On Forgiveness
It's hard to let go of bitterness. When someone has done something wrong to me, it's hard to forgive. It's saying that I can live with the result of what you've done to me, and our relationship can be renewed. It hurts that they've done that, and it hurts to suck it up and live with it.
But the reality is, I've more than likely done something wrong towards them and need forgiveness just as much. And that's hard too. It would be too easy to just sit in my room and never have contact with anyone ever. It's tempting to not have friends. That way I can't insult them, and they can't insult me.
Furthermore, in Jesus, I've been forgiven for everything wrong I ever did. Jesus says that I ought to forgive others because I have been forgiven myself. And it's like I've been forgiven a million dollar debt and then going around holding bitterness towards those who owe me a couple of dollars. Forgiveness doesn't come easily or naturally to me. Even if I get to say "I forgive you," it'll probably take a while longer for all of me to be in a place where I have actually forgiven them.
At the moment, I'm holding a bit of bitterness towards most everybody. I don't like doing that. Recently I've been doing that a fair bit. It's like black tar that's wrapped around my heart. I want to forgive and be on right terms with everyone, but part of me kinda enjoys the bitterness and the feeling that everyone owes me something. Which I know is wrong and totally perverted.
A way that I've found that effectively gets rid of this bitterness is by thinking about what is wrong, and then crying about it. But that makes me feel weak, and the same black tar bit of myself doesn't want to cry about it. I keep calling myself a cry baby.
But it is therapeutic and I feel better afterwards, having let go of everything.
Why is forgiveness so hard to dish out?
But the reality is, I've more than likely done something wrong towards them and need forgiveness just as much. And that's hard too. It would be too easy to just sit in my room and never have contact with anyone ever. It's tempting to not have friends. That way I can't insult them, and they can't insult me.
Furthermore, in Jesus, I've been forgiven for everything wrong I ever did. Jesus says that I ought to forgive others because I have been forgiven myself. And it's like I've been forgiven a million dollar debt and then going around holding bitterness towards those who owe me a couple of dollars. Forgiveness doesn't come easily or naturally to me. Even if I get to say "I forgive you," it'll probably take a while longer for all of me to be in a place where I have actually forgiven them.
At the moment, I'm holding a bit of bitterness towards most everybody. I don't like doing that. Recently I've been doing that a fair bit. It's like black tar that's wrapped around my heart. I want to forgive and be on right terms with everyone, but part of me kinda enjoys the bitterness and the feeling that everyone owes me something. Which I know is wrong and totally perverted.
A way that I've found that effectively gets rid of this bitterness is by thinking about what is wrong, and then crying about it. But that makes me feel weak, and the same black tar bit of myself doesn't want to cry about it. I keep calling myself a cry baby.
But it is therapeutic and I feel better afterwards, having let go of everything.
Why is forgiveness so hard to dish out?