Release
For awhile now I've been aching, and searching, for something I thought would always be there. I was wrong. For months I looked for someone I loved--some say I still love--because she fell away. I thought she was hurt; I had visions of her in trouble. But I couldn't find her. When I did, she had moved on; she moved on a long time ago, and she is happy, and I should be content with that. But I'm not. No, I wanted to talk to her, to reach out to her, but I had no way to get in touch. I left her a comment here, in LJ, but I don't think she will ever respond.
I was told things I didn't want to hear, made to see events as they were and not as I dreamt them to be. She is gone now, and there is no getting her back. What right would I have to do so? To strip her of her happiness for the sake of mine? She's not my property.
I don't think she'll ever read this, and part of me hopes she never will, except that I hope she knows, or knew, that, Liz, I did love you. More than my own life, that's for sure. I was there in that moment the first time we revealed our feelings for each other, however ridiculous it was for two people across an ocean to fall in love. I do not doubt that you loved me then; no, I don't think I could ever rightly question it, because if ever there was any hint of doubt, I'd have never loved you as deeply as I did, and do. But that was then, and this is now, and you're happy, so I'm happy, as I should be. You're safe, that's all that matters. I just want you to know that you, and what we had then, meant the entire world to me. And I hope it meant something to you, too.
Take care of yourself.
-Martin
I was told things I didn't want to hear, made to see events as they were and not as I dreamt them to be. She is gone now, and there is no getting her back. What right would I have to do so? To strip her of her happiness for the sake of mine? She's not my property.
I don't think she'll ever read this, and part of me hopes she never will, except that I hope she knows, or knew, that, Liz, I did love you. More than my own life, that's for sure. I was there in that moment the first time we revealed our feelings for each other, however ridiculous it was for two people across an ocean to fall in love. I do not doubt that you loved me then; no, I don't think I could ever rightly question it, because if ever there was any hint of doubt, I'd have never loved you as deeply as I did, and do. But that was then, and this is now, and you're happy, so I'm happy, as I should be. You're safe, that's all that matters. I just want you to know that you, and what we had then, meant the entire world to me. And I hope it meant something to you, too.
Take care of yourself.
-Martin