am i moving forward or backward?
I find it strange that the closer I'm getting to someone new, the more I'm missing him. I don't know if it's because i'm unlocking those deeper emotions again and that makes me think of him, or if I'm just suddenly lonely, but i've been thinking about him and missing him lately. which is bad. not to mention painful. i've come so far. I don't want to suddenly trip up and get sad again. and plus its not fair to the guy i am seeing. I thought that getting close to someone new would make me even more over him, but it seems to be having the opposite effect.
It has been nice to have someone new though. It's nice to have someone to call, someone to text you goodnight, someone put their arm around you and kiss your forehead. But do I really like him, or do I just like all those nice little things about having a someone? Is it good enough that he treats me well, or do I care more about how he is around everyone and what kind of guy he really is? Is he the nice, caring guy that I want to believe he is, or is he really just an asshole afterall? And do I want to date him to find out? Committing to someone means you can get hurt. I've been hurt. I don't really want to do it again. But then again, what is life without risks. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Right?
I am kind of lonely though. And it's making me want to just let him in. Trust him, care about him, and let him care about me. Because that would make me feel less lonely, right? Or is that just me missing the old relationship and wishing I had that back again? Emotions are so confusing. I don't like all the messiness. I liked it better when I was just being casual and spontaneous. But thats how things first started with him, and now they've inevitably progressed... Now I just have to decide where to go from here. If only it were that easy.
It has been nice to have someone new though. It's nice to have someone to call, someone to text you goodnight, someone put their arm around you and kiss your forehead. But do I really like him, or do I just like all those nice little things about having a someone? Is it good enough that he treats me well, or do I care more about how he is around everyone and what kind of guy he really is? Is he the nice, caring guy that I want to believe he is, or is he really just an asshole afterall? And do I want to date him to find out? Committing to someone means you can get hurt. I've been hurt. I don't really want to do it again. But then again, what is life without risks. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Right?
I am kind of lonely though. And it's making me want to just let him in. Trust him, care about him, and let him care about me. Because that would make me feel less lonely, right? Or is that just me missing the old relationship and wishing I had that back again? Emotions are so confusing. I don't like all the messiness. I liked it better when I was just being casual and spontaneous. But thats how things first started with him, and now they've inevitably progressed... Now I just have to decide where to go from here. If only it were that easy.