A Series Of Unfortunate Events -Chapter 4
It suddenly occurs to Jensen, as he sits smiling and nodding at Dr. Cortese, that he’s going to give birth. Like, push a baby out of him, in about five weeks.
His androcologist goes through the labor process with him, speaks of the epidural, relaxation techniques, dilation and pushing. Jensen smiles like a mad man. Pushing a full-grown baby out of a very, very small hole. Yeah, sure, he can do it. It’s not like he’s the first man ever to give birth, right?
“Jensen?”
“Huh?”
Dr. Cortese looks at him quizzically. “I asked you if someone will be with you during the labor?”
…And then, after the baby is improbably pushed out of said hole, there is no way it can go back inside. Jensen is going to be responsible for a tiny human being, twenty-four seven….
“So?”
“Huh?”
Funny thing, but over the last months, and even more so the last weeks, as Jensen has prepared for his child’s arrival more actively, it never truly occurred to him how all of this was real.
Well, shit.
His breathing speeds up, and even though he tries, he can’t seem to get enough air in his lungs. Everything becomes unnaturally bright around him, and he thinks maybe, just maybe, he’s dying from a sudden and rare syndrome.
Then a brown paper bag is shoved into his hand and Dr. Cortese rubs his back, telling him in a soothing voice, like Jensen is some scared little kid, that everything will be alright, and that he should concentrate on breathing.
What was the question again? Oh, yes, will he have a labor partner? That’s another issue that never crossed his mind.
“Jensen, slow down your breathing.”
::: :::
Jensen grabs the last buffalo wing on the plate, smiling at Jared wickedly. The restaurant is crowded, people cheering loudly for some hockey team whose game is displayed on giant TV screens. He loves this place, usually. Now, he just wants all that display of testosterone to shut up already so that he can tell Jared about the incident at the doctor’s office this morning.
Jared doesn’t even seem to be listening to him. He tries to get the attention of a waitress who makes her way around the crowded tables. Jared orders more wings and a pitcher of iced tea, and all the while Jensen waits. He got interrupted in the middle of a sentence, for goodness sakes.
“So what?” Jared finally asks. “You panicked. It happens, man.”
“You don’t get it,” Jensen snaps, annoyed at Jared's obtuseness. “I’m going to have a baby.”
“That’s pretty obvious.”
Jared points at Jensen’s swollen belly. It’s pressed against the table, cloaked with yet another once-fitting, now too-tight shirt. Hell.
“I can’t even remember wanting kids,” Jensen goes on. “Even less when I learned I was a carrier. But when I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t even hesitate. I knew from the start I wanted to keep the baby. Call it paternal instinct, I don’t know, but I still never actually imagined what my life would be like afterward.”
“Ya know,” Jared points a celery stick at him. “I think this is the kind of thing you can’t truly realize until it’s happening. I remember when I bought Sam: I listened carefully to everything the guy from the pet store told me. Then I brought him home, and only then did I really think that-“
“Are you comparing getting a freaking ferret to me becoming a father?
Jared opens his mouth, then closes it. “Huh. No.”
“And then Dr. Cortese asked me if there will be someone with me for the birth, and I was gaping at her like a fish out of the water. My mom will fly in to help after the baby’s born, but I will be alone during the birth itself. Pushing a thing the size of a bowling ball out of my ass.”
Jared winces and drops the celery stick.
“Well…”
“She told me the Midwife Center offers support to single parents during the labor if they don’t have anyone, even if you don’t want a home birth and you're doing the whole no-doctors-doing-things-naturally package.”
“That’s good, then.”
Jensen frowns at Jared. It’s like he’s speaking to a wall.
“What's good? I don’t want some stranger telling me to breathe while I’m screaming in pain! I prefer doing it by myself.”
“So, what are you going to do?” Jared is distracted by a sudden and loud general cheering. The freaking hockey team must have scored.
“I…”
…hoped you’d offer, Jensen thinks, incapable of saying this out loud. He can’t ask that of Jared. It’s too much. He’s already done a lot for Jensen, keeps doing a lot, and taking that step, actually asking him to be there next to Jensen for the birth, is impossible. Jared would say yes without actually realizing what’s asked of him, saving the panic for the hospital, or he would say yes because he’d know that it is what Jensen wants, without actually having any desire to go through this.
“…Don’t know,” Jensen finishes.
“We’ll figure it out,” Jared replies, making some space on the table for the new plate of wings that has just arrived.
::: :::
The day Jensen gets to meet his potential labor partner, it’s all over the news on TV, the internet, and the local radio stations that a huge snowstorm is going to hit this part of Massachusetts early in the afternoon. Great. Jensen grumbles as he starts his car, his teeth chattering. It’s only mid-November and it’s already freezing, but at least it hasn’t started to snow yet.
“Damn winter,” Jensen murmurs, cranking the heater to the maximum. “Bloody snow. Fucking labor partner.”
Wow. This no-talking-out-loud rule is the first thing that goes out the window when Jensen’s in a bad mood. He apologizes to the baby. Out loud of course.
::: :::
It only takes Jensen a few minutes before he realizes that it won’t work. The guy’s name is Misha, and he seems competent enough, but there’s something about him Jensen just can’t bear. Maybe it’s the soft voice, or the too sympathetic smile, but Jensen figures, if he wants to punch the man in the nose right now, he is bound to do it when going through painful contraction. After then ten minutes, he just can’t take it anymore. If he hears the sentence “listen to your body, it knows what to do” one more time, he’s going to lose it.
“Oh. Gosh, my cellphone is vibrating, sorry! I’m waiting for an important call, gotta take this.”
“No problems,” Misha smiles.
Jensen takes the fake call and invent invents a personal emergency, slipping away from the meeting room. His cheeks are burning with shame while he stutters about calling Misha back.
He immediately feels better once he's outside, even when a tiny snowflake l lands on his nose, announcing the storm of the century, according to meteorologists. That’s it. He has his answer. He would definitely prefer to give birth alone than to be accompanied by a stranger.
…Or maybe what he really wants is just one particular person to be there with him, and it’s not Misha’s fault if he’s not Jared.
“Well, too bad, we can do it together, right, baby?” He whispers to his belly where the little lodger is busy kicking hard enough to make Jensen’s stomach churn.
Jensen can’t wait to be home. His fridge and pantry are full, it’s warm, there is no place he needs to go for the next three days, so he’s prepared to be snowed in. No big deal.
When he gets back, he texts Jared to tell him about meeting the potential labor partner, maybe hoping to trigger some kind of reaction from him, but all he gets in response to his colorful description of Misha is a smiley and a warning about staying inside because of the storm. It’s Wednesday, and for some reason, it’s always Jared’s busiest day of the week. Why toilets are overflowing and pipes leaking more on this day of the week is a mystery.
It starts snowing for real around one in the afternoon. By then, Jensen is lying on the couch on his side, trying to relieve the sore muscles of his back. He would nap, but his little lodger is having way too much fun punching and kicking around, so he’s left thinking about the months to come, like how will he manage with a baby, and is Jared going to stay present in his life or is he slowly backing off? Usually all Jensen has to do to keep those thoughts at bay is imagine his son or daughter cuddled in his arms, warm and content. Or a few years from now, his kid climbing on his bike and learning to ride without the support wheels for the first time, and then farther away in time, on graduation day, looking at this marvelous young adult that he raised himself, and is now making him so proud.
Today, though, as the wind whistles against the windows, all Jensen can see and feel is loneliness, and he’s mad at himself for it, because damn it, before meeting Jared, he’s always been fine on his own, comfortable.
He finally drifts off to sleep, and dreams of giving birth to something non-human that the doctors won’t let him see, and as the nurses and orderlies yell and run out of the room; the little monster jumps in the doctor’s face and eats it, blood splashing everywhere. It’s not his first dream about his pregnancy, but it’s by far the darkest one.
Jensen’s covered in sweat when he wakes up, sore all over and wondering why it’s so quiet in the house. It’s nearly four o’clock on the afternoon, and it is still snowing.
When he walks into the kitchen to have a glass of water, he understands the eerie impression of silence he’s had. It’s because none of the household appliances are running. Great, a power failure.
::: :::
Jared is driving back home around six o’clock in the evening when he hears the statement the mayor released that afternoon. Well, driving is a big word for how his commute is going. It's more precise to say he’s sliding slowly through the snow-covered streets, squinting through the windshield while the wipers are on full speed. He already knows the part of town where Jensen lives has no electricity. His friend texted him a bit earlier to see if he was out of power too, but Jared hasn’t been home yet. Apparently there’s been an incident involving a tree and some power lines, and even though the technicians from the electric company are already working to fix the situation, the power will be out for at least twenty-four hours.
Jared is glad to see the streetlights shining through the falling snow when he arrives in his neighborhood. It then occurs to him that he just can’t leave Jensen to spend the night in his freezing home, and he curses himself for not having thought about it sooner. He makes a u-turn and drives back to where he came from. If he invites Jensen to spend the night at his place, he doesn’t want him have to drive his car. Jensen comes from Kansas, and Jared is pretty sure he hasn’t even thought about having winter tires installed on his car, and this weather is seriously fucked up. Knowing how bad luck seems to follow his friend like a shadow, better safe than sorry. Plus, Jensen doesn’t seem to be doing so well lately. For the last week or so, he’s been more distant, almost brooding, although he assures Jared that everything is fine. Jared doesn’t know if it’s because the pregnancy has really started to take its toll on him, with all the small aches and pains he’s been suffering from, and the impressive size of his belly giving him the now classic pregnancy stance.
Sometimes Jared just doesn’t know what to say. He’s twenty-four and doesn’t remember having been around any pregnant men or woman; he doesn’t know much about it, and he’s always scared Jensen will think what he says is stupid. He spoke about it with Osric who once again told him he was a moron. “Maybe he’s just scared, you know, of what’s coming up. Giving birth and having a baby all by himself, I would be terrified.”
“I’m there,” Jared had replied.
“But are you really there? I mean, obviously you guys spend a lot of time together, and you think you’re in love with him, but you also think there is no possibility for things to work between you two.”
“He told me from the very beginning, that he couldn’t be in a relationship right now.”
“That’s what he said then, but trust me, Jay, I’m sure his response would be different now. I’ve seen the way he acts with you and there is definitely something there.”
“Okay, and now you’re a freaking psychologist? If I remember well-“
“I swear to god, if you bring back the only girlfriend I ever had, I’m going to punch you. 'M trying to be serious here. Jensen obviously thinks YOU don’t want to get involved, with him being older, and very much pregnant. And you… you do a lot of thing to help, of course, but at the end of the day, he’s still alone. He's still going to be a father and maybe he thinks you won’t stick around then.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because his life is going to be revolving twenty-four seven around a newborn, crying and puking and wetting his diapers. There will be no more days spent playing videogames or hanging out at the coffee shop.”
“I know that. Besides, if there is a time he’ll need me more than ever, it will be after the baby’s born.”
“Well, maybe you need to tell him that. I mean, okay, it’s possible that right now isn’t the best time to start a relationship… Your friendship, though, maybe you should tell him that the arrival of the baby won’t change anything with it.”
“So I just tell him.”
“Yeah, you tell him how you keep ditching your long-time best friend to be with him, and that you intend on keeping doing that.”
“Osric, you know I don’t-“
“Don’t give me those eyes. I like Jensen, and I like you. Everything is good, man. Except for the fact that you’re a moron.”
Osric has always been good at these discussions, despite what Jared had said. It often seems to him like he’s the perfect example of the expression: the cobbler’s children go barefoot, concerning… well, life in general. Osric sees the solution to other people’s problems and solves them like a riddle, or a puzzle but he himself seems to be completely immune to this particular talent. He’s a nice, generous, and funny guy, but the only girlfriend he ever had, a few years back, was a manipulative bitch. Everybody saw it except Osric, who ended up hurt pretty badly -so much so that he hasn’t even tried to date anyone ever since. His childhood dream wasn’t to become Jared’s sidekick plumber, but to draw comic strips. He submitted a bunch of drawing when he applied to colleges with great art programs, but despite his talent, his poor grades played against him. He then decided that being an illustrator wasn’t for him, and never tried to make it on his own. Sometimes it angers Jared, but after so many attempts at trying to decide Osric to do something else with his life than plumbing, and being shut down over and over again, he kind of gave up, thinking that his friend would get tired soon enough of pipes and water floods. Apparently not, because it’s been five years and here they are, plumbing together, and if Jared is perfectly happy with it, it’s clear that Osric could find a more fulfilling career.
Jensen’s house seems even darker than the others in the neighborhood, probably because it stands alone surrounded by woods. Jared doesn’t even try to get close to the alley driveway, where snow has been pushed by the wind and now makes some kind of white, impassable dune.
Jared pulls the hood of his winter coat over his head and gets out of his car, using a mix of running and jumping to reach Jensen’s front door. He knocks hard, blinking against the cold wind that blows in his face and makes his eyes water.
He doesn’t have to wait long. When the door opens, he rushes into the house without waiting. It’s only when the door is closed behind him that he acknowledges Jensen, standing a couple of feet away from him, holding a flashlight in his direction. A bunch of candles are burning on the kitchen table, giving the room an eerie look, full of shadows.
Jensen seems to be relieved to see Jared. That much is clear in his smile and wide eyes. He looks so tired and lonely, his belly dragging his shoulders backward to get some sort of balance. He wears plaid pajama pants, wool socks and a hoodie stretched over his large stomach, the ensemble completed with a beanie hat that makes him look way younger than he is, helped with the feeble light of the candles.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he asks.
“Came to get you. Fucking bad luck, right?” Jared jokes. “Of course, my good luck made my whole neighborhood all bright and warm with electricity.”
“Come on, Jay, you didn't have to, it will surely get fixed soon.”
“At least twenty-four hours, that’s what the town statement said. And it’s already freezing in here, Jensen.”
“Well, as I’m about to pop, I’m always fucking hot and I keep the temperature low,” Jensen grunts. “Of course, I didn’t plan on the heat going out and not being hot anymore.”
“See? So, grab a few things and come with me. It will be like… a slumber party. You and me and Sam.”
Jensen raises an eyebrow. “I’m only coming if Sam the mad ferret is not invited and stays in his cage.”
“Deal.”
“Where will I sleep?”
“In my bed. I’ll take the couch.”
Jensen frowns. “I can sleep on the couch, I don’t want you to-“
Jared loses his patience right there. He walks the step that still separates him from Jensen and takes him by the shoulder. “Stop saying stupid things. I’m not gonna let a thirty-six weeks pregnant man sleep on my old couch. Plus, we can always argue later, as soon as your things are packed and we’re on our way back to my place.”
Jensen looks at him for a long time. An emotion passes on his face, complex enough that Jared can’t decipher it.
“Okay, then,” his friend says softly.
::: :::
There is definitely something up with Jared. He’s nervous, even though he doesn’t want to show it. Whatever, Jensen is too sore and cold to his bones the think about it for long. Jared offers that he can take a bath, and he accepts, remembering that even though his friend’s apartment is small, the bath is huge -Jared had it changed as soon as he’d moved in. Jensen only starts to feel warm once he’s been inside the hot water for half an hour, and then immediately gets sleepy. He’s dozing off happily when a knock at the door makes him jump.
“Jen? Is carbonara pasta fine for dinner?”
“Wait, are you going to cook this yourself?”
Jared has made no mystery about probably being the worst cook ever.
“No, just heat the sauce and boil the pasta, but I’ll add real bacon,” Jared coaxes playfully.
“I can get on board with that.”
The pasta is a tad overcooked and the sauce stuck to the bottom of the pot, giving it a slightly burned taste, but there is a lot of bacon, and the apartment is warm and bright, and that’s all Jensen needs. He eats a second plate, more slowly this time, while Jared is still playing with more than eating his first serving.
“What’s up with you?” Jensen finally asks.
“It’s… nothing.”
“Come on, Jay, I may not have known you for long, but I can tell. You’re weird, man.”
“Well, you were weird first,” Jared replies, as if they’re both ten years old going into a stupid argument.
“What?”
Jared clears his throat and puts his fork down, smiling nervously. “I huh… I actually want to say something to you, and I’m nervous, so yeah, maybe I’m a little weird.”
Oh, this is serious. Jensen prepares himself. Whenever someone tells him they need to say something to him, it ends up badly.
“Shoot.”
“I wanted you to know that I’ll be there, ya know. Even after the baby’s born, it won’t change anything to our friendship. I’ll be there to help.”
Jared’s eyes are huge and the expression on his face so utterly sincere it makes Jensen’s throat swell. He tries to keep his composure, though.
“Jay… I… It will be completely different. I might not have realized it because we get along so well I just pushed the thought at the back of my mind but now… Now I can’t lie to myself. I don’t want you to feel like you have to help ‘cause I’ll be alone with the baby. It wouldn’t be fair for you.”
Jared sighs, looking annoyed, and it surprises Jensen, who was more or less waiting for him to be relieved.
“Stop doing that,” Jared murmurs.
“Doing what?”
“Acting like a martyr, like the only reason I’m with you is because I pity you. It’s not like that. I mean… if I didn't enjoy being your friend, we wouldn’t be here tonight. I know that to you, I’m just a kid, but it’s stupid. I’m fucking twenty-four years old and you only have eight year on me… that’s nothing. I think it all comes down to the fact that you’re always prepared for something bad happening to you-“
It’s Jensen’s turn to be annoyed. “Because it will happen, Jared! I mean, have you listened to anything I said since we met?”
“You say you’re realistic, not pessimistic, but it’s not true. Being realistic isn’t about always imagining the worst.”
And that’s it, Jensen’s had it. He’s way too pregnant and scared out of his mind to deal with Jared right now. He stands up as quickly as he can and curses silently when he almost loses his balance in the process. The fact that Jared is immediately stretching a hand to help him doesn’t do any good. He walks back a couple of feet. “Okay, you know what? I’m tired, I’m fucking huge, my back is sore, my ankles are swollen and the baby is trying his best to make his way up through my stomach. I don’t need this, not tonight. M’going to bed.”
And did he just sound like a freaking wuss or what? Jensen closes Jared’s bedroom door with way too much strength and quickly slides under the covers. He’s half hoping, half afraid Jared is going to knock any second, but he doesn’t. Fighting with the sheets to get comfortable, Jensen falls asleep still grumbling about the shitty day he’s just had.
He wakes up two hours later to use the bathroom. Jared is watching TV. Neither of them speak to each other.
Of course, after another two hours, Jensen wakes up again to use the bathroom, because apparently pregnancy has been invented for the sole purpose of making people miserable. Rubbing his eyes, he stumbles into the living room to get across to the bathroom. The TV is still turned on on the sport channel, but it’s the only light. He walks as softly as he can so as not to wake Jared up.
“Jensen?”
The voice is sharp and Jared is sitting up. Jensen has no idea how he managed to move so quickly. He’s too busy trying not to have a heart attack.
“Christ, Jay!” he pants, one hand on his chest.
“Sorry. I’m a light sleeper,” Jared whispers, like there is someone else still sleeping nearby who shouldn’t be disturbed. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, m’okay. Just need to take a piss,” and yes, now Jensen is whispering too. Maybe it’s contagious, just like yawning?
“But you just went.”
“I’m pregnant, remember?”
On this, Jensen walks into the bathroom before he wets himself. When he comes out, the coffee table light is on and Jared is still sitting, but he now has a giant bag of skittles on his lap.
“It’s one am,” Jensen points out.
“I’m hungry. Want some?”
And yes, Jensen wants some. And he wants to stop feeling so miserable, and maybe apologize to Jared because he’s been an ass tonight.
Sitting on the couch is one hell of a maneuver. The thing is very low, and despite his efforts, Jensen falls back more than he sits, finding himself pretty close to Jared. He blushes and tries to rearrange himself. Jared shakes the opened skittles bag under his nose.
“Thanks,” Jensen grabs a couple and munches on them. His stomach isn’t happy with it. It’s a shame. Jensen loves Skittles.
“You know, I didn’t want the dinner to turn out the way it did. Osric is right: I’m a moron,” Jared murmurs without looking at him.
“Well, I’m an ass, so we’re even,” Jensen shrugs, already feeling a little better. “And you’re right, I’m scared out of my mind about doing this alone. I guess it’s a normal step. I’m just starting to realize how my life will change, and what it really means to be alone.”
Jared pats Jensen’s thigh sympathetically. And he shouldn't do that, because Jensen doesn’t know if he’s aroused or about to burst into tears, but those two options are equally undesirable at the moment.
“I was tired of the life back in Coffeyville, tired of feeling like everybody knew everything about me,” Jensen goes on. “I’ve always liked to live alone, to do my own thing, and I figured I wouldn’t have any problems moving away. Except I wasn’t really alone, ya know. My family was always there, always close. I had no freaking clue of what it was to be truly on my own.”
Jared frowns. “Are you thinking about moving back?”
For a minute, Jensen has no idea what to answer. Is he thinking about moving back? Well, maybe he does. A little. He tells Jared that much.
“Well, if you think you’ll be happier, go for it, man,” his friend says in a soft, quiet voice. “But you’re not alone here. You got me. I don’t know what makes you think I will run away after your baby’s born. Hell, I’ve practically admitted I have feelings for you-“
The sentence is out of Jensen’s mouth before he can stop it. “Because you didn’t offer.”
“Offer what?”
And then it’s too late to go back. “To be there with me, when I’ll give birth,” he murmurs, lowering his eyes.
“You didn’t ask,” Jared replies, sounding truly surprised. “When you told me about it, you never asked. And I thought you didn’t want me there ‘cause I’m younger and I don’t have any experience, and that maybe you’d think I would be more of a nuisance than helpful.”
Jensen stares back at Jared. “Why would you want to be there when I will be in pain, and cursing at you, and half naked pushing a baby out of my-“
“Woah.” Jared lifts a hand to stop him. “First of all, did you want me to offer or not? Because you seem very convinced that it would be a bad thing.”
“No! Not… Fuck, Jared, it’s… I thought you wouldn’t want to, and that even if you said yes, it would be out of pity and-“
“Not that pity word again.”
“Well…” Jensen trails off, waving his hand dismissively.
“Okay, so we’re friends, right?” Jared asks patiently, like he’s talking to a little kid, and maybe Jensen feels just like that at the moment.
“Yeah.”
“We'd already established that I enjoy being in your company when you decided it was a good time to get your appendix removed.”
Jensen snorts, can’t help it.
“And also, we balance each other,” Jared goes on. “Remember?” He points at Jensen. “Bad luck.” Then at himself. “Good luck.”
“Yeah,” Jensen smiles.
“And for god’s sake, the first time we met we had amazing sex.”
That they did. Jensen nods, biting his lips, remembering Jared’s muscular, firm body, and the taste of him on his tongue. Jared seems to be lost in his thoughts as well, his face showing this dreamlike expression. “Best sex I’ve ever had,” Jensen sighs.
“It was so intense,” Jared adds, then shakes his head vigorously and the moment is gone, which is good, because Jensen’s boner is trapped awkwardly between his belly and his thighs.
“The thing is,” Jared goes on, clearing his throat, “I guess you now have enough proof to consider my offer for the labor sincere. And my friendship. And my conviction that you having a kid won’t mess with it.”
“You… Really?”
Everything seems so easy and simple to Jensen, suddenly, like the greyish future has shifted in into one that's shining brightly, and it deserves some more thought -the fact that hearing those things from Jared is what changes everything.
Not now, though. Jensen’s tired. And groggy, full of endorphins, just like after a good meal, or after having sex.
“I don’t know if I’ll be much help, though, but of course I’ll be there with you.”
“You don’t know what you’ve just signed up for.”
“Shut up,” Jared jokes. “You neither.” He pauses and looks at Jensen in a funny way. “Really? Best sex you ever had?”
And because Jensen feels anything but sexy right now, with his huge belly, a couple of stretchmarks, and his bottom that has gotten rounder and chubbier over the last three months, he doesn’t take the invitation that may or may not be offered here. Instead, he punches Jared’s shoulder. “Don’t get too smug, I’m pretty sure the hormones had something to do with it.”
::: :::
Jared contemplates the plate of cookies at the center of the table. Gingerbread men, of course, since it’s December first. It’s a tradition. Every first day of December, Gerry bakes cookies… and doesn’t stop until the 25th. By then, Jared usually can’t look at a plate of sweets without being nauseous. Tradition is important, though, so as usual he’ll eat them until the bitter end, which means a couple of more pounds and a resentful stomach.
Well, right now, he can’t even imagining taking a bite. Jared has a ball of stress rolling around in his stomach. He’d been fine until he drove Jensen back home this afternoon. Then he passed by the Company’s headquarters to get his next assignment, and something clicked on the way there.
He was terrified of assisting Jensen during his labor.
He’d managed to do the job -leaking pipe, simple enough- but then he went back home and the panic began to rise again. Just looking at his heated bowl of mac and cheese made him feel nauseous. Then he called his mom -who else, she’s the only person close enough to him that has given birth- and asked if he could visit.
Now, as he’s telling her about Jensen’s wish and his answer, Sherry smiles -her special mother smile, that she keeps for special occasions: a mix of affection and annoyance.
“So, it’s a nice thing you just did there, Jared,” she tells him in a neutral tone when he’s done.
Behind her, Gerry is emptying the dishwasher, silent as usual. Jared wonders what's going through his mind at the moment.
“I offered… willingly, didn’t even hesitate, mom,” Jared explains. “And then I realized that I know next to nothing of what I’m supposed to do, and I’m scared to screw things up.”
“Jay, baby, there is nothing to screw up. All you have to do is be there to support him.”
“But what if he’s in a lot of pain and I can’t… Can’t do anything about it. What if something goes wrong? What if I faint when-“
Sherry “tsked” him like only someone who’s your boss and your mother can do. “Stop with the what if. Jensen will be surrounded by a competent medical team. He’ll look up to you for comfort, nothing else.”
That’s when Jared hears a snort coming from the counter. Gerry turns toward them, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, right.”
“Gerry-“ Sherry warns.
“What? Listen, honey, I love you very much, and you’re a wonderful mother, but right now, you’re no use to Jared. I was the one being insulted, holding your hand and rubbing your back -or not touching you at all, depending on your mood, which switched like… Every other minute. And I was the one running for ice chips, and telling you how wonderful you were while you yelled at me that I -sorry for the language- better shut the fuck up. So…”
Sherry looks at him silently for a long time. Gerry shrugs. Awkward, Jared thinks.
“Well, you weren’t the one in incredible pain for hours while pushing babies out of you,” Sherry finally replies coldly.
“I know, and I’ll always admire you for this,” Gerry says in a soothing voice. “But Jared has to know it’s not easy”, Gerry does air quotes with his fingers, ‘being there’ for him. It’s stressful, and it’s nerve-wracking, and you feel useless in the most awful way.”
He looks at Jared with an expression of sympathy on his features. “You see someone you care for suffering through labor, and you would do anything to take some of the pain away from her -or him. But you can’t, and every single thing you try to do to help seems useless and silly. You have to accept that Jensen may not be very kind with you, but it isn’t directed toward you. So you take the blows and you shut up about it. Sherry was in labor for twenty-two hours when Jeffrey was born. In the end, I was emotionally exhausted, and I can’t even imagine how much more intense it was for her. So, be prepared. It’s not easy, it’s a long process, and no matter how Jensen acts, you still have to be there for him.”
“Awww, honey, you were great, you know?” Sherry says softly, stretching one hand to grab Gerry’s one.
Gerry bends down to kiss her. Jared feels like he’s intruding on a very private moment and looks away.
“Your birth, though,” Gerry points out, looking at his son. “Your birth was awesome.”
“It was?”
“It’s because they gave me so much morphine I was way too high to realize what was going on,” Sherry replies, shaking her head. “We didn’t have time for an epidural, so the only option to sooth the pain was drugs. I don’t even remember you getting out.”
“She was completely out of it,” Gerry smiles. “She kept telling me how great everything was and that colors were so bright and that she could hear the sea. She snored during half of the dilating phase.”
“It’s not funny, Gerry!” Sherry replies. “You were drugged too, Jared,” she adds, grabbing her son’s hand. “It took a few moments before you could take your first breath, and your Apgar test wasn’t great.”
“But he was fine,” Gerry reminds her. “They did the test again two hours later, and you got a perfect score, Jared. You were so funny, though. Only time I ever saw a newborn looking completely wasted.”
Jared can’t keep from laughing at that. He never heard this story before. Only the fact that he was a huge baby -nine pounds and a half- and that all he did was sleep and eat -eat mostly. It was like he didn’t even know he could cry. Adding this to the complete story, he wonders with amusement if the morphine his mom took stayed in his own system for long, turning him into the perfect baby.
Jensen yelling and in pain. He’ll just have to make do, Jared thinks, feeling a little reassured. It won’t be easy, but he has the impression he’ll get through this just fine. What Jensen wants is simply not to be alone in this.
“You know, I wonder when you will take the first step,” Sherry is saying, pulling him out of his thoughts.
“What?”
“Osric told me that Jensen told you he couldn’t be in a relationship right now, but-“
“What? When did my best friend and mother discuss my love life?”
“Every day at work,” Sherry shrugs. “That’s not the important thing, though. I personally think Jensen will never take those first steps, because he doesn’t want you to be stuck with an older man and single father.”
“Wow. You guys really did have more than a little chat,” Jared grumbles, feeling both embarrassed and annoyed.
“The way he looks at you, baby, I’m certain you’re not the only one to feel there could be something between you two.”
“Well, the fact that there could be something is irrelevant,” Jared states firmly. “I’m not going to mess with him right now, when he’s about to give birth. I don’t mind waiting.”
Sherry’s face is unreadable, but Gerry nods his approbation behind her. And Jared feels better about it. A little.
Whatever is going on with Jared at the moment, it’s not important. Jensen’s focus is on the baby’s birth and the weeks immediately following. He’s got enough on his plate as it is. Jared can wait. He just hopes Jensen won’t have decided to move back to Coffeyville before anything can happen.
A/N: Just wanted to say that I think Misha Collins is great and Jensen's opinion about him in my story doesn't reflect mine. I just wanted to include him in some way since he's been in all my J2 fics so far. Anyway, Misha the character would probably be a great labor and delivery partner, it's just that Jensen had already made up his mind about it before he got to meet him. ;-)
Chapter 5
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