3 over 5
Today was a pretty rough day. I knew I'd have a busy day, going from work to school to working on a group project. I didn't anticipate events at work making things harder to cope with.
Today was pizza day and Larry brought in donuts for everyone. While that sounds great, I eat neither pizza nor donuts. Early on it felt like "exclusion day" to me. If I didn't have to work , I could have gone out and had a good day, yet I was bound to my duties.. excluded. While I was doing some data entry I overheard the conversation of a loud speaking co-worker, Rayman Hayes. Rayman was talking to Pam and said somehting to the effect of...
"So my daughters said, 'Mom, get the dog, he's being gross!' Since then she's seen him doing it a couple more times. Guess I might have to go buy him a purple spiked collar."
At this point, I should note that I have brought in my purple collar to work and they have all seen it. Also, there seem to be rumors going around that I'm coming out soon. While I couldn't pin the rumors on him, I had heavy suspicion.
Once I heard him leave the area, I asked Pam what the girls were grossed out by. She told me that the calf had been nursing and the dog went out to the barn. Since the calf was hungry, it approached the dog, male, who obviously had only one thing that would seem to a calf to give it the sustenance it sought. Of course, Pam wasn't this eloquent. I laughed and went to the next room to get pissed off.
That's right, I was compared to a dog, getting head from a calf. I wasn't sure what part of that offended me most. I spent the remainder of the day keeping myself occupied so as to not put myself in a compromising situation. Even now, I can't explain the rage I felt.
I decided I needed to go into logic mode to protect myself from any trouble. Since I knew he didn't hear me, he wouldn't be approaching me anytime soon. It was time for some craft work.
Using numerology, I used the first letters of Logic and Emotion, getting 3 and 5. By placing 3 over 5, I was able to remind myself that I needed to not blow up and to just get things done. I wrote it out to manifest it in reality. Placing it in the pocket closest to my heart, I kept it close and looked at it when I needed reenforcement. At one point, I even said it aloud, "three over five, three, over five." While it did nothing to change the situation, it helped me get through the day, and that was all I really needed.
I think people often lose focus on the purpose of magic. Many would have let emotion rule them and acted out. With magic at their disposal, they could have done all sorts of things to Rayman. But no, I wasn't about to take the backlash of karma. I held my emotions and lived them, but used magic to bind my anger so it wouldn't lash out.
I also left my phone at home, so calling anyone while I was at lunch was out of the question. I did get my family to drop it off later though. I sent an e-mail to Ty and he replied when he got it. Sometimes it's really nice to have someone to lean on, if just a little.
I don't know what, if anything, I will do about Rayman. If I tell my supervisor, it's almost an admition of my sexuality. While I feel she'd be okay with it, I also don't know if I want to have to deal with the treatment I would get from co-workers, such as Jeri Kuzowski, who once told me that all gays should leave the country.
For now, I'll keep my rings under my shirt, keep my heart sheltered from hate, keep my purpose at work close to my practice, keep my faith that mankind is flawed, and keep on getting stronger. What does not kill me can only make me stronger. I hope I won't kill them by mistake when I must use my strength in my own defense.
Today was pizza day and Larry brought in donuts for everyone. While that sounds great, I eat neither pizza nor donuts. Early on it felt like "exclusion day" to me. If I didn't have to work , I could have gone out and had a good day, yet I was bound to my duties.. excluded. While I was doing some data entry I overheard the conversation of a loud speaking co-worker, Rayman Hayes. Rayman was talking to Pam and said somehting to the effect of...
"So my daughters said, 'Mom, get the dog, he's being gross!' Since then she's seen him doing it a couple more times. Guess I might have to go buy him a purple spiked collar."
At this point, I should note that I have brought in my purple collar to work and they have all seen it. Also, there seem to be rumors going around that I'm coming out soon. While I couldn't pin the rumors on him, I had heavy suspicion.
Once I heard him leave the area, I asked Pam what the girls were grossed out by. She told me that the calf had been nursing and the dog went out to the barn. Since the calf was hungry, it approached the dog, male, who obviously had only one thing that would seem to a calf to give it the sustenance it sought. Of course, Pam wasn't this eloquent. I laughed and went to the next room to get pissed off.
That's right, I was compared to a dog, getting head from a calf. I wasn't sure what part of that offended me most. I spent the remainder of the day keeping myself occupied so as to not put myself in a compromising situation. Even now, I can't explain the rage I felt.
I decided I needed to go into logic mode to protect myself from any trouble. Since I knew he didn't hear me, he wouldn't be approaching me anytime soon. It was time for some craft work.
Using numerology, I used the first letters of Logic and Emotion, getting 3 and 5. By placing 3 over 5, I was able to remind myself that I needed to not blow up and to just get things done. I wrote it out to manifest it in reality. Placing it in the pocket closest to my heart, I kept it close and looked at it when I needed reenforcement. At one point, I even said it aloud, "three over five, three, over five." While it did nothing to change the situation, it helped me get through the day, and that was all I really needed.
I think people often lose focus on the purpose of magic. Many would have let emotion rule them and acted out. With magic at their disposal, they could have done all sorts of things to Rayman. But no, I wasn't about to take the backlash of karma. I held my emotions and lived them, but used magic to bind my anger so it wouldn't lash out.
I also left my phone at home, so calling anyone while I was at lunch was out of the question. I did get my family to drop it off later though. I sent an e-mail to Ty and he replied when he got it. Sometimes it's really nice to have someone to lean on, if just a little.
I don't know what, if anything, I will do about Rayman. If I tell my supervisor, it's almost an admition of my sexuality. While I feel she'd be okay with it, I also don't know if I want to have to deal with the treatment I would get from co-workers, such as Jeri Kuzowski, who once told me that all gays should leave the country.
For now, I'll keep my rings under my shirt, keep my heart sheltered from hate, keep my purpose at work close to my practice, keep my faith that mankind is flawed, and keep on getting stronger. What does not kill me can only make me stronger. I hope I won't kill them by mistake when I must use my strength in my own defense.