now I really feel better.”
Which is a stupid thing to say, considering it’s only normal to feel okay between contractions. Still, Jensen has made up his mind and Jared seems to go with the flow, and they head back to the kitchen where Jensen downs a large glass of water, not caring about his still upset stomach.
He’s just put his glass down when he feels it again, the burning sensation at the small of his back. He tries to stay calm, but soon enough his belly begins to tense, and he’s filled with panic at the thought of being in so much pain once more. He tries to breathe, but only succeeds in getting a small amount of air into his lungs. He won’t be able to stay upright, so he leans his arms and chest on the counter and tries to stop his legs from shaking.
The contraction is getting stronger, and once again, Jensen finds himself trapped in his bubble of pain, moaning helplessly while Jared sits close and starts rubbing soothing circles on his back. It doesn’t do any good; every single place Jared is touching feels like it's on fire, and Jensen pushes him away, yelling at him to stop.
When the pain finally starts to subside, Jensen finds himself panting loudly, covered in sweat. He lets his head fall down on his folded arms, his heart beating hard and fast in his chest, wondering what the hell is happening to him.
“Jensen?”
Jared’s voice is low, the tone is careful. Jensen can’t believe he pushed him away. He murmurs an apology.
“No, it’s okay, don’t worry about it. Listen, there were only five minutes between this contraction and the last one. We should get you to the hospital, alright?”
“What’s happening?” Jensen asks, turning his head to look at Jared.
“I think your little lodger just figured out how eager he is to meet you.”
Jensen snorts. “That’s the cheesiest thing you ever said.”
“I know,” Jared smiles. “Still, let’s get moving, okay? I want you to have time to put on some shoes and your coat before the next contraction comes.”
“Great plan,” Jensen says.
::: :::
Jared is scared. Driving on the almost-deserted road, he thanks every deity he can think of that Jensen’s labor decided to pick up speed late at night and not during traffic hours.
Jensen has had two other contractions so far, and he’s barely holding it together. There's still about ten minutes to go before they reach the hospital, and Jared is scared they won’t make it in time -even more so when Jensen tells him he feels something pushing “down there.”
Jared has read about quick labor, also called precipitated labor, and it seems to be exactly what is happening to Jensen right now. In some cases, the labor starts normally before abruptly picking up speed, and then everything happens real fast. Jared has read more than one comment about getting to the hospital just in time, or having to give birth in the car.
It’s very rare with first pregnancies. Trust Jensen to have a precipitated labor despite the statistics.
“Jay?” Jensen pants, looking at him with wide, scared eyes.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want to give birth in the car.”
Great. Now Jensen’s a damn mind reader. Jared swallows loudly and tries to answers as calmly as possible. “You won’t. We’re almost there.”
“It burns down there,” Jensen moans, wiggling on his seat. Then he stops all of sudden. “Oh god, I’m leaking, Jared. I think I just broke my- oh. Holy shit, fuck, fuck, another one’s coming.”
“It’s okay, I’m here, I’m right here,” Jared says while Jensen folds in on himself, a low groan escaping his lips.
“No, it’s not okay!” Jensen pants. “Jared, fuck, it hurts!”
“I know, Jen. I know, I’m sorry.”
The groan is soon replaced by a scream, harsh and low, cut off by swearing. Jensen is so tense that he’s shaking all over. Jared presses harder on the accelerator. He’s going ten miles over the speed limit. He accelerates to twenty.
After a minute or so -that could be an eternity for Jared, given how hard it is to see Jensen in such pain- Jensen starts to relax again. He’s breathing so fast and deep that Jared is scared he’s going to hyperventilate, which is the last thing they need right now.
“Slow down your breathing, Jen.”
“Trying, I can’t!” Jensen protests.
Jared uses the electronic control to lowers Jensen’s window. The icy wind seems to help. Jensen leans into it, shivering. “Lot of pressure, Jay,” he croaks. “We won’t make it. I’m gonna give birth in the fucking car!”
“I told you, I won’t let it happen. Don’t worry about it, try to rest between the contractions.”
“I should’ve known,” Jensen whispers. “I should have known better than to say how normal my labor was. I jinxed it.”
“No such thing, Jen. Calm down.”
“You calm down! I… your seat is all wet and I'm still leaking and the baby’s ready to come out and we’re in your fucking car. Half an hour ago, we were playing Scrabble, for god’s sake.”
“Maybe we bored the baby so badly, he decided he needed out?” Jared tries a tentative smile and is relieved to see one quirking Jensen’s lips up.
“That’s a lame joke.”
“I know, but it worked.”
“Promise.”
“What?”
“That I won’t have the baby in the car.”
Jared doesn’t even blink. “I promise.”
He hopes it sounds true. And curses himself once more for not having followed his first instinct and called an ambulance.
“Jesus, another one,” Jensen panics. “It can’t be five minutes already.”
No. Maybe two, and Jared is being generous at that. He drives through a very yellow light without giving it a second thought. Next to him, Jensen cries while holding on the dashboard with both hands, his knuckles white. It’s almost unbearable. Jared’s father had told him that the feeling of helplessness, seeing someone you love suffering, was the most difficult part of witnessing a labor and delivery. It’s only now that Jared truly gets it.
He can’t do anything to relieve Jensen. The poor guy can’t stand his touch when he’s in pain, and even though Jared keeps on telling him to breathe, that he’s doing great, he doubts Jensen hears him over his own cries.
“…motherfucker… god, Jared, I can’t…” Jensen pants, tears welling in his eyes.
“Yes, you can. You’re doing it. Five more minutes and we’ll be at the hospital.”
“I want it to stop, it hurts too much,” Jensen moans. “I don’t care if I sound like a wuss, I can’t take it anymore.”
“I know, baby, I know, I’m so sorry.”
Jared only realizes afterward that he called Jensen “baby.” It just slipped out of his lips. Jensen doesn’t seem to mind, though -hell, Jared could have called him honey bunny and he wouldn’t have the slightest reaction.
By the time they reach the hospital, Jensen has had two more contractions: they're now coming one after the other with Jensen only able to take a couple of breaths in between. He says the pressure is getting unbearable “down there,” as well as the burning sensation. Jared knows that he can’t be too far from the expulsion phase by now.
Jared parks the car right in front of the hospital entrance and runs into the lobby to grab a wheelchair. That’s when he realizes his mistake.
Jensen had explained to him that the quickest way to get to the labor and delivery ward was from the main entrance. There is an elevator at the end of the corridor on the right for the sole purpose of making it easy for expectant parents to get there as soon as possible. Which would be great under normal circumstances, but probably not when you may already be ready to push.
Jared should have chosen the emergency entrance. Jensen would have received immediate medical attention.
Too late, he thinks, running back to the car with the wheelchair in front of a security guard whom he thinks might say something to him. He’s the only person in the hospital’s main lobby at eleven-thirty at night.
“My friend’s in labor,” he yells behind him, not waiting for a response.
Jensen has already opened his door and put both feet on the ground, but he must have been stopped by another contraction because he’s curled in on himself, growling like a wounded animal.
“Come on, Jen, we’ll get you-“
“Shut up,” Jensen hisses between his teeth. “Just… wait…”
After a few seconds that might as well have been hours, Jensen lifts his head. “It’s like the baby’s pushing to get out, Jay,” he says in a thin voice. “I can’t stop it.”
“We’re almost there, Jensen. Let’s go, we’ll make it.”
Jared practically lifts his friend into the wheelchair. When they pass the sliding door, the security guards stop them. “Sir, you can’t leave your car-“
“Fuck, move it yourself,” Jared yells at him, “we need to get to the obstetric ward!”
He throws his keys at the young man who nods and lets them pass, calling someone with his walkie-talkie.
“Turn right,” Jensen groans.
He's gripping the chair’s arm and seems to be holding his breath. Jared walks as fast as he can without outright running. “Where’s the damn elevator?”
“At the end of the corridor, you can’t- Fuck, Jay, fuck, it burns, I need…”
“Almost there!”
Jensen groans and shakes his head. “STOP!”
Jared doesn’t listen to him. There, he finally sees the elevator with a huge sign over it reading: Delivery Ward. It’s like he’s found his Eldorado, the feeling of relief is so great. He runs the few steps that still separate them from it. Jensen curses loudly, telling him once again to stop the damn wheelchair, but Jared doesn’t listen. He only stops when he’s in front of the elevator, pushing the button.
“The baby needs out, now!” Jensen says in a strained voice.
His face is beet red, his knuckles white on the chair’s arms. He’s pushing, Jared realizes just as the elevator doors open.
“Jensen, stop it, we’re almost there.”
“I…” Jensen grunts and bears down. “I … fucking can’t…”
“Alright, okay, here, let me…”
Jared lifts him up and drags him inside the elevator. He presses the button without letting him go, but then Jensen is screaming: “Put me down!” and Jared slides onto the floor with him.
“Fuck. Fuck, Jay, take my fucking shoes off… And my… god, here it comes again… my pants, I need…”
Jensen’s back is leaning against the elevator’s wall, his legs are bent, and Jared knows that the baby is coming, quickly. He manages to take off Jensen's shoes and lowers down the soiled pants and underwear. Jensen is bearing down, pushing so hard all his muscles shake under the strain.
The elevator’s door open, but Jared knows he can’t take Jensen anywhere; he can see between the other man’s legs, where his hole is stretched obscenely around something that can only be the top of the baby’s head.
“Need some help here!” Jared screams.
There is no need for more cries. Two nurses are already there. The one dressed in a light blue uniform immediately steps inside the elevator and locks it in position with the emergency button. The other, wearing pink scrubs, is kneeling between Jensen’s legs, gloves on her hands. “It’s okay, sir, the security guard warned us,” she says.
She then smiles at Jensen. “So, we’re in a bit of a hurry, right?”
“Gotta push,” Jensen warns desperately.
“It’s okay, sweetheart, you can push. It’s too late to take you to a room, so we’ll do it here.”
Blue Nurse takes Jared’s arm. “I’m sorry, sir, but can you give us some space?”
Jared nods, pushing himself up.
“He’s not going anywhere!” Jensen yells, propping himself up with his hands. “He stays with me, do you understand?”
Pink Nurse, the one who’s on the floor with him, nods and tells him in a soothing voice, “Don’t worry, your husband can stay right here.”
She exchanges a look with Blue Nurse, then addresses Jared, “Come here, sir, sit behind him with your legs spread on each side of his body, he’ll be able to use you for support.”
“I need fucking support right now,” Jensen growls between two pushes, while Pink Nurse helps Jared settle down. He grabs Jensen by the armpits and props his upper body up so that his back rests against Jared’s chest.
Jensen grabs his hand and presses it, hard. “You don’t go anywhere, right?” he murmurs, his eyes filled with unshed tears, his mouth quirked in a grimace of pain.
“No, you’re stuck with me, baby,” Jared tells him, then kisses his forehead. Can’t help it. He needs to show Jensen how important he is for him, he needs him to know Jared would do anything for him.
He’ll maybe regret it later, but he doesn’t care.
“Need to push again,” Jensen whines.
“Okay, alright,” the nurse says. “We’ll try something. Your husband’s going to help you lift your legs, you’ll grab them behind the thighs and hold them like that against your body. It will give you more power when you push.”
Jensen nods, shaking, while Jared does exactly what Pink Nurse told them, holding Jensen’s thighs until he’s sure he has a good grip on them.
Jensen doesn’t wait any longer, he bears down and pushes under the nurse’s encouragement. His body is hot and shaking against Jared’s, who can’t help but press his hands over Jensen’s, helping him hold the position. Since they've been stuck in the elevator, Jensen doesn’t seem to mind Jared’s touch, even seeking it out.
“The head is almost out, sir, you’re doing a great job,” Pink Nurse tells him when Jensen releases a shuddering breath.
“Jensen,” he pants, voice harsh. “You can call me Jensen.”
“Okay, then, as long as you call me Amy.”
“Deal,” Jensen murmurs.
He turns his head to look at Jared. “Everything is going to be alright, right?”
“Of course. Didn't I tell you that you wouldn’t have the baby in the car?”
Jensen snorts, then winces. “Thanks for being here with… Okay, fuck, it’s starting already.”
He solidifies his grip under his thighs and bears down. Another nurse, more traditional in her plain white clothing, has joined the first two. While Amy stays with Jared and Jensen on the floor, Pink and White Nurses seem to be getting things ready on a medical cart. There is also a stretcher waiting nearby, and an incubator. None of the nurses look panicked or even nervous. It soothes Jared’s worries. Jensen is in good hands.
“Okay, Jensen, stop, stop for a little while, it’s going too fast,” Amy tells him, her hands disappearing once again between Jensen’s legs.
“Can’t, sorry, can’t-“ Jensen groans, then he opens his mouth on a long, low scream, tears sliding down his cheeks, his body shaking so hard it looks like he's having a seizure.
Blue Nurse joins Amy and hands her some instruments, while White Nurse prepares a clean towel. It’s coming now, Jared realizes as he holds a screaming Jensen against him; by the way the nurses behave, it’s really happening. He can’t resist peeking beside Jensen, just in time to see Amy tugging softly on what must be two tiny elbows.
“Jensen stop, stop now,” she says, loud enough to get through to him.
Jensen does listen this time, but he keeps on shaking, bursting into harsh, wet sobs. “It burns, get him out, please, please…”
He can’t hold onto his thighs anymore. His legs fall to either side, revealing blood-tainted skin. His belly looks strangely deflated, and something is wiggling out of him.
Jared can’t speak, completely blown apart by what he’s witnessing. He hugs Jensen closer and kisses his sweat-drenched hair.
“Help me, Jensen,” Amy says. “Come on, give me your hands, grab your baby.”
“You do it, fuck, it hurts!” Jensen spits.
Amy stays calm and in control. “I know you can do it, come on.”
“Yeah, Jen, baby,” Jared adds. “You’re doing so great, I’m so proud of you.”
Jensen’s panicked eyes cross with Jared’s, and something like trust and confidence passes through them. He stretches his arms, trying to sit up straighter. Jared helps him, propping himself against his own body.
Amy takes Jensen’s hands and wraps them around the baby’s waist. His face changes completely the moment he touches his baby. “Oh my god, I have him,” he hiccups between sobs.
“Yes, you do,” Amy smiles at him. “You just need to push a little and pull him out, come on.”
It happens in mere seconds. Jensen braces himself and pushes, but stops almost immediately. A wet, squelching noise comes from between his legs, and he pants harshly while lifting his baby, covered in blood and mucus. The face is all scrunched up, almost purple; the arms and legs look like they’re made out of rubber. He’s so tiny that Jared can’t believe he's normal -that newborns can really be that small and healthy.
“He’s here,” he whispers, not surprised to feel tears filling his eyes.
“Come on,” Amy coaxes, still helping Jensen hold the baby. “Lay him on your stomach so he won’t be cold.”
She props herself on her knees while Jensen secures his hold on the baby, laying him on his belly, the still scrunched-up face resting in the crook of his neck. Amy rubs the baby’s skin almost harshly with a towel while Blue Nurse gets closer, walking on her knees, and uses an aspiration bulb to clear the baby’s airways. After what seems like an eternity, the small body tenses suddenly, the mouth opens wide, quirked into a grimace, and tiny but vigorous cries escape the baby’s throat.
“Oh, my god, I can’t believe it,” Jensen murmurs, sliding his index finger down the tiny bump of the baby’s nose. “He’s here, Jay, he’s here, I have him in my arms.”
“You did so good, Jensen,” Jared says in the same soothing voice. “Look, you grew a perfect, tiny human being all by yourself.”
“Wanna cut the cord, Dad?” Blue Nurse asks, handing Jared a pair of surgical scissors.
“I… I’m not…”
“Who cares?” Jensen protests. “I want you to do it, Jay. Come on.”
Jared grabs the scissors with a shaking hand and follows the nurse’s instructions, cutting through the thick blue and red umbilical cord, amazed at its strength, at the fact that he’s the one severing the last link joining Jensen and his child.
He’s so screwed. He already cares so much for Jensen, and now for the baby who’s just been born, but with whom Jared has already fall in love with. How can he not? This baby’s been a part of Jensen from the moment they met. It still is.
“Is it… Is it really a boy?” Jensen asks.
“You don’t know?” Amy says, surprised. “You kept calling him well… “him” so I figured… I didn’t even pay attention.”
She lifts the thick towel covering the baby’s body and peeks between the tiny, jerking legs. He’s not happy about it. The tiny cries still shaking his chest double in intensity. Jensen laughs softly and caresses his bald, round head.
“Well,” Amy finally says,“ If your intuition said it would be a boy, honey, I suggest you don’t make an habit of trusting your sixth sense ‘cause you’re holding a baby girl right now.”
“A girl?” Jensen’s eyes widen in surprise. “Are you sure?”
“I’m pretty sure,” Amy smiles.
Blue Nurse burst out laughing. “Yeah it’s not that hard to tell.”
“A girl, gosh, I… That’s great…” Jensen says with excitement.
He turns his head toward Jared. “I have a little girl.”
“You do,” Jared smiles so hard it hurts. “Hello, princess,” he adds, touching the baby for the first time, his large hand stretched covering from the baby’s neck to his butt.
Feeling the small tremors shaking the newborn’s body is so intense it catches him by surprise. He swallows hard and tries not to burst into tears like a giant girl.
“Okay, Jensen,” Amy tells him. “Now for the less pleasant part. We’re going to get you and your baby into one of our delivery rooms before you expel the placenta. We’ll all be more comfortable, and when your doctor arrives, it will be easier to examine you.”
“Hey, I didn’t plan to deliver the baby in a freaking elevator,” Jensen jokes, never turning his eyes away from the baby. “And it’s not exactly the most comfy place.”
“Okay, here we go.”
::: :::
The next couple of hours pass like a blur. Jensen is sore and exhausted, but the endorphins are kicking in, bringing with them a euphoric sensation and numbing the pain. He’s first taken to an, sterile-looking delivery room where he expulses the placenta, barely feeling it, while one of the nurses examines his daughter and cleans her up.
Jared stays close to him the whole time. He seems in shock, but a good kind of shock, like he couldn’t stop smiling even if he wanted to, speaking nonsense about how awesome Jensen is and how impressed he is; that he couldn’t have done what Jensen just did, and that, “… man, I love you. I know I’m not supposed to talk about my feelings for you, but damn it, Jensen. Wow… just… wow.”
Jensen knows he’s blushing furiously and tries to calm down. The three precious words are on the tip of his tongue too, but he doesn’t trust himself to say them, not yet. The last couple of hours have been an emotional roller-coaster and he wants to take the time to come down from it all before he says anything.
Dr. Cortese arrives just as Amy gives Jensen his daughter back, all wrapped up and snuggled in a thick cotton blanket, a yellow hat lowered on her forehead. She isn't crying anymore, but she's not sleeping either. She grimaces and blinks like she wants to open her eyes, but can’t find it in her to do so.
Jensen is shaking from exhaustion and has trouble holding her steadily. Silently, Jared gets his chair closer and wraps an arm over her so that Jensen doesn’t have to work so hard.
I’m holding my daughter, Jensen thinks in awe, still not sure he truly realizes it. This baby, this whole, small human being, comes from him. He made her, carried her, and now she’s here, and it’s an heavy weight that suddenly drops on his shoulders, but in the same time it feels good, like Jensen is more grounded with life, with the universe itself.
Dr. Cortese is in a good mood. She jokes with Jared and the nurses, congratulates Jensen by kissing him on the cheek, like they are old friends. Her energy is nice, but Jensen has trouble keep keeping up with it. He wants a bed, clean sheets, and to stop being exposed to the crude bright light, his legs still in the stirrups.
Luckily, the exam doesn’t last long. Jensen’s anus didn't tear, which was one of concerns when he was pushing. Quick deliveries often come with these kind of consequences, but Jensen was lucky.
Dr. Cortese finally pulls Jensen’s legs out of the stirrups and covers him with a blanket. It’s the little things, Jensen thinks, marveling at how much more comfortable he is now.
“So, you’ve been telling me to be ready for everything when you went into labor, Jensen, and you didn't lie,” his doctor tells him with a soft smile.
“So, it has a name? Quick delivery?” Jensen asks, curious. It’s an euphemism, if you ask him. It should be called false-easy-beginning-then-everything-goes-to-hell delivery.
“The medical term is precipitate labor and delivery. And by what the nurses have told me, you’re lucky you didn’t give birth in your car.”
“I promised him,” Jared cuts her off, winking at Jensen.
Dr. Cortese smiles at him and pats him on the shoulder. She practically has to rise on her toes to do it. “So, from what I can see, you were the perfect labor partner.”
Jared shakes his head to dismiss her praise. Jensen feels a turmoil of emotions swelling in his chest. It’s not a bad sensation, but it’s so intense it’s almost scary. Jared has been more than his labor partner, so much more. “Yes, he was,” he whispers in a raw voice.
“Sorry, need to borrow this cutie to do her Apgar,” she says, carefully taking the baby into her arms.
Although Jensen twists his head as far as it will go, he can’t see what’s happening. He gets a glass of water and a painkiller from Amy. He doesn’t have to worry about the drug passing through the paternal milk and affecting the baby: like forty percent of male carriers, he didn't develop milk ducts during his pregnancy.
The effects of the codeine start almost immediately and yeah, Jensen was probably more sore than he thought. He feels himself drift off, not really toward sleep but a state in between, with Jared’s presence in his thick, numb cocoon reassuring and warm. He stretches a slightly shaking hand out and tries to grab Jared's. Jared seems engrossed by what Dr. Cortese is doing to the baby, but then he feels Jensen’s fingers, bends toward him and smiles, holding his hand.
“You’re not oversensitive to codeine, right?”
“Nope. Just feel good.”
“Yeah, it’s one hell of a high, right? Having a baby literally coming out of you, it’s surreal,” Jared shakes his head in disbelief.
“It hurt like hell.”
“I know,” Jared murmurs, his gorgeous fox-like eyes getting darker. “I’m sorry you had to suffer so much.”
His large, strong hand is caressing Jensen’s cheek, then he runs his fingers through his hair. Jensen practically purrs at how good it feels. He closes his eyes and sighs in contentment.
“You’re gorgeous,” Jared whispers.
Jensen snorts. “Touchy-feely much?”
“Yeah, Mr. I’m-a-cuddler.”
“I am.” Jensen’s eyes are still closed. He’s really drifting off this time. “Like being touched. Especially by you.”
Sleep is so damn tempting, opening both of its long, sinuous arms while Jared keeps caressing his hair, and it can’t get much better than this after the incredible pain of the contractions and the overwhelming fear of something going wrong, as he was delivering on the dirty floor of an elevator. Yes, now, now is a moment close to perfection and-
“There she is, guys.”
Dr. Cortese’s energetic voice drags Jensen back to reality so fast his heartbeat picks up. He forgets to be annoyed when he sees his daughter. She’s mine, Jensen wonders once again.
He’s not sleepy anymore.
“Her Apgar is perfect,” Dr. Cortese adds, smiling down at the baby. “Everything looks good so far. She’s a healthy baby, Jensen. Weighs seven pounds two ounces, and she’s fifty-one centimeters long. You ready to hold her?”
Jensen tries to settle himself on the gurney, but this time his body just won’t cooperate. The exhaustion and the codeine are pinning him to the thin mattress; he’s heavy and clumsy: even his fingers are shaking.
“Why don’t you take her for a while?” he offers Jared who’s whose eyes go wide. He doesn’t hesitate for long, though, stretching his arms at out to Dr. Cortese, who helps him get into the right position to hold a newborn.
One second later, Jared is beaming, almost literally; Jensen could swear he sees light coming from Jared's awe-struck face.
“Am I doing it right?” he asks in an uncertain voice.
“Yes, you do. As long as you hold her head,” Dr. Cortese tells him.
Jared sits as close to Jensen as he can, and his daughter is close enough so that he can kiss her head. He marvel once more at the reality of it all, at the intensity of his feelings for the small bundled tucked in Jared’s arms. It’s like his whole life didn’t have any meaning before, like he’s just starting to see how much more there can be to it. He brought her into the world, he’s the one responsible for her existence, and he makes the silent promise to do everything he can for her, to be there for every step, to make sure she finds happiness.
“So, Jensen,” Dr. Cortese asks him, dragging him back to the present. “What are you gonna call her?”
“Yeah, you said it would come to you,” Jared adds, elbowing him very softly.
“I said I hoped it would,” Jensen corrects. “Let me have a better look at her, Jay. Can we pull her hat off for a little while?” He asks Dr. Cortese who nods and steps a couple of feet back, like she understand he needs privacy.
“Do it, Jay.”
Jared pulls the baby’s hat off oh so slowly, his tongue showing between his teeth -it’s funny as hell how cautious he is.
Jensen’s daughter isn’t bald; she has a fine layer of hair covering her head that is very thin and blond. It fits with her delicate features and heart-shaped face. She’s still puffy from the birth, and for now, it’s impossible to tell if she’s taking after him or not -maybe she’ll be a copy of her other biological father, Gregory, or will take after Jensen’s mom. It’s fascinating, the canvas that is a newborn, ready to develop into a unique, complete individual.
Jensen’s mind is wandering as he thinks about his family: Josh’s three boys that look so alike they could be triplets; Mackenzie, who’s so different of them all she could be adopted -a running joke amongst them.
…And then it comes to him, naturally, like he’d always known. Maybe he did, subconsciously.
Taking another long second to observe his little girl, he smiles, realizing that it’s her name now. He can’t imagine her being called otherwise.
“So, I was thinking, he says in a trembling voice, addressing his daughter. “Maybe you’d like to be called Rose. Huh? What do you say, princess? Rose Ackles. Sounds good to me.”
It does. Jared frowns for a second, like he’s overthinking it, then his face lightens. “I love it, Jensen. She’s a little Rose -of course she is.”
“No Rosie, though, I don’t like it.”
“Got it. Rose. It huh… came to you just like this, out of nowhere?”
“No. Remember my grandmother who used to tell me about the day I was born?”
“Yes.”
“Granny Rose, she was my father’s mother. She didn’t just me this story, she told me dozens of them. Each time I visited, there would be a new one. I guess she’s the one who made a writer out of me. She died five years ago, a peaceful death -and she had a good life. I still miss her, though.”
It’s unexpected, all those feelings he had for his grandmother coming back to the surface. Of course he misses her -he’d always been his favorite and she didn’t even try to deny it. She not only had stories for him, but candies and books and those baseball cards he use to collect like every boy in his town. He remember the day he left for college. He went to visit her one last time, they drank a cup of tea together -Earl Grey, the only one she would drink- and Jensen had ask asked her if she still had the story book she used when he was little. She had blushed. “Oh, Jensen, there was no story book. Those tales, I made them up as I told them. You enjoyed it so much.”
She had been a wonderful, talented story teller. She was so proud the day Jensen’s first Vivian Thirteen book was officially accepted by a publisher.
And now there is another Rose Ackles into Jensen’s life, someone who will be, he’s convinced, at least as special as his granny was.
And Jensen’s crying. Again. He doesn’t have the strength to stop it. He lets Jared soothe him with murmured nonsense, lets him kiss his forehead. Rose is tucked between them. Like they’re a family. They’re not quite there, yet, but Jensen lets himself hope.
- - -
A/N: Someone asked me about that part during Jensen's delivery where the nurse tells him to help the baby getting out by holding him. It something a lot of obstetricians have been practicing here in Quebec province, for the past ten-fifteen years. It's a mean to make the mother take a bigger part in a heavily-supervised delivery, and give her back some of her control. Trully -and as well as a birthing mother who's done it, as much as the nurse I am, it's more symbolic than anything else since when there is only the baby's legs to get out, he's practically born anyway, but it does feel good, reaching and grabbing your child to take him agqainst you for the first time.
Thank you everybody for the support. I'm slowly but surely getting back into shape.
<3
Etoile
Chapter 8
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