For those that care.....
I know.....I put the same thing in my journal on AL. If you read it there, there's basically no need to read this. I might add something at the end, so if you care to stick around and read it, be my guest.
[Entry November 5, 2004: 12:25pm]
[Location: School]
[Music: None, I'm in a classroom. Music in my mind would be "Eifersucht" by Rammstein]
Geez, I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I was so happy for a while, and now, lately, it's like my entire mood, and outlook on life can change in the drop of a feather. Lately, I've had a lot more dreams, but they're back to their usual selves. Most of them for some reason seem to be of me, cutting my wrist. I don't know why, but I do know that they were not replays of my past ones, so I don't know what to make of them.
I've also seemed to be changing my mind on a lot of things that would make me happy. Like, I keep telling myself to tell the person I like, that I do like them, and to ask them out.....Then, one day later or something, an event will happen that will stop me from doing it, and will make me change my mind. I really don't know what to do about that.
I'm just coming to grips with the fact that my high school career is in it's final stretch. I remember how simple everything was my Freshman year, and how I felt like I had all the time in the world. Now, it just seems like I don't have any. My Freshman year was probably the best year of my life, and this year is pulling a very, very close second. I've been humbled within these past few years by people that will be moving on soon, and will probably forget all about me. I know that I will never forget them. I will tell my children stories about them with a shiny eye. (Yeah right! What children?!)
I don't know, I don't know. *sighs, and shakes her head* There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the world for anything that I want more than anything to happen, to be able to. The sand is running out of the hour glass, and I'm left here, helpless to it's gravity....Sometimes, I wonder if I should just give up completely. Stay single, ignore any feelings I have for a guy, and just focus on my studies, and my friends. Then, I think, if I don't act now, I'm going to lose this feeling within me forever, and that my heart will go lifeless, and cold....like it use to be.....before someone took me from the dark. I know I'll never find another person like that again in my life. The one to reach to me, and show me the light at the end of the long, and dark tunnel. Please, God, don't let me go cold again....I don't know how my heart would be able to handle it. Please.....
Forever Doubtfully Yours,
Meghan
Maybe I wasn't meant to be with someone. Maybe there's no one out there that's actually for me......*shrugs*.....I don't know. I think I'm going to just giver up....on life, and love.....
[Entry November 5, 2004: 12:25pm]
[Location: School]
[Music: None, I'm in a classroom. Music in my mind would be "Eifersucht" by Rammstein]
Geez, I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I was so happy for a while, and now, lately, it's like my entire mood, and outlook on life can change in the drop of a feather. Lately, I've had a lot more dreams, but they're back to their usual selves. Most of them for some reason seem to be of me, cutting my wrist. I don't know why, but I do know that they were not replays of my past ones, so I don't know what to make of them.
I've also seemed to be changing my mind on a lot of things that would make me happy. Like, I keep telling myself to tell the person I like, that I do like them, and to ask them out.....Then, one day later or something, an event will happen that will stop me from doing it, and will make me change my mind. I really don't know what to do about that.
I'm just coming to grips with the fact that my high school career is in it's final stretch. I remember how simple everything was my Freshman year, and how I felt like I had all the time in the world. Now, it just seems like I don't have any. My Freshman year was probably the best year of my life, and this year is pulling a very, very close second. I've been humbled within these past few years by people that will be moving on soon, and will probably forget all about me. I know that I will never forget them. I will tell my children stories about them with a shiny eye. (Yeah right! What children?!)
I don't know, I don't know. *sighs, and shakes her head* There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the world for anything that I want more than anything to happen, to be able to. The sand is running out of the hour glass, and I'm left here, helpless to it's gravity....Sometimes, I wonder if I should just give up completely. Stay single, ignore any feelings I have for a guy, and just focus on my studies, and my friends. Then, I think, if I don't act now, I'm going to lose this feeling within me forever, and that my heart will go lifeless, and cold....like it use to be.....before someone took me from the dark. I know I'll never find another person like that again in my life. The one to reach to me, and show me the light at the end of the long, and dark tunnel. Please, God, don't let me go cold again....I don't know how my heart would be able to handle it. Please.....
Forever Doubtfully Yours,
Meghan
Maybe I wasn't meant to be with someone. Maybe there's no one out there that's actually for me......*shrugs*.....I don't know. I think I'm going to just giver up....on life, and love.....