Written On Tuesday
This group is really exhausting atm. I feel like that's all there is atm there's no room for anything else but I think that'll pass after I've got used to it.
We have community meetings for 50 minutes at the beginning and end of the day. Basically discussing things that have happened in other groups that have gone on, if there's been any contact between community members, any significant things that have happened, blah blah blah.
On Tuesdays and Fridays after community meetings we have small group. The community is split into 3 groups. There's 8 people including me in my group and 2 therapists.
After lunch one half of the community does art therapy, the other does activities (which is basically doing random stuff like going to town together). I do art therapy on Tuesday afternoons and acitivites on Friday afternoon.
Wednesday we have big group after morning community group. Then we have business meeting where there are no therapist and we talk about ways to improve therapy, fundraising, things to improve the community etc. Then after lunch is studio time where we can do whatever we want, it's like our free time.
It's like being at school lol!
I got pissed off in small group today. I started off saying how I don't think I fit in. Everyone else has suffered some kind of trauma, abuse, had rubbish relationships with their parents, been mistreated. When I was in the preparatory group the woman running it said that there's something that happened in the past or childhood or your parents didn't treat you well and was like does that sound like you to us people in the group and I was like no there's nothing. She said there must be. Apparently there must be something in my past. I guess I wouldn't tick off their bullet points on their list otherwise!
I was talking about how there isn't anything and how I get on with my parents and everything. One of the therapists, Carol, just kept saying that there must be something, that maybe it wasn't anything they consciously did they may have unconsciously pulled away from me, blah blah blah. It's simply not true.
They were making issue of me being so protective of my parents. I said I stopped talking to my Mum when I was a teenager. They were asking why and I honestly think it was just part of being a teenager. You don't want to tell your parents you're boozing all the time or having sex or being naughty or whatever. That's normal imo.
My Mum told me when I was younger I used to wear my heart on my sleeve I used to talk to her about things and how I was feeling, when I got to my teenage years I stopped doing that. Carol was going on about how I sounded like a child crying out for attention. I was like what are you talking about? So what about having a good relationship with my Mum where I talked about my feelings and what was going on was crying out for attention, isn't that just healthy.
I was continually trying to communicate my opinion and I was just being shot down, everything I said? What makes her opinion of me correct, what makes my opinion of myself correct? She was like there's something there we just need to get you to talk about it. They just think I'm being resistant and not letting myself see some supposed truth.
I was getting so angry and I was trying so hard not to cry. It's so fucking infuriating. I don't know how I'm going to get anything out of thing apart from getting angry and upset. There are totally obsessed by anger as well, everything is about your anger. They overanalyse everything. Everything anyone says is obviously steeped in hidden meaning.
AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!
We have community meetings for 50 minutes at the beginning and end of the day. Basically discussing things that have happened in other groups that have gone on, if there's been any contact between community members, any significant things that have happened, blah blah blah.
On Tuesdays and Fridays after community meetings we have small group. The community is split into 3 groups. There's 8 people including me in my group and 2 therapists.
After lunch one half of the community does art therapy, the other does activities (which is basically doing random stuff like going to town together). I do art therapy on Tuesday afternoons and acitivites on Friday afternoon.
Wednesday we have big group after morning community group. Then we have business meeting where there are no therapist and we talk about ways to improve therapy, fundraising, things to improve the community etc. Then after lunch is studio time where we can do whatever we want, it's like our free time.
It's like being at school lol!
I got pissed off in small group today. I started off saying how I don't think I fit in. Everyone else has suffered some kind of trauma, abuse, had rubbish relationships with their parents, been mistreated. When I was in the preparatory group the woman running it said that there's something that happened in the past or childhood or your parents didn't treat you well and was like does that sound like you to us people in the group and I was like no there's nothing. She said there must be. Apparently there must be something in my past. I guess I wouldn't tick off their bullet points on their list otherwise!
I was talking about how there isn't anything and how I get on with my parents and everything. One of the therapists, Carol, just kept saying that there must be something, that maybe it wasn't anything they consciously did they may have unconsciously pulled away from me, blah blah blah. It's simply not true.
They were making issue of me being so protective of my parents. I said I stopped talking to my Mum when I was a teenager. They were asking why and I honestly think it was just part of being a teenager. You don't want to tell your parents you're boozing all the time or having sex or being naughty or whatever. That's normal imo.
My Mum told me when I was younger I used to wear my heart on my sleeve I used to talk to her about things and how I was feeling, when I got to my teenage years I stopped doing that. Carol was going on about how I sounded like a child crying out for attention. I was like what are you talking about? So what about having a good relationship with my Mum where I talked about my feelings and what was going on was crying out for attention, isn't that just healthy.
I was continually trying to communicate my opinion and I was just being shot down, everything I said? What makes her opinion of me correct, what makes my opinion of myself correct? She was like there's something there we just need to get you to talk about it. They just think I'm being resistant and not letting myself see some supposed truth.
I was getting so angry and I was trying so hard not to cry. It's so fucking infuriating. I don't know how I'm going to get anything out of thing apart from getting angry and upset. There are totally obsessed by anger as well, everything is about your anger. They overanalyse everything. Everything anyone says is obviously steeped in hidden meaning.
AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!