sad holly
I don't like this. Feeling all gobbledy gook inside. I feel alone. And yet after the day I've had I should feel like the least alone person on the planet. I think I have a weird security issue... I really like having someone specific there all the time, and when I don't have that it gives me this weird sinking feeling in my stomach and I just feel sad and alone and like I can't do it by myself, I can't be by myself. This is a very unhealthy thing. If anyone else felt like this I would advise staying out of relationships until you can be happy and independent without someone else. But all I want right now is someone there. Someone there at the end of each rough day, to text randomly, to know they're thinking about you, to tell you they like you, to give you a big hug and just hold you until you feel better. This is bad. I wish I could just be on my own and feel satisfied... but I get attached and then feel empty when the bond is pulled apart. I don't know how to fight this. Just let myself be sad for awhile and hope i'll naturally get over it? Find someone else to fill the gap? Turn to my friends and harass them with how weird and sad and needy I feel? None of these really appeal to me. But I have to remind myself that going back to the relationship I was in doesn't appeal to me either. I wasn't happy. Maybe I feel not happy now, but I've gotta suck it up because I wasn't happy in it either, and trying to go back to it will not make things better. It will just make me more dependent and i'll be misleading myself. Everyone said I could do "better". Now where's my Mr. Better? That's what I want to know.