updated
It's not a good reason to update my journal,
but here it is: I want to wine and complain
and I didn't really have anything else to do.
The last time I updated was graduation, what is that
a whole month? I used to update compulsively,
because I would have something thoughtful to
say. But I just don't have anything really thoughtful
to say right now. I had brackets put onto my
molars in the back, and my head throbs, it has
since 10 this morning. And nothing has tasted right,
everything has been off, a nice metallic taste
to bolster moral.
On an even happier note, my dad said that Bruce
would probably be contacting me soon saying that
the job isn't going to happen. So I'm not going
to make any money and this summer is going to be
as unproductive as last.
I scored a 650 on the Math 2c. This means 59%
of the country scored higher than me. I don't really
know what to think. I thought I had everything
figured out and that I had all the programs on
my calculator that I needed. And most people at
harker who don't score super well, it doesn't matter
because they have their 4. something or other to
bolster their claims that colleges should want to have
them. I don't. So now I get to study math over
the summer to make sure that I score well.
I miss my friends who are out of town, notably vyvy and
grace. I will miss michael and casey b, lenka and casey n
leave today for maui. I will miss julia so much when she
leaves and i can't really do anything to stop it.
I just went upstairs in the middle of this update to talk
with my sister about how to make my mom happier, becuase
my father, my sister, and I have started playing video
games again. Age of Empires pisses off my mom, supposedly
because it takes so much time and she doesn't get any
alone time. It's really because she feels left out.
And my conclusion is that this family seems masochistic
and will continue to just hurt itself no matter what happens.
I'm worried about my dog. When I went to davis yesterday to
see Greg and the family we got to meet Huck their puppy. He's
this awesome little beagle who is about to lose his libido.
But it made me realize how old my dog is and I'm worried
that she is going to die soon. We rescued her from the pound
and she had a fairly happy life, form the age of 2 forward
she was called Lucy and fed well and given loads of attention.
Now she is 10 or 11 and she eats everything we feel like giving
her because she is old and we want her to be fat and happy when
she dies. I never really put much faith in sayings and such
but she really is my beest friend in the whole world. Whenever
I'm feeling anything, happy, sad, infuriated, this dog
is there to give and take attention and be my outlet. I'm
really going to miss her when she dies.
I miss kamilla and rachel and estelle and borris and kimmie and
genna. I never see them. I've seen Kimmy 2x this summer.
Kamilla not at all. Genna? he dropped off the face of the planet.
I saw borris once. I've seen estelle 2x? I've seen rachel more
because she isn't off doing stuff, although she's about to begin
working and so she will have much less therapist time for me.
I haven't practiced soccer and all and I am going to be an out
of shape slob by the time the season starts. I wish I could
just be in shape, I work out. I rollerblade. I went dancing.
I just know that i won't be the kind of senior I should. I was
hoping to be a captain, and a real leader. This was a really
hard year and although the seniors helped us through it, I was
hoping to surpass them. I really want to go to ccs this year
and maybe it's just to put it on my college app, but I think
it's more about proving to myself that I can beat the world.
See in my head I have this theory that I'm better than everyone,
at everything. And I know that realistically that's impossible,
my fragile self esteem is built upon that assumption.
Piano? I wish I was making progress, but I'm not motivated to
go play it as much as I was say, during finals. I hope to god
it wasn't just an escape cuz I really enjoy playing it, but I
guess I just have no commitment.
So I guess my summary is that I'm afraid that summer is
slipping away. With it's cataclysmic crash go my hopes
for the summer, my ambitions for the year, and my personal
goals for a long time to come. And while watching 5 hours
of star trek reruns is good for me, I just wish I could
do something slightly more meaningful with my time.
I you haven't completely given up on my journal, I would
really appreciate a comment, thanks.
but here it is: I want to wine and complain
and I didn't really have anything else to do.
The last time I updated was graduation, what is that
a whole month? I used to update compulsively,
because I would have something thoughtful to
say. But I just don't have anything really thoughtful
to say right now. I had brackets put onto my
molars in the back, and my head throbs, it has
since 10 this morning. And nothing has tasted right,
everything has been off, a nice metallic taste
to bolster moral.
On an even happier note, my dad said that Bruce
would probably be contacting me soon saying that
the job isn't going to happen. So I'm not going
to make any money and this summer is going to be
as unproductive as last.
I scored a 650 on the Math 2c. This means 59%
of the country scored higher than me. I don't really
know what to think. I thought I had everything
figured out and that I had all the programs on
my calculator that I needed. And most people at
harker who don't score super well, it doesn't matter
because they have their 4. something or other to
bolster their claims that colleges should want to have
them. I don't. So now I get to study math over
the summer to make sure that I score well.
I miss my friends who are out of town, notably vyvy and
grace. I will miss michael and casey b, lenka and casey n
leave today for maui. I will miss julia so much when she
leaves and i can't really do anything to stop it.
I just went upstairs in the middle of this update to talk
with my sister about how to make my mom happier, becuase
my father, my sister, and I have started playing video
games again. Age of Empires pisses off my mom, supposedly
because it takes so much time and she doesn't get any
alone time. It's really because she feels left out.
And my conclusion is that this family seems masochistic
and will continue to just hurt itself no matter what happens.
I'm worried about my dog. When I went to davis yesterday to
see Greg and the family we got to meet Huck their puppy. He's
this awesome little beagle who is about to lose his libido.
But it made me realize how old my dog is and I'm worried
that she is going to die soon. We rescued her from the pound
and she had a fairly happy life, form the age of 2 forward
she was called Lucy and fed well and given loads of attention.
Now she is 10 or 11 and she eats everything we feel like giving
her because she is old and we want her to be fat and happy when
she dies. I never really put much faith in sayings and such
but she really is my beest friend in the whole world. Whenever
I'm feeling anything, happy, sad, infuriated, this dog
is there to give and take attention and be my outlet. I'm
really going to miss her when she dies.
I miss kamilla and rachel and estelle and borris and kimmie and
genna. I never see them. I've seen Kimmy 2x this summer.
Kamilla not at all. Genna? he dropped off the face of the planet.
I saw borris once. I've seen estelle 2x? I've seen rachel more
because she isn't off doing stuff, although she's about to begin
working and so she will have much less therapist time for me.
I haven't practiced soccer and all and I am going to be an out
of shape slob by the time the season starts. I wish I could
just be in shape, I work out. I rollerblade. I went dancing.
I just know that i won't be the kind of senior I should. I was
hoping to be a captain, and a real leader. This was a really
hard year and although the seniors helped us through it, I was
hoping to surpass them. I really want to go to ccs this year
and maybe it's just to put it on my college app, but I think
it's more about proving to myself that I can beat the world.
See in my head I have this theory that I'm better than everyone,
at everything. And I know that realistically that's impossible,
my fragile self esteem is built upon that assumption.
Piano? I wish I was making progress, but I'm not motivated to
go play it as much as I was say, during finals. I hope to god
it wasn't just an escape cuz I really enjoy playing it, but I
guess I just have no commitment.
So I guess my summary is that I'm afraid that summer is
slipping away. With it's cataclysmic crash go my hopes
for the summer, my ambitions for the year, and my personal
goals for a long time to come. And while watching 5 hours
of star trek reruns is good for me, I just wish I could
do something slightly more meaningful with my time.
I you haven't completely given up on my journal, I would
really appreciate a comment, thanks.