(no subject)
Today, I went to the neurologist. Several things were accomplished:
-Topomax dose was lowered.
I once told Pareesa, "Topomax makes you skinny and stupid." Hopefully, the somewhat noticeable cognitive impairment that is a side effect of this med will go away now that I am on a low dose. If I am still feeling stupid-- compared to how l normally am without the meds-- or the migraines come back, the dr. told me he'll switch me off Topomax completely.
-I finally admitted to someone that I've been fairly anxious and depressed for several months now.
Not, "Omg the Bar, I'm so stressed" but, "Getting out of bed seems so pointless, and I'm so tired all the time. And I have the Bar to study for, and that doesn't help the situation. I can't even focus on studying because I start to panic." type of stuff. Normally, there's a list of questions clinicians have to ask before you can be diagnosed with depression, but mine was so obvious he didn't even have to go through the questions. I suppose he should have asked a few things to make sure I wasn't engaging in self-harm, but we can let that slide.
It felt good to say something to someone. Taking a look at my journal entries for the past few months, it's pretty easy to see that something was wrong. I just needed the right situation so I could say something.
-Prescribed an anti-anxiety/antidepressant
In high school, I was prescribed meds for my anxiety/depression*. I don't remember details, but I remember the moment that I realized the meds were working: I looked at some flowers at dusk, and smiled. Life wasn't easy, but it didn't feel like I had to fight a battle all the time. A decade later, I hope the meds will have the same effect this time.
*Looking back, I feel like such a stereotype: overachieving, middle-class kid in private school who's on psychiatric drugs because life in suburbia is like, so hard. I could have been a minor character on The OC.
-Topomax dose was lowered.
I once told Pareesa, "Topomax makes you skinny and stupid." Hopefully, the somewhat noticeable cognitive impairment that is a side effect of this med will go away now that I am on a low dose. If I am still feeling stupid-- compared to how l normally am without the meds-- or the migraines come back, the dr. told me he'll switch me off Topomax completely.
-I finally admitted to someone that I've been fairly anxious and depressed for several months now.
Not, "Omg the Bar, I'm so stressed" but, "Getting out of bed seems so pointless, and I'm so tired all the time. And I have the Bar to study for, and that doesn't help the situation. I can't even focus on studying because I start to panic." type of stuff. Normally, there's a list of questions clinicians have to ask before you can be diagnosed with depression, but mine was so obvious he didn't even have to go through the questions. I suppose he should have asked a few things to make sure I wasn't engaging in self-harm, but we can let that slide.
It felt good to say something to someone. Taking a look at my journal entries for the past few months, it's pretty easy to see that something was wrong. I just needed the right situation so I could say something.
-Prescribed an anti-anxiety/antidepressant
In high school, I was prescribed meds for my anxiety/depression*. I don't remember details, but I remember the moment that I realized the meds were working: I looked at some flowers at dusk, and smiled. Life wasn't easy, but it didn't feel like I had to fight a battle all the time. A decade later, I hope the meds will have the same effect this time.
*Looking back, I feel like such a stereotype: overachieving, middle-class kid in private school who's on psychiatric drugs because life in suburbia is like, so hard. I could have been a minor character on The OC.