The Truth Remains the Same [R,8b/8]
[8a/8]
16.
“Tell me,” Arthur began as he closed the terrace door behind him. “Why did I have to learn about my own legend in English class?”
Merlin turned around from the view of the forest, his arms wrapped tight round him, tears falling freely down his face. “I was scared of what you’d become.”
He eyed Arthur, looking wary, his tears drying like steam. “How did you know about the Void?” he asked, careful, eerily calm.
There it was, Arthur observed, the anger. He tilted his head, returned Merlin’s odd stare. “You mentioned it when it was dragged out of you while you told that tale, and Leon mentioned it off hand when we were in the sphere,” Arthur said as he crossed his arms over his chest, taking Merlin’s quick anger head on. “He just volunteered it. Can you imagine? I didn’t need to die and be bloody rebirthed before I was given the truth.”
Merlin’s face fell. “Arthur-”
Arthur shook his head. “No, you tell me everything or tell me nothing.”
Merlin stared at him, his face growing harder as every second of silence passed between them.
Arthur frowned, his own anger turning to rage as his heart beat a staccato. He knew the look on Merlin’s face, he’d know it anywhere. “Really,” Arthur gritted out through clenched teeth. “You’re willing to destroy the world to save me, but you won’t tell me the rest of the story?”
Merlin sighed, the sound bitter and frustrated to Arthur’s ears. “It’s complicated, alright? And really, there’s not much you don’t know-nor is there a way I can tell you everything.”
Arthur threw his arms up, nearly hitting Merlin in the face. “Fine, then tell me about the parts with me in it.”
Merlin grunted, sounding frustrated, and glared at Arthur. “Do we have to do this now?”
Arthur sneered, opened his mouth-and closed it. Merlin was pale again, eyes red tinged and watery, his breath coming in quick bursts. “Merlin,” Arthur whispered at length, reached out and placed his hand on Merlin’s arm. “I-”
“Go away,” Merlin snarled and smacked Arthur’s hand away.
“Never,” Arthur said leaning in Merlin’s personal space, as immovable a force as he could manage. Besides, Merlin didn’t want him to go.
“You never listen,” Merlin hissed in his face, shoving him away.
Arthur didn’t budge. Merlin really didn’t want him to leave. “Sure you aren’t talking about yourself?” Arthur hissed back. “You never told me about any of this.”
“I told you,” Merlin said, fire returning to his eyes as he grimaced at Arthur. “I didn’t want it to be your life.”
Arthur flinched, felt useless. If he wasn’t-a King was all he’d ever been. How could he be different? How could he want another life other than the one he had? Being a former King was the only thing that gave him worth. “Merlin- did you-was everything we had-our friendship, all the ways you reacted to me- acting? Was it all just to get to this point, so you could change everything I’ve ever known?”
“No,” Merlin blanched, was in Arthur’s face in a flash, bent so far into him, Merlin’s chin brushed the crown of his head. “I wanted to fix my mistakes. I don’t think you would want this life if you had a choice-”
“Oh, shove off very much, yeah?” Arthur snapped, yanking away from Merlin. “You can’t know that-I don’t care who the hell you are, Merlin. You’re not Destiny, or bloody Fate-you can’t know anything-”
“You were going to leave me.”
Arthur flinched, lifted his eyes to Merlin, mind stuttering to a halt. “…what?”
“You were going to go, weren’t you?” Merlin asked quietly, intensely, looking at Arthur through his lashes, the air stagnant between them.
Arthur frowned, blanched, his eyes widening as he understood Merlin’s whispered words. “I wasn’t listening to the voice, Merlin. I was never going to leave you. I-”
“You were tempted, though.” Merlin uttered as he searched Arthur’s face, looking lost, broken. “I held your spirit in my body. I know.”
“I was taken off guard and nothing more,” Arthur lied, stricken, his hands fisted at his side as he tried his best to keep his secret.
Merlin’s shoulders bunched together, he twisted his lips at Arthur. “Why would you want to die-”
“It’s true what Fate said,” Arthur found himself mentioning, agog.
“Fate?” Merlin blinked. “I-what-”
“There’s a high chance you would be better without me,” Arthur said, finding, deep down, that he actually believed the words he was saying.
“No,” Merlin assured, closing the distance between them. “That’s not true.”
Arthur stepped away from the wizard, just out of reach. He shook his head at Merlin, sad. “I’m your weakness, Merlin. And you’re mine.”
“So, you were going to leave me because of our mutual weakness?” Merlin frowned at him. “Arthur.”
Arthur shook his head. “No-yes. Merlin, if I die-”
“You’ve already died-twice, now.” Merlin said, matter-of-fact, voice firm, looking for all the world like he was about to remind Arthur of each one. “It will never be a question of if with us, only when. I should do whatever it takes to stop it from happening.”
Well, that was certainly true.
Arthur sighed, walked up to Merlin and grabbed his arms. “True enough,” he said, peering up into Merlin’s eyes. “Once we admit it-that we’re vulnerable together-we can do something about it. Simple strategy,” he said, a small smile coming willing to his face.
Merlin frowned, looking affronted. “Putting our emotions into strategy? Arthur-”
“You can’t go round threatening to destroy the world every time something happens to me that you don’t like,” Arthur butt in, and God help him, he was fond of the outraged look on Merlin’s face.
“And that’s another thing,” Arthur continued, glaring at Merlin. “This changing time and reality business needs to stop.”
Arthur shook Merlin a bit, his best friend moving like a (very misleading) rag doll under his hands. “I am what I am,” he said, meeting Merlin’s eyes, honest. “I’m sure you noticed that not telling me about my destiny didn’t change anything.”
“I’m starting to think that one way or another, this destiny would have been yours,” Merlin said as he dipped his head. He nodded. “So yeah, I did know.”
“It’s not going to change anything now, either,” Arthur whispered, releasing his grip on Merlin, regaining the lost distance, his point made.
“I never wanted you to live this destiny. I want you to be happy. I know it’s stupid to want that for you,” Merlin lifted his head, looked into Arthur’s eyes. He shrugged. “I want you to have what you couldn’t have before. I might be starting to believe you were meant to be the once and future King, but it was still me who was the catalyst to get you here. I’m the one who took away that small chance you had at an easier life.”
“You idiot,” Arthur said, scoffed as he reached up and cuffed Merlin in the back of the head. “I don’t regret my previous life.”
“No,” Merlin said from the mouth of the forest, blue eyes mercurial under the moonlight.
Arthur blinked, his brain resetting and taking in Merlin’s teleportation, that it was in fact air now under his fingertips, and not Merlin’s skull. “No, what?” Arthur asked, puzzled.
“No, you can’t like your old life-Arthur,” Merlin pleaded, his hands bunched into fists at his sides, “your life was horrible.”
Arthur laughed, he couldn’t help it. “I’m so glad you’re positive.” He walked toward Merlin, taking his time. “My life was hard, I’m not saying it wasn’t,” Arthur said, letting Merlin see the truth in his eyes, hoping his wizard understood. “But I’m a King, Merlin, and a Prince before that. I knew how it was to be when I accepted the responsibility that came with both roles. I was honored to be Albion’s High King, and I endeavor to fulfill whatever else comes in this new life.” He stopped just in front of Merlin’s gob smacked face, remembering something important.
“On Camlann,” Arthur began, heart thudding like a bloody racehorse, palms sweaty as he swiped them against his trousers surreptitiously. “I died before I could finish-”
“Arthur,” Merlin said, looking wrecked, face pasty, new tears forming in his eyes. “Don’t-”
“I told you I should’ve picked you,” Arthur continued, on a roll, because honestly, it was now or never. “But, I’d do it all over again, exactly the same. Except…I would have picked you to share my rule with. You would have been more than just the power behind my rule, but my official advisor, confidante.”
“Oh,” Merlin said, looking a bit dazed.
“I’d thought you’d misunderstood me.” Arthur snorted. “And here I invested all that time and energy in perfecting our silent communication, just so when it counts, you flub it.”
Merlin smiled a little, rolled his eyes. “God, you’re still a-”
“We had an agreement,” Arthur cut in, faux angry, “that we would never utter those words again. That pact goes for this life, too.”
Merlin smirked, and it was real this time. “Fair enough.”
Arthur cleared his throat, patted Merlin on the shoulder, awkward. “I’m sorry about your brother.”
Fresh tears spilled on Merlin’s face. He shrugged, taking a breath and exhaling toward the night sky, his breath foggy plumes. “It’s alright, I suppose,” Merlin said to the stars. “It was all a bit unavoidable. Kilgharrah was never going to change. It’s the nature of Fate-unchanging, implacable. Jessica and I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but really, there was nothing to be done about it.”
Arthur frowned, did his best not to tighten his grip on Merlin’s shoulder. “But Kilgharrah-”
“It was never about Kilgharrah, Arthur,” Merlin said as he looked at Arthur, tears dried and regard choleric. “Or Destiny, or Fate, or Magic.” Merlin smiled and the ferocity left him like water sliding off his skin, looking happy for the first time in hours. “It was always about you.”
Arthur released Merlin’s shoulder, stumbled backward on the grass and soil, confused and out of his element. “What? What do you mean?”
“The truth of you, Arthur.” Merlin’s smile brightened as he followed after Arthur on sure feet, grabbing Arthur’s wrist and dragging him back toward the forest.
Arthur looked behind them, couldn’t see the house from the mouth of the woods. “Where are we going?”
Merlin chuckled in front of him, fingers tightening their hold. There was no doubt in his mind Merlin would let him fall away now. “To the center of everything.”
As soon as Merlin uttered the words, they were there.
There was nothing special about the center of the forest, not as far as Arthur could see.
They stood in a clearing, maybe three car lengths wide. He could see the dew on the grass, his and Merlin’s breaths in the air. The soil felt alive under his surprisingly bare feet-the scent of it rich and pure to his nose, signifying life, death…everything. Arthur looked above them, not surprised by the uninterrupted view of the moon and stars, but enraptured by the display nonetheless.
“The truth of one Arthur Pendragon, remains the same.”
Arthur drew his eyes from the night and looked at Merlin, their faces a good bit apart. “What’s that?”
Merlin’s mouth widened, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. “You were, and will always be, King.”
“Ah.” Arthur said intelligently, not really sure what he was supposed to say.
Merlin bit his lip, lowered his head until he looked at Arthur through shuttered lashes. “It’s also true your life will be difficult, something I’ve always had trouble with.”
“I’m not special, never was,” Arthur blurted, as he stepped closer to Merlin. “I tried to be honorable, to do what was best for Albion, but-”
“I don’t think you know how to be ordinary,” Merlin said, rolling his eyes. “You, in your short lifetime, will accomplish what The Three have strived to do for millennia. You almost did it once, you’ll succeed this time.”
Arthur found it hard to breathe. “Merlin-”
“How can I not want to be involved in that? It’s like you’re bloody made for me,” Merlin continued, and laughed, the sound rueful and all together self-deprecating. “You’re the embodiment of our hopes and dreams for humanity. Instead of being bitter and jealous like my brother, I decided to help you.” Merlin shrugged, blithe. “And my dedication to you and your future made me insane.”
Arthur’s heart broke, his soul crushed under the weight of Merlin’s words. He stepped closer to Magic. “I’m sorry-”
“If you hadn’t stopped me,” Merlin whispered over him, eyelids dotted with bulbous tears, “I would have destroyed the very thing I stood for.” His breath hitched as he looked at Arthur, regret written on his face. “After your first death, I went mad, and-and, I don’t think I completely recovered. If I was willing to do-do that to the world, then-”
“I missed you,” Arthur confessed, doing his best not to grab hold of Merlin. It still astounded him how this body, though identical to his previous, gave so easily to a lack of true pride, was so easy to say heartfelt utterances.
This body spoke truth, and Arthur could do nothing but direct its way. He bit his lip, considering Merlin for a moment, his mind finally connecting the dots. “And you’re not so much mad, as you’re mad with grief.”
It all made sense now. Merlin was still grieving for Arthur.
“I’m in front of you, dolt,” Arthur admonished as he lowered his feet. Merlin was a tall bugger. He glared at Magic. “I’m alive and well, and most importantly, not blaming you for what happened. If you had got your way, I probably wouldn’t be here right now, and that would irritate me.”
“Yeah,” Merlin said, eyes glazed over.
Arthur didn’t snort, but he failed an smothering his grin. “This is not new, Merlin-well, sort of.” He sighed and rocked on the balls of his feet, exasperated.
Honestly. “Something else that’s not new: My living and breathing, I’ve been doing it for almost seventeen years now, so, please cheer up.”
Merlin huffed, looked at Arthur though his lashes and smiled. “Git.”
Arthur smirked, something about Merlin’s sneaky face reminding him of earlier circumstances. “We have problems,” he said, that calm he had lessening. “I don’t want to have secrets between us again.”
“We won’t anymore,” Merlin said, eyes smiling. “All my fears are gone.” Merlin grinned, punched Arthur in the arm, mirth driving his every movement. “And this life will end much better than the last. I guarantee it.”
★
“Right,” Sean said as his eyes volleyed between Merlin and Arthur. “So everything sorted out then?”
Merlin blinked at Sean, heard Arthur’s groan vibrate through him as he watched Emmy titter. “Erm, what?”
“They could probably hear that row from Indonesia,” Arthur said as he stood in front of Merlin, cheeks red.
Merlin nodded, a bit embarrassed. He and Arthur did bring the best and worst out of each other. “Ah.”
“Making up for lost time, are we?” Jessica said, smirk in full swing.
Merlin glared at his sister. “I hate you.”
Jessica laughed, and to add insult to injury, Leon-bloody do-gooder and perfect Leon-joined her. “You’re incapable of it, brother.”
“Still,” Merlin said, sharing his glower with his sister and his soon-to-be- (there was no doubt in Merlin’s mind; Jessica wouldn’t be wasting time now) brother-in-law. “If I could, you two would be at the top of the list.”
They hadn’t been gone for too long, Merlin didn’t think. And even if they had, Merlin placed them in a time vortex bubble to be safe. Jessica-well, erm-Morgana hadn’t been wrong.
He and Arthur never got to just…talk. Be friends. The first time round, he and Arthur were too busy with fate and honor to be proper best friends. Merlin hoped this time around, things would be different.
Morgana raised her brow, the ever present mug of tea in hand as she and Leon relaxed side by side at the kitchen table. “Has the bromance been restored?”
Merlin coughed. “Uh-”
“Screw my life,” Arthur muttered desolately, walking off to Sean and Emmy by the kitchen door.
“How are you?” Merlin asked, sitting beside Leon and looking at Morgana on the other side of her lover.
“I miss him already,” Morgana blinked rapidly, a bitter sort of smile traipsing across her face. “If we were human, I would accept the immediate grief, but…” she wiped her nose, laughed, the sound clanging in Merlin’s ear like shattered glass. “I’m sad, aren’t I? Kilgharrah tried to destroy the world, and I miss him.”
“I think I know how Abel felt when Cain came after him.” Merlin leaned back in his chair, sighed. “What will be, will be. I never took joy in wanting Fate gone, but he was wrong. I hope now, he’ll understand.”
“You were wrong, too,” Leon, Merlin noted with a bit of surprise, said, his head tilted to the side as he regarded Merlin with narrowed eyes. “If Arthur hadn’t come-”
“If Arthur hadn’t come, we’d all be gone,” Merlin finished, conceding to Leon’s logic. “That’s the last time I’ll try to go and try to solve things by myself.” Maybe next time, it wouldn’t cost Arthur his life, even if it was just temporarily. But really, they’d done that song and dance before, and even brushes with death were too close.
“We know, Magic. Thankfully, you’ll have your champion with you,” Morgana reached across the table, took his hand. She nudged her head to the other side of the kitchen, where Arthur had
Sean in a headlock, rubbing at Sean’s hair furiously with his knuckles, Emmy laughing and egging Arthur on beside them.
Merlin rolled his eyes, but otherwise kept his attention on his sister. “It’ll be alright, you know,” he said to Morgana, including Leon in his gaze.
“That’s the last we’ll see of Kilgharrah,” Morgana agreed with a nod, looking at their locked hands.
Merlin’s heart throbbed. “Yes, in that capacity. Stopping me gave Arthur a chance, at least.”
“And what a chance it will be,” Morgana said, flat. “I heard Fate, Merlin, before you sealed him away. You know I disagree with him, but he was right. It would’ve been easier for the world to have ended.”
Merlin flinched, looked closer at his sister. “Destiny, what do you have in store?” He knew he wouldn’t get any straight answers. The Three might have shared the same intent for the world, but never a mind. Destiny, much like Fate, held the world’s secrets and futures tight to her chest.
“Nothing I want to see realized,” Morgana said, her eyes burning gold. “It’s good that you stopped yourself, Magic, but Arthur’s future will be difficult. His past life was just practice.” Morgana watched him, and Merlin did his best to hide the fear he swore to Arthur he no longer had.
“You’ll consume him,” Morgana said at length, voice as implacable as Kilgharrah’s had ever been. “And when the time comes, Arthur will have the same choice you had and failed: The death of his one true friend, or the death of the world.”
Merlin closed his eyes, fought against the emotions that tried to take hold. “Not yet,” he hissed, cracking his eyes open and regarding Morgana’s solemn face, Leon’s shocked and devastated visage. “Not yet. First, he’ll live his life.”
Morgana nodded, a small smile returning. “Yes, Arthur will have the chance to live his life.”
Merlin returned Morgana’s smile, watched Leon’s face break in relief. Merlin inclined his head, his fears assuaged, for now. “And what a life it will be.”
★
Dawn was breaking.
He and Arthur were out on the patio, on the lounge chairs, Arthur sprawled, like a starfish beside Merlin. Morgana and Leon, Emmy and Sean had left not an hour earlier, and not fast enough, in Merlin’s opinion.
“I need to go home soon,” Arthur said beside, head lolled in Merlin’s direction as he drowsed shamelessly. “Mum will be-Igraine.” The former King froze a moment, relaxed, a puff of air pluming from him, catching the early rays. “I mean, I realized earlier, but it’s starting to sink in now.”
“Yes.” Merlin chuckled, folded his hand under his head. He’d never been able to do this with Arthur, relax like proper mates, so, Merlin decided, he’d revel in it. “Arthur-I-sorry, but I couldn’t find Uther.”
Arthur lifted his head, eyes not yet in proportion with the rest of his face (secretly, Merlin liked Arthur’s features; it made it much easier to see what was going on inside that head of his), gave Merlin a cool look. “Did you live under a rock while you waited for me?”
“No,” Merlin said, a bit insulted. He was dedicated to Arthur for millennia, and all he got was bloody attitude. He suppressed a smile. He loved every minute of it. “Actually, I lived in a hut in Panama.”
“Typical.”Arthur snorted, rolled his eyes so hard Merlin feared they’d pop out of his head. “Of course. I don’t know why I hadn’t guessed as much already. What with you living in such gaudy extravagance-”
“These are my last few years on Earth!” Merlin cut in, outraged. “I’ve-”
“Last few years on Earth?” Arthur looked at Merlin, sharp eyes watching his face. “You’re not leaving, are you?”
Arthur’s insecurities had never been so obvious the first go round. But then again, Merlin hadn’t met Arthur until he was in his twenties. It was a large difference what four years could make.
Merlin lifted his head shook it slow, gentle, let Arthur watch him. “No, not until I know I’m no longer needed.”
“You’ll always be needed,” Arthur mumbled at length and lowered his head, looking at the orange sky. “You’re to go nowhere.”
“Yes, sire,” Merlin quipped, doing his best to hide the grin.
“Good,” Arthur said. “Deputy Prime Minister.”
Merlin paused, pulled his hands free from behind his head. “What?”
“My father-Uther,” Arthur growled at Merlin, the Pendragon scowl in full effect, “is the Deputy Prime Minister.”
“Oh.” Merlin grinned, thought of Gaius and his compound, and laughed. “Morgana is brilliant.”
Arthur’s scowl deepened as Merlin continued to laugh, but he found it hard to care.
“What’s so hilarious?” Arthur asked as he turned on his side and eyed Merlin suspiciously. “If you’re laughing that much, it can’t be good.”
“It’s not good or bad,” Merlin said as he controlled his humor. “I just thought it would be harder. This whole thing-finding you and stopping Fate-has been anti-climatic.”
Arthur laughed, and it was a genuine one, complete with his head thrown back and blonde hair catching the sunrise. “The action will come later,” he said, and smirked. “Right now, I want to enjoy my life.”
“Wait till you find out who Gaius is.”
“Will I never get a moment alone?” Arthur yelled at the sky as Archimedes landed on the table beside their chaise lounges.
“Where the hell have you been?” Merlin asked, not a little bit angry. He’d never got to check Archie’s safety after he’d returned to the right dimension, and really, what could have been more important-
“I had a date,” Archie said, haughty as he preened under Merlin and Arthur’s gaping jaws.
“What?” Arthur said, incredulous. “I just saw you a little bit ago.”
That was news to Merlin. He scowled at the bird. “You had a date on the day I was set to destroy the world?” Merlin asked, dumbfounded.
“What are you so upset about?” Archimedes asked, his feathers ruffling in the cool morning breeze. “I went for some air and met her-a Vulture, ha! Arthur- in the backyard. The world clearly didn’t end,” the owl said, yellow eyes sliding to Arthur. “And I see you wasted no time slumming.”
“Leave Merlin alone,” Arthur snarled, voice like fire as Merlin blushed. “He’s being kind to me and-”
“I wasn’t talking to you,” Archie snapped at the boy-King, derision in his every word. “If you think for a second this place will be here for you by tomorrow, well, I’ll eat you.”
“What?” Arthur stilled, turned back to Merlin, his eyes comically wide. “Really?”
Merlin chuckled nervously, playing it up. It was good to see Arthur off his pedestal every once in a while. “I’ve been too busy to, erm, get settled in.”
“That’s not what I’m referring to,” Arthur squeaked as he eyed Merlin suspiciously.
“Ha!” Archie snorted, a leer in his voice. “Mad you won’t be living off the lap of luxury are you? Eager to regain all that lost money?”
“It’s-not really, Arthur. Archie’s having you on.” Merlin laughed, felt the smile on his face brighten and threaten to blow out the sun.
You will consume him. He will be faced with the same choice you had and failed-
Merlin grimaced and fought against the dark wayward thoughts as Archie goaded Arthur further.
“That’s enough of that,” Merlin said as Archie threatened to peck Arthur’s eyes out. “Leave before I cage you for the next three hundred years.”
“I’d watch my back if I were you,” Archimedes said, owlishly as he took off into the breaking dawn.
“It took you long enough to come to my defense,” Arthur glared at Merlin, betrayed.
Merlin smirked, rolled his eyes. “All I ever do is defend you. You can take care of yourself
against an owl.”
“A bloody magical owl,” Arthur groused, leaning back in the lounge, sighed. “But it’s true, I can handle anything you’ve made.”
“You can try,” Merlin said, groaned as Arthur cuffed him in punishment.
“I’m leaving it up to you to make my life everything you wished it would be,” Arthur said as he settled again, attention on the sunrise. “Without you, I’ll never get my chance. So, make me happy.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Merlin chuckled, opened himself up to the job, sure he’d be responsible for all matters of things-namely, finding Arthur a proper wife this time, God help them both.
There was no doubt in Merlin’s mind that one day he would consume Arthur like Morgana
predicted. There were many ways Destiny could go, but Merlin was convinced her prophecy would hold true.
But Merlin was convinced, before he would devour Arthur heart and soul, his king would do it to him first.
He welcomed the invasion.
Merlin glanced at Arthur, happy, at peace. Whatever came their way, they could handle it. But until then, well. “Happiness?” Merlin smiled, making a least of all the things Arthur never had a chance to experience, sure the former king would love every minute of it.
“That’s easy.”
★end★
16.
“Tell me,” Arthur began as he closed the terrace door behind him. “Why did I have to learn about my own legend in English class?”
Merlin turned around from the view of the forest, his arms wrapped tight round him, tears falling freely down his face. “I was scared of what you’d become.”
He eyed Arthur, looking wary, his tears drying like steam. “How did you know about the Void?” he asked, careful, eerily calm.
There it was, Arthur observed, the anger. He tilted his head, returned Merlin’s odd stare. “You mentioned it when it was dragged out of you while you told that tale, and Leon mentioned it off hand when we were in the sphere,” Arthur said as he crossed his arms over his chest, taking Merlin’s quick anger head on. “He just volunteered it. Can you imagine? I didn’t need to die and be bloody rebirthed before I was given the truth.”
Merlin’s face fell. “Arthur-”
Arthur shook his head. “No, you tell me everything or tell me nothing.”
Merlin stared at him, his face growing harder as every second of silence passed between them.
Arthur frowned, his own anger turning to rage as his heart beat a staccato. He knew the look on Merlin’s face, he’d know it anywhere. “Really,” Arthur gritted out through clenched teeth. “You’re willing to destroy the world to save me, but you won’t tell me the rest of the story?”
Merlin sighed, the sound bitter and frustrated to Arthur’s ears. “It’s complicated, alright? And really, there’s not much you don’t know-nor is there a way I can tell you everything.”
Arthur threw his arms up, nearly hitting Merlin in the face. “Fine, then tell me about the parts with me in it.”
Merlin grunted, sounding frustrated, and glared at Arthur. “Do we have to do this now?”
Arthur sneered, opened his mouth-and closed it. Merlin was pale again, eyes red tinged and watery, his breath coming in quick bursts. “Merlin,” Arthur whispered at length, reached out and placed his hand on Merlin’s arm. “I-”
“Go away,” Merlin snarled and smacked Arthur’s hand away.
“Never,” Arthur said leaning in Merlin’s personal space, as immovable a force as he could manage. Besides, Merlin didn’t want him to go.
“You never listen,” Merlin hissed in his face, shoving him away.
Arthur didn’t budge. Merlin really didn’t want him to leave. “Sure you aren’t talking about yourself?” Arthur hissed back. “You never told me about any of this.”
“I told you,” Merlin said, fire returning to his eyes as he grimaced at Arthur. “I didn’t want it to be your life.”
Arthur flinched, felt useless. If he wasn’t-a King was all he’d ever been. How could he be different? How could he want another life other than the one he had? Being a former King was the only thing that gave him worth. “Merlin- did you-was everything we had-our friendship, all the ways you reacted to me- acting? Was it all just to get to this point, so you could change everything I’ve ever known?”
“No,” Merlin blanched, was in Arthur’s face in a flash, bent so far into him, Merlin’s chin brushed the crown of his head. “I wanted to fix my mistakes. I don’t think you would want this life if you had a choice-”
“Oh, shove off very much, yeah?” Arthur snapped, yanking away from Merlin. “You can’t know that-I don’t care who the hell you are, Merlin. You’re not Destiny, or bloody Fate-you can’t know anything-”
“You were going to leave me.”
Arthur flinched, lifted his eyes to Merlin, mind stuttering to a halt. “…what?”
“You were going to go, weren’t you?” Merlin asked quietly, intensely, looking at Arthur through his lashes, the air stagnant between them.
Arthur frowned, blanched, his eyes widening as he understood Merlin’s whispered words. “I wasn’t listening to the voice, Merlin. I was never going to leave you. I-”
“You were tempted, though.” Merlin uttered as he searched Arthur’s face, looking lost, broken. “I held your spirit in my body. I know.”
“I was taken off guard and nothing more,” Arthur lied, stricken, his hands fisted at his side as he tried his best to keep his secret.
Merlin’s shoulders bunched together, he twisted his lips at Arthur. “Why would you want to die-”
“It’s true what Fate said,” Arthur found himself mentioning, agog.
“Fate?” Merlin blinked. “I-what-”
“There’s a high chance you would be better without me,” Arthur said, finding, deep down, that he actually believed the words he was saying.
“No,” Merlin assured, closing the distance between them. “That’s not true.”
Arthur stepped away from the wizard, just out of reach. He shook his head at Merlin, sad. “I’m your weakness, Merlin. And you’re mine.”
“So, you were going to leave me because of our mutual weakness?” Merlin frowned at him. “Arthur.”
Arthur shook his head. “No-yes. Merlin, if I die-”
“You’ve already died-twice, now.” Merlin said, matter-of-fact, voice firm, looking for all the world like he was about to remind Arthur of each one. “It will never be a question of if with us, only when. I should do whatever it takes to stop it from happening.”
Well, that was certainly true.
Arthur sighed, walked up to Merlin and grabbed his arms. “True enough,” he said, peering up into Merlin’s eyes. “Once we admit it-that we’re vulnerable together-we can do something about it. Simple strategy,” he said, a small smile coming willing to his face.
Merlin frowned, looking affronted. “Putting our emotions into strategy? Arthur-”
“You can’t go round threatening to destroy the world every time something happens to me that you don’t like,” Arthur butt in, and God help him, he was fond of the outraged look on Merlin’s face.
“And that’s another thing,” Arthur continued, glaring at Merlin. “This changing time and reality business needs to stop.”
Arthur shook Merlin a bit, his best friend moving like a (very misleading) rag doll under his hands. “I am what I am,” he said, meeting Merlin’s eyes, honest. “I’m sure you noticed that not telling me about my destiny didn’t change anything.”
“I’m starting to think that one way or another, this destiny would have been yours,” Merlin said as he dipped his head. He nodded. “So yeah, I did know.”
“It’s not going to change anything now, either,” Arthur whispered, releasing his grip on Merlin, regaining the lost distance, his point made.
“I never wanted you to live this destiny. I want you to be happy. I know it’s stupid to want that for you,” Merlin lifted his head, looked into Arthur’s eyes. He shrugged. “I want you to have what you couldn’t have before. I might be starting to believe you were meant to be the once and future King, but it was still me who was the catalyst to get you here. I’m the one who took away that small chance you had at an easier life.”
“You idiot,” Arthur said, scoffed as he reached up and cuffed Merlin in the back of the head. “I don’t regret my previous life.”
“No,” Merlin said from the mouth of the forest, blue eyes mercurial under the moonlight.
Arthur blinked, his brain resetting and taking in Merlin’s teleportation, that it was in fact air now under his fingertips, and not Merlin’s skull. “No, what?” Arthur asked, puzzled.
“No, you can’t like your old life-Arthur,” Merlin pleaded, his hands bunched into fists at his sides, “your life was horrible.”
Arthur laughed, he couldn’t help it. “I’m so glad you’re positive.” He walked toward Merlin, taking his time. “My life was hard, I’m not saying it wasn’t,” Arthur said, letting Merlin see the truth in his eyes, hoping his wizard understood. “But I’m a King, Merlin, and a Prince before that. I knew how it was to be when I accepted the responsibility that came with both roles. I was honored to be Albion’s High King, and I endeavor to fulfill whatever else comes in this new life.” He stopped just in front of Merlin’s gob smacked face, remembering something important.
“On Camlann,” Arthur began, heart thudding like a bloody racehorse, palms sweaty as he swiped them against his trousers surreptitiously. “I died before I could finish-”
“Arthur,” Merlin said, looking wrecked, face pasty, new tears forming in his eyes. “Don’t-”
“I told you I should’ve picked you,” Arthur continued, on a roll, because honestly, it was now or never. “But, I’d do it all over again, exactly the same. Except…I would have picked you to share my rule with. You would have been more than just the power behind my rule, but my official advisor, confidante.”
“Oh,” Merlin said, looking a bit dazed.
“I’d thought you’d misunderstood me.” Arthur snorted. “And here I invested all that time and energy in perfecting our silent communication, just so when it counts, you flub it.”
Merlin smiled a little, rolled his eyes. “God, you’re still a-”
“We had an agreement,” Arthur cut in, faux angry, “that we would never utter those words again. That pact goes for this life, too.”
Merlin smirked, and it was real this time. “Fair enough.”
Arthur cleared his throat, patted Merlin on the shoulder, awkward. “I’m sorry about your brother.”
Fresh tears spilled on Merlin’s face. He shrugged, taking a breath and exhaling toward the night sky, his breath foggy plumes. “It’s alright, I suppose,” Merlin said to the stars. “It was all a bit unavoidable. Kilgharrah was never going to change. It’s the nature of Fate-unchanging, implacable. Jessica and I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but really, there was nothing to be done about it.”
Arthur frowned, did his best not to tighten his grip on Merlin’s shoulder. “But Kilgharrah-”
“It was never about Kilgharrah, Arthur,” Merlin said as he looked at Arthur, tears dried and regard choleric. “Or Destiny, or Fate, or Magic.” Merlin smiled and the ferocity left him like water sliding off his skin, looking happy for the first time in hours. “It was always about you.”
Arthur released Merlin’s shoulder, stumbled backward on the grass and soil, confused and out of his element. “What? What do you mean?”
“The truth of you, Arthur.” Merlin’s smile brightened as he followed after Arthur on sure feet, grabbing Arthur’s wrist and dragging him back toward the forest.
Arthur looked behind them, couldn’t see the house from the mouth of the woods. “Where are we going?”
Merlin chuckled in front of him, fingers tightening their hold. There was no doubt in his mind Merlin would let him fall away now. “To the center of everything.”
As soon as Merlin uttered the words, they were there.
There was nothing special about the center of the forest, not as far as Arthur could see.
They stood in a clearing, maybe three car lengths wide. He could see the dew on the grass, his and Merlin’s breaths in the air. The soil felt alive under his surprisingly bare feet-the scent of it rich and pure to his nose, signifying life, death…everything. Arthur looked above them, not surprised by the uninterrupted view of the moon and stars, but enraptured by the display nonetheless.
“The truth of one Arthur Pendragon, remains the same.”
Arthur drew his eyes from the night and looked at Merlin, their faces a good bit apart. “What’s that?”
Merlin’s mouth widened, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. “You were, and will always be, King.”
“Ah.” Arthur said intelligently, not really sure what he was supposed to say.
Merlin bit his lip, lowered his head until he looked at Arthur through shuttered lashes. “It’s also true your life will be difficult, something I’ve always had trouble with.”
“I’m not special, never was,” Arthur blurted, as he stepped closer to Merlin. “I tried to be honorable, to do what was best for Albion, but-”
“I don’t think you know how to be ordinary,” Merlin said, rolling his eyes. “You, in your short lifetime, will accomplish what The Three have strived to do for millennia. You almost did it once, you’ll succeed this time.”
Arthur found it hard to breathe. “Merlin-”
“How can I not want to be involved in that? It’s like you’re bloody made for me,” Merlin continued, and laughed, the sound rueful and all together self-deprecating. “You’re the embodiment of our hopes and dreams for humanity. Instead of being bitter and jealous like my brother, I decided to help you.” Merlin shrugged, blithe. “And my dedication to you and your future made me insane.”
Arthur’s heart broke, his soul crushed under the weight of Merlin’s words. He stepped closer to Magic. “I’m sorry-”
“If you hadn’t stopped me,” Merlin whispered over him, eyelids dotted with bulbous tears, “I would have destroyed the very thing I stood for.” His breath hitched as he looked at Arthur, regret written on his face. “After your first death, I went mad, and-and, I don’t think I completely recovered. If I was willing to do-do that to the world, then-”
“I missed you,” Arthur confessed, doing his best not to grab hold of Merlin. It still astounded him how this body, though identical to his previous, gave so easily to a lack of true pride, was so easy to say heartfelt utterances.
This body spoke truth, and Arthur could do nothing but direct its way. He bit his lip, considering Merlin for a moment, his mind finally connecting the dots. “And you’re not so much mad, as you’re mad with grief.”
It all made sense now. Merlin was still grieving for Arthur.
“I’m in front of you, dolt,” Arthur admonished as he lowered his feet. Merlin was a tall bugger. He glared at Magic. “I’m alive and well, and most importantly, not blaming you for what happened. If you had got your way, I probably wouldn’t be here right now, and that would irritate me.”
“Yeah,” Merlin said, eyes glazed over.
Arthur didn’t snort, but he failed an smothering his grin. “This is not new, Merlin-well, sort of.” He sighed and rocked on the balls of his feet, exasperated.
Honestly. “Something else that’s not new: My living and breathing, I’ve been doing it for almost seventeen years now, so, please cheer up.”
Merlin huffed, looked at Arthur though his lashes and smiled. “Git.”
Arthur smirked, something about Merlin’s sneaky face reminding him of earlier circumstances. “We have problems,” he said, that calm he had lessening. “I don’t want to have secrets between us again.”
“We won’t anymore,” Merlin said, eyes smiling. “All my fears are gone.” Merlin grinned, punched Arthur in the arm, mirth driving his every movement. “And this life will end much better than the last. I guarantee it.”
★
“Right,” Sean said as his eyes volleyed between Merlin and Arthur. “So everything sorted out then?”
Merlin blinked at Sean, heard Arthur’s groan vibrate through him as he watched Emmy titter. “Erm, what?”
“They could probably hear that row from Indonesia,” Arthur said as he stood in front of Merlin, cheeks red.
Merlin nodded, a bit embarrassed. He and Arthur did bring the best and worst out of each other. “Ah.”
“Making up for lost time, are we?” Jessica said, smirk in full swing.
Merlin glared at his sister. “I hate you.”
Jessica laughed, and to add insult to injury, Leon-bloody do-gooder and perfect Leon-joined her. “You’re incapable of it, brother.”
“Still,” Merlin said, sharing his glower with his sister and his soon-to-be- (there was no doubt in Merlin’s mind; Jessica wouldn’t be wasting time now) brother-in-law. “If I could, you two would be at the top of the list.”
They hadn’t been gone for too long, Merlin didn’t think. And even if they had, Merlin placed them in a time vortex bubble to be safe. Jessica-well, erm-Morgana hadn’t been wrong.
He and Arthur never got to just…talk. Be friends. The first time round, he and Arthur were too busy with fate and honor to be proper best friends. Merlin hoped this time around, things would be different.
Morgana raised her brow, the ever present mug of tea in hand as she and Leon relaxed side by side at the kitchen table. “Has the bromance been restored?”
Merlin coughed. “Uh-”
“Screw my life,” Arthur muttered desolately, walking off to Sean and Emmy by the kitchen door.
“How are you?” Merlin asked, sitting beside Leon and looking at Morgana on the other side of her lover.
“I miss him already,” Morgana blinked rapidly, a bitter sort of smile traipsing across her face. “If we were human, I would accept the immediate grief, but…” she wiped her nose, laughed, the sound clanging in Merlin’s ear like shattered glass. “I’m sad, aren’t I? Kilgharrah tried to destroy the world, and I miss him.”
“I think I know how Abel felt when Cain came after him.” Merlin leaned back in his chair, sighed. “What will be, will be. I never took joy in wanting Fate gone, but he was wrong. I hope now, he’ll understand.”
“You were wrong, too,” Leon, Merlin noted with a bit of surprise, said, his head tilted to the side as he regarded Merlin with narrowed eyes. “If Arthur hadn’t come-”
“If Arthur hadn’t come, we’d all be gone,” Merlin finished, conceding to Leon’s logic. “That’s the last time I’ll try to go and try to solve things by myself.” Maybe next time, it wouldn’t cost Arthur his life, even if it was just temporarily. But really, they’d done that song and dance before, and even brushes with death were too close.
“We know, Magic. Thankfully, you’ll have your champion with you,” Morgana reached across the table, took his hand. She nudged her head to the other side of the kitchen, where Arthur had
Sean in a headlock, rubbing at Sean’s hair furiously with his knuckles, Emmy laughing and egging Arthur on beside them.
Merlin rolled his eyes, but otherwise kept his attention on his sister. “It’ll be alright, you know,” he said to Morgana, including Leon in his gaze.
“That’s the last we’ll see of Kilgharrah,” Morgana agreed with a nod, looking at their locked hands.
Merlin’s heart throbbed. “Yes, in that capacity. Stopping me gave Arthur a chance, at least.”
“And what a chance it will be,” Morgana said, flat. “I heard Fate, Merlin, before you sealed him away. You know I disagree with him, but he was right. It would’ve been easier for the world to have ended.”
Merlin flinched, looked closer at his sister. “Destiny, what do you have in store?” He knew he wouldn’t get any straight answers. The Three might have shared the same intent for the world, but never a mind. Destiny, much like Fate, held the world’s secrets and futures tight to her chest.
“Nothing I want to see realized,” Morgana said, her eyes burning gold. “It’s good that you stopped yourself, Magic, but Arthur’s future will be difficult. His past life was just practice.” Morgana watched him, and Merlin did his best to hide the fear he swore to Arthur he no longer had.
“You’ll consume him,” Morgana said at length, voice as implacable as Kilgharrah’s had ever been. “And when the time comes, Arthur will have the same choice you had and failed: The death of his one true friend, or the death of the world.”
Merlin closed his eyes, fought against the emotions that tried to take hold. “Not yet,” he hissed, cracking his eyes open and regarding Morgana’s solemn face, Leon’s shocked and devastated visage. “Not yet. First, he’ll live his life.”
Morgana nodded, a small smile returning. “Yes, Arthur will have the chance to live his life.”
Merlin returned Morgana’s smile, watched Leon’s face break in relief. Merlin inclined his head, his fears assuaged, for now. “And what a life it will be.”
★
Dawn was breaking.
He and Arthur were out on the patio, on the lounge chairs, Arthur sprawled, like a starfish beside Merlin. Morgana and Leon, Emmy and Sean had left not an hour earlier, and not fast enough, in Merlin’s opinion.
“I need to go home soon,” Arthur said beside, head lolled in Merlin’s direction as he drowsed shamelessly. “Mum will be-Igraine.” The former King froze a moment, relaxed, a puff of air pluming from him, catching the early rays. “I mean, I realized earlier, but it’s starting to sink in now.”
“Yes.” Merlin chuckled, folded his hand under his head. He’d never been able to do this with Arthur, relax like proper mates, so, Merlin decided, he’d revel in it. “Arthur-I-sorry, but I couldn’t find Uther.”
Arthur lifted his head, eyes not yet in proportion with the rest of his face (secretly, Merlin liked Arthur’s features; it made it much easier to see what was going on inside that head of his), gave Merlin a cool look. “Did you live under a rock while you waited for me?”
“No,” Merlin said, a bit insulted. He was dedicated to Arthur for millennia, and all he got was bloody attitude. He suppressed a smile. He loved every minute of it. “Actually, I lived in a hut in Panama.”
“Typical.”Arthur snorted, rolled his eyes so hard Merlin feared they’d pop out of his head. “Of course. I don’t know why I hadn’t guessed as much already. What with you living in such gaudy extravagance-”
“These are my last few years on Earth!” Merlin cut in, outraged. “I’ve-”
“Last few years on Earth?” Arthur looked at Merlin, sharp eyes watching his face. “You’re not leaving, are you?”
Arthur’s insecurities had never been so obvious the first go round. But then again, Merlin hadn’t met Arthur until he was in his twenties. It was a large difference what four years could make.
Merlin lifted his head shook it slow, gentle, let Arthur watch him. “No, not until I know I’m no longer needed.”
“You’ll always be needed,” Arthur mumbled at length and lowered his head, looking at the orange sky. “You’re to go nowhere.”
“Yes, sire,” Merlin quipped, doing his best to hide the grin.
“Good,” Arthur said. “Deputy Prime Minister.”
Merlin paused, pulled his hands free from behind his head. “What?”
“My father-Uther,” Arthur growled at Merlin, the Pendragon scowl in full effect, “is the Deputy Prime Minister.”
“Oh.” Merlin grinned, thought of Gaius and his compound, and laughed. “Morgana is brilliant.”
Arthur’s scowl deepened as Merlin continued to laugh, but he found it hard to care.
“What’s so hilarious?” Arthur asked as he turned on his side and eyed Merlin suspiciously. “If you’re laughing that much, it can’t be good.”
“It’s not good or bad,” Merlin said as he controlled his humor. “I just thought it would be harder. This whole thing-finding you and stopping Fate-has been anti-climatic.”
Arthur laughed, and it was a genuine one, complete with his head thrown back and blonde hair catching the sunrise. “The action will come later,” he said, and smirked. “Right now, I want to enjoy my life.”
“Wait till you find out who Gaius is.”
“Will I never get a moment alone?” Arthur yelled at the sky as Archimedes landed on the table beside their chaise lounges.
“Where the hell have you been?” Merlin asked, not a little bit angry. He’d never got to check Archie’s safety after he’d returned to the right dimension, and really, what could have been more important-
“I had a date,” Archie said, haughty as he preened under Merlin and Arthur’s gaping jaws.
“What?” Arthur said, incredulous. “I just saw you a little bit ago.”
That was news to Merlin. He scowled at the bird. “You had a date on the day I was set to destroy the world?” Merlin asked, dumbfounded.
“What are you so upset about?” Archimedes asked, his feathers ruffling in the cool morning breeze. “I went for some air and met her-a Vulture, ha! Arthur- in the backyard. The world clearly didn’t end,” the owl said, yellow eyes sliding to Arthur. “And I see you wasted no time slumming.”
“Leave Merlin alone,” Arthur snarled, voice like fire as Merlin blushed. “He’s being kind to me and-”
“I wasn’t talking to you,” Archie snapped at the boy-King, derision in his every word. “If you think for a second this place will be here for you by tomorrow, well, I’ll eat you.”
“What?” Arthur stilled, turned back to Merlin, his eyes comically wide. “Really?”
Merlin chuckled nervously, playing it up. It was good to see Arthur off his pedestal every once in a while. “I’ve been too busy to, erm, get settled in.”
“That’s not what I’m referring to,” Arthur squeaked as he eyed Merlin suspiciously.
“Ha!” Archie snorted, a leer in his voice. “Mad you won’t be living off the lap of luxury are you? Eager to regain all that lost money?”
“It’s-not really, Arthur. Archie’s having you on.” Merlin laughed, felt the smile on his face brighten and threaten to blow out the sun.
You will consume him. He will be faced with the same choice you had and failed-
Merlin grimaced and fought against the dark wayward thoughts as Archie goaded Arthur further.
“That’s enough of that,” Merlin said as Archie threatened to peck Arthur’s eyes out. “Leave before I cage you for the next three hundred years.”
“I’d watch my back if I were you,” Archimedes said, owlishly as he took off into the breaking dawn.
“It took you long enough to come to my defense,” Arthur glared at Merlin, betrayed.
Merlin smirked, rolled his eyes. “All I ever do is defend you. You can take care of yourself
against an owl.”
“A bloody magical owl,” Arthur groused, leaning back in the lounge, sighed. “But it’s true, I can handle anything you’ve made.”
“You can try,” Merlin said, groaned as Arthur cuffed him in punishment.
“I’m leaving it up to you to make my life everything you wished it would be,” Arthur said as he settled again, attention on the sunrise. “Without you, I’ll never get my chance. So, make me happy.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Merlin chuckled, opened himself up to the job, sure he’d be responsible for all matters of things-namely, finding Arthur a proper wife this time, God help them both.
There was no doubt in Merlin’s mind that one day he would consume Arthur like Morgana
predicted. There were many ways Destiny could go, but Merlin was convinced her prophecy would hold true.
But Merlin was convinced, before he would devour Arthur heart and soul, his king would do it to him first.
He welcomed the invasion.
Merlin glanced at Arthur, happy, at peace. Whatever came their way, they could handle it. But until then, well. “Happiness?” Merlin smiled, making a least of all the things Arthur never had a chance to experience, sure the former king would love every minute of it.
“That’s easy.”
★end★