Yesterday Is But Today's Memory - 12/19+Interlude
Title: Yesterday Is But Today's Memory
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Rating: R
Disclaimer: If I was the one who owned Torchwood, you think I'd admit it now?
Spoilers: Takes place post 2x05 'Adam', but mentions briefly minor info from later s2 eps. AU
Summary: It wasn’t the lost days that were really giving Ianto Jones nightmares. It was the fact that ever since, he’d suddenly been having flashes from another period of his life he’d thought was lost forever - his first ten years.
Warning: Some chapters of this fic will contain material some may find offensive. To go into more detail would be spoilery for the plot, but DO NOT READ if you are easily offended.
Thanks to: My wonderful betas morbid_sparks, cazmalfoy and angelzbabe1989, who talked me into writing this, then held my hand while I worked through the plot and filled all its holes.
Author's Note: Yes, I know this is very late this week, but I have a series of very good reasons and hopefully it won't have to happen again.
Previous chapters at master list
Chapter Twelve
Ianto leant over into Jack’s space and looked at the photo in his hand. “Well, I can say categorically that that’s definitely me,” he said, worried about Jack’s reaction. “Looks just like all the photos I have of me here from shortly after I arrived.”
Jack didn’t say anything, just stared straight at the floor in front of them in a shocked daze.
Ianto looked over at John and noticed that, in a sharp contrast to the grins of earlier, he looked distinctly uncomfortable.
“Jack? John?” He looked between them in confusion.
A second later Jack roused from his stupor and looked up at John too. A red haze started to descend over his expression; Ianto saw it but didn’t understand it; John shrank back a little - he obviously saw it too but Ianto had the feeling he had slightly more of an inkling about the cause.
“You.” Jack’s voice was low and dangerous. “You knew.”
John stood up and took a step back, shaking his head. “No.”
Jack tensed beside him; Ianto barely had a moment to react before Jack threw himself at John, gripping him by the collar of his coat.
“You did, you knew!” he growled. “You told me you’d found him. You told me, so you must have known!”
John staggered back another few steps under Jack’s onslaught. “No, no, I didn’t. I swear. Not for sure.”
“You saw that photo though. You must have known then.” The rage was starting to dissipate, to be replaced by a growing desperation.
“Maybe I suspected, but I didn’t know for sure, I don’t know for sure,” John said, pushing Jack’s shoulders back. “You don’t know for sure, not yet. It might not be.”
“It looks so much like him though,” Jack replied, deflating. “It’s so much like him, and the dates add up, and…” He swallowed hard. “It can’t be. After everything… it just can’t be.” He released his grip on John and turned back to look at Ianto, shaking his head.
Ianto hadn’t moved. He’d watched the whole scene with an odd sense of detachment. He had a strong feeling he was missing some, if not all, of the information required for the exchange between Jack and John to make any sense.
“While, given your reactions, I suspect that I’m not going to like the answers,” he started slightly shakily, “I have to ask. What’s wrong? What is it about a photograph of me as a ten year old kid that prompted… that?”
Jack sighed deeply and ran a hand over his face.
“I… this… I…”
He shook his head, taking the few short steps back to collapse on the sofa next to Ianto, his head dropping back to lean against the wall as he stared towards the ceiling so far above them.
“I spent years searching. Years. It’s most of the reason I joined the Time Agency in the first place. Everywhere and every when I went, I looked. Just in case. I never found him. I never…”
“Who were you looking for, Jack?” Ianto asked quietly, a suspicion forming in the back of his mind.
“Gray,” Jack answered, and Ianto was thrown back to the first time John had been there. John stepping back into the swirling opening in the Rift, telling Jack that he’d found Gray.
His eyes flew momentarily to the Time Agent, who had resumed his perch in Owen’s chair, before returning to Jack.
“He was…” Jack paused again and gulped. “Oh God, it was all my fault. If it wasn’t for me, none of it would ever have happened. None of this would be happening now. If I had only…” He broke off, his breath coming in deep pants.
Ianto reached out tentatively to stroke his arm. “You can’t blame yourself, Jack. I’m sure it wasn’t…”
“But it was,” Jack interrupted. “I was supposed to be looking after him. I was supposed to keep hold of his hand. But I didn’t. I let him slip out of my grasp and he fell behind and I didn’t even notice. And by the time I got back to look for him he was gone.” He knocked his head hard against the wall in a blatant act of self-flagellation. “My fault.”
Ianto gripped Jack’s arm a little tighter. “Jack, it’s okay, I’m…”
Jack pulled his arm away roughly, sitting up and shaking his head fiercely. “No, it’s not okay. It’s not okay at all. I failed, and because of that my little brother had to suffer years of immeasurable torment. There’s no way I can make that okay.”
Ianto felt all of the wind suddenly drop out of his sails as the last of Jack’s words filtered into his brain. “Did… did you just say little brother?”
Author's Note 2: Please note two things. 1: That warning I've been posting at the top of every chapter since the start. 2: John Hart is right that they don't know anything yet... I may be leading you (and them) all up the garden path...
Chapter Thirteen
Comments and concrit welcomed - comments are love!! &hearts
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Rating: R
Disclaimer: If I was the one who owned Torchwood, you think I'd admit it now?
Spoilers: Takes place post 2x05 'Adam', but mentions briefly minor info from later s2 eps. AU
Summary: It wasn’t the lost days that were really giving Ianto Jones nightmares. It was the fact that ever since, he’d suddenly been having flashes from another period of his life he’d thought was lost forever - his first ten years.
Warning: Some chapters of this fic will contain material some may find offensive. To go into more detail would be spoilery for the plot, but DO NOT READ if you are easily offended.
Thanks to: My wonderful betas morbid_sparks, cazmalfoy and angelzbabe1989, who talked me into writing this, then held my hand while I worked through the plot and filled all its holes.
Author's Note: Yes, I know this is very late this week, but I have a series of very good reasons and hopefully it won't have to happen again.
Previous chapters at master list
Chapter Twelve
Ianto leant over into Jack’s space and looked at the photo in his hand. “Well, I can say categorically that that’s definitely me,” he said, worried about Jack’s reaction. “Looks just like all the photos I have of me here from shortly after I arrived.”
Jack didn’t say anything, just stared straight at the floor in front of them in a shocked daze.
Ianto looked over at John and noticed that, in a sharp contrast to the grins of earlier, he looked distinctly uncomfortable.
“Jack? John?” He looked between them in confusion.
A second later Jack roused from his stupor and looked up at John too. A red haze started to descend over his expression; Ianto saw it but didn’t understand it; John shrank back a little - he obviously saw it too but Ianto had the feeling he had slightly more of an inkling about the cause.
“You.” Jack’s voice was low and dangerous. “You knew.”
John stood up and took a step back, shaking his head. “No.”
Jack tensed beside him; Ianto barely had a moment to react before Jack threw himself at John, gripping him by the collar of his coat.
“You did, you knew!” he growled. “You told me you’d found him. You told me, so you must have known!”
John staggered back another few steps under Jack’s onslaught. “No, no, I didn’t. I swear. Not for sure.”
“You saw that photo though. You must have known then.” The rage was starting to dissipate, to be replaced by a growing desperation.
“Maybe I suspected, but I didn’t know for sure, I don’t know for sure,” John said, pushing Jack’s shoulders back. “You don’t know for sure, not yet. It might not be.”
“It looks so much like him though,” Jack replied, deflating. “It’s so much like him, and the dates add up, and…” He swallowed hard. “It can’t be. After everything… it just can’t be.” He released his grip on John and turned back to look at Ianto, shaking his head.
Ianto hadn’t moved. He’d watched the whole scene with an odd sense of detachment. He had a strong feeling he was missing some, if not all, of the information required for the exchange between Jack and John to make any sense.
“While, given your reactions, I suspect that I’m not going to like the answers,” he started slightly shakily, “I have to ask. What’s wrong? What is it about a photograph of me as a ten year old kid that prompted… that?”
Jack sighed deeply and ran a hand over his face.
“I… this… I…”
He shook his head, taking the few short steps back to collapse on the sofa next to Ianto, his head dropping back to lean against the wall as he stared towards the ceiling so far above them.
“I spent years searching. Years. It’s most of the reason I joined the Time Agency in the first place. Everywhere and every when I went, I looked. Just in case. I never found him. I never…”
“Who were you looking for, Jack?” Ianto asked quietly, a suspicion forming in the back of his mind.
“Gray,” Jack answered, and Ianto was thrown back to the first time John had been there. John stepping back into the swirling opening in the Rift, telling Jack that he’d found Gray.
His eyes flew momentarily to the Time Agent, who had resumed his perch in Owen’s chair, before returning to Jack.
“He was…” Jack paused again and gulped. “Oh God, it was all my fault. If it wasn’t for me, none of it would ever have happened. None of this would be happening now. If I had only…” He broke off, his breath coming in deep pants.
Ianto reached out tentatively to stroke his arm. “You can’t blame yourself, Jack. I’m sure it wasn’t…”
“But it was,” Jack interrupted. “I was supposed to be looking after him. I was supposed to keep hold of his hand. But I didn’t. I let him slip out of my grasp and he fell behind and I didn’t even notice. And by the time I got back to look for him he was gone.” He knocked his head hard against the wall in a blatant act of self-flagellation. “My fault.”
Ianto gripped Jack’s arm a little tighter. “Jack, it’s okay, I’m…”
Jack pulled his arm away roughly, sitting up and shaking his head fiercely. “No, it’s not okay. It’s not okay at all. I failed, and because of that my little brother had to suffer years of immeasurable torment. There’s no way I can make that okay.”
Ianto felt all of the wind suddenly drop out of his sails as the last of Jack’s words filtered into his brain. “Did… did you just say little brother?”
Author's Note 2: Please note two things. 1: That warning I've been posting at the top of every chapter since the start. 2: John Hart is right that they don't know anything yet... I may be leading you (and them) all up the garden path...
Chapter Thirteen
Comments and concrit welcomed - comments are love!! &hearts