Naughty Ice Cream Eaters, Psycho Teeth Brushers and Other Rantings
Adam and I went to Southampton on Saturday. I was panicking about it so much. Felt so sick. I needed to do things right or everything would be a disaster. I always feel like this about everything and it drives me mad. Stupid head, over and over again. I'm not even gonna bother talking about it.
When we arrived at Adam's mum Stu was so happy to see me he didn't care Adam was there, he kept going 'Look, Kim!' to everyone lol. Debbie said he talk about me all the time. We took Eve, Debbie and Stu for lunch at this nice pub in Timsbury. It was for mothers day and Debbie's birthday which is on Wednesday. It was quite nice. Stu was cracking us up. He had a free mini milk with his kids meal but when we asked him if he wanted it he said we couldn't have ice cream because it was too cold. Then he said the man would tell us off if we had ice cream, he was like (whilst pointing at each of us) 'He'll tell Adam off, he'll tell Mummy off, he'll tell Kim off, he'll tell Nanny off.' He had his ice cream in the end though!
After that Adam dropped me off at the Firehouse, while he went to see Darren. It was OK in there but the music was way too loud, although it did get better. The jukebox was great. Loud music in pub is one of my pet hates, if I was on Room 101 it would be on there! I go to the pub to talk to people and have a drink, no to stand there silent coz you can't hear anything anyone's saying. We did ask them to turn it down a coupla times lol! Marie and Paul, Sam, Heather, Amanda came down and Carl, Jason, Guy and Glen came down a bit later on. It was great to see people. I didn't want them to go but they did obviously. I felt kinda seperated from people, not a nice feeling. We didn't end up leaving 'til much later than we meant to I think we got home about 12:30am. I was rather drunk! I was suppose to see Will but I was so bloody exhausted I didn't go, going to see him on Saturday instead.
Went to the dentist yesterday. He is rather odd our dentist. He said to keep it clean, wash my mouth with warm salt to try and stop food getting stuck under the flap of skin over the wisdom tooth so it doesn't rot. I'm bad enough with my teeth anyway and this is just playing on it even more and it's horrible. At my worst I use to clean my teeth 30/40 times a day. It just overwhelms me and I just feel like crying coz it's all too much. I just can't clean my teeth enough. And that means everything is terrible all the time. I get so anxious I think I'm going to die. I don't know blah. I remember Emily taking me to A & E once and I was going mental screaming coz I needed to clean my teeth. I was a massive pain in their arse. They gave me a toothbrush but said they didn't have any toothpaste. AAAARGH! I just kept scrubbing my mouth. It's never clean enough. All this scrubbing makes your mouth bleed too which makes thing worse. Well I'm a stupid bitch.
I saw Margaret at Kingsley House yesterday as well. I walked out on her last time because I was so fucking angry with my so-called Psychiatrist and I just couldn't cope. She apologise but I said she didn't do anything I was just angry with him. I cried as usual. I was relatively honest with her about stuff. She more-or-less gets what I'm talking about most of the time which is good. I quite like her atm. I've got to see Dr S and Margaret on Thursday and I'm absolutely dreading it. I've also got the planning meeting for the recovery group I'm helping to set up. My friend Simon is a social worker at Kingsley House and he wanted me to help. I am absolutely terrified about it at the moment. I'm scared that I won't have anything to offer, that I won't be able to explain myself, that there'll be lots of people there, I'm scared of being anxious, I'm scared that after seeing Dr S I'm going to feel so shit that I won't want to go, I'm scared of letting Simon down, I'm scared.
When we arrived at Adam's mum Stu was so happy to see me he didn't care Adam was there, he kept going 'Look, Kim!' to everyone lol. Debbie said he talk about me all the time. We took Eve, Debbie and Stu for lunch at this nice pub in Timsbury. It was for mothers day and Debbie's birthday which is on Wednesday. It was quite nice. Stu was cracking us up. He had a free mini milk with his kids meal but when we asked him if he wanted it he said we couldn't have ice cream because it was too cold. Then he said the man would tell us off if we had ice cream, he was like (whilst pointing at each of us) 'He'll tell Adam off, he'll tell Mummy off, he'll tell Kim off, he'll tell Nanny off.' He had his ice cream in the end though!
After that Adam dropped me off at the Firehouse, while he went to see Darren. It was OK in there but the music was way too loud, although it did get better. The jukebox was great. Loud music in pub is one of my pet hates, if I was on Room 101 it would be on there! I go to the pub to talk to people and have a drink, no to stand there silent coz you can't hear anything anyone's saying. We did ask them to turn it down a coupla times lol! Marie and Paul, Sam, Heather, Amanda came down and Carl, Jason, Guy and Glen came down a bit later on. It was great to see people. I didn't want them to go but they did obviously. I felt kinda seperated from people, not a nice feeling. We didn't end up leaving 'til much later than we meant to I think we got home about 12:30am. I was rather drunk! I was suppose to see Will but I was so bloody exhausted I didn't go, going to see him on Saturday instead.
Went to the dentist yesterday. He is rather odd our dentist. He said to keep it clean, wash my mouth with warm salt to try and stop food getting stuck under the flap of skin over the wisdom tooth so it doesn't rot. I'm bad enough with my teeth anyway and this is just playing on it even more and it's horrible. At my worst I use to clean my teeth 30/40 times a day. It just overwhelms me and I just feel like crying coz it's all too much. I just can't clean my teeth enough. And that means everything is terrible all the time. I get so anxious I think I'm going to die. I don't know blah. I remember Emily taking me to A & E once and I was going mental screaming coz I needed to clean my teeth. I was a massive pain in their arse. They gave me a toothbrush but said they didn't have any toothpaste. AAAARGH! I just kept scrubbing my mouth. It's never clean enough. All this scrubbing makes your mouth bleed too which makes thing worse. Well I'm a stupid bitch.
I saw Margaret at Kingsley House yesterday as well. I walked out on her last time because I was so fucking angry with my so-called Psychiatrist and I just couldn't cope. She apologise but I said she didn't do anything I was just angry with him. I cried as usual. I was relatively honest with her about stuff. She more-or-less gets what I'm talking about most of the time which is good. I quite like her atm. I've got to see Dr S and Margaret on Thursday and I'm absolutely dreading it. I've also got the planning meeting for the recovery group I'm helping to set up. My friend Simon is a social worker at Kingsley House and he wanted me to help. I am absolutely terrified about it at the moment. I'm scared that I won't have anything to offer, that I won't be able to explain myself, that there'll be lots of people there, I'm scared of being anxious, I'm scared that after seeing Dr S I'm going to feel so shit that I won't want to go, I'm scared of letting Simon down, I'm scared.