Guilt - 5/??
Title: Guilt
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Ianto/Lisa, also eventual hints of Gwen/Rhys, Owen/Tosh
Rating: R (some later chapters NC-17)
Disclaimer: Torchwood is not mine. No matter how much I sometimes wish it was.
Spoilers: Better say everything through s2, just to be sure. Begins pre-S1.
Summary: What is Ianto going to tell Jack??
Thanks to: My beta cazmalfoy for all her wonderful work, and my cheerleaders angelzbabe1989 and piper08 for putting up with me when I whine about being stuck.
All comments and concrit welcomed!
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
3. Tell Jack everything and hope my hunch is right.
Jack led the way into his office, closing the glass door behind them as he urged Ianto to sit. Ianto was relieved that Tosh and Suzie had apparently found something to keep them busy in another part of the Hub. He wasn’t sure he could get through his confession with an audience.
Sitting awkwardly across the desk from Jack, he stared at his hands in his lap as he pondered the best way to start.
Jack’s voice interrupted his contemplation, “If it helps, I promise to do my very best to just listen, and not judge.”
Ianto took a deep breath, mustering the courage to meet Jack’s blue gaze.
“You were right. About yesterday. I was desperate to get this job.” Finding Jack’s stare a little too intense, Ianto lifted his head, focusing on a patch of bare wall near the ceiling. “Have been for weeks. I still am.”
Swallowing past the lump in his throat, he looked straight at Jack. “But not for me.” Despite the unshed tears beginning to cloud his vision, he could see the gears working in Jack’s brain. “I have to help her. I have to find a cure.”
Jack’s mouth fell slack, his eyes searching Ianto’s face as he attempted to make sense of his statement.
The gritty determination behind his gaze was tempered by the gentleness in his voice. “Help who? Find a cure for what?”
Ianto’s throat burned tightly as he focused on Jack and uttered the single word that would make going back impossible, “Lisa.”
The exact moment the significance of the name registered in Jack’s consciousness was clearly visible on his face. “Lisa? As in your girlfriend, Lisa?”
Ianto nodded sadly, his eyes now glassy as he fought to retain his composure.
“But…”
“I know, I said she was dead,” Ianto interrupted, his voice small and quiet, “but she’s not. But she’s so sick and in so much pain. Torchwood has to have something that can help. So, I thought… I was going to…” he trailed off, a tinge of shame joining the mix of fear and sorrow etched on his face, as he let Jack intuit what he had planned.
“And then you decided not to?” Jack prompted softly, apparently holding to his promise to listen to the whole story before making judgements.
“I never really wanted to.” Ianto’s voice was tight as he forced the words out. “Then… then I met you, and I came down here, and… I just couldn’t go through with it.”
Passion emanated from his very soul as he lifted his gaze from where it had dropped to the desk. “But I still have to help her. We have to help her,” he implored. His eyes were shining earnestly as he pled his case to the Captain.
“Lisa worked for Torchwood. She… she practically got me the job. She’d been there over a year before I started; was higher up than me, even had her own research team.” His tone was wistful as he allowed the memories to flow over him.
“She had nothing to do with the ghost shifts though,” he rushed to clarify, seeing the suspicion brewing in Jack’s eyes. “Neither did I. That was Yvonne’s baby. Only the chosen few worked on that. The rest of us… Well, the rest of us were given the same story they fed the public and told to stay at our posts during the shifts.”
He shook his head, “I didn’t like them and I didn’t believe the ‘ghost’ story. But I never even suspected…” He had to stop and take a breath, steeling himself to continue. “When the Cybermen came, then the Daleks… I just wanted to find Lisa, make sure she was ok so we could get out of there.”
His composure was beginning to slip. Talking about the battle, taking his mind back into the thick of it felt like he was digging up old ghosts who should stay buried. “It was chaos. People were running everywhere. Screaming. Crashing. I… I just couldn’t find her. I had to hide, because there were Daleks and… and Cybermen everywhere. But then they just… weren’t, they vanished somehow.”
“That’s when I found her. She was… She’d been …”
Ianto felt a warm hand cover his own, Jack’s gaze boring into him. “What did you find, Ianto?” he questioned quietly.
“Lisa… She was in a conversion unit. Half converted.”
“What?!”
Onto chapter Six...
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Ianto/Lisa, also eventual hints of Gwen/Rhys, Owen/Tosh
Rating: R (some later chapters NC-17)
Disclaimer: Torchwood is not mine. No matter how much I sometimes wish it was.
Spoilers: Better say everything through s2, just to be sure. Begins pre-S1.
Summary: What is Ianto going to tell Jack??
Thanks to: My beta cazmalfoy for all her wonderful work, and my cheerleaders angelzbabe1989 and piper08 for putting up with me when I whine about being stuck.
All comments and concrit welcomed!
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
3. Tell Jack everything and hope my hunch is right.
Jack led the way into his office, closing the glass door behind them as he urged Ianto to sit. Ianto was relieved that Tosh and Suzie had apparently found something to keep them busy in another part of the Hub. He wasn’t sure he could get through his confession with an audience.
Sitting awkwardly across the desk from Jack, he stared at his hands in his lap as he pondered the best way to start.
Jack’s voice interrupted his contemplation, “If it helps, I promise to do my very best to just listen, and not judge.”
Ianto took a deep breath, mustering the courage to meet Jack’s blue gaze.
“You were right. About yesterday. I was desperate to get this job.” Finding Jack’s stare a little too intense, Ianto lifted his head, focusing on a patch of bare wall near the ceiling. “Have been for weeks. I still am.”
Swallowing past the lump in his throat, he looked straight at Jack. “But not for me.” Despite the unshed tears beginning to cloud his vision, he could see the gears working in Jack’s brain. “I have to help her. I have to find a cure.”
Jack’s mouth fell slack, his eyes searching Ianto’s face as he attempted to make sense of his statement.
The gritty determination behind his gaze was tempered by the gentleness in his voice. “Help who? Find a cure for what?”
Ianto’s throat burned tightly as he focused on Jack and uttered the single word that would make going back impossible, “Lisa.”
The exact moment the significance of the name registered in Jack’s consciousness was clearly visible on his face. “Lisa? As in your girlfriend, Lisa?”
Ianto nodded sadly, his eyes now glassy as he fought to retain his composure.
“But…”
“I know, I said she was dead,” Ianto interrupted, his voice small and quiet, “but she’s not. But she’s so sick and in so much pain. Torchwood has to have something that can help. So, I thought… I was going to…” he trailed off, a tinge of shame joining the mix of fear and sorrow etched on his face, as he let Jack intuit what he had planned.
“And then you decided not to?” Jack prompted softly, apparently holding to his promise to listen to the whole story before making judgements.
“I never really wanted to.” Ianto’s voice was tight as he forced the words out. “Then… then I met you, and I came down here, and… I just couldn’t go through with it.”
Passion emanated from his very soul as he lifted his gaze from where it had dropped to the desk. “But I still have to help her. We have to help her,” he implored. His eyes were shining earnestly as he pled his case to the Captain.
“Lisa worked for Torchwood. She… she practically got me the job. She’d been there over a year before I started; was higher up than me, even had her own research team.” His tone was wistful as he allowed the memories to flow over him.
“She had nothing to do with the ghost shifts though,” he rushed to clarify, seeing the suspicion brewing in Jack’s eyes. “Neither did I. That was Yvonne’s baby. Only the chosen few worked on that. The rest of us… Well, the rest of us were given the same story they fed the public and told to stay at our posts during the shifts.”
He shook his head, “I didn’t like them and I didn’t believe the ‘ghost’ story. But I never even suspected…” He had to stop and take a breath, steeling himself to continue. “When the Cybermen came, then the Daleks… I just wanted to find Lisa, make sure she was ok so we could get out of there.”
His composure was beginning to slip. Talking about the battle, taking his mind back into the thick of it felt like he was digging up old ghosts who should stay buried. “It was chaos. People were running everywhere. Screaming. Crashing. I… I just couldn’t find her. I had to hide, because there were Daleks and… and Cybermen everywhere. But then they just… weren’t, they vanished somehow.”
“That’s when I found her. She was… She’d been …”
Ianto felt a warm hand cover his own, Jack’s gaze boring into him. “What did you find, Ianto?” he questioned quietly.
“Lisa… She was in a conversion unit. Half converted.”
“What?!”
Onto chapter Six...