Are you ready for some bitching?
Sometimes I am made to feel like I should be over it already. We happened upon this documentary called "Boy Interrupted" yesterday that was about a young boy who was moody, creative, bright, articulate and obsessed with death from a very young age. It chronicled his mental illness and culminated in his suicide. I couldn't help but think about Mike, because starting in his teens with drug abuse and ending with lots of unprotected sex with strangers, he basically committed a very complicated and drawn-out suicide. The boy's mother was talking about the night he died, and finding him, and I cried. And J said, with a subtle edge to his tone, "If this is making you upset, I can change the channel." I decided to leave the room instead, and get back to work.
I know grief is uncomfortable. It makes one all squirmy to see someone else very upset. The viewer feels uneasy, possibly because there is nothing they can do to alleviate the suffering of the griever, possibly because it's been a year and almost a half already and oughtn't I not to cry anymore when I see things like that on T.V., or hear "Fountain of Sorrow" on the radio. I know J gets irritated when I go quiet if someone mentions him, or if I mention him myself. I understand why it upsets J that I'm upset. What I can't understand is why, having lost friends of his own, he is impatient with my grief.
In all, I think I'm doing pretty well.
Aside from that, it pisses me off when my work calls me at 7 and asks if I can come in at 7:30 (my start time is 8:30) and then when I say, "I need to eat breakfast and take a shower and I live 20 minutes away, so, no, I don't think so" they get all snotty and try to pressure me and say things like, "Well, can you hurry please? So-and-so is not coming in and I have a field trip to get to." If you going to your field trip depends on so-and-so coming in, then when so-and-so calls and says she won't be there, you tell her she has to come in. Seriously. I am sick. I was sick last week. And I know for a fact that if I had called in today, or even last week, when I was still running a fever, they would have asked me to come in "Just until we get the classrooms covered."
So concludes my bitching.
I know grief is uncomfortable. It makes one all squirmy to see someone else very upset. The viewer feels uneasy, possibly because there is nothing they can do to alleviate the suffering of the griever, possibly because it's been a year and almost a half already and oughtn't I not to cry anymore when I see things like that on T.V., or hear "Fountain of Sorrow" on the radio. I know J gets irritated when I go quiet if someone mentions him, or if I mention him myself. I understand why it upsets J that I'm upset. What I can't understand is why, having lost friends of his own, he is impatient with my grief.
In all, I think I'm doing pretty well.
Aside from that, it pisses me off when my work calls me at 7 and asks if I can come in at 7:30 (my start time is 8:30) and then when I say, "I need to eat breakfast and take a shower and I live 20 minutes away, so, no, I don't think so" they get all snotty and try to pressure me and say things like, "Well, can you hurry please? So-and-so is not coming in and I have a field trip to get to." If you going to your field trip depends on so-and-so coming in, then when so-and-so calls and says she won't be there, you tell her she has to come in. Seriously. I am sick. I was sick last week. And I know for a fact that if I had called in today, or even last week, when I was still running a fever, they would have asked me to come in "Just until we get the classrooms covered."
So concludes my bitching.