(no subject)
I have recently been mulling over a certain aspect of the way that I relate to people, and how this particular tendency molds my sense of self and influences my feelings of where my context is in the world. For various reasons I relate to people as if they were living metaphors, representative ambassadors of some idea or force: A god, an instinct, a scowling black whole through which my hopes plummet. For example, when I begin a conversation with someone my thoughts often leave what we are talking about and instead concentrate on aspects of their character and its motivations. If I am not careful, this quickly puts me in the mindset of thinking of this person in terms of representing the principals and laws from which their character originates. Its as if they become the yardstick by which I measure how opposed I am to humanity itself. When I relate to the ideas people represent I end up heightening the importance and emotions I experience during our contact, while simultaneously obliterating the actual feeling of relating to a person. Please remember that this is how I feel, not necessarily what I know to be true: I see those around me as too weak to be transmitters of nuance, and so all they represent to me are the strong instincts which prey upon weak personalities. Since I see myself strongly as an individual, my sense of self-awareness isolates me from feeling the generalities of my instincts. So: I have a strong sense of self and therefore represent nothing, while those around me have a weak sense of self and therefore represent everything.