Another pity party- ignore please
I was definately in the middle of a pity post where Jenn and hunter were off to drink and be merry with his new roomie and I was going to sit here all by myself and how it hurt my feelings when they had a pow-wow and asked if I wanted to come.
A large part of me wanted to say thanks but no thanks, but the bigger, lonelier, sadder, needier part said yes, much too quickly.
We drank and played Kings. Jenn was drunk as shit, Hunter got pretty drunk, Justin was drunk and seeing as I just had to go through the alphabet to remember his name, I am a little drunk as well.
And seeing as alcohol is a depressant, it makes sense that all the feelings I was already feeling have surfaced.
I'm not like uber depressed, the walk home was long and all I wanted to do was grab a blanket and curl up in a ball outside but it's pretty chilly to do that tonight.
Something at work has been stressing me out, not a ton but it's been in the back of my mind for a couple days now.
Jose, the service manager is a really nice, fun guy. He's funny, and his "thing" with me is telling me "____" asked if I have a boyfriend/girlfriend (insert coworkers name in blank), his think with Josie is saying that her sister said she was the pretty one, while telling her sister that Josie said SHE was the prettiest one (they both work there), you know, just starting harmless fun rumors. No one takes it seriously. But he said that "Slim" (his name is Jim) likes me. Jim is a cook, he graduated in 2000 from a local school. which makes him about 4 years my senior (not too bad, compared to some I've dated), but... I don't know him very well. And I can tell that Jose was just "joking" around. Jim is at the least interested, hasn't said so but he did ask himself if I had a boyfriend (after, of course, Jose asked for him), and has tried to talk to me more so than I've seem him talk to the other people.
I am SCARED TO DEATH. First of all he's like what? 23-24 and he looks like a baby, he has such a babyface it's crazy. He's cute, not like out of this world amazing but he's got a sweet smile and nice eyes (pretty was actually the first word that came to mind with his eyes).
IT SCARES ME.
Bad, BAD experiences with dating people I work with.
Of course I was like.... 17 and they were like 25, but still.
BAD.
And seriously, how good could it be? he's a cook. in a steakhouse. Obviously not that good. But I don't know if he's going to school or anything like that. He doesn't look like the kind of guy to be stuck in a resturant his whole life- too sweet and too soft for that life, but I have been wrong before. Maybe he's a pot smoking, drug fiend or something. I dont know.
And then there is Joel. Joel is a hottie. And he's a doll. Hes so sweet and always asking if he can help and when he walks by he'll put his hand on my back or shoulder or arm and it's nice. But he does that with pretty much everyone, and I can't tell if the feeling I have is infatuation or desperation for a friend, or even just a hug.
I need a hug so bad. I know that sounds pathetic but I just need that feeling of someone's arms around me where you can take a deep breath and feel your chest against something and feel someone around you.
I need that feeling of security and of a friend.
I hate being so alone.
A large part of me wanted to say thanks but no thanks, but the bigger, lonelier, sadder, needier part said yes, much too quickly.
We drank and played Kings. Jenn was drunk as shit, Hunter got pretty drunk, Justin was drunk and seeing as I just had to go through the alphabet to remember his name, I am a little drunk as well.
And seeing as alcohol is a depressant, it makes sense that all the feelings I was already feeling have surfaced.
I'm not like uber depressed, the walk home was long and all I wanted to do was grab a blanket and curl up in a ball outside but it's pretty chilly to do that tonight.
Something at work has been stressing me out, not a ton but it's been in the back of my mind for a couple days now.
Jose, the service manager is a really nice, fun guy. He's funny, and his "thing" with me is telling me "____" asked if I have a boyfriend/girlfriend (insert coworkers name in blank), his think with Josie is saying that her sister said she was the pretty one, while telling her sister that Josie said SHE was the prettiest one (they both work there), you know, just starting harmless fun rumors. No one takes it seriously. But he said that "Slim" (his name is Jim) likes me. Jim is a cook, he graduated in 2000 from a local school. which makes him about 4 years my senior (not too bad, compared to some I've dated), but... I don't know him very well. And I can tell that Jose was just "joking" around. Jim is at the least interested, hasn't said so but he did ask himself if I had a boyfriend (after, of course, Jose asked for him), and has tried to talk to me more so than I've seem him talk to the other people.
I am SCARED TO DEATH. First of all he's like what? 23-24 and he looks like a baby, he has such a babyface it's crazy. He's cute, not like out of this world amazing but he's got a sweet smile and nice eyes (pretty was actually the first word that came to mind with his eyes).
IT SCARES ME.
Bad, BAD experiences with dating people I work with.
Of course I was like.... 17 and they were like 25, but still.
BAD.
And seriously, how good could it be? he's a cook. in a steakhouse. Obviously not that good. But I don't know if he's going to school or anything like that. He doesn't look like the kind of guy to be stuck in a resturant his whole life- too sweet and too soft for that life, but I have been wrong before. Maybe he's a pot smoking, drug fiend or something. I dont know.
And then there is Joel. Joel is a hottie. And he's a doll. Hes so sweet and always asking if he can help and when he walks by he'll put his hand on my back or shoulder or arm and it's nice. But he does that with pretty much everyone, and I can't tell if the feeling I have is infatuation or desperation for a friend, or even just a hug.
I need a hug so bad. I know that sounds pathetic but I just need that feeling of someone's arms around me where you can take a deep breath and feel your chest against something and feel someone around you.
I need that feeling of security and of a friend.
I hate being so alone.