Wonder
Its strange to be back in the Ville and trying to sleep in my own bed and feeling out of place and strangely homesick to a place I've known for less than a week.. Strange, but lovely nonetheless. :D I've done this before, and the only thing really plagueing my mind is an odd tick, twitch, or something of the sort, that I had first chalked up to exhaustion and bad health.. Well I've gotten plenty of rest, been eating good again, doing manual labor (which always seems to kickstart me back to health), etc.. Even quit smoking! The odd muscle spasms or whatever they are?? Getting worse.. by the minute it seems.. Now that I'm back here to get some more of my things, and most of all, a new license and my car.. I'm left alone again to ponder what twisted things I've done to myself and my brain and if maybe some of my antics at the tail end of my last downward spiral possibly left me with irreversible reminders of my own stupidity. LAST downward spiral indeed. Cheers to that! Clink clink.. I don't think I could be more humbled than I am every time I approach my car with the intention of cleaning it out and trying to make it somewhat bearable to drive again.. So far I haven't gotten there yet. Not even close.. Every time I open the door I notice something new.. I wish I could afford to just junk the thing and move on to something else, but I need that car now! I have to face the music (or lack thereof) eventually. In brighter news, things are coming along swimmingly with the new place and the new life. I'm looking forward to functioning again and being something close to what I know is me. I still can't believe I'm alive and of all the things I'm grateful for, Lara is at the top of that list. I'd say I can't believe she still loves me after all I've done, but I can believe it. True love doesn't happen everyday. :) I Love You Lara! And now I must face my big empty bed for what will be only another few days, and then I can return to waking Lara up all through the night with my twitching, and the wonder of laying perfectly still in frequently less than comfortable positions I wake up in, just watching her sleep...talk in her sleep ;p and sneaking little kisses without waking her.. I can honestly say life is worth living for just those moments.. If all I did for the rest of my life was wake up for an eternity of sunrises and watch her sleep.. That would be heaven. Thankfully for me, she wakes up, and so did I.