birthday blues
It's incredible... I've been looking forward to my birthday for a while now. The fact that I'm depressed and not alone, depresses me more I think. Today I wanted to do nothing but sit back and play my favorite game, FFVII. Maybe watch some movies with friends. Just have an enjoyable day. Instead I was up way late last night, and got few hours of sleep. Despite sleeping in as per usual I got out of bed. I woke up today 25 years old. Broke, unemployed, alone, depressed and hungry. I have no idea why I write these things here. maybe a record for years to come. Funny thing is, I think the people I live with forgot it was my birthday. People on FFXI don't know me. Ironically, I'm a very proud person, I don't accept help from people even when I need it. In FFXI I almost never hesitate to ask people for help. I give people help as well, despite the fact I seldom receive it. I should be used to being alone, yet for some reason today I can't shake it. Probably due to the fact that the only thing anyone got me today was a measuring tape that Ill need for a project to fix up my kitchen floor to catch up on my debt that's piling up. I went out earlier with my best friends to the store. We picked up shampoo and conditioner. Browsed a gamestop for fucking ever. We Then went to Arby's. Arby's would have been a great lunch. I was broke so I didn't order anything. My roomate Billy asked my other friend, Kent, who's been crashing on the couch if he wanted anything since he was broke. I kinda realized he had forgotten my birthday at this point when I was a second string to our couch sitting friend. A few moments later he asked as kinda an after thought if I wanted anything. Even though Kent ordered two sandwiches. I would have none of it. I've been bouncing around the spectrum of manic and melancholy all day. I even felt numb at one point. Listening to The Doors on the way home just ate at me. I fell so far down the hole I had to fake a smile to get by. Not by any stretch is it my friends' faults that I've kept a tight lid on my birthday. They knew it was coming though. I got home an played my guitar for a few hours and watched Dexster, curled up, under a blanket, alone, in my room. They continued on outside which brings me to now. Now I'm writing on Livejournal looking at all my Facebook and Myspace "friends" with automated birthday calendars. Surprisingly, more people online care about me this year than last years record breaking two. Guess everyone set reminders this time around. Who knows. Shittiest Birthday ever? Quite possibly. Cheers.