burlesque mayans against vile villagers
It was really strange. These past couple days have been really strange. To say the least, strange things have been happening, and I've been reminded of certain anime... lately.
First off, I'd like to mention Tokyo Magnitude 8.0, and how it relates to the recent earthquake/tsunami in Japan, off the coast of Sendai.
I can't remember if I made an actual post to talk about this, but I'm making it (or another one) now.
In some of my previous work, Sendai has been a frequent location choice for me as a vacation spot. It was usually where my characters went on vacation, because it always seemed far enough, and I wouldn't need to research another place.
Also, just the fact it's in Japan... There are a lot of people (haha, mostly minor celebrities) which I care about there. And, though I know the feelings here aren't mutual, I feel a deep connection with Japan as a whole. As if a network plugged directly into my brain; an emotional surge-wave.
I feel as though the 'hype' around the event has died. Like, the story has been told over and over again, there's enough news out there. I suppose it's the same everywhere, though, and with everything. But still, Japan is important to me. Really important to me.
I can calmly, and humbly say, that I never really cared for people until recently. I suppose, it was always something like a burden to me, like something holding me back..? I suppose, I felt like it was a hassle to truly care about people unless there was some sort of personal gain.
But, lately, I've been trying to make an active effort in caring, and just caring about someone, trying to make someone happy just to make someone happy, and putting in effort to protect someone... It feels good. I get this heavy, satisfying, deep feeling in my chest.
I forget to care sometimes, though, something like a relapse into my uncaring, personally-vengeful ways. I think, this is because my desire to care and how I actually am are at a clashing. I don't think I'm a very good person, because, while I want to care and protect and love freely, I also want to see the same people cringe in fear, and be in pain, and be inflicted with horrifying burns. And I want to be the one to do it.
In my head, and with my emotions, I'm conflicted. Though, I know what is considered socially applicable, and I do know that acting out on the violent impulses would likely leave me alone, anyway.
I don't know what I, myself, am capable of. In the long run, I mean. Being nice takes a lot of effort, and I forget the heavy, satisfied gratification often. Being cruel and violent... It's such an easy, comforting thing. And I know that's probably a sign of something like me being dissatisfied with myself. Like people who make fun of other people because they themselves are insecure?
I can't tell whether what I feel is different or not, but I do know that inflicting violence, verbal or physical, is very pleasurable. It makes me happy, content; like by doing so I know the world is okay.
What I want, need, and can do, are very different things, but I... try to satisfy all of them. Oh? Since when did the rain stop?
On another note, other strange tings have happened. Besides the earthquake in Japan almost commanding me to rewatch Tokyo Magnitude, I've been thinking in a hopeless kind of vision, where I want to watch Shangri-La again.
I guess they've given me a lasting impression, these two shows.
Yesterday, on my way home from school, while waiting for the bus, I saw the guy I've seen twice. Last time I talked with him was last year, during the summer fireworks festival. The time before that, it wasn't really a meeting. It was more like, he was talking loudly on the bus.
I've been thinking about him a lot lately, but just in passing, since he makes me think of Shangri-La.
But, anyway, we talked. It was nice. Mostly about driving again... Man, it's like he's really passionate about driving, or something. He's trying to convince me to get my license, and, though he gave legitimate reasons, I don't think I'll ever want to actually drive a car. On my own. Ever.
And, today, I went with my friend Sam to get his retainer. We talked some. He was going to take me home, but he didn't get on the skytrain in time xD
I waited for him, at the next stop, and then went back to waterfront, but I couldn't find him. I wonder where he went...
Anyway, as soon as I got home, I ate some foooood, drank miilllkkkk, and then passed out on the couch. Woke up a couple hours ago to the Late Night show. Going kind of good. Though, still strange.
First off, I'd like to mention Tokyo Magnitude 8.0, and how it relates to the recent earthquake/tsunami in Japan, off the coast of Sendai.
I can't remember if I made an actual post to talk about this, but I'm making it (or another one) now.
In some of my previous work, Sendai has been a frequent location choice for me as a vacation spot. It was usually where my characters went on vacation, because it always seemed far enough, and I wouldn't need to research another place.
Also, just the fact it's in Japan... There are a lot of people (haha, mostly minor celebrities) which I care about there. And, though I know the feelings here aren't mutual, I feel a deep connection with Japan as a whole. As if a network plugged directly into my brain; an emotional surge-wave.
I feel as though the 'hype' around the event has died. Like, the story has been told over and over again, there's enough news out there. I suppose it's the same everywhere, though, and with everything. But still, Japan is important to me. Really important to me.
I can calmly, and humbly say, that I never really cared for people until recently. I suppose, it was always something like a burden to me, like something holding me back..? I suppose, I felt like it was a hassle to truly care about people unless there was some sort of personal gain.
But, lately, I've been trying to make an active effort in caring, and just caring about someone, trying to make someone happy just to make someone happy, and putting in effort to protect someone... It feels good. I get this heavy, satisfying, deep feeling in my chest.
I forget to care sometimes, though, something like a relapse into my uncaring, personally-vengeful ways. I think, this is because my desire to care and how I actually am are at a clashing. I don't think I'm a very good person, because, while I want to care and protect and love freely, I also want to see the same people cringe in fear, and be in pain, and be inflicted with horrifying burns. And I want to be the one to do it.
In my head, and with my emotions, I'm conflicted. Though, I know what is considered socially applicable, and I do know that acting out on the violent impulses would likely leave me alone, anyway.
I don't know what I, myself, am capable of. In the long run, I mean. Being nice takes a lot of effort, and I forget the heavy, satisfied gratification often. Being cruel and violent... It's such an easy, comforting thing. And I know that's probably a sign of something like me being dissatisfied with myself. Like people who make fun of other people because they themselves are insecure?
I can't tell whether what I feel is different or not, but I do know that inflicting violence, verbal or physical, is very pleasurable. It makes me happy, content; like by doing so I know the world is okay.
What I want, need, and can do, are very different things, but I... try to satisfy all of them. Oh? Since when did the rain stop?
On another note, other strange tings have happened. Besides the earthquake in Japan almost commanding me to rewatch Tokyo Magnitude, I've been thinking in a hopeless kind of vision, where I want to watch Shangri-La again.
I guess they've given me a lasting impression, these two shows.
Yesterday, on my way home from school, while waiting for the bus, I saw the guy I've seen twice. Last time I talked with him was last year, during the summer fireworks festival. The time before that, it wasn't really a meeting. It was more like, he was talking loudly on the bus.
I've been thinking about him a lot lately, but just in passing, since he makes me think of Shangri-La.
But, anyway, we talked. It was nice. Mostly about driving again... Man, it's like he's really passionate about driving, or something. He's trying to convince me to get my license, and, though he gave legitimate reasons, I don't think I'll ever want to actually drive a car. On my own. Ever.
And, today, I went with my friend Sam to get his retainer. We talked some. He was going to take me home, but he didn't get on the skytrain in time xD
I waited for him, at the next stop, and then went back to waterfront, but I couldn't find him. I wonder where he went...
Anyway, as soon as I got home, I ate some foooood, drank miilllkkkk, and then passed out on the couch. Woke up a couple hours ago to the Late Night show. Going kind of good. Though, still strange.