(no subject)
I have rented out a room.
And Im going to promise myself I will stop worrying.
I am now a Hunter English Tutor and Victora's Secret associate.
I have at least two understanding teachers, not to mention a crapload of letters explaining my situation, I have another one who might be as well and Im going to drop the other two classes.
Im going to reapply for foodstamps so at least I wont have to worry over food, save up and be careful.
I think I finally have the right paperowrk for section 8 so I will be resubmitting the paperwork shortly, and hopefully this time it takes.
If it does, I wont have any reall worries left and my only true focus will be what it should be, school.
Ive decided also that im going to focus on making sure the section 8 goes through and not run everywehere and go nuts so that my short term advantage can work.
It doesnt really cover a decent amount of rent thats why its so hard to find anything that it will actually cover.
Im just going to focus on school and getting my paper work through for now.
And also writing and modeling hopefully sometime in the near future.
I have some freedom now, i can invite ppl over if i want.
i can go out and stay out if i want.
I can even sleep over somewhere else if I want.
Im actualluy starting to get happy about how things are working out.
I feel safe finally. Even happy.
Im going to co author a book with a friend of mine named Marina, we are both anne rice nerds! lol
And ill take more pictures, and those bitches I used to live with can eat their own shit for all I care, they have been sipping on that hatorade and they can continue. You see I left. And their gift as it were is that they still remain. Enjoy ; )
Ive been through alot this year, but Im starting to feel like I will actually come out alive.
Ive been teetering and pumping the gas and digging my heels in, but now I think Im finally ready to drive.
Im not really sure about my bf right now, and there was a time that this would take all of my attention, but it doesnt.
I barely think about my ex Fernando anymore, he is like a distant ghost a shodow of the way things were, I realize I was holding onto the idea that some outside force could someday make me happy.
But I realize now that nothing but nothing has made me happier than my freedom, the feeling that im loved and cared for by those who have come to know me and yes well God. I feel like Im not really alone. I feel that just because I ran away from home and my mother doesnt mean that im no where near any kind of safety net.
I feel like I am being taken care of just fine and I am happy knowing this. It is becoming clear to me that if I make it through this semester and successfully meet my goals, I wont truly depend on other ppl for anything but the pleasure of their company, I will not feel like I am less than, Like I am lacking, I will know that I can take care of myself and that i can continue, and hopefully meet my goals.
Maybe someday Ill work in Domestic Violence, and show them how it should b done. I have learned and I have grown so much and I hope to continue to. I have grown to identify with something Lisette said in a post.
Im a woman now, Ive grown up.
Yo tambien mi hermana, yo tambien.