the drunken adventures of ms. carmen crafts
jesus fucking christ. the escapades in this entry are precisely why i should never consume alcoholic beverages. ever.
saturday night-
was gonna be a low key night. my friend effie and i just got a bottle of wine and were watching a movie. sometime during that film, we ended up getting pretty drunk. so we decided to go to a bar right around the corner because the bartender there said if we came in we could get free drinks. so we go and we're already drunk but proceed to get even drunker on the house. after we left effie decided to go home. so i said bye to her and then im walking and my ex calls. i'd been trying to get ahold of him for a few days just because i kind of missed talking to someone who knew me so well and a lot of crazy shit had been going on and i just wanted to talk. thats all. but what he said to me that night totally took me by surprise. he gets on the phone and tells me that he doesnt give a fuck about me and that he hated me. then he told me to never call him again and hung up. so me being kinda stressed and at this point wasted, i just started to cry. so there i am, drunk and sobbing literally in the middle of the street. and i didnt know what to do but i knew i shouldnt be just standing in the street crying, so i stumbled to the nearest place that i knew- MY JOB.
now there's a fuckin great idea: when you're WWAAASSSSTTEEDD, covered in salty tears and mascara and look like a deranged homless person where better to go than your own place of employment! thank god that my daytime manager wasnt there but the young, cool night manager was. he was really great to me. he just sat me down and let me cry more and he listened to my story...it was nice of him. and then he gave me more alcohol! that might have been a bad idea, but it was a nice gesture. so after i finished that beer i went into the bathroom- still at my job- and vandalized the door. i happened to have (and this is still somewhat unclear to me how,) a can of yellow spray paint and a stencil. so i went ahead and used them. the result was a drippy mess with a slight resemblance to the stencil, but still i felt sly. :) then the night manager took me to another bar and got me ANOTHER beer and after that i dont really remember too much. i know that i was dancing somewhere for awhile and that at a certain point i decided i had to go home and i just peaced. i still had the beer in my hand and i definatly threw it in the street and it smashed. the next morning i woke up still in my clothes with my left hand covered in yellow spray paint.
good times gooooood times.
THEN theres last night, which was a random ass tuesday night.
i should have known better simply because it was paul who invited me out and hes one of the most reckless people i know. i should have known theres no way this will be a normal, semi early night, but when he called and i agreed to go to this bar/club/dj show with him i still pretended i wasnt gonna stay out too late or have more than 2 drinks. HAH. well we went alright and it was a cool crowded club and his 2 friends were there, one of whom was rich and bought our drinks for the evening. so we proceeded to get realllllllyy drunk. at some point someone dropped a glass on the floor in the bar and it smashed all over. so i naturally thought to pick it up. and everyone warned me not to saying that i would get hurt but i really didnt think so cuz it was just big pieces. so i go and pick some up and then i brushed my hair out of my face and there must have been a tiny piece of glass stuck to my hand and it cut my forehead. i didnt even notice until pauls friend put a napkin on it and when i took it away there was all this blood. lesson #2: being drunk and bleeding from the head is fucking ridiculous. later i was so drunk i guess, that they asked me to leave the bar! now, i was wasted, but not more wasted than any of the others in there but they thought i was underage and wouldnt even look at my id again. so i have officially gotten kicked out of my first bar and i was pissed. paul says i went walking and screaming down the street occasionally stepping into a store to scream at people. then i apparently found an ambulance or fire truck or something that was parked and when paul wasnt looking i went ahead and climbed right on board. he said he had to carry me off it cuz i wouldnt get down. somehow i made it home and paul ended up crashing on my floor, but my favorite part was waking up in the morning and finding this weird orange plasic piece of furniture, like a cd rack or a dish holder thing, in my apartment and not knowing where it came from or what it was. i guess i found it on my way home.
i tell you these things because i learn lessons from them and think maybe others should too. so please kids, dont drink and drive!
saturday night-
was gonna be a low key night. my friend effie and i just got a bottle of wine and were watching a movie. sometime during that film, we ended up getting pretty drunk. so we decided to go to a bar right around the corner because the bartender there said if we came in we could get free drinks. so we go and we're already drunk but proceed to get even drunker on the house. after we left effie decided to go home. so i said bye to her and then im walking and my ex calls. i'd been trying to get ahold of him for a few days just because i kind of missed talking to someone who knew me so well and a lot of crazy shit had been going on and i just wanted to talk. thats all. but what he said to me that night totally took me by surprise. he gets on the phone and tells me that he doesnt give a fuck about me and that he hated me. then he told me to never call him again and hung up. so me being kinda stressed and at this point wasted, i just started to cry. so there i am, drunk and sobbing literally in the middle of the street. and i didnt know what to do but i knew i shouldnt be just standing in the street crying, so i stumbled to the nearest place that i knew- MY JOB.
now there's a fuckin great idea: when you're WWAAASSSSTTEEDD, covered in salty tears and mascara and look like a deranged homless person where better to go than your own place of employment! thank god that my daytime manager wasnt there but the young, cool night manager was. he was really great to me. he just sat me down and let me cry more and he listened to my story...it was nice of him. and then he gave me more alcohol! that might have been a bad idea, but it was a nice gesture. so after i finished that beer i went into the bathroom- still at my job- and vandalized the door. i happened to have (and this is still somewhat unclear to me how,) a can of yellow spray paint and a stencil. so i went ahead and used them. the result was a drippy mess with a slight resemblance to the stencil, but still i felt sly. :) then the night manager took me to another bar and got me ANOTHER beer and after that i dont really remember too much. i know that i was dancing somewhere for awhile and that at a certain point i decided i had to go home and i just peaced. i still had the beer in my hand and i definatly threw it in the street and it smashed. the next morning i woke up still in my clothes with my left hand covered in yellow spray paint.
good times gooooood times.
THEN theres last night, which was a random ass tuesday night.
i should have known better simply because it was paul who invited me out and hes one of the most reckless people i know. i should have known theres no way this will be a normal, semi early night, but when he called and i agreed to go to this bar/club/dj show with him i still pretended i wasnt gonna stay out too late or have more than 2 drinks. HAH. well we went alright and it was a cool crowded club and his 2 friends were there, one of whom was rich and bought our drinks for the evening. so we proceeded to get realllllllyy drunk. at some point someone dropped a glass on the floor in the bar and it smashed all over. so i naturally thought to pick it up. and everyone warned me not to saying that i would get hurt but i really didnt think so cuz it was just big pieces. so i go and pick some up and then i brushed my hair out of my face and there must have been a tiny piece of glass stuck to my hand and it cut my forehead. i didnt even notice until pauls friend put a napkin on it and when i took it away there was all this blood. lesson #2: being drunk and bleeding from the head is fucking ridiculous. later i was so drunk i guess, that they asked me to leave the bar! now, i was wasted, but not more wasted than any of the others in there but they thought i was underage and wouldnt even look at my id again. so i have officially gotten kicked out of my first bar and i was pissed. paul says i went walking and screaming down the street occasionally stepping into a store to scream at people. then i apparently found an ambulance or fire truck or something that was parked and when paul wasnt looking i went ahead and climbed right on board. he said he had to carry me off it cuz i wouldnt get down. somehow i made it home and paul ended up crashing on my floor, but my favorite part was waking up in the morning and finding this weird orange plasic piece of furniture, like a cd rack or a dish holder thing, in my apartment and not knowing where it came from or what it was. i guess i found it on my way home.
i tell you these things because i learn lessons from them and think maybe others should too. so please kids, dont drink and drive!