Guilt: Redux - 6/17+Epilogue
Title: Guilt: Redux
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, references to Ianto/Lisa
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: If I was the one who owned Torchwood, you think I'd admit it now?
Spoilers: Some information and events from s1,2. NONE for s3.
Summary: Ianto knows he should be happy. He has his work and he has Lisa. Again. Finally. He knows he should be happy.
Author's Note: Alternate ending to Guilt - events of Guilt up to around ch50 take place. This picks up many months later... (There's a short recap of 'what you NEED to know from Guilt' before chapter one, if you haven't read it)
Thanks to: My lovely beta cazmalfoy, angelzbabe1989 for idea bouncing, and morbid_sparks for cheerleading even when she doesn't know what happens in this...
Previous chapters at master list
Chapter Six
Ianto was shocked into silence for a long moment. “Wh…wh…what?”
“You heard me, if you’re not protecting me from yourself, why couldn’t you come out and tell me you’re in love with Jack?”
“But…” Ianto floundered. “How do you even know? I mean… I… um…”
“I’m not blind, Ianto, and you and Jack have all but been my whole social sphere for a year and a half. Even when I was too ill to do anything else, I could watch, and listen.” She smiled wryly. “I think I’ve probably known for longer than you have.”
Ianto raked a hand through his hair and gripped the back of his neck tensely. “How could I tell you when I could barely admit it to myself?” He sighed. “This is all such a bloody mess.” He shook his head, spun on his heel and went back out to the living room, collapsing into a slump on their sofa.
Lisa hesitated for a moment before following him. She sank into the sofa next to him, looking at him in concern.
“I never meant for any of this to happen,” he eventually mumbled. “I kept telling myself that once you were all better, everything would just go back to how it was before.”
He finally looked up at her. “Maybe that’s why I’ve been having trouble letting go. My subconscious wanted to believe you weren’t better yet, so the absolute chaos my feelings are in didn’t need to be all sorted yet.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I really didn’t want it to go like this though; you have to believe me. I just…”
“I know,” Lisa said softly, daring to put a hand out to hold his arm. “I can’t say it doesn’t hurt a little, but… I do sort of understand.” She sighed lightly. “For so long our relationship has been that of patient and carer, not of boyfriend and girlfriend, and Jack… well, he’s just been there.”
“He hasn’t… I mean, we haven’t, you know,” Ianto told her quietly. “Nothing’s…”
“I never suspected that it had,” Lisa interrupted. “I know you too well to believe you’d let yourself do that, no matter what you felt.”
She found the strength to smile. “The thing is, I can’t really blame you. If he looked at me like he looks at you, I’d probably be half in love with him myself.”
Ianto shot her a confused look.
“Oh come on,” she said. “You can’t have missed all of the looks he gives you when he thinks you aren’t looking, can you?” As Ianto continued to look clueless, she shook her head. “Or maybe you can. Honestly, you’re remarkably oblivious sometimes.”
“Oi!” Ianto protested. “Am not.”
Lisa raised an eyebrow disbelievingly, grinning as she did it, pleased to see the resurgence of Ianto’s willingness to go against her. Even if she was right.
“Okay,” he relented a minute later. “Maybe sometimes. Although I’m not convinced in this situation.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in thought as they stared at nothing in particular.
“So where do we go from here?” Ianto eventually ventured.
Lisa tilted her head to the side. “Forwards, I guess. I think we’ve come way too far to go back.”
Ianto nodded and swivelled to face her. “Should we… do you… I do still love you,” he said. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you either,” Lisa replied, “but I think we have to, at least to some extent. This just isn’t going to work anymore, us as a couple. I still love you too, but…” She bit her lip. “I love you, but I’m not really in love with you anymore.”
Ianto sighed and made a slightly strangled sound of agreement.
“I couldn’t bear not to have you as a friend, though,” she continued. “I…”
“That will never happen,” Ianto interrupted firmly. “No matter what else does or doesn’t happen between us, I will always be your friend.”
There was another long silence.
“So… friends?” Lisa asked tentatively.
Ianto swallowed hard and nodded. “I… yes. Friends. Good friends, I hope. Eventually at least. It might be a little awkward at first.”
“And it hasn’t been for the last several months?”
Ianto quirked a wry smile. “Point.” He blew out a breath. “Could we maybe… keep this to ourselves for now?”
Lisa’s eyebrows lifted in question.
“I don’t want to get into it with the team quite yet,” Ianto explained. “I have the feeling it will bring up a lot of questions I really don’t want to answer.”
Chapter Seven
Comments and concrit (yes, really) are adored. Comments = <3
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, references to Ianto/Lisa
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: If I was the one who owned Torchwood, you think I'd admit it now?
Spoilers: Some information and events from s1,2. NONE for s3.
Summary: Ianto knows he should be happy. He has his work and he has Lisa. Again. Finally. He knows he should be happy.
Author's Note: Alternate ending to Guilt - events of Guilt up to around ch50 take place. This picks up many months later... (There's a short recap of 'what you NEED to know from Guilt' before chapter one, if you haven't read it)
Thanks to: My lovely beta cazmalfoy, angelzbabe1989 for idea bouncing, and morbid_sparks for cheerleading even when she doesn't know what happens in this...
Previous chapters at master list
Chapter Six
Ianto was shocked into silence for a long moment. “Wh…wh…what?”
“You heard me, if you’re not protecting me from yourself, why couldn’t you come out and tell me you’re in love with Jack?”
“But…” Ianto floundered. “How do you even know? I mean… I… um…”
“I’m not blind, Ianto, and you and Jack have all but been my whole social sphere for a year and a half. Even when I was too ill to do anything else, I could watch, and listen.” She smiled wryly. “I think I’ve probably known for longer than you have.”
Ianto raked a hand through his hair and gripped the back of his neck tensely. “How could I tell you when I could barely admit it to myself?” He sighed. “This is all such a bloody mess.” He shook his head, spun on his heel and went back out to the living room, collapsing into a slump on their sofa.
Lisa hesitated for a moment before following him. She sank into the sofa next to him, looking at him in concern.
“I never meant for any of this to happen,” he eventually mumbled. “I kept telling myself that once you were all better, everything would just go back to how it was before.”
He finally looked up at her. “Maybe that’s why I’ve been having trouble letting go. My subconscious wanted to believe you weren’t better yet, so the absolute chaos my feelings are in didn’t need to be all sorted yet.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I really didn’t want it to go like this though; you have to believe me. I just…”
“I know,” Lisa said softly, daring to put a hand out to hold his arm. “I can’t say it doesn’t hurt a little, but… I do sort of understand.” She sighed lightly. “For so long our relationship has been that of patient and carer, not of boyfriend and girlfriend, and Jack… well, he’s just been there.”
“He hasn’t… I mean, we haven’t, you know,” Ianto told her quietly. “Nothing’s…”
“I never suspected that it had,” Lisa interrupted. “I know you too well to believe you’d let yourself do that, no matter what you felt.”
She found the strength to smile. “The thing is, I can’t really blame you. If he looked at me like he looks at you, I’d probably be half in love with him myself.”
Ianto shot her a confused look.
“Oh come on,” she said. “You can’t have missed all of the looks he gives you when he thinks you aren’t looking, can you?” As Ianto continued to look clueless, she shook her head. “Or maybe you can. Honestly, you’re remarkably oblivious sometimes.”
“Oi!” Ianto protested. “Am not.”
Lisa raised an eyebrow disbelievingly, grinning as she did it, pleased to see the resurgence of Ianto’s willingness to go against her. Even if she was right.
“Okay,” he relented a minute later. “Maybe sometimes. Although I’m not convinced in this situation.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in thought as they stared at nothing in particular.
“So where do we go from here?” Ianto eventually ventured.
Lisa tilted her head to the side. “Forwards, I guess. I think we’ve come way too far to go back.”
Ianto nodded and swivelled to face her. “Should we… do you… I do still love you,” he said. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you either,” Lisa replied, “but I think we have to, at least to some extent. This just isn’t going to work anymore, us as a couple. I still love you too, but…” She bit her lip. “I love you, but I’m not really in love with you anymore.”
Ianto sighed and made a slightly strangled sound of agreement.
“I couldn’t bear not to have you as a friend, though,” she continued. “I…”
“That will never happen,” Ianto interrupted firmly. “No matter what else does or doesn’t happen between us, I will always be your friend.”
There was another long silence.
“So… friends?” Lisa asked tentatively.
Ianto swallowed hard and nodded. “I… yes. Friends. Good friends, I hope. Eventually at least. It might be a little awkward at first.”
“And it hasn’t been for the last several months?”
Ianto quirked a wry smile. “Point.” He blew out a breath. “Could we maybe… keep this to ourselves for now?”
Lisa’s eyebrows lifted in question.
“I don’t want to get into it with the team quite yet,” Ianto explained. “I have the feeling it will bring up a lot of questions I really don’t want to answer.”
Chapter Seven
Comments and concrit (yes, really) are adored. Comments = <3