Yesterday Is But Today's Memory - 16/19+Interlude
Title: Yesterday Is But Today's Memory
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Rating: R
Disclaimer: If I was the one who owned Torchwood, you think I'd admit it now?
Spoilers: Takes place post 2x05 'Adam', but mentions briefly minor info from later s2 eps. AU
Summary: It wasn’t the lost days that were really giving Ianto Jones nightmares. It was the fact that ever since, he’d suddenly been having flashes from another period of his life he’d thought was lost forever - his first ten years.
Warning: Some chapters of this fic will contain material some may find offensive. To go into more detail would be spoilery for the plot, but DO NOT READ if you are easily offended.
Thanks to: My wonderful betas morbid_sparks, cazmalfoy and angelzbabe1989, who talked me into writing this, then held my hand while I worked through the plot and filled all its holes.
Previous chapters at master list
Chapter Sixteen
Although he didn’t know what he would do when he saw him, Jack fretted until Ianto appeared in the Hub just after 9am. In a marked change from what had become customary, he was the last of the team to arrive; Jack wondered if that had been a deliberate move on Ianto’s part.
Their eyes didn’t meet as he walked through the door; Ianto was clearly just as unsure what to do as he was.
His coffee still landed on his desk, but without the quiet moment of conversation that he’d grown used to. Ianto also brought it into his office before he took round the tray of mugs for the rest of the team, instead of leaving it for last.
Part of Jack was dying inside at the difference one day could make, and Ianto’s clear avoidance of him. The other part was relieved. He didn’t have the words to express any of what he was feeling about the situation they found themselves in. He couldn’t even identify what he was feeling, let alone talk about it.
He did find himself surreptitiously watching Ianto, though, without even conscious volition. Watching him, his mind trying frantically to work out how Ianto was coping.
If looks were anything to go on, Ianto felt about as bad as he did. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked pale. His suit was uncharacteristically crumpled.
In any other circumstances, if Ianto looked as distressed, Jack would have taken him into his arms and just held him until he felt a little better, no matter who was around. His arms almost itched to do so now, but he knew he couldn’t.
They weren’t who they had been just yesterday, and all the rules had changed. They had all changed, but the trouble was, no one had bothered to tell him what the new ones were.
The atmosphere in the whole Hub got progressively more and more awkward all day, and Jack knew that the rest of the team must have picked up on the fact that something wasn’t right.
He realised that there was a part of him actually waiting - anticipating, even - a Rift alert. Or police reports of Weevils. Or… well… anything. Something that would take them out of the Hub and give him something else to concentrate on for a while, a distraction.
The Rift and police taps both remained stubbornly silent.
Jack, for the most part, remained in his office, still trying to force his mind to settle enough to complete some reports. They needed to be done, he told himself. He wasn’t hiding from the team. Absolutely not. He was just busy.
But he couldn’t deny that he had to take a deep breath and steel himself when he saw Gwen approaching the closed transparent door of his office.
She had that look on her face. The stubborn one she so often wore that said she wasn’t about to give up easily; the look that told him she had just enough information to peak her insatiable curiosity but not enough to satisfy it.
Her dogged determination to get to the bottom of things - not matter what it took - was something he valued highly in her as a Torchwood employee; it had often proved useful on a case. When that same aspect of her personality was turned on him - and more specifically on his personal life, especially where it pertained to Ianto - he hated it.
He kept his eyes down-turned, trained on the papers scattered across his desk, as she shoved open the door without so much as pausing to knock.
“Okay, what’s going on?” she said bluntly as soon as she was fully through the door.
Jack looked up. “What’s going on with what?” He knew that he was being deliberately obtuse, and moreover he knew that Gwen knew he was being deliberately obtuse, but he really didn’t want to talk about this, and he hoped that she would pick up on that as well.
If she did, she showed no signs of caring, as she forged right on. “You and Ianto. What happened? And don’t try to tell me ‘nothing’, because something clearly has. The two of you have been inseparable, practically attached at the hip, for the last few weeks, and today, suddenly you aren’t even talking to each other. Plus neither of you look like you’ve slept. At all.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Gwen,” Jack said firmly, since she didn’t appear to be getting the hint.
“But are you going to be okay?” Gwen persisted. “If you need me to, I can…”
“Look,” Jack interrupted exasperatedly, “yes, something happened with me and Ianto. No, I’m not ‘okay’, and I don’t honestly know if or when I will be again. But it’s also, frankly, none of your concern, so you can you please just let it - me - be?”
Gwen frowned. “I thought I was your friend. I thought we all were. I only want to help.”
He sighed. “I know. You are, and it is appreciated, it’s just… There’s nothing you can do, nothing any of you can do. This is something very personal between me and Ianto, and…”
He had to stop and take a deep breath to stay on top of his emotions. “I really can’t talk about it, so please, please, just leave it alone.”
Gwen looked somewhat peeved with his refusal to share, but nonetheless turned around and took a step towards leaving the office. The determined look hadn’t left her eyes though, which prompted Jack to call her back before she could actually leave.
“Oh, and Gwen?”
She turned back to look at him questioningly.
“Don’t go and pester Ianto about this just because I wouldn’t tell you anything.”
The slightly guilty flush that passed over Gwen’s face told Jack he’d been correct in his suspicions. He shook his head sadly. “If he feels anything like I do, bringing it up is not going to help. So just don’t. Please.”
Chapter Seventeen
Comments and concrit welcomed - comments are love!! &hearts
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Rating: R
Disclaimer: If I was the one who owned Torchwood, you think I'd admit it now?
Spoilers: Takes place post 2x05 'Adam', but mentions briefly minor info from later s2 eps. AU
Summary: It wasn’t the lost days that were really giving Ianto Jones nightmares. It was the fact that ever since, he’d suddenly been having flashes from another period of his life he’d thought was lost forever - his first ten years.
Warning: Some chapters of this fic will contain material some may find offensive. To go into more detail would be spoilery for the plot, but DO NOT READ if you are easily offended.
Thanks to: My wonderful betas morbid_sparks, cazmalfoy and angelzbabe1989, who talked me into writing this, then held my hand while I worked through the plot and filled all its holes.
Previous chapters at master list
Chapter Sixteen
Although he didn’t know what he would do when he saw him, Jack fretted until Ianto appeared in the Hub just after 9am. In a marked change from what had become customary, he was the last of the team to arrive; Jack wondered if that had been a deliberate move on Ianto’s part.
Their eyes didn’t meet as he walked through the door; Ianto was clearly just as unsure what to do as he was.
His coffee still landed on his desk, but without the quiet moment of conversation that he’d grown used to. Ianto also brought it into his office before he took round the tray of mugs for the rest of the team, instead of leaving it for last.
Part of Jack was dying inside at the difference one day could make, and Ianto’s clear avoidance of him. The other part was relieved. He didn’t have the words to express any of what he was feeling about the situation they found themselves in. He couldn’t even identify what he was feeling, let alone talk about it.
He did find himself surreptitiously watching Ianto, though, without even conscious volition. Watching him, his mind trying frantically to work out how Ianto was coping.
If looks were anything to go on, Ianto felt about as bad as he did. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked pale. His suit was uncharacteristically crumpled.
In any other circumstances, if Ianto looked as distressed, Jack would have taken him into his arms and just held him until he felt a little better, no matter who was around. His arms almost itched to do so now, but he knew he couldn’t.
They weren’t who they had been just yesterday, and all the rules had changed. They had all changed, but the trouble was, no one had bothered to tell him what the new ones were.
The atmosphere in the whole Hub got progressively more and more awkward all day, and Jack knew that the rest of the team must have picked up on the fact that something wasn’t right.
He realised that there was a part of him actually waiting - anticipating, even - a Rift alert. Or police reports of Weevils. Or… well… anything. Something that would take them out of the Hub and give him something else to concentrate on for a while, a distraction.
The Rift and police taps both remained stubbornly silent.
Jack, for the most part, remained in his office, still trying to force his mind to settle enough to complete some reports. They needed to be done, he told himself. He wasn’t hiding from the team. Absolutely not. He was just busy.
But he couldn’t deny that he had to take a deep breath and steel himself when he saw Gwen approaching the closed transparent door of his office.
She had that look on her face. The stubborn one she so often wore that said she wasn’t about to give up easily; the look that told him she had just enough information to peak her insatiable curiosity but not enough to satisfy it.
Her dogged determination to get to the bottom of things - not matter what it took - was something he valued highly in her as a Torchwood employee; it had often proved useful on a case. When that same aspect of her personality was turned on him - and more specifically on his personal life, especially where it pertained to Ianto - he hated it.
He kept his eyes down-turned, trained on the papers scattered across his desk, as she shoved open the door without so much as pausing to knock.
“Okay, what’s going on?” she said bluntly as soon as she was fully through the door.
Jack looked up. “What’s going on with what?” He knew that he was being deliberately obtuse, and moreover he knew that Gwen knew he was being deliberately obtuse, but he really didn’t want to talk about this, and he hoped that she would pick up on that as well.
If she did, she showed no signs of caring, as she forged right on. “You and Ianto. What happened? And don’t try to tell me ‘nothing’, because something clearly has. The two of you have been inseparable, practically attached at the hip, for the last few weeks, and today, suddenly you aren’t even talking to each other. Plus neither of you look like you’ve slept. At all.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Gwen,” Jack said firmly, since she didn’t appear to be getting the hint.
“But are you going to be okay?” Gwen persisted. “If you need me to, I can…”
“Look,” Jack interrupted exasperatedly, “yes, something happened with me and Ianto. No, I’m not ‘okay’, and I don’t honestly know if or when I will be again. But it’s also, frankly, none of your concern, so you can you please just let it - me - be?”
Gwen frowned. “I thought I was your friend. I thought we all were. I only want to help.”
He sighed. “I know. You are, and it is appreciated, it’s just… There’s nothing you can do, nothing any of you can do. This is something very personal between me and Ianto, and…”
He had to stop and take a deep breath to stay on top of his emotions. “I really can’t talk about it, so please, please, just leave it alone.”
Gwen looked somewhat peeved with his refusal to share, but nonetheless turned around and took a step towards leaving the office. The determined look hadn’t left her eyes though, which prompted Jack to call her back before she could actually leave.
“Oh, and Gwen?”
She turned back to look at him questioningly.
“Don’t go and pester Ianto about this just because I wouldn’t tell you anything.”
The slightly guilty flush that passed over Gwen’s face told Jack he’d been correct in his suspicions. He shook his head sadly. “If he feels anything like I do, bringing it up is not going to help. So just don’t. Please.”
Chapter Seventeen
Comments and concrit welcomed - comments are love!! &hearts