FIC: And The Stars Were Far Away (Stargate Universe)
I wanted to get this done so much sooner! Alas, RL kicks my ass once again, it seems. Just got over the worst cold I have had in years. :( Blah.
Also, I worry that some parts of this are just too...crack. Okay, the thing with the birds. You'll know what I mean when you read it. And it just would not go beyond a PG-13 rating (sorry!) But um, nevertheless, I hope you enjoy.
Title: And The Stars Were Far Away (sequel to The Nights Were Cold) (Stargate Universe)
Author: eternitywaits
Characters/Pairings: Young/Rush/TJ
Rating: PG-13
Timeline: post-Justice.
Spoilers: up to and including "Justice."
Word count: 4,900
Author's notes: written for nemo_r. I hope you like it! Sorry for the long, long very long delay! :(
Summary: this time all three of them are stranded on an alien planet.
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate.
It doesn't mean anything.
Please.
Please let it not mean anything.
It's a joke. She was the one so intent on piecing together the puzzle. Now she wants to ignore the picture that emerged. Her thoughts are swimming around in thick, toxic chain that she can't shake. Part of this feels like the aftertaste of a bad dream. Why can't she shake it off and let reality snap back into place?
When did things get so complicated?
Oh, please, TJ.
When were they anything but?
A single freeze-frame memory is permanently in her mind, no matter what she's doing, like its been tattooed on the back of her eyelids by fucking God or something.
Young grabbing Rush, pulling him into a single, vicious kiss.
It's been two months since then, and neither man has mentioned the incident, but the more they don't mention it the more it seems to be hovering over their heads, buzzing in their brains. The memory's so clear it's got a taste and a texture, even though she wasn't the one making any contact. She still can't believe she didn't look away, but now it's too late. (And she wouldn't have, anyway.)
And anyway, as the only medical officer aboard the ship, TJ has other things to worry about.
"It's damaged," Rush says, his breath coming out in more of a growl. His fingers stumble down the face of the console. Lights flash and script flies past them, but not the right script, evidently. "Didn't any of you idiots think before attempting to override the Gate controls with this - this - what in God's name is this garbage?"
"Uh...Eli worked out the code," Brody says. "It looked okay. He is the math genius."
"Yeah, and how were we supposed to know the systems would freeze up on us like that? You weren't exactly around to offer advice." Volker says it like Rush was off on holiday in the South of France, instead of beaten and left to die on a deserted planet.
They don't like him. TJ watches him run his fingers through his hair. He's shaved, since his return, and the bruises have healed, and he's stopped jumping at shadows, but a dark fog hangs over him that comments like Volker's aren't going to do anything to dispel, but she purses her lips and doesn't get involved.
Rush just shakes his head, seemingly resigned. Then another message flashes across the screen and his head jerks back up, glaring in the direction of the other scientists. "Did you even look at this?"
Volker and Brody exchange muted glances. TJ suppresses a sigh. Some things never change.
And some things do.
Rush turns to her, wincing and absently reaching out to rub the knotted muscles at the base of his neck. TJ pushes his hand out of the way gently, moving her hands over his shoulders. She can feel the tension in his muscles. For a moment, he freezes at her touch, but then he relaxes, leaning towards her.
Brody and Volker avert their gazes, looking suddenly embarrassed by her presence. Rush made human? Or maybe they're just scared of Young's wrath which, granted, has become kind of legendary, of late.
Or so she's heard. It's not like he's talking to her.
"You're quiet," Rush murmurs. The other scientists have gone back to their work and she smiles wryly, knowing he can't see her.
"I didn't have much to add on the topic of Ancient override codes, no."
"Hmph."
"I should be getting back to the infirmary."
"Aye, it's only a matter of time before one of these morons gets themselves blown up again."
"Hey," she says, "be nice."
"Yeah, right," he mutters, as though the word leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, "nice."
She turns to leave, when his hand reaches up, grabs hers. His grip feels paper-thin, and cold. His fingers move uncertainly over her knuckles. Rough, raw fingers. It's like part of the chill from that planet never left them.
"I'll see you later," she says, leaning down to brush his cheek with her lips.
~*~
TJ freezes in the hallway, she can hear Young, around the bend, barking orders at James and Greer. His voice has always had a gravelly quality, but it's become harsh, loud.
He never used to shout. He was always so calm. So together.
It was one of the things that attracted her to him. She swallows, takes two steps backwards, and turns sharply on her heel.
She'll find another route to the infirmary.
~*~
"Are you only with me, now, because of him? Are you only waiting for the time, the moment when he doesn't close up and run away? Am I a stepping stone? Am I the other? Again?"
TJ doesn't say any of this out loud. Rush is asleep. And anyway, she doesn't want the answers.
She rolls over, sighs, trying to see him in the darkness. It's weird, on Destiny, there's no moonlight filtering through the windows. It's dark, but she can hear him breathing.
So why is she this lonely?
Rush stirs in his sleep, mumbles something completely incoherent, and she feels his hand brush against her. She settles back against him, willing sleep to come.
~*~
"The Gate's dialed a new planet," Park informs her.
She felt them drop out of FTL, heard the massive Gate spinning from three corridors away.
"So Rush fixed the problem with the controls?"
Park beams at her, all effulgent good cheer. "No, oh no, I don't think so. There's still a lot issues we haven't worked out. Going down there is potentially dangerous. But it could be fine, I guess."
"But ... potentially dangerous?"
"Brody tried to warn him, but...You know how the Colonel's been lately. Say, there's a rumour going around that you and him--"
"No! Doctor Park," she shakes her head, "whatever it is, no." She's dizzy, suddenly. She's got a bad feeling about this.
Rush is calmer, saner than he's ever been, so Young is swinging in the opposite direction, it's like they're too halves of a set of scales, or...Fuck, what am I thinking about?
The obsessive looks, the uncontrollable temper, the kiss. And somehow she's caught in the middle. Again.
TJ rounds the corridor quickly, her boots slamming down on the metal floor, in time to see Young organizing a team of scientists and military personnel. Rush isn't around. Thank God.
The Colonel catches sight of her and, for a moment, she's frozen, locked in his gaze. She can't move. Can't breathe. What do these two do to me?
"Lieutenant, so I see you've decided to join us."
"I wasn't informed the Gate was active...Sir."
He doesn't say anything. It would make it all seem too juvenile, to admit the way he's been avoiding her, both of them, since that day, in the infirmary.
Young makes a noise between a growl and a sigh, and lunges for Rush, the movement so sudden, so desperate, she can't act. She's too late. He's too surprising. She can't stop watching. Young grabs Rush by the shoulders, hauls him forwards into a vicious kiss.
She shouldn't have seen. All of her suspicions played out, true. True. Except that Rush didn't reciprocate. Rush just looked shocked, lost, reeling. And Young ran away. And Rush talked to her. To her! Rush...
"The kino's come back, Sir," a voice says in the background. "Looks like we've got abundant plant life...fruit, vegetation, probably fresh water."
"Sir, Doctor Park has just informed me that the Gate controls are not fully active."
"Looks active to me, Lieutenant."
"She cautioned me that Rush needs more time to work the problem, Sir, and that in its present state things are potentially dangerous."
"Aren't they always."
He looks older.
"We're running out of food and water. We don't restock our supplies soon, things'll get real ugly, real fast."
He looks tired.
This is the most he's spoken to her, since he kissed Rush.
"TJ, I need your help on this," he says quietly. Not like he needs to ask, being her commanding officer, but he does.
"Of course, Sir."
That means something. That he asked.
Does it?
"Greer and James will go with you. We notice anything funny with the Gate, we'll call you back immediately."
"I know, Sir."
"Rush will be-"
"Not going, Sir."
TJ holds his gaze. He's the first to look away.
~*~
This is how things go wrong.
She thinks she knows what she's doing. She expects the universe to carry on in a more or less straightforward manner. She expects it to not go all fucking Wonderland on her, and you know what? TJ doesn't think that's too much to ask.
So when she heard Lieutenant Scott's voice calling for help, from deep in the forest, she waved off the others, told them to get the food back to the Gate, assured them she would just be a minute, and yes she knew that time was running out...
This is how things go wrong.
TJ stumbles through a swath of giant green leaves and vines, trips over a gnarled root and slides in the slippery grass and mud, tumbling until she finds herself stopped, in a little thicket blocked off by huge, ancient trees -
Staring at the biggest motherfucking bird she's ever seen.
The bird-thing looks at TJ. It cocks its head to one side. It's about six feet tall, which is really too big for a bird to get, and its beak looks really, uncomfortably, sharp. It ruffles its huge feathers, and gives TJ an appraising gaze.
It blinks its round, black eyes and Scott's voice comes from the creature's ruffled throat."Lieutenant...TJ...TJ! in perfect mimicry.
"Okay, and that's just creepy," TJ breathes.
She keeps telling herself to breathe, even though she's shivering, and reaches for her gun.
The bird lunges, moving with incredible speed for its awkward body, and TJ rolls out of the way, drawing her gun up as the thing struggles to right itself. Her heart is pounding.
She squeezes the trigger. Several times. Too many times. (Waste of ammo.) and collapses back in the damp grass, rubbing the sweat from her forehead with a dirty sleeve. She's breathing heavily and her heart is going crazy.
Her radio crackles to life on her shoulder. "Lieutenant Johansen...come in, Lieutenant Johansen...TJ, do you copy?"
Young's voice.
She's reaching up to answer, when she hears the rustling behind her. She catches the movement out of the corner of her eye. The earth. trembles, and the hairs prickle on the back of her neck.
This time, they're screaming.
~*~
She's running. Not panicking. Tactical retreat. But running? Hell, yes. Running.
She barrels through a net of thick green vines, stumbles over a jagged outcropping of sharp grey rocks, and tumbles head over heels down the side of a ravine, landing at the bottom. On her chin. Graceful.
Rolling over, TJ's still breathing hard, and trying to ignore the blood running down her face and the coppery tang flooding her mouth. She scans the top of the ridge. The trees shiver. Their branches sway and ... things ... chatter and scurry and clouds pass overhead and there's no more sign of her pack (flock?) of giant killer birds.
Breathe. Just breathe. Okay. At least she's got one hell of a story to tell her nieces and nephews when they get back to Earth.
Oh Lord. Everything hurts. She tries to lift a hand to her radio. She can't believe how much it's shaking. Come on, girl, you've been through worse.
It was the headlong fall over rocks and more rocks that did it, she decides. The gash on her head. Still bleeding. Not good, not good. She reaches for the radio attached to her shoulder. Her fingers fumble for it. Why's it so dark all of a sudden?
She can't hang on. She's passing out.
...damn it.
Her fingers skitter over the hard plastic edge. Buttons. She can't hold them down. Slipping, slipping... There's no one for when the medic needs a medic...
Nicholas, I'm sorry.
Everett...I hope the two of you...find some...
Darkness.
~*~
Water. Okay then. Wait. What?
TJ blinks, trying to move her face away from the cold water, except that moving hurts, sending sharp lances of pain along the inside of her skull.
"Ssh...TJ, don't move." Young's voice. Everett.
She feels his hand on her shoulder. She still can't quite open her eyes.
"Everything will be alright."
"Oh, I highly doubt that, Colonel."
Rush! Nicholas.
She tries to say something, anything, but it just turns into a hacking cough. Someone pushes the cool rim of a water jug against her lips. Someone wipes the blood off her face with a damp cloth.
"Her knee's pretty banged up."
"Damn it, Rush! I'm not a medic."
"No, she's the medic. Which means this couldn't possibly get any worse now, could it?"
"Birds..." she manages to gasp, through gritted teeth. She can finally open her eyes. Young is staring down at her, his face lined with concern. He frowns at her. She tries to move her head, to see Rush, but she can't.
"You took quite a spill, Lieutenant, but don't worry, we'll have you back on your feet and -" he looks away from her, (towards Rush?) "back to the Gate."
Rush makes a sound somewhere between a laugh and a moan. "Please, Colonel. The Gate? The Gate's gone. The ship's gone. Gone. Again."
She can hear the shuffle of his boots along the damp ground. He's pacing.
"Hey, you're the one who insisted on coming! I told you to stay behind!"
"Right, so you could desert her, too?"
"I wouldn't-"
"You think I was going to take a chance there would be two of you coming back through that Gate?"
"Damn it, Rush! What do you want me to say? At least she's alive!"
He's yelling now, and he jostles her inadvertently. She chokes back her pain, but she can't fight the grimace that tightens her face.
"Tamara..." Rush finally comes into her view. She can hear him kneeling in the mud beside Young, she can feel his hands gently encircle hers.
"Fighting...now...really?" she gasps. Her knee does hurt. Holy hell, it hurts.
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I just dove head first off that ridge over there."
"What happened?" He's pressing his fingers through hers. She squeezes back, much as she can. Which isn't much.
She can see the concern shadowing his eyes. She breathes. Can't express how thankful she is to see them, both of them. If she'd woken up alone here, like this...
"Birds. Giant. Talking. Birds. Don't look at me like that Rush, they were fucking terrifying."
"Aliens?" says Young.
"Alien birds. Ooh. That hurts."
"Then don't move that," Rush snaps.
"How are we going to get out of here?"
She sees that look again, Rush and Young, looking at each other. Tense, angry.
"We can't go back to the Gate, can we?"
"We can. It just won't do us any good, because the Colonel, once again decided not to listen when I explained to him that the override codes Eli so gracelessly attempted to install had buggered up the whole damn console!"
"We had. To get. Food. Food, Rush! That isn't negotiable! People need food! Do you want us to starve?"
"I want you to act like intelligent, adult, human beings, Colonel! Which is clearly asking too much of your crew."
"Rush..." Young looks tired. She's not used to seeing him back down.
Rush doesn't even seem to hear him.
"If you had listened to myself, or Doctor Park, or even that half-wit Volker, we wouldn't be here right now, stranded," he glares at the Colonel and his fingers twitch and tighten against her hand, "Again. Unless that's what you wanted. Is that it, Colonel? Is this some sort of revenge plot? We've all known you've had a death wish from the start - lest we forget the ice planet, and the shuttle-"
"Rush!"
"What?" he growls. He's got an arm around her shoulders now, half-cradling her against his chest, protectively. She's having trouble keeping her eyes open, lifting her head. Their words float around her like a mist. Somehow, it's actually comforting to hear them yelling at each other.
"I'm...sorry."
She blinks her eyes, trying to focus on Young. Even Rush is silent.
"I never meant for this to happen. There's still a chance Eli's fixed the code. They were supposed to be working on something that would stop that damn clock from counting down every time we dial a Gate. If they've managed it, then there's still a chance they haven't jumped back to FTL, and they'll be back for us."
"And if not?"
"What do you want me to say?" growls Young. "If not we stay here and wait for death!"
She chokes back a laugh. Totally inappropriate. This is not the time. They could all die. They could all really die. The laugh turns into a groan of pain and Rush looks down at her worriedly. "Tamara..."
"We're not dead yet. That's your line, isn't it, Nicholas?" she gasps. "We should get back to the Gate. Just in case."
"You can barely move. Let alone walk."
"Then it's a good thing I've got two strong guys to carry me, right?"
"TJ's right," says Young, "it's getting dark. We won't be able to navigate the terrain if we wait much longer. We should at least find a place to spend the night."
Yes, a place less like a mud puddle at the bottom of a ditch, would suit her just fine. She's shivering. Damn it all to hell, but she can't stop. She thinks Rush is saying something to her, low, close to her ear. She can't make sense of the words, though. Can't open her eyes again.
~*~
The next time she wakes, she's cocooned in a make-shift bed with emergency blankets, nestled on some moss which is prickly with lichen and if she looks too closely has tiny many-legged things living in it. Bandages are wrapped tightly around her head, and her leg is in a very clumsy splint. Rush is lying next to her.
She jabs him with her elbow. He grunts in pain.
"Sorry."
"You're awake."
"Where are we?"
"In a cave."
"What?"
He looks at her, grimacing. "A cave."
"What about bears?"
"Be quiet, you're supposed to be healing."
She snorts. "Hey, who's the medic here?"
"Tamara..." Rush slides closer to her, pulling her against him. She tries to ignore the pain in her head and leg. She can feel bruises forming over bruises and the knee might actually be dislocated. Fuck. She tries to settle back against Rush and not think about it. After all, they may have more pressing worries.
"The Gate?"
"Not far. We'll be able to hear it, if it dials."
"When it dials."
He snorts.
"Don't," she warns him. "Seriously, Nicholas, I am not dying on the planet of the giant freaky parrots."
He sighs, but he doesn't say anything. And she feels him softly press a kiss against her temple.
"This all feels like a bad dream," she tells him. "You don't think they can do it, do you?"
"What? Eli and Park and the others?" she can feel his fingers running nervously along her arm, and her back. After an almost unbearable silence, he murmurs quietly, "We'll see," and nothing more.
Ten minutes later, Young crouches at the entrance. He shines a flashlight in at them.
"Hi," she says.
Rush says nothing.
Young makes a relieved sound. "You're awake, TJ? Thank God."
He sets down the light and crawls in with them. Awkwardly. It's actually not too-bad space-wise. Three people is getting a touch claustrophobic.
"Be good, you guys," she mumbles sleepily, pressing the side of her face into Rush's shoulder.
Young makes an amused sound. The light is still on. She wishes it wasn't. She can see him watching them. Her and Rush. There's so much pain in his eyes that she can't be mad at him anymore - not about Emily, not about Rush, not about any of it. He also looks tired. Resigned. Like he's given up.
"I don't love Emily," he says.
And TJ thought she was beyond caring about this, but her breath still hitches in her chest to hear him say that. She expects Rush to make some caustic remark about how they couldn't possibly care, and why is he bringing this up now, but he doesn't. Rush is actually silent, and she can feel him, his hand stilled on her shoulder, watching the Colonel with her.
Young swallows, shifts slightly, and continues. "I just want to say this, in case...In case you're right, Rush, and that Gate doesn't dial and we are stuck here till our miserable deaths. I don't love Emily. I didn't want to admit it. I don't like to...give up. And I didn't want to admit that I failed. I failed her."
He looks up at them. "And then there's you, TJ."
She feels her chest tighten, and her throat go dry. No matter how much she tells herself it doesn't matter, it does.
"I did love you. I still do. And I meant what I said, I never intended to hurt you. I know that I did. I want you to know it wasn't Emily. The reason I said we had to stop...It wasn't Emily. It was..." he looks back at them again, and she can see his gaze flicker from her to Rush.
"Rush?" she says quietly. She can feel his hand tighten on her shoulder.
"You have a hilarious way of showing your affections, Colonel," Rush says in a dry, brittle voice.
Young sighs heavily. "I couldn't accept it myself. I see that now. When I left you on that planet, I was trying to leave a piece of myself."
"And apologies make everything better?"
"Damn it, Rush! I'm trying!"
She feels Rush's arm move down her back, his hand rubbing circles against her spine. She feels his breath against her ear and the pounding of his heart against her own.
No one has anything more to say. Young snaps out the light in one vicious motion, and they are plunged into darkness. She's grateful for Rush's arms around her, and the sound of Young's steady breathing only a few inches away. Her heart's still pounding. Where do we go from here?
~*~
The Gate doesn't dial. The Gate doesn't spin. It remains lifeless metal, silver, inert. They don't acknowledge it, though it has their undivided attention.
In the light of day, Rush re-bandages her wounds. Her leg isn't as bad as she feared - not broken, just banged up a bit. They spend the day by the Stargate, waiting. Rush rubs her shoulders. The two men avoid looking at one another.
When the night returns, they lie on the grass and stare up at the alien sky, through the canopy of moving leaves.
The stars are hazy and distant. They're cold and bright and very, very far away and they don't shape any constellations she can name (obviously). She nudges Rush with her elbow and tells him they should make up some new ones. He goes along with it for a while, murmuring quietly into her hair.
When he falls silent, Young points out some new ones. She hadn't known he'd been listening, but then, he's right there. Rush doesn't say anything.
~*~
The days pass. The Gate doesn't dial. No one says anything. Rush doesn't say 'I told you so', Young doesn't say 'well, this is the end.' TJ doesn't say anything, even though half the time she feels like offering some slight hope like, 'maybe tomorrow.' The words die on her throat, thick and heavy.
They build a rough shelter, but in the end still prefer the cave which they try to make as comfortable as possible given their limited resources and imaginations. They forage for fruit and vegetables, and Young shoots one of the giant birds and presents it to her. They roast the meat unceremoniously and unevenly over a fire.
Her bruises fade, and she begins limping around unsteadily. Rush watches her while trying to pretend he's not interested at all, and mutters Scottish curses at her when she falls flat on her face.
Young says nothing about that first night, and Rush doesn't speak to him, period. The Colonel takes to going on long walks, away from their cave, and sitting in dark silences, away from their fire.
One night, she hobbles over to him, and puts a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey," she says quietly.
He looks up at her, his eyes dark in the firelight.
"Talk to me, Everett."
She has said that to him so many times before. Maybe lots of people have. She suddenly feels a bizarre connection to Emily, that sad, unknown person she never even met, and wonders how often those words crossed her lips and how often this man turned away from them.
This time, he offers a half-smile, and shrugs.
"It's not doing any of us any good to carry on like this. We're the only people on this whole planet, and we're stuck here, together."
She looks back towards the fire, where Rush is sitting, watching impassively, his expression carefully blank.
"Come on," she says, taking his hand. She slides her fingers through his and feels his eyes on her. "Come sit with us, by the fire."
The Colonel's fingers entangle hers, and their eyes meet in the darkness beneath the alien stars, and all the passion, all the understanding, all the tenderness that ever passed between them, rolls back over her, magnified a hundred fold. TJ feels her heart pound in her throat and quickly pulls her hand away. Rush is waiting by the fire. And what's she trying to do, anyway?
~*~
TJ wakes some time that night, rolling over on the hard ground, feeling a rock dig uncomfortably into her shoulder. Rush isn't next to her.
Stretching out one arm, she fumbles quietly in the darkness for a moment, searching for the flashlight, wondering if the batteries have any power left, when she hears Young and Rush talking in low voices. She stills her her arm immediately, hardly daring to breathe, knowing she shouldn't be listening, yet straining not to miss a word.
"So, are we going to talk about this?"
"About what, Colonel? Your attempt at killing me, or your attempt at seduction. Both clumsy, ill thought out and failed, I might add."
"Rush, don't do this - you always have to make it so God damn hard. You're so God damn arrogant all the time."
"I've earned the right to be arrogant," Rush snarls.
"We have to learn to live together, Rush. Now more than ever."
"You could go die in the wilderness."
Young sighs. She can picture him raising his hands to his face. "I was right. You are a lot of work."
"What?"
"I'd just like to try something, one more time, okay?"
TJ can hears them shifting slightly. Despite herself, she risks a glance over her shoulder, but she can't see anything.
"Let go of me."
"Rush. Shut up."
And then they're kissing. It's not frantic and vicious like last time. Young moves slowly, TJ holds her breath, knowing how persuasive he can be. She doesn't hear Rush pull away. It seems to last for hours.
"Well...did I do better this time?"
She swallows.
They're kissing again. She can't help it, she twists around, pulling herself into a sitting position and flips on the light.
Young has captured Rush's face in his hands, running his tongue along his lips before deepening the kiss, and Rush, isn't pulling away - he's drawn into the kiss, his arms slowly coming up to grasp at the Colonel's jacket, and they're tugging at clothing, layers.
And then they freeze and look at her, looking at them.
For a moment, no one says anything.
Afterwards, she isn't even sure who started it. There was no spoken suggestion that started them off, just hands, fingers fumbling clumsy in the cramped quarters, bodies seeking warmth against the cold chill of an alien world.
Seeking warmth where they find it.
No, it's more than that. All this time she's been afraid Young and Rush finding each other would mean losing her place with them, but it doesn't - at least, Rush's fingers digging into her hair, pulling it loose, while Young's hands move lower, sliding over the waistband of her pants, are very good at persuading her otherwise.
Their kisses are like fire. Their tangled limbs, frustrated by knotted, bunching layers of clothing and crumpled blankets, hard to kick free with another leg half on-top of hers and there's an arm tightly around her back, snaking under her shirt.
Someone knocks the flashlight and it shuts off, plunging their little world into a black unreality where the kisses, kisses she would know anywhere, in the dark, on an alien planet, are even more searing and intense. She grabs at whoever is in front of her. There's literally nothing else at this point, scavenging and regret and death, and none of them hold back.
~*~
The next morning, they wake in a contented haze, all tangled limbs and sweat, only to hear a creak and a buzz outside, something startles the birds and the trees shake with their sudden flight.
There is the whirr of Ancient gears turning and the low hum of the Stargate finally starting to spin.
FINIS
Also, I worry that some parts of this are just too...crack. Okay, the thing with the birds. You'll know what I mean when you read it. And it just would not go beyond a PG-13 rating (sorry!) But um, nevertheless, I hope you enjoy.
Title: And The Stars Were Far Away (sequel to The Nights Were Cold) (Stargate Universe)
Author: eternitywaits
Characters/Pairings: Young/Rush/TJ
Rating: PG-13
Timeline: post-Justice.
Spoilers: up to and including "Justice."
Word count: 4,900
Author's notes: written for nemo_r. I hope you like it! Sorry for the long, long very long delay! :(
Summary: this time all three of them are stranded on an alien planet.
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate.
It doesn't mean anything.
Please.
Please let it not mean anything.
It's a joke. She was the one so intent on piecing together the puzzle. Now she wants to ignore the picture that emerged. Her thoughts are swimming around in thick, toxic chain that she can't shake. Part of this feels like the aftertaste of a bad dream. Why can't she shake it off and let reality snap back into place?
When did things get so complicated?
Oh, please, TJ.
When were they anything but?
A single freeze-frame memory is permanently in her mind, no matter what she's doing, like its been tattooed on the back of her eyelids by fucking God or something.
Young grabbing Rush, pulling him into a single, vicious kiss.
It's been two months since then, and neither man has mentioned the incident, but the more they don't mention it the more it seems to be hovering over their heads, buzzing in their brains. The memory's so clear it's got a taste and a texture, even though she wasn't the one making any contact. She still can't believe she didn't look away, but now it's too late. (And she wouldn't have, anyway.)
And anyway, as the only medical officer aboard the ship, TJ has other things to worry about.
"It's damaged," Rush says, his breath coming out in more of a growl. His fingers stumble down the face of the console. Lights flash and script flies past them, but not the right script, evidently. "Didn't any of you idiots think before attempting to override the Gate controls with this - this - what in God's name is this garbage?"
"Uh...Eli worked out the code," Brody says. "It looked okay. He is the math genius."
"Yeah, and how were we supposed to know the systems would freeze up on us like that? You weren't exactly around to offer advice." Volker says it like Rush was off on holiday in the South of France, instead of beaten and left to die on a deserted planet.
They don't like him. TJ watches him run his fingers through his hair. He's shaved, since his return, and the bruises have healed, and he's stopped jumping at shadows, but a dark fog hangs over him that comments like Volker's aren't going to do anything to dispel, but she purses her lips and doesn't get involved.
Rush just shakes his head, seemingly resigned. Then another message flashes across the screen and his head jerks back up, glaring in the direction of the other scientists. "Did you even look at this?"
Volker and Brody exchange muted glances. TJ suppresses a sigh. Some things never change.
And some things do.
Rush turns to her, wincing and absently reaching out to rub the knotted muscles at the base of his neck. TJ pushes his hand out of the way gently, moving her hands over his shoulders. She can feel the tension in his muscles. For a moment, he freezes at her touch, but then he relaxes, leaning towards her.
Brody and Volker avert their gazes, looking suddenly embarrassed by her presence. Rush made human? Or maybe they're just scared of Young's wrath which, granted, has become kind of legendary, of late.
Or so she's heard. It's not like he's talking to her.
"You're quiet," Rush murmurs. The other scientists have gone back to their work and she smiles wryly, knowing he can't see her.
"I didn't have much to add on the topic of Ancient override codes, no."
"Hmph."
"I should be getting back to the infirmary."
"Aye, it's only a matter of time before one of these morons gets themselves blown up again."
"Hey," she says, "be nice."
"Yeah, right," he mutters, as though the word leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, "nice."
She turns to leave, when his hand reaches up, grabs hers. His grip feels paper-thin, and cold. His fingers move uncertainly over her knuckles. Rough, raw fingers. It's like part of the chill from that planet never left them.
"I'll see you later," she says, leaning down to brush his cheek with her lips.
~*~
TJ freezes in the hallway, she can hear Young, around the bend, barking orders at James and Greer. His voice has always had a gravelly quality, but it's become harsh, loud.
He never used to shout. He was always so calm. So together.
It was one of the things that attracted her to him. She swallows, takes two steps backwards, and turns sharply on her heel.
She'll find another route to the infirmary.
~*~
"Are you only with me, now, because of him? Are you only waiting for the time, the moment when he doesn't close up and run away? Am I a stepping stone? Am I the other? Again?"
TJ doesn't say any of this out loud. Rush is asleep. And anyway, she doesn't want the answers.
She rolls over, sighs, trying to see him in the darkness. It's weird, on Destiny, there's no moonlight filtering through the windows. It's dark, but she can hear him breathing.
So why is she this lonely?
Rush stirs in his sleep, mumbles something completely incoherent, and she feels his hand brush against her. She settles back against him, willing sleep to come.
~*~
"The Gate's dialed a new planet," Park informs her.
She felt them drop out of FTL, heard the massive Gate spinning from three corridors away.
"So Rush fixed the problem with the controls?"
Park beams at her, all effulgent good cheer. "No, oh no, I don't think so. There's still a lot issues we haven't worked out. Going down there is potentially dangerous. But it could be fine, I guess."
"But ... potentially dangerous?"
"Brody tried to warn him, but...You know how the Colonel's been lately. Say, there's a rumour going around that you and him--"
"No! Doctor Park," she shakes her head, "whatever it is, no." She's dizzy, suddenly. She's got a bad feeling about this.
Rush is calmer, saner than he's ever been, so Young is swinging in the opposite direction, it's like they're too halves of a set of scales, or...Fuck, what am I thinking about?
The obsessive looks, the uncontrollable temper, the kiss. And somehow she's caught in the middle. Again.
TJ rounds the corridor quickly, her boots slamming down on the metal floor, in time to see Young organizing a team of scientists and military personnel. Rush isn't around. Thank God.
The Colonel catches sight of her and, for a moment, she's frozen, locked in his gaze. She can't move. Can't breathe. What do these two do to me?
"Lieutenant, so I see you've decided to join us."
"I wasn't informed the Gate was active...Sir."
He doesn't say anything. It would make it all seem too juvenile, to admit the way he's been avoiding her, both of them, since that day, in the infirmary.
Young makes a noise between a growl and a sigh, and lunges for Rush, the movement so sudden, so desperate, she can't act. She's too late. He's too surprising. She can't stop watching. Young grabs Rush by the shoulders, hauls him forwards into a vicious kiss.
She shouldn't have seen. All of her suspicions played out, true. True. Except that Rush didn't reciprocate. Rush just looked shocked, lost, reeling. And Young ran away. And Rush talked to her. To her! Rush...
"The kino's come back, Sir," a voice says in the background. "Looks like we've got abundant plant life...fruit, vegetation, probably fresh water."
"Sir, Doctor Park has just informed me that the Gate controls are not fully active."
"Looks active to me, Lieutenant."
"She cautioned me that Rush needs more time to work the problem, Sir, and that in its present state things are potentially dangerous."
"Aren't they always."
He looks older.
"We're running out of food and water. We don't restock our supplies soon, things'll get real ugly, real fast."
He looks tired.
This is the most he's spoken to her, since he kissed Rush.
"TJ, I need your help on this," he says quietly. Not like he needs to ask, being her commanding officer, but he does.
"Of course, Sir."
That means something. That he asked.
Does it?
"Greer and James will go with you. We notice anything funny with the Gate, we'll call you back immediately."
"I know, Sir."
"Rush will be-"
"Not going, Sir."
TJ holds his gaze. He's the first to look away.
~*~
This is how things go wrong.
She thinks she knows what she's doing. She expects the universe to carry on in a more or less straightforward manner. She expects it to not go all fucking Wonderland on her, and you know what? TJ doesn't think that's too much to ask.
So when she heard Lieutenant Scott's voice calling for help, from deep in the forest, she waved off the others, told them to get the food back to the Gate, assured them she would just be a minute, and yes she knew that time was running out...
This is how things go wrong.
TJ stumbles through a swath of giant green leaves and vines, trips over a gnarled root and slides in the slippery grass and mud, tumbling until she finds herself stopped, in a little thicket blocked off by huge, ancient trees -
Staring at the biggest motherfucking bird she's ever seen.
The bird-thing looks at TJ. It cocks its head to one side. It's about six feet tall, which is really too big for a bird to get, and its beak looks really, uncomfortably, sharp. It ruffles its huge feathers, and gives TJ an appraising gaze.
It blinks its round, black eyes and Scott's voice comes from the creature's ruffled throat."Lieutenant...TJ...TJ! in perfect mimicry.
"Okay, and that's just creepy," TJ breathes.
She keeps telling herself to breathe, even though she's shivering, and reaches for her gun.
The bird lunges, moving with incredible speed for its awkward body, and TJ rolls out of the way, drawing her gun up as the thing struggles to right itself. Her heart is pounding.
She squeezes the trigger. Several times. Too many times. (Waste of ammo.) and collapses back in the damp grass, rubbing the sweat from her forehead with a dirty sleeve. She's breathing heavily and her heart is going crazy.
Her radio crackles to life on her shoulder. "Lieutenant Johansen...come in, Lieutenant Johansen...TJ, do you copy?"
Young's voice.
She's reaching up to answer, when she hears the rustling behind her. She catches the movement out of the corner of her eye. The earth. trembles, and the hairs prickle on the back of her neck.
This time, they're screaming.
~*~
She's running. Not panicking. Tactical retreat. But running? Hell, yes. Running.
She barrels through a net of thick green vines, stumbles over a jagged outcropping of sharp grey rocks, and tumbles head over heels down the side of a ravine, landing at the bottom. On her chin. Graceful.
Rolling over, TJ's still breathing hard, and trying to ignore the blood running down her face and the coppery tang flooding her mouth. She scans the top of the ridge. The trees shiver. Their branches sway and ... things ... chatter and scurry and clouds pass overhead and there's no more sign of her pack (flock?) of giant killer birds.
Breathe. Just breathe. Okay. At least she's got one hell of a story to tell her nieces and nephews when they get back to Earth.
Oh Lord. Everything hurts. She tries to lift a hand to her radio. She can't believe how much it's shaking. Come on, girl, you've been through worse.
It was the headlong fall over rocks and more rocks that did it, she decides. The gash on her head. Still bleeding. Not good, not good. She reaches for the radio attached to her shoulder. Her fingers fumble for it. Why's it so dark all of a sudden?
She can't hang on. She's passing out.
...damn it.
Her fingers skitter over the hard plastic edge. Buttons. She can't hold them down. Slipping, slipping... There's no one for when the medic needs a medic...
Nicholas, I'm sorry.
Everett...I hope the two of you...find some...
Darkness.
~*~
Water. Okay then. Wait. What?
TJ blinks, trying to move her face away from the cold water, except that moving hurts, sending sharp lances of pain along the inside of her skull.
"Ssh...TJ, don't move." Young's voice. Everett.
She feels his hand on her shoulder. She still can't quite open her eyes.
"Everything will be alright."
"Oh, I highly doubt that, Colonel."
Rush! Nicholas.
She tries to say something, anything, but it just turns into a hacking cough. Someone pushes the cool rim of a water jug against her lips. Someone wipes the blood off her face with a damp cloth.
"Her knee's pretty banged up."
"Damn it, Rush! I'm not a medic."
"No, she's the medic. Which means this couldn't possibly get any worse now, could it?"
"Birds..." she manages to gasp, through gritted teeth. She can finally open her eyes. Young is staring down at her, his face lined with concern. He frowns at her. She tries to move her head, to see Rush, but she can't.
"You took quite a spill, Lieutenant, but don't worry, we'll have you back on your feet and -" he looks away from her, (towards Rush?) "back to the Gate."
Rush makes a sound somewhere between a laugh and a moan. "Please, Colonel. The Gate? The Gate's gone. The ship's gone. Gone. Again."
She can hear the shuffle of his boots along the damp ground. He's pacing.
"Hey, you're the one who insisted on coming! I told you to stay behind!"
"Right, so you could desert her, too?"
"I wouldn't-"
"You think I was going to take a chance there would be two of you coming back through that Gate?"
"Damn it, Rush! What do you want me to say? At least she's alive!"
He's yelling now, and he jostles her inadvertently. She chokes back her pain, but she can't fight the grimace that tightens her face.
"Tamara..." Rush finally comes into her view. She can hear him kneeling in the mud beside Young, she can feel his hands gently encircle hers.
"Fighting...now...really?" she gasps. Her knee does hurt. Holy hell, it hurts.
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I just dove head first off that ridge over there."
"What happened?" He's pressing his fingers through hers. She squeezes back, much as she can. Which isn't much.
She can see the concern shadowing his eyes. She breathes. Can't express how thankful she is to see them, both of them. If she'd woken up alone here, like this...
"Birds. Giant. Talking. Birds. Don't look at me like that Rush, they were fucking terrifying."
"Aliens?" says Young.
"Alien birds. Ooh. That hurts."
"Then don't move that," Rush snaps.
"How are we going to get out of here?"
She sees that look again, Rush and Young, looking at each other. Tense, angry.
"We can't go back to the Gate, can we?"
"We can. It just won't do us any good, because the Colonel, once again decided not to listen when I explained to him that the override codes Eli so gracelessly attempted to install had buggered up the whole damn console!"
"We had. To get. Food. Food, Rush! That isn't negotiable! People need food! Do you want us to starve?"
"I want you to act like intelligent, adult, human beings, Colonel! Which is clearly asking too much of your crew."
"Rush..." Young looks tired. She's not used to seeing him back down.
Rush doesn't even seem to hear him.
"If you had listened to myself, or Doctor Park, or even that half-wit Volker, we wouldn't be here right now, stranded," he glares at the Colonel and his fingers twitch and tighten against her hand, "Again. Unless that's what you wanted. Is that it, Colonel? Is this some sort of revenge plot? We've all known you've had a death wish from the start - lest we forget the ice planet, and the shuttle-"
"Rush!"
"What?" he growls. He's got an arm around her shoulders now, half-cradling her against his chest, protectively. She's having trouble keeping her eyes open, lifting her head. Their words float around her like a mist. Somehow, it's actually comforting to hear them yelling at each other.
"I'm...sorry."
She blinks her eyes, trying to focus on Young. Even Rush is silent.
"I never meant for this to happen. There's still a chance Eli's fixed the code. They were supposed to be working on something that would stop that damn clock from counting down every time we dial a Gate. If they've managed it, then there's still a chance they haven't jumped back to FTL, and they'll be back for us."
"And if not?"
"What do you want me to say?" growls Young. "If not we stay here and wait for death!"
She chokes back a laugh. Totally inappropriate. This is not the time. They could all die. They could all really die. The laugh turns into a groan of pain and Rush looks down at her worriedly. "Tamara..."
"We're not dead yet. That's your line, isn't it, Nicholas?" she gasps. "We should get back to the Gate. Just in case."
"You can barely move. Let alone walk."
"Then it's a good thing I've got two strong guys to carry me, right?"
"TJ's right," says Young, "it's getting dark. We won't be able to navigate the terrain if we wait much longer. We should at least find a place to spend the night."
Yes, a place less like a mud puddle at the bottom of a ditch, would suit her just fine. She's shivering. Damn it all to hell, but she can't stop. She thinks Rush is saying something to her, low, close to her ear. She can't make sense of the words, though. Can't open her eyes again.
~*~
The next time she wakes, she's cocooned in a make-shift bed with emergency blankets, nestled on some moss which is prickly with lichen and if she looks too closely has tiny many-legged things living in it. Bandages are wrapped tightly around her head, and her leg is in a very clumsy splint. Rush is lying next to her.
She jabs him with her elbow. He grunts in pain.
"Sorry."
"You're awake."
"Where are we?"
"In a cave."
"What?"
He looks at her, grimacing. "A cave."
"What about bears?"
"Be quiet, you're supposed to be healing."
She snorts. "Hey, who's the medic here?"
"Tamara..." Rush slides closer to her, pulling her against him. She tries to ignore the pain in her head and leg. She can feel bruises forming over bruises and the knee might actually be dislocated. Fuck. She tries to settle back against Rush and not think about it. After all, they may have more pressing worries.
"The Gate?"
"Not far. We'll be able to hear it, if it dials."
"When it dials."
He snorts.
"Don't," she warns him. "Seriously, Nicholas, I am not dying on the planet of the giant freaky parrots."
He sighs, but he doesn't say anything. And she feels him softly press a kiss against her temple.
"This all feels like a bad dream," she tells him. "You don't think they can do it, do you?"
"What? Eli and Park and the others?" she can feel his fingers running nervously along her arm, and her back. After an almost unbearable silence, he murmurs quietly, "We'll see," and nothing more.
Ten minutes later, Young crouches at the entrance. He shines a flashlight in at them.
"Hi," she says.
Rush says nothing.
Young makes a relieved sound. "You're awake, TJ? Thank God."
He sets down the light and crawls in with them. Awkwardly. It's actually not too-bad space-wise. Three people is getting a touch claustrophobic.
"Be good, you guys," she mumbles sleepily, pressing the side of her face into Rush's shoulder.
Young makes an amused sound. The light is still on. She wishes it wasn't. She can see him watching them. Her and Rush. There's so much pain in his eyes that she can't be mad at him anymore - not about Emily, not about Rush, not about any of it. He also looks tired. Resigned. Like he's given up.
"I don't love Emily," he says.
And TJ thought she was beyond caring about this, but her breath still hitches in her chest to hear him say that. She expects Rush to make some caustic remark about how they couldn't possibly care, and why is he bringing this up now, but he doesn't. Rush is actually silent, and she can feel him, his hand stilled on her shoulder, watching the Colonel with her.
Young swallows, shifts slightly, and continues. "I just want to say this, in case...In case you're right, Rush, and that Gate doesn't dial and we are stuck here till our miserable deaths. I don't love Emily. I didn't want to admit it. I don't like to...give up. And I didn't want to admit that I failed. I failed her."
He looks up at them. "And then there's you, TJ."
She feels her chest tighten, and her throat go dry. No matter how much she tells herself it doesn't matter, it does.
"I did love you. I still do. And I meant what I said, I never intended to hurt you. I know that I did. I want you to know it wasn't Emily. The reason I said we had to stop...It wasn't Emily. It was..." he looks back at them again, and she can see his gaze flicker from her to Rush.
"Rush?" she says quietly. She can feel his hand tighten on her shoulder.
"You have a hilarious way of showing your affections, Colonel," Rush says in a dry, brittle voice.
Young sighs heavily. "I couldn't accept it myself. I see that now. When I left you on that planet, I was trying to leave a piece of myself."
"And apologies make everything better?"
"Damn it, Rush! I'm trying!"
She feels Rush's arm move down her back, his hand rubbing circles against her spine. She feels his breath against her ear and the pounding of his heart against her own.
No one has anything more to say. Young snaps out the light in one vicious motion, and they are plunged into darkness. She's grateful for Rush's arms around her, and the sound of Young's steady breathing only a few inches away. Her heart's still pounding. Where do we go from here?
~*~
The Gate doesn't dial. The Gate doesn't spin. It remains lifeless metal, silver, inert. They don't acknowledge it, though it has their undivided attention.
In the light of day, Rush re-bandages her wounds. Her leg isn't as bad as she feared - not broken, just banged up a bit. They spend the day by the Stargate, waiting. Rush rubs her shoulders. The two men avoid looking at one another.
When the night returns, they lie on the grass and stare up at the alien sky, through the canopy of moving leaves.
The stars are hazy and distant. They're cold and bright and very, very far away and they don't shape any constellations she can name (obviously). She nudges Rush with her elbow and tells him they should make up some new ones. He goes along with it for a while, murmuring quietly into her hair.
When he falls silent, Young points out some new ones. She hadn't known he'd been listening, but then, he's right there. Rush doesn't say anything.
~*~
The days pass. The Gate doesn't dial. No one says anything. Rush doesn't say 'I told you so', Young doesn't say 'well, this is the end.' TJ doesn't say anything, even though half the time she feels like offering some slight hope like, 'maybe tomorrow.' The words die on her throat, thick and heavy.
They build a rough shelter, but in the end still prefer the cave which they try to make as comfortable as possible given their limited resources and imaginations. They forage for fruit and vegetables, and Young shoots one of the giant birds and presents it to her. They roast the meat unceremoniously and unevenly over a fire.
Her bruises fade, and she begins limping around unsteadily. Rush watches her while trying to pretend he's not interested at all, and mutters Scottish curses at her when she falls flat on her face.
Young says nothing about that first night, and Rush doesn't speak to him, period. The Colonel takes to going on long walks, away from their cave, and sitting in dark silences, away from their fire.
One night, she hobbles over to him, and puts a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey," she says quietly.
He looks up at her, his eyes dark in the firelight.
"Talk to me, Everett."
She has said that to him so many times before. Maybe lots of people have. She suddenly feels a bizarre connection to Emily, that sad, unknown person she never even met, and wonders how often those words crossed her lips and how often this man turned away from them.
This time, he offers a half-smile, and shrugs.
"It's not doing any of us any good to carry on like this. We're the only people on this whole planet, and we're stuck here, together."
She looks back towards the fire, where Rush is sitting, watching impassively, his expression carefully blank.
"Come on," she says, taking his hand. She slides her fingers through his and feels his eyes on her. "Come sit with us, by the fire."
The Colonel's fingers entangle hers, and their eyes meet in the darkness beneath the alien stars, and all the passion, all the understanding, all the tenderness that ever passed between them, rolls back over her, magnified a hundred fold. TJ feels her heart pound in her throat and quickly pulls her hand away. Rush is waiting by the fire. And what's she trying to do, anyway?
~*~
TJ wakes some time that night, rolling over on the hard ground, feeling a rock dig uncomfortably into her shoulder. Rush isn't next to her.
Stretching out one arm, she fumbles quietly in the darkness for a moment, searching for the flashlight, wondering if the batteries have any power left, when she hears Young and Rush talking in low voices. She stills her her arm immediately, hardly daring to breathe, knowing she shouldn't be listening, yet straining not to miss a word.
"So, are we going to talk about this?"
"About what, Colonel? Your attempt at killing me, or your attempt at seduction. Both clumsy, ill thought out and failed, I might add."
"Rush, don't do this - you always have to make it so God damn hard. You're so God damn arrogant all the time."
"I've earned the right to be arrogant," Rush snarls.
"We have to learn to live together, Rush. Now more than ever."
"You could go die in the wilderness."
Young sighs. She can picture him raising his hands to his face. "I was right. You are a lot of work."
"What?"
"I'd just like to try something, one more time, okay?"
TJ can hears them shifting slightly. Despite herself, she risks a glance over her shoulder, but she can't see anything.
"Let go of me."
"Rush. Shut up."
And then they're kissing. It's not frantic and vicious like last time. Young moves slowly, TJ holds her breath, knowing how persuasive he can be. She doesn't hear Rush pull away. It seems to last for hours.
"Well...did I do better this time?"
She swallows.
They're kissing again. She can't help it, she twists around, pulling herself into a sitting position and flips on the light.
Young has captured Rush's face in his hands, running his tongue along his lips before deepening the kiss, and Rush, isn't pulling away - he's drawn into the kiss, his arms slowly coming up to grasp at the Colonel's jacket, and they're tugging at clothing, layers.
And then they freeze and look at her, looking at them.
For a moment, no one says anything.
Afterwards, she isn't even sure who started it. There was no spoken suggestion that started them off, just hands, fingers fumbling clumsy in the cramped quarters, bodies seeking warmth against the cold chill of an alien world.
Seeking warmth where they find it.
No, it's more than that. All this time she's been afraid Young and Rush finding each other would mean losing her place with them, but it doesn't - at least, Rush's fingers digging into her hair, pulling it loose, while Young's hands move lower, sliding over the waistband of her pants, are very good at persuading her otherwise.
Their kisses are like fire. Their tangled limbs, frustrated by knotted, bunching layers of clothing and crumpled blankets, hard to kick free with another leg half on-top of hers and there's an arm tightly around her back, snaking under her shirt.
Someone knocks the flashlight and it shuts off, plunging their little world into a black unreality where the kisses, kisses she would know anywhere, in the dark, on an alien planet, are even more searing and intense. She grabs at whoever is in front of her. There's literally nothing else at this point, scavenging and regret and death, and none of them hold back.
~*~
The next morning, they wake in a contented haze, all tangled limbs and sweat, only to hear a creak and a buzz outside, something startles the birds and the trees shake with their sudden flight.
There is the whirr of Ancient gears turning and the low hum of the Stargate finally starting to spin.
FINIS