What a terribly draining day...
I've gone through way too much emotional disruption for one day. There's just too much on my mind, and too many things happened today that probably shouldn't have. The Peer Counseling meeting went well, but nothing else really did. Prepare for a long entry.
First off, for anyone who is emotionally weak and easily frightened by violence like I am should never, ever watch the movie Elephant. It was horrible. At first, it was terribly boring, and it stayed that way until the last fifteen to twenty minutes or so. Then...I won't spoil the ending for any brave soul who may watch it, but it was terribly disturbing. I just can't get it out of my head.
I stopped by Video Signals today after another driving lesson with my mom. I asked the guy at the register if they were holding interviews for applicants, and he said that he didn't really know, but that they might not need any more people. I'm supposed to come back tomorrow before 3:00 and ask someone else about it. Great. So basically, they're saying "go away, we're not interested in you." Fantastic.
After that, my parents decided to take me to Stop & Shop to apply there. There wasn't any personal interaction involved; I just sat at a computer and answered questions. It was really irritating, because the custom-made keyboard was really awkward and unresponsive. I had to really press hard on the keys to get them to do anything. It's probably more likely that I'll get a job there, but who knows. Probably not, with my luck.
I'm also going to Showcase North tomorrow to apply there, too. Apparently, my uncle is really good friends with the general manager, so I guess that job is pretty much guaranteed if I want it. I just have to get my uncle to talk to the guy. Sherry's working there right now, though, and she says she hates it...so I don't know what I want to do. I'll just decide when the time comes.
I'm also incredibly frustrated and aggravated. For a long time now, my dad and brother have been pressuring me to format my hard drive on my computer, and I was beginning to wonder if I should as well. So, finally, today, I agreed. That was emotionally upsetting for two reasons.
First, I'm very afraid that in formatting my computer, I may have lost things I did in the past that I may miss. I tend to cling to objects and memories of the past, needing a solid or visible representation. Now, some of those things may be gone. I saved what I could, but...I'm afraid I'll realize sometime that I forgot something, and I'll be sorry for it.
Now, it would have been easy to just save everything in My Documents on a few CDs, but, as my luck would have it, my CD burner has stopped working properly, so I couldn't. I uploaded all the pictures I could onto my Photobucket account, but I may not have gotten everything. As for stories and other writing, I just e-mailed them to myself. I really hope I didn't forget anything...
On top of all that, my computer still isn't working right after all that. I tried reinstalling Windows ME, since that's the only full version of Windows that I have (I'll upgrade back to XP after everything else is set up), and I kept getting these errors at random points during the installation that forced me to quit. I don't know what I'm going to do about that, but I'm too drained to deal with a fussy computer tonight. I just don't have the emotional capacity to handle everything. At least I have my laptop so I can still use this journal, since this is the kind of time when I really need it.
I really don't have any energy left. I just want to go to sleep and not have to think about anything. I need to relax, and with the stress of school coming up and all the other stuff that's going on, that's kind of hard to do right now. Then again, I've never been a very relaxed person, anyway.
First off, for anyone who is emotionally weak and easily frightened by violence like I am should never, ever watch the movie Elephant. It was horrible. At first, it was terribly boring, and it stayed that way until the last fifteen to twenty minutes or so. Then...I won't spoil the ending for any brave soul who may watch it, but it was terribly disturbing. I just can't get it out of my head.
I stopped by Video Signals today after another driving lesson with my mom. I asked the guy at the register if they were holding interviews for applicants, and he said that he didn't really know, but that they might not need any more people. I'm supposed to come back tomorrow before 3:00 and ask someone else about it. Great. So basically, they're saying "go away, we're not interested in you." Fantastic.
After that, my parents decided to take me to Stop & Shop to apply there. There wasn't any personal interaction involved; I just sat at a computer and answered questions. It was really irritating, because the custom-made keyboard was really awkward and unresponsive. I had to really press hard on the keys to get them to do anything. It's probably more likely that I'll get a job there, but who knows. Probably not, with my luck.
I'm also going to Showcase North tomorrow to apply there, too. Apparently, my uncle is really good friends with the general manager, so I guess that job is pretty much guaranteed if I want it. I just have to get my uncle to talk to the guy. Sherry's working there right now, though, and she says she hates it...so I don't know what I want to do. I'll just decide when the time comes.
I'm also incredibly frustrated and aggravated. For a long time now, my dad and brother have been pressuring me to format my hard drive on my computer, and I was beginning to wonder if I should as well. So, finally, today, I agreed. That was emotionally upsetting for two reasons.
First, I'm very afraid that in formatting my computer, I may have lost things I did in the past that I may miss. I tend to cling to objects and memories of the past, needing a solid or visible representation. Now, some of those things may be gone. I saved what I could, but...I'm afraid I'll realize sometime that I forgot something, and I'll be sorry for it.
Now, it would have been easy to just save everything in My Documents on a few CDs, but, as my luck would have it, my CD burner has stopped working properly, so I couldn't. I uploaded all the pictures I could onto my Photobucket account, but I may not have gotten everything. As for stories and other writing, I just e-mailed them to myself. I really hope I didn't forget anything...
On top of all that, my computer still isn't working right after all that. I tried reinstalling Windows ME, since that's the only full version of Windows that I have (I'll upgrade back to XP after everything else is set up), and I kept getting these errors at random points during the installation that forced me to quit. I don't know what I'm going to do about that, but I'm too drained to deal with a fussy computer tonight. I just don't have the emotional capacity to handle everything. At least I have my laptop so I can still use this journal, since this is the kind of time when I really need it.
I really don't have any energy left. I just want to go to sleep and not have to think about anything. I need to relax, and with the stress of school coming up and all the other stuff that's going on, that's kind of hard to do right now. Then again, I've never been a very relaxed person, anyway.